I stared at my old bedroom door, so many thoughts running through my mind that I almost felt overstimulated by them all.
Illayana was right.
After she left my office, I spent the next few hours going over everything she’d said. While her words hurt, I knew deep down in my heart that she was right. And I felt like a fool for not realising it sooner.
Before I hurt Autumn.
I was ashamed of my actions. Ashamed of what I’d said to her. I had to make it right, but first, there was something else I had to do.
Taking a deep breath in, I reached for the handle and opened the door. For the first time in ten years, I stepped into the room Yekaterina and I used to share together. So many memories bombarded me all at once, but instead of making me feel sad, those memories brought a smile to my face.
It’s time to say goodbye, Father.
Yes. Yes it was.
I took a turn around the room, just taking everything in. My fingers lightly touched the furniture, flashbacks of my time with Yekaterina playing in my mind as I walked. Of her smile. Her laugh. The way her eyes would light up when she saw me.
It made me realise something I’d been trying to deny for a long time.
I loved Yekaterina, and I most likely would always love her. She was a big part of my life. The mother of my children.
But I was no longer in love with her, and the difference between those two things were monumental.
Despite the promise I’d made her, my heart belonged to another. While that should have riddled me with enough guilt to bring me to my knees, I stood taller, determination in my steps as I moved throughout the bedroom.
I mourned Yekaterina for so long that it was as if that was all I knew how to do. It was time to stop letting the guilt rule me. It was time to stop feeling guilty altogether. To let her go. To move on.
My heart felt lighter at the revelation, which was how I knew without a shred of doubt that I was doing the right thing.
I just wished it hadn’t taken me so long to realise it.
After I was done doing a lap of the room, I sat on the end of the bed and closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there for, reminiscing about all the good times Yekaterina and I shared together. All the moments with our children as they grew up. All the happy moments. All the sad moments. I took the time to remember it all. To honour the life we had together because she deserved that before I let her go.
Then, I started packing it all up.
It took me hours, and although I knew she couldn’t hear me, I spoke to Yekaterina the whole time as if she could, putting all her clothes, shoes and miscellaneous items away. I boxed them up with tenderness and care, giving them the respect they deserved.
It wasn’t only Yekaterina’s belongings I packed away. It was all of mine, too. Everything from my previous life went with her because that was where it all belonged. I was no longer that man. He died with her, and he deserved to be buried with her.
Illayana had swung by, offering to help, but I told her it was something I had to do on my own. Something I needed to do on my own.
I gave her the option to take anything she wanted of her mother’s. With tears in her eyes, she’d chosen some jewellery and a dark blouse.
By the time I was finished, the sun had long since set along the horizon. Darkness fell, blanketing the house in an ominous aura that fit my mood. It had been a long, strenuous day, filled with so much emotional turmoil that I was absolutely exhausted.
But as I stood in the doorway, staring back into the empty room, I felt…lighter. Like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders, that pressure that had been squeezing my heart for the last ten years finally gone.
I looked around, my gaze travelling from wall to wall as a wave of nostalgia washed over me. It was something I never thought would happen. A moment that I always thought was out of my reach. Something I was incapable of.
But I was there.
Yekaterina appeared in the centre of the room, her face lit up with the biggest smile I’d ever seen and tears in her eyes.
I smiled back. “Goodbye, Yekaterina.”
She closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky. Her ghostly form faded away into the night.
And I knew that would be the last time I ever saw her.
The next day, I sat in the lounge room, staring at my phone. I’d been there, in that exact same position only a week before, trying to figure out what to message Autumn.
How the hell did I fuck things up so badly?!
I wanted to bloody shoot myself.
I’d tossed and turned all night, wondering how I was going to fix things not only with Autumn, but my son.
There was no excuse for what I did to either of them. For the things I said to her and him. For putting my hands on Lukyan the way I did. I had to make it right with both of them.
The first thing I did when I woke up was find Lukyan and apologise. He’d shrugged and said it was fine, but it didn’t take me long to notice the change in him. I’d crushed my son’s spirit. He was no longer the same, and it was all my fault.
