I sit in my car opposite her building, wondering if this is the right move.
Because Katie hasn’t asked me to come around tonight. She hasn’t reached out to me at all, actually, since the evening we spent together last week. Which is good news, because it means nothing has happened to cause her any worry, but that doesn’t mean I’m not missing her presence—nor does it mean I’m willing to waste my time here without seeing her and Polly.
Finally, I grab the takeout pizza boxes from the back of the car, open the door, and step out onto the road. I haven’t gone to all this effort just to chicken out now. I want to see her, to speak to her, to show her that I really want to get to know her and Polly.
I don’t know how she’s going to react, so I figured I would soften the blow with pizza, grabbing some takeout from one of the nicest places near me before I drove down to see her. I hover my finger over the button to her apartment, and then press on it, shifting back on my heels as I wait for a response.
Nobody has any idea I’m here. Particularly Emil, who I lied to outright about what I’m doing tonight. He invited me over for a couple of drinks, and perhaps to check in on the whole situation with Katie, but I declined, telling him that I had to work. He believed me—and I suppose he has no reason to doubt me, unless he turns up at my office looking to get a broken arm treated or something.
He’d tell me this was a stupid fucking idea, because it probably is. I shouldn’t be here, and I know it. I promised myself that I would let her do this on her own terms, and yet here I am, standing outside her apartment, ready to invite myself up with dinner for the two of us.
She answers the buzzer after a few moments, and her voice is a little nervy—it might just be the heavy static, but I’m sure I can sense a note of unease in there.
“Hello?”
“Katie, it’s me, Luca,” I reply. “I wanted to stop by on my way back from work.”
I try to make it sound as casual as possible—there’s no way I want her to find out that I have been planning this all day. I don’t want to scare her off. She’s probably already wondering what has gone down to require my sudden presence here, and when I reach the door, she has her arms crossed nervously over her chest.
But she softens as soon as she sees the boxes in my hands.
“What’s this?” she asks. “It smells amazing…”
“I wanted to bring you some dinner,” I reply. “Check in on how you and Polly are doing.”
She gazes up at me for a moment—and in that instant of silence, I’m worried that she’s going to tell me to turn around and walk my ass out of here. And to leave the pizza too, if that look on her face was anything to go by.
“Yeah,” she murmurs. “That would be great. I just got done feeding Polly, I was changing her when you buzzed up…”
“You finish that up,” I reply. “And I’ll get some plates out.”
“Oh, you’re really making yourself at home, huh?” she teases as I step inside.
I flash her a grin. “And you’re not stopping me.”
She goes to finish tending to our daughter, and I shoot a couple of looks over at her as she does so—Polly is giggling at something, that lovely noise filling the whole apartment. Katie scoops her up into her arms after a few moments, and comes over to check out the food I’ve brought for us.
“Woah, all of this looks amazing,” she sighs. “I can’t remember the last time I had pizza…”
“Weren’t you a student?” I remind her. “You guys are meant to live on takeout, aren’t you?”
“Ugh, I wish,” she groans, as she grabs a slice and takes a huge bite. “I didn’t have the money. I would have loved to be eating this every night…”
She tucks in to the pizza and I join her, leaning against the kitchen counter as she balances Polly in her arms so she can eat as she rocks her. She looks so comfortable like that, as though it’s where she belongs—hard to believe she was interning for a councilor recently, and only just finished her college degree.
“I lived on this stuff when I was studying in this city,” I remark, as I take another bite. “I think I ordered from here at least once a week while I was studying for my finals.”
“Once a week?” she shoots back, laughing. “You’ve got more restraint than me. If I had the money to eat here, it would be breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day.”
I chuckle. She’s got this warm wit about her, when she’s relaxed like this. I haven’t exactly seen her in a state of calm in the few times that we’ve been together—at the party, at the hospital, or when she called me for help in the middle of the night. But here, now, she seems completely at peace, and it feels good to soak in that sensation.
“Yeah, well, I was a medical student,” I remind her. “I had to at least pretend to keep up a healthy lifestyle, you know?”
“Oh, of course,” she agrees. “I bet you were hitting the gym every other day.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh,” she replies with a grin, her eyes flicking over my arms. “Just a guess.”
I can feel a slight warmth building between us—this easy banter, the way it feels like we both belong in the midst of it. By the time we finish our pizza, Polly is fussing to go to bed, and Katie puts her down before she returns to find me waiting in the kitchen for her.
“Thanks for the pizza,” she remarks, tipping her head to the side as she gazes up at me. “It was really good. I don’t think I’m ever going to order from anywhere else now I know about that place.”
“That was my intention,” I reply. “I wanted to get you addicted. Knew you couldn’t resist.”
I notice a slight flush come to her cheeks as she turns her attention to the dishes beside her, beginning to wash. I start to dry them, moving in next to her, our bodies so close to one another that I can almost feel the heat emanating from her.
“So,” I murmur, shifting the conversation to something that might actually explain my presence here. “Has anything else happened since the last time I saw you…?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing that I’m aware of,” she replies, with a sigh. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been looking over my shoulder every three seconds. I feel as though I’m going insane. I can’t stop convincing myself that something awful is going to happen…”
I slip my hand to her waist, holding her there for a moment.
“Hey,” I remind her softly. “You know I’m not going to let anything happen.”
“I know, but—”
“No, listen to me—” I don’t know what this emotion rising up inside of me is—anger, almost, but not quite as overwhelming as that. This feeling like I knew I have to do anything in my power to keep her safe. Not just to keep her safe, but to prove to her that there is nothing in the world for her to fear as long as she has me on her side.
“You are safe with me, and you always will be,” I growl, and she drops the plate, letting it land in the sink with a crash. She glances down at it, but I catch her face, guiding it back up toward me. “You understand?”
The way she’s looking at me right now, I know she understands what I’m getting at. She knows what I’m trying to tell her.
And she finally believes me.
Before I can stop myself, I lean down and plant my lips against hers.
