He nods, all seriousness again. “Face the window.”
This is a self-defence class; there shouldn’t be anything sexy about it. But despite myself my skin thrums with the knowledge he will touch me. He makes my body warm and liquid and weak. How I’m going to pretend I’m fighting him off, when I want to draw him close, I don’t know.
“I’ll be able to see you in the reflection,” I protest but do as he says.
“Close your eyes.”
Oh. Yeah, obvious solution.
But with my eyes closed, every other sense is heightened. I hear the slight soft sounds of his clothes as he moves. I can smell his scent, stronger now I’m allowing myself to acknowledge it. He smells like sea rocks and green oranges. He smells like one of those massive photographs of a blue-green wave feels.
“I’m going to touch you.”
I jump a little because his voice is much closer than I thought, and his breath is warm on the curve of my ear.
“Where?” I squeak.
“I’ll grab your wrist.”
My wrists are suddenly the centre of my universe. I have no blood anywhere else in my body. Certainly not in my head, where it belongs, to help me make rational decisions. Because if it was, it would be screaming that this was a bad idea. That some unattractive man who doesn’t set me on fire with need should teach me to get away, not Sebastian.
“Just respond as you would naturally,” he says and the next moment his fingers grip my wrist. I gasp and freeze. That’s my instinctive response. Then panic sets in, prickly and jagged under my skin. I twist towards the window, but obviously that’s a window and I smack right into the glass with an undignified grunt.
He releases me instantly. “Good.”
“Not good,” I huff, my heart hammering in my chest as I turn to him.
“It was.” He nods encouragingly and am I imagining something dark in his gaze? “You didn’t just accept it.” Which is what I did earlier, he’s too tactful to point out. “You need to fight back. Go for sensitive areas. Eyes. Nose.” I look at the corresponding places on his body. “Groin.”
My gaze slips down without my volition and oh no now I am blushing furiously.
I cannot. I cannot look at Sebastian, look away from the line of his cock beneath that expensive fabric, or do anything other than be a completely inexperienced girl who is fascinated by a real man.
It looks big. Huge. His trousers are slightly tented and OMG does he… Surely not from touching me? But I really don’t know what it would be like, or how—um—engorged—please tell me I didn’t just think that word—it would get. Maybe his underwear is like… Thermal or something? Because there’s no way—
“Next time try going the other way.” His gravelly voice sends tingles through me and I manage to drag my gaze from his nether regions, but I can’t meet his eyes. “Dig your elbow into me and bounce off rather than pulling away, which is what I expect.”
“Yep,” I squeak.
He knows I was looking at his cock. Or desperately trying to, like if I could have X-ray vision to look under his clothes I would totally be gawping at my first naked man right now.
“Again?” he says mildly.
We resume our positions. My pulse is so loud it’s like a nightclub downstairs as I wait for him to grab me. The anticipation is… exciting. Knowing it’s Sebastian means this is the best sort of thrilling. It’s walking a tightrope with a safety net. The exact amount of danger to make me feel more alive than I ever have before, but also I know he won’t hurt me.
I guess I have no justification for that belief, but I have it all the same. It’s bone-deep. This man refused to hurt me when I was thirteen, and instead found influence the hard way. He danced with me, and shot a man I’m certain meant me harm. Something tells me Sebastian wouldn’t take advantage.
Even if perhaps I wouldn’t mind if he did. Now. Just a little.
I yelp when he pins my hand to my side this time. I try to headbutt him. It’s pointless, as he’s a head taller than I am and all that happens is my skull connects with his chest as I turn into him. For half a second all of my front is pressed to his, while he holds my wrist behind my back.
My body responds like a match struck. Shivers go down my spine and spread heat between my legs even as I move all the way around and wrench from his grasp.
I’m wheezing from the exertion and adrenaline as I face him. I can feel the flush in my cheeks.
And he’s… Not affected. Or is he? His grey eyes are dark and intense like a long summer evening shadow.
“Okay,” I say after a moment. I swallow hard and step towards him. “I think I have that now.”
Total lie. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m about to take this into territory I have even less experience in. “And what do I do if my attacker is from the front?”
He’s so much taller than me, this close I’ll get a crick in my neck looking at him. But I don’t care. I feel… Reckless. Weirdly safe. It’s as though there are no consequences here. There’s no tomorrow, or mafia politics, or anyone else. It’s just him and me and all the things he could teach me.
Not just self-defence.
“As I said before.” Husky, so husky, like he’s forcing out the words through a dozen combs. His gaze doesn’t leave mine. “Go for sensitive areas.”
“Here.” I skim my palm onto his groin area and my eyes go wide as I feel how hard and hot he is. That is definitely an erection. And I did it to him. This game we’ve been playing has made him hard. “Plus eyes and nose, didn’t you say?” My voice is a sigh. Hardly there at all. I reach my other hand up, meaning to touch his cheek and drift over his eyes. Not to hurt him, but… maybe just to see how he feels beneath my fingertips. Find out what he does. But my fingers catch at the join between his neck and jaw and I’m entranced. I can’t move on.
That line between the soft skin and abrasive stubble. That black beard growth is so masculine, and the hot rigid length of his cock under his trousers is the balance to him here. Both unyielding and also smooth. He’s like nothing I’ve ever known. Every part of him is different to my body and yet I know we’d fit.
My hand spans maybe a third of his neck. I can feel his pulse, vital and strong beneath my fingers. I have no idea why it’s so good to feel him like this. There’s a power in him allowing me to. Because the only reason I’m touching Sebastian is because he is permitting it. He’s passing over the control to me.
“Are you the attacker now?” The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Going to choke me to death?”
“Maybe.” I tighten my grip. “To make you release me.”
“You don’t need to strangle me for that. Just wait until the danger has passed. When it’s safe, I’ll let you go.”
“I thought you said tomorrow.” I’m stroking his neck and his pause says we both know it. I’m caressing him shamelessly, pushing his shirt collar away to access his shoulder and sweeping up to his jaw. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve seen. I want to explore every part of him.
“You’re the only one who could,” he whispers. “I’d let you and only ask that you stay safe and happy.”
That stills me.
“Really?”
“Seeing you as bright as the sun. Incandescent. It’s all I ever wanted for you.”
“You’d let me…” My brain is overwhelmed by the thought, stuck spinning like a computer trying to do too many things. “What would you do if you were caught and someone else had their fingers around your throat?” I bring my other hand up to demonstrate.
“I’d regain the advantage,” he whispers.
“How? When they were choking you?” I squeeze the smallest amount with both hands. I’m teasing a deadly predator.
“Like this.”
He bats my arms away from the elbow outwards, forcing me to release him. Then he grabs my hips and the next thing I know I’m pinned to the cool glass, my back to his front.
The air has been knocked from my lungs, but not in a nefarious way. In an, oh-god, that is his cock pushing into my lower back and he’s hard as a steel rod, way. And the tips of his fingers are pressing onto the little mound of my pubic bone. Close, so close to where I need him. His hand slips down and cups my pussy through the silk of my dress and my knickers underneath.
“I can feel your heat, angel.” His whisper ripples through me.
There are witty retorts or clever moves or sultry phrases that I’ll think of later, but right now I’m incapable. I tilt my hips to attempt to get a fraction more of his fingers on me.
“You know how to fight me off from here.” A stark instruction.
“Yes.” I could make him stop. I could kick his shins or go for his eyes. If I reached for his cock I bet he’d step away. I suspect if I just said no—or the first letter, nuh—he’d release me immediately.
One word with two letters. Any other girl, not wanton or slutty like me, would use that word.
I don’t do any of those things.
I let out a little whimper.
Because I don’t want him to stop.