All my damn fucking fault.
I needed to fix it. Needed to get that crushed, hurt look out of his eyes. But I had no idea how.
Then, there was Autumn.
She’d be well within her right to shoot me on sight if she saw me again, and I feared she just might. That didn’t trouble me. It was the fact that she might kill me before I even got the chance to apologise that worried me so much.
The best thing to do was to call her and hope she gave me a second to explain myself. If she didn’t, then I would hunt her down and force her to listen to me. I’d just have to make sure she didn’t have any weapons in her hands.
I blew out a breath. Here goes nothing. I pressed call.
An automated message came through. “This number is unavailable.”
“What?” I muttered under my breath. The damn thing didn’t even ring. Shaking my head, sure it must have been some sort of error, I tried again.
And again.
And again.
The same thing continued to happen, and I almost flung the phone across the room.
“Why?!” I snarled, a hint of petulance in my tone.
Aleksandr, Drea, Nikolai and Tatiana walked into the lounge room. An awkward silence followed. Things between me and Aleksandr were still strained after what happened, which was fair. I’d acted like a right jackass.
“Everything okay?” Nikolai asked. His hand was clasped around Tatiana’s as he led her to one of the armchairs beside the couch and helped her sit down. She gave me a friendly smile, which I returned.
“I don’t know.” I explained what happened every time I tried to call Autumn’s number, and they all shared a look with one another. “What?” I asked, my gaze moving between them. “What’s with the look?”
Drea plopped down next to me on the couch and brought her legs up to sit cross-legged. “Usually, when something like that happens, it means your number has been blocked.”
I blinked. She blocked me?
Okay, given what I did to her, that is understandable. “How do I get a hold of her, then?”
“You can’t.” Aleksandr answered. “Not unless she unblocks you.”
“How can I tell her to do that if I can’t get through?” I growled, frustrated.
“You could try calling her from a different number?” Tatiana offered me her phone.
I thanked her and copied Autumn’s number from my phone into Tatiana’s.
She answered on the third ring. “Hello, Autumn speaking.”
My whole world brightened at the sound of her voice, my heart pounding hard in my chest. “Hi, it’s—”
Beep, beep, beep.
I took the phone away from my ear, staring at it incredulously.
Drea winced. “Did she hang up on you?”
“Yes.” Okay, I deserved that. I cleared my throat and called her again.
“This number is unavailable.”
My mouth dropped open. “She blocked this number, too!”
“Ouch,” Nikolai grimaced. “She’s really pissed at you.”
I grunted. “Give me your phone.”
Nikolai handed it over with delay. I called her number again. This time, I would have to be quick and right to the point.
“Hello, Autumn speaking.”
“I know you’re angry—”
Beep, beep, beep.
“Son of a bitch!” Of course, when I tried to call her back, the call didn’t go through, either. She’d immediately blocked Nikolai’s number, too.
Aleksandr was already pulling his phone out of his pocket when I stuck my hand out towards him. I took it and called her. Again.
“Hello, Autumn speaking,” she answered.
“Just give me a second to—”
Beep, beep, beep.
“For fuck’s sake!” I went to throw the phone across the room when Aleksandr lunged forward, clasping his hands around mine to stop me. He snatched it out of my grasp with a scowl on his face.
“Here you go. Try mine,” Drea said cheerfully.
“Thank you,” I grumbled.
“Fourth time’s a charm,” Tatiana said encouragingly.
Fingers fucking crossed.
Except it wasn’t, because when I tried to call Autumn’s number again, it just went straight to voicemail. Confusion shot through me. “It’s going straight to voicemail.”
“No rings?” Nikolai asked.
I tried again just to check. “No.”
“Well, usually, that means she’s either turned her phone off or she’s smashed it.”
Are you fucking kidding me?!
Tatiana tapped a manicured finger to her chin. “I don’t think she would have smashed her phone. Most likely turned it off because you kept calling. No one walks around without a phone these days.”
“She could have a burner,” Aleksandr suggested. “Possibly even two or three. She’s an assassin. I highly doubt she has just one phone.”
