this Desiree bitch was. I’d never met her, so she must have come in with the afternoon crew. But I had a feeling, based on what Belinda said, that she was the woman whose lips were moving towards Nikolai.
Oh, fuck no.
I stormed out of the staff room, heading right for them. Of course, I understood how unfair my anger and jealousy was. Nikolai and I weren’t together because of me.
I’d told him countless times nothing significant would ever happen between us again. That I was desperate to move on from him. So I had no right to interfere with him and another woman. I knew that. Understood it. And I didn’t give a flying fuck. I didn’t care that it was irrational. I didn’t care that it was unfair. I didn’t care that it made me seem like the psycho ex-girlfriend.
Nikolai would always be mine, and I didn’t want another woman even breathing the same air as him. Let alone touching him, kissing him.
Desiree was a short, curvy woman with long, dark hair. She was beautiful, with high cheekbones and perfectly shaped eyebrows. The type of woman any man would love to get their hands on.
Except for Nikolai. The annoyance on his face was as clear as a cloudless blue sky. He was sitting at the front counter when I marched out of the staff room, forearms planted firmly on the surface and body hunched forward. The stiffness in his shoulders showed how uncomfortable he was as Desiree leant towards him, trying to plant a kiss on his cheek.
He abruptly got to his feet and backed away. “I told you to back off. I’m not interested,” he hissed, vibrating with anger.
Seeing him flat out reject this beautiful woman coming onto him made me feel all giddy inside. It meant that he was in no way reciprocating her advances.
“Well, that’s just ridiculous. Every guy is interested in me.” Her hips swayed way too much, prowling towards him.
Nikolai’s eyes flicked to me as I came up behind her, his features morphing into distress, like he was afraid I’d think something was going on between them. “Tati—”
“He said he’s not interested, Half-Pint. Need me to spell it out for you?”
Desiree turned around. “I’m sorry, and you are?”
“I’m the person who’s going to smash your face into that display cabinet if you don’t back the fuck up.”
“Rawrr, we got ourselves a kitty cat fight,” Darren sang, racking his fingers through the air.
Belinda barged her way between Desiree and I. “Okay, why don’t we all just calm down? Desiree, go get changed into your uniform. Your shift has already started. Tatiana, retract your claws and take your boy toy home. Darren, shut up and go do your job.”
“Yes, Ma’am. You know I love it when you get all bossy,” he winked. He grabbed Desiree’s arm and began to lead her away, but our gazes stayed locked, like two apex predators about to have a showdown.
Belinda clicked her fingers an inch away from my face, snapping my attention to her. “There’ll be plenty of other opportunities to get into a fight with her. Preferably not in the workplace. Word of advice though? Don’t bring Level Five in here. Desiree’s the type of person not to give a shit about whether you’re his girlfriend. She’ll try and fuck him regardless.”
“I’m not his girlfriend,” I stated automatically, the words feeling poisonous on my tongue.
“Well, you’re something. Most people don’t act like that unless—”
“No offence, but this isn’t something I want to talk about with a chick I just met.”
She put a hand to her chest in mock hurt. “Aw, and here I thought we were well on our way to becoming besties.”
I scoffed. “I have a best friend, and she’s the jealous type.”
“What? She’s going to kill me for being your friend or something?”
“You and me.”
Her laughter made me think she thought I was joking. I wasn’t. It’s not like I couldn’t have other girlfriends. The spot for the top one however was firmly taken by a crazy, knife-wielding slightly erratic Bratva-Princess-turned-Cosa-Nostra-Queen. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“You’re joking again, right?” Belinda asked with nervous eyes.
I glanced at Nikolai. “She’s your sister. What do you think? Am I joking?”
“No,” he answered bluntly.
Her eyes darted between us before landing on me. “You know, this is the second time you’ve mentioned killing someone. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were actually a murderer,” she chuckled, still refusing to see what was right in front of her. I guess it was to be expected. Most people found the idea of murdering someone absolutely abhorrent. Me, on the other hand? I found it fun.
“Alright, get going,” she continued. “I’ve got your number, I’ll text you the details for Trivia Night later.”
Once Nikolai and I were in the car and headed home, he spoke.
“You know nothing was going on, right? With that woman. I told her I wasn’t interested but she kept—”
“Nikolai, relax,” I said, cutting him off. Despite how cute he was when he rambled, I didn’t like seeing him so freaked out. “It doesn’t matter if something was going on. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I have no right—”
“You have every right.”
“No, Nikolai. I don’t. You’re free to talk to whoever you want.”
He took his eyes off the road to glance at me. “It’s a good thing that the only person in the world I want to talk to is right here with me, then, isn’t it?”
Butterflies bloomed in my heart. For a man of such little words, he sure knew how to use them.
“How was your first shift, anyway? I didn’t see any cops outside, so I’m assuming you didn’t stab anyone?”
“It took every ounce of willpower I possessed, I’ll tell you that.” I told him about my day and he told me all about his. The whole thing was very…normal. Like a husband and wife having a long conversation and catching up at the end of their day.
I watched him closely as he spoke, admiring him. The way his body moved as he switched gears. The deep, baritone sound of his voice. I could watch him for hours and never get bored. Everything he did captivated me, made my heart pound like a jackhammer in my chest.
