sister’s bedroom swung open, Tatiana and Illayana stepping out in a fit of giggles.
Despite how much I’m sure she tried to hide it, I could tell Illayana had been crying. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy and her cheeks were flushed. I could count the amount of times I’d seen my sister cry on one hand. She wasn’t a crier, not usually. But she was a “Daddy’s Girl” through and through. The kidnapping of our father hit her hard. Harder than she’d ever admit to anyone. I was glad Tatiana was there to help her through it.
Arturo had been pacing up and down the hallway outside Illayana’s room when I’d arrived, nervous energy in each step. We hadn’t said a word to each other. I’d just taken a seat, my back resting against the wall opposite her room, forearms hanging over my bent knees. And we waited.
And waited and waited.
Aleksandr was in his office, dealing with the aftermath of the attack. He’d spent the last few hours driving to all the homes of our fallen soldiers to deliver the news of their deaths personally. Every single one of them had taken a toll on him, but the worst one by far was Dayton.
Dayton was Mikhail’s son. His long-lost son that he had no idea about until recently. Mikhail sent him here to be trained. He’d grown up as a civilian, not privy to the life of organised crime. And as such, he didn’t really have the stomach for some of the things he’d witnessed. Apparently, the kid had thrown up and cried after watching someone die. Something like that was dangerous for a man like Mikhail, whose reputation determined whether or not he lived or died.
So Aleksandr was assigned to train him. Toughen him up. Teach him how to fight. How to hold a gun. How to shoot. After spending a bit of time together, they had grown somewhat close. That kid had somehow managed to worm his way into my big brother’s guarded heart. I don’t think even he noticed how much so, until the kid died.
I’d only ever seen Aleksandr break down like that one other time: when we found our mother’s body. And it had taken five men to subdue him in his fit of rage.
So you can imagine my surprise when that tiny woman, Drea Ortega, Don of the Los Zeta Cartel, had managed to do it all on her own. It shocked me right to my very core. It left me completely speechless.
I’d known from the start that they shared some sort of connection. Aleksandr wasn’t merciful—furthest thing from it, in fact. He had no problem hurting whoever he needed to to get the answers he wanted.
But with Drea, there’d been hesitation, reluctance. And then flat-out refusal. He’d even gone so far as to hurt one of our own men because he’d struck her. Never in my life had I ever seen him remotely protective or possessive over a woman. Until her.
Arturo’s pacing stopped the moment Illayana’s door opened. He marched towards her, grabbing the sides of her face in a tender embrace. “You’ve been crying,” he whispered softly, resting his forehead against hers.
Illayana closed her eyes briefly, breathing him in, a loving smile creeping onto her face. “I’m fine.”
Arturo looked deep into her eyes. “No. You’re not.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek.
“Aw, you guys!” Tatiana gushed, fanning her face like she was about to cry. “You’re so cute!” The annoyed look Arturo threw her way suggested that he didn’t like being called “cute”.
I got to my feet and Illayana stepped away from Arturo to give me a hug. “Thanks for coming to check on me, Nik. You really didn’t have to.”
I patted her on the back, not saying a word. Of course, there was a part of me that was concerned about her. After she ran out of Father’s office upon hearing the news of his disappearance, we were all worried. I had started to follow her when Tatiana stopped us and said she would handle it.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the main reason I was there was because of the beautiful blonde bombshell standing next to her.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I said, pulling back.
Arturo swooped right back in, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and steering her back to her room. “It’s late. You need to rest.”
Illayana didn’t fight him. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, T. Well, later today, since it’s like 3 a.m.,” she chuckled.
“Catch you then, girly,” Tatiana winked, waggling her fingers in farewell.
Once the door shut behind them, our eyes locked, the air around us charging with sexual tension. Neither one of us could help it. Our gazes were drawn to one another, determined to find each other even if we were lost in a sea of people. It was out of our control.
“You’re staring,” Tatiana sang, humour in her voice.
I arched a brow. “So are you.”
She laughed softly, and it was the most beautiful sound I ever heard. It felt like it had been a lifetime since I heard her laugh like that. A genuine one, from the heart, not riddled with contempt or annoyance.
“Alright, you got me there.” She gave me the smallest playful smile before it shifted to her other smile—her fake one. The one she always wore around me.
From an outsider’s perspective, it looked like a normal smile. Like she was happy to see me. Happy to talk to me. But I could tell the difference. The tiny crinkle at the corner of her lips. The way her eyes dulled the slightest touch when she looked at me. The disdain layered in her voice when she spoke to me. It all showed that she hadn’t forgiven me for what happened.
“I’m…uh, gonna get going,” she said, turning around and heading for the stairs.
I knew what that meant, and I wasn’t fucking having it.
“It’s three o’clock in the morning, Tatiana. You’re not running home.”
“Give it a rest, Nicky. I’m not in the mood to listen to you throw a tantrum right now.”
Annoyance flared inside me at her dismissive tone. I followed her down the stairs, trying to rein in my temper. Tatiana combated anger with anger. I wouldn’t get anywhere if I yelled at her and told her what to do. She didn’t take commands very well (at least, not outside of the bedroom).
“I’ll drive you home.”
“No thanks,” she threw over her shoulder without looking back.
“It wasn’t an offer.”