Drea clicked her fingers. “That’s a good point.”
I looked at Nikolai. “Get me the numbers for those burners.”
My son rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t just look up Autumn’s name and find all the burners she has. They’re burners for a reason. They’re hard to trace back to people.”
Frustration mounted inside me. Why does it have to be so fucking difficult? I just wanted to talk to her. I needed to talk to her. I needed to apologise and tell her how incredibly sorry I was for what I said. That I didn’t mean a word of it. I was just struggling with my feelings for her and lashed out.
It in no way excused my behaviour or actions. But still, I needed to tell her that.
And beg her for forgiveness.
Whether The Crimson Death would give it to me, I wasn’t sure, but I would beg until she did.
Tatiana straightened, her eyes alight. “Do you know anyone who knows her? That maybe has the numbers for her burners or knows where she could be?”
“Yes, actually.” I got to my feet. “Thank you all for your help. I really appreciate it.”
Tatiana and Drea smiled whereas my sons gave me an odd look. “You’re welcome,” they mumbled, that slightly confused expression mirrored on their faces.
Not wanting to waste any time, I marched to my office and went right to my desk, sitting down. Knowing who I was going to call, I first needed to organise a delivery. Once that was done, I pulled out the Rolodex from the side drawer and flicked through it quickly, looking for a specific card.
When it came to my business associates, I was a little old school. I liked to keep their details off devices and have physical, hard copies. Call me paranoid, but that was what I just preferred.
As soon as I found the number I was looking for, I used the home line to call him.
“What?” he answered with a gruff voice.
“Elias. It’s Dimitri Volkov.”
“Yeah, I know. I have caller ID. What’dya want?”
Always so pleasant. “I need some information on one of your clients.”
“I ain’t no snitch,” he snapped immediately.
“There’s a carton of Johnny Walker Blue in it for you.”
Elias was silent for a moment. “Who is it?”
I smirked, leaning back in my chair, triumph shooting through me. Elias Huber was a well-known assassin trainer in our world. I knew from our time on Talon’s island that Elias was the one who not only trained Autumn, but held a close bond with her. If anyone knew where she was or how to get in touch with her, it would be him. He was a gruff man in his late seventies. Very blunt, very direct with a no-nonsense attitude.
“Autumn DeValos.”
“Ahh,” he chuckled. “So you’re the one.”
“The one?” I questioned. “The one what?”
“The one who sent her running away.”
I sat up, my spine snapping straight. “What are you talking about? Running? Running where?”
“Don’t know,” he grunted. “She just told me she’s leaving for a while. Going off the grid.”
Panic and guilt clutched my chest, stealing my breath. The Autumn I knew was strong and fierce. She never ran away from anything. She faced it head-on with her middle finger up in the air and a “fuck you” attitude.
It hurt to know I was the cause of all of it. It hurt even more to know my chance of fixing things with her was rapidly diminishing with every passing second.
“Well you must know something,” I insisted. I pulled at the collar of my buttoned-up shirt, trying to calm myself. I felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe.
“Nope. Just that she’s boarding a plane tomorrow.”
Tomorrow?! Fear twisted my gut. “I need the information for that flight. Now.”
Elias snorted. “Don’t got it.”
I snarled in frustration. “What do you mean you don’t have it?! She didn’t tell you?”
“She didn’t tell me shit. She didn’t tell me where she was going. What time her flight is. Nothing. Just that she’s leaving and won’t be back for a while.”
I covered my eyes with my hand. “What about the airline, then?”
“Uh,” he let loose a loud burp. “Delta Airlines, I think.”
That would just have to do. “Alright. Thanks.”
“Hang on a minute. Where’s my Johnny Blue?”
“It’s already on the way to you. It’ll arrive within the next few days.”
“It better.”
“Pleasure talking to you, Elias.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Then he hung up.
I slammed the phone down. “Nikolai!” I roared. A few seconds later, my son came bursting into the room.
“What? What’s going on?”
Standing up, I planted my hands on the desk and stared him down with every ounce of my focus. “I need you to get me the CEO of Delta Airlines.”