A thought streaked through my mind, spiralling into a daydream. I was powerless to stop it. Us together. Holding hands. Kissing. Falling asleep next to each other, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Buying a house together. Getting married. Having kids—
Pain stabbed me like a dagger to the heart and I sucked in a ragged breath. I could almost feel the weight of our son in my arms, the memory so real, so vivid that I had to look down to make sure it wasn’t actually happening. He wasn’t there, but I could picture him as if he were. Wrapped up in a soft, baby blue blanket, his eyes closed like he was sleeping. Just sleeping.
The pain in my heart escalated from a light throb to pure, raw anguish, crippling me. My eyes welled and the tears fell before I could stop them, wetting my cheeks. God, I missed him. I missed him so much it physically hurt. Without him, I felt like half of me was missing. Half of my soul was gone. I couldn’t breathe, and I feared I might die from the pain. How could it still hurt so much?
Nikolai stopped mid-sentence, his eyes on me. “Tati,” he whispered worryingly. He quickly pulled into the underground parking lot and turned off the engine, jumping out of the car. He rushed to my side, flinging the door wide open and grasping my face, forcing me to look at him.
‘Vse v poryadke, lyubov’ moya. YA zdes’. YA prav zdes.“ It’s okay, my love. I’m here. I’m right here.
He didn’t need me to tell him what was wrong. Why I was crying. He just knew. Like he always did.
The tears increased, blurring my vision to the point that I couldn’t even see. I would have given anything to hear him say those words back then. To have him holding me how he is right now, lending me his strength. Helping me through the pain. Supporting me. That’s all I ever wanted.
The agony of not only losing Nikolas, but being abandoned by the one person who was meant to always be there for me, cut me just as badly as it had back then. My pain twisted into anger. It was a much simpler emotion to deal with, so I embraced it. Welcomed it.
“Don’t.” Smacking his hands away, I unbuckled my seat belt and got out, making sure to grab my bag before slamming the door shut.
“Are you okay—”
“I said don’t, Nikolai. Just go away. I don’t want you here.” I went to walk away but he gripped my arm, stopping me.
“I don’t care if you don’t want me here. You can hit me, scream at me, push me away, but I’m not going anywhere. You hear me, Tatiana? No matter what you say or what you do. I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere.”
We stared at each other, our heavy breathing completely in sync. He looked at me with complete and utter seriousness, eyes burning with determination, with the will to get me to see the truth in his words.
“I’m going to prove to you that you can trust me with your heart, Tati. I won’t let you down again.”
I wasn’t sure what to say back. The anger had dissipated, leaving only the pain behind. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I just walked away. He let me go but kept pace with me, staying right by my side as we rode the elevator up to the seventh floor and entered the apartment. What I saw when I stepped into my bedroom shocked me, making me freeze in the doorway.
“What…what is this?” Boxes and boxes and boxes were piled up on my bed. So many, I couldn’t even count them all. The words “Christian Louboutin” were scrawled across the outside of them. They were shoes.
“I wasn’t sure what colour you wanted,” Nikolai said softly, standing so close behind me, I could feel his breath fan out over the back of my neck.
My eyes ran over all of the boxes. “So you, what, got all of them?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“Nikolai.” I looked over my shoulder. “These are five thousand dollar shoes. Each.”
“So?”
“I—” Words escaped me. He’d actually gone into a store and bought all of these? The image alone was unfathomable. Nikolai…shopping? The fact that he would do that when I know how much he hated shopping meant even more to me. He put himself completely out of his comfort zone…purely for me.
I knew the smartest thing to do was to probably not accept them, make him take them back. But fuck that. They were mine now.
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“Did it make you happy?” he whispered softly.
“Yes.”
“Then yes, I did.”
The overwhelming desire to kiss him gripped me hard. Sometimes he could be so fucking sweet. And most of the time, it was completely unintentional. He didn’t do those things, setting out to be sweet. He just did them because, to him, it was a natural thing to do. In saying that, though, he was extremely selective about who he showed that side of himself to. I’d never seen him do something like this for anyone else.
Anyone.
And fuck, if that didn’t make me feel special as all hell.
“Thank you for this. I really don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’d do anything for you.”
My heart lightened, a tiny bit of my soul healing at his words and what they meant.
I walked up to the bed, running my fingers over the boxes. “I have no idea where I’m going to put them all.”
Nikolai leant casually against the doorframe. “Check your closest.”
Frowning, I moved to the walk-in wardrobe at the other side of the room, shock freezing me on the spot for the second time in five minutes. Floor-to-ceiling shoe cabinets now lined the inside of the closet, something that hadn’t been there when I left this morning. There was enough space to fit every single pair of shoes he’d gotten me…and then some.
“You got shoe cabinets installed?”
“No. I built them.”
“You what?” This man continued to surprise me at every turn.
He shrugged, avoiding my eyes as if he was suddenly embarrassed. But that couldn’t be right. I’d never seen Nikolai embarrassed before.
“When did you get the time to do all of this?” I asked, still in shock.
“I came back here after dropping you off. It took most of the day to build. Then I went to my meetings, bought out nearly the entire Christian Louboutin store, came back here to drop off your shoes then picked you up.”
That meant he’d pretty much been running around non-stop all day. That he’d most likely worked himself to the brink of exhaustion. All for me. To give me something because he wanted to make me happy.
He just kept chipping away at that wall I kept between us. Soon it would crumble completely, and I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to build it back up again.
I didn’t even think I wanted to.