“And yet, I’m declining it anyway.” She stepped into the foyer, walking right to the front door.
My restraint snapped. Years of repressed emotions came spiralling to the surface and I was powerless to keep them down any longer. Anger, guilt, pain. They all slammed into me at once. I couldn’t bite my tongue for one more second.
“How long do you plan to punish me?” I hissed, my hands curling into fists.
Tatiana stopped dead in her tracks, her spine stiffening. She turned to face me slowly, her face a mask of anger. “Punish you?” she whispered softly, like she couldn’t believe I even uttered the words. “You think I’m trying to punish you?”
“Aren’t you?” Sadness dripped from my voice. “You blame me for what happened. You blame me—”
“I don’t blame you for what happened, Nikolai. I never have. I blame you for what happened after.”
I frowned. “What—”
“I called you 137 times!” Tatiana yelled, marching towards me. “137 times! And what did you do? You rejected my calls. You turned off your phone. You ignored me. When I needed you the most, you weren’t there.”
Guilt choked me, squeezing my heart, making it hard for me to draw breath. “Tatiana—”
“No!” She shoved me hard in the chest, forcing me back a step. “I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear the same fucking excuses from you! You didn’t believe me! You didn’t trust me! You believed what Kurt said without even giving me a chance to explain. You cut me out, refusing to even talk to me. And then—” Her words cut off with a choke, tears glistening in her eyes. “I needed you, Nikolai. I needed you more than I ever needed anyone in my life, and you weren’t there. Do you have any idea what it was like? To hear that our son’s heart had stopped beating? To have to give birth to him, knowing he’d never take his first breath? Never open his eyes? That I’d never get to hear his first cry? I had to do it all on my own because you were mad at me for something that didn’t even happen!” Tears flowed freely down her face and everything inside me broke.
I dropped to my knees at her feet, overwhelmed by her words. I buried my head in her stomach, the same stomach that created our child, and cried alongside her. My arms wrapped around her, holding her to me as we both mourned the life of the son we never got to know.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Tati.”
Her fingers combed through my hair, her touch soothing my soul. I didn’t deserve it. Everything she said was right. I had abandoned her when she needed me the most. There was nothing I could do to make up for it. But I had to try, even if it took the rest of my life.
She stepped back out of my embrace, putting distance between us. It hurt just as much as it did the first time. Seeing her right there, right in front of me, but never being able to reach her. Never being able to touch her. It killed me.
Tatiana wiped the tears from her cheeks, standing tall. “What happened—losing our son—was nobody’s fault. Not yours. Not mine. It was something that was out of our control. I’ve never blamed you for that, Nikolai, and I’m sorry if I made you think I did.” She took a deep breath, centring herself for what she was going to say next. “But I can never forgive you for abandoning me, for not trusting me. For accusing me of cheating on you and then just cutting me out of your life like I was nothing. Like we”—she laid a hand on her stomach—“were nothing. You were the one person in the world I thought I could depend on. Who I thought would always be there for me, to love me, comfort me, protect me. And you let me down.”
Her words cut me like a knife to the heart. I knew she wasn’t saying any of it to deliberately hurt me. She was just speaking her truth, and as much as it hurt, I was thankful for it. In the two years since that horrible night, she’d never once opened up about how she felt.
“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that, Nikolai,” she continued, opening the front door.
I jumped to my feet, panic squeezing my chest. I couldn’t let the conversation end there. I couldn’t let her walk out the door without at least trying to make things right.
“Tatiana—”
“Don’t,” she warned, raising a hand to silence me. “I need space from you. Why do you think I’m moving to New York? Because every time I look at you, every time I see you, I’m reminded of how much you hurt me. My trust in you, in your ability to be there for me when I need you, is gone. It vanished the moment you rejected my calls when I was lying in that hospital bed, crying out for you. While I was holding our precious little baby boy in my arms, begging God to somehow bring him back to me. I’ve tried and tried to forgive. To forget. To move on. But I’m not sure it’s ever going to happen.” She turned on her heels and walked out the door, not looking back.
I rushed after her, my feet stopping at the edge of the front porch. Conflicting emotions warred inside me as I watched her disappear into the darkness. I wanted nothing more than to follow her. To force her to talk to me. To forgive me. But I knew I couldn’t. I wasn’t there to give her what she needed when she was at her most vulnerable. She just poured her heart out to me. She told me she couldn’t rely on me.
I had to show her she could, that I was a man she could trust again.
I looked at the two soldiers guarding the front door. There was a slight awkwardness in the air from overhearing our conversation, but I ignored it. “Follow her. Make sure she gets home safe. Anything happens to her and you’ll be the ones to suffer.”
Both men nodded.
“And not one fucking word about what you just heard, or I’ll cut out your tongues.”
They paled.
“What are you waiting for? Go after her!”
They took off running after Tatiana.
I was willing to compromise and respect her wishes of needing space from me. I was not, however, willing to compromise on her safety. That just wasn’t going to happen.
She might balk at it, might get a little pissy when she realised I put guards on her tail. But I’d rather have a pissed off Tatiana than a dead one.
I breathed out an exhausted sigh, turning around. My gaze collided with a set of bright blue eyes and I tensed.
Aleksandr stood in the foyer, his usually stoic and guarded expression gone, replaced with shock.
