I blink at the rapidly narrowing shape in front of my eyes. I sit up fast to find Xander half-dressed or undressed, depending on how you want to see it.
‘What are you doing?’ I whisper, blowing a puff of air into the room to check if my mouth has any bad smell.
Xander clocks the movement and gives me a smile. ‘I don’t know really, but for once in a long while, I’ve got a free day.’ He stops and peers at me uncertainly. ‘Thought I’d take Lucian to the park. And maybe the gym later?’
For once, I’m glad it’s the weekend, glad my mouth doesn’t stink, and glad he’s half undressed, I guess. I enjoy a leisurely stroll down his body with my eyes, land on his cock, and then trail my eyes back up. ‘Am I invited? Or is it just for the boys?’
‘Could we leave you behind if we wanted to?’ He prowls towards me, and I crawl slowly towards him on the bed, one knee after the other, till I’m close enough that my eye is level with his already awakening cock.
‘If you really, really wanted to.’ I flick my tongue against his bare stomach, trace it across his torso, up to his navel, where I sink it in.
He holds my head still and then heaves out a heavy exhale and lets go. I kiss my way to his tattoo, letting my lips kiss every single sun, every dark light.
I love the way he turns to give me access to all of him. When he has his back to me, I twist my arms around his back and hold on. ‘Now let’s see you leave without me.’
He chortles, and I dig my hands into his side to tickle at him. He doesn’t even twitch. ‘That doesn’t work anymore.’
I dig deeper, sinking my fingers in and out, swiping to the sides till his body quivers finally, and he lets a deep guffaw slip past his lips. ‘Gotcha.’
He turns to face me and lifts me by my shoulder up to him. ‘What are you doing to me?’
I wiggle with pleasure at the slow playfulness of his voice. ‘Everything you want me to do to you.’
He scoops me into his arms and swings me almost forcefully into the middle of the bed. He climbs over me and lifts my legs into the air, then drops it almost immediately and flops down himself. His eyes are pools of endless lust and wonder. ‘Ride me.’
‘Are you sure?’ I bite my lip and bend to kiss him. He allows me, taking my kiss like it is his to devour as he wants.
He leans back and places a solid palm against my ass, hefts me up, and places me right over his face.
‘Do we have the time?’ He questions, right before he slurps at me through the cotton of my panties.
‘I think not, but I want this.’
He digs his tongue into me, sucking the panties into his mouth like he can already taste me through them. Xander lets it go, sniffs at me, and then groans. ‘Fuck. You smell divine, Mel.’
‘Make me feel it too.’ I anchor my hand into his hair and moan gently when he licks around me, his tongue sweeping over my thighs in a gentle caress, his hand on my ass, palming and squeezing a handful. I rock against his face, enjoying the way his finger probes at my wetness, sliding my panties to the side so he can slide his tongue into me.
His tongue is wet and yet somehow warm, and the feeling is indescribable in my euphoria. I slant my head back unconsciously, almost as though my neck can no longer bear its weight, and cry out over and over again.
His finger burrows between us, and he fucks me hard with them, withdrawing and stroking two of them into me fast in hard jabs that leave my lungs wanting for air.
I can feel my stomach clench, my nipples taut, and my body hurtling like a fast train towards that endpoint. ‘I’m close, Xander.’
He exhales against me. ‘Good. Now ride me. I want to feel you come all over my cock.’
He almost tears the clothes off me, then flings his off before grabbing my waist and letting me slide down his body over him. I settle slowly over his girth, allowing my body to acclimate to the size of him coming at me from this angle.
‘Yes, baby. You’re doing so well. Think you can take all of it?’ He groans, the words dying away in his throat when my body tightens at his encouragement. And because he’s asked, my body wants to take all of him, wants to let him feel the same pleasure he’s giving to me.
I close my eyes, take his hand from around my waist, and place it on my breasts. ‘Touch me here. Right now.’
His fingers pinch painfully tight around my nipples, and the pain pushes me through. I drop my hips over him and shudder with Xander through the belt of emotions, feelings, fire, and heat whipping through me.
‘God, girl. You ruin me. Ride.’ One of his hands slaps across my butt, and I start riding him, gently at first, gentle drops that have us hissing, hard drops that have him groaning and grunting.
My orgasm spills over me with no warning, and he takes over without being asked. He cuffs both my hands to my back and bangs into me, hard thrusts that soon get him over the edge himself. He grunts and spills his seeds inside me, coating my womb with himself.
He relaxes into the bed and pulls me, so I snuggle into him, and we just fight to get our breath together, his fingers in my hair, sliding over my scalp. He kisses me on the forehead and gets up.
He steps out on the floor and lifts me into his arms, walks us into the bathroom, and slaps on the shower knob. When I lift my eyes briefly to meet his, he grins. ‘Not a word about it.’
I zip my lips and spread my legs when his fingers wander there. ‘You’re greedy, and I’m gonna be sore.’
He nods like he expects nothing less. ‘I did promise you that, didn’t I?’
But he doesn’t bring me to another orgasm. Instead, he washes me, his soapy fingers skimming my breasts, brushing my hips, stroking my ass, sliding between my cheeks, washing my face gently.
‘The men doubt me.’
I lift my head fast to meet his eyes. ‘Your men?’
He looks away for a second, then back at me before nodding. ‘Yes. They worry I will not be able to see them through trouble. Maybe they think I’m weak.’
I slap the water off and catch his jaw between my hands, an action I have never before taken. My eyes are fiery with truth.
‘You’re the strongest man I know, Xander. You would never let anyone hurt your men if you could help it. You would walk through fire for them. Literally. Anyone who doubts you does not deserve you to begin with.’
His eyes are not convinced. I jerk his head to meet mine when he blinks away. ‘Tell that to my men.’
I shake my head, my wet hair slapping my cheeks, the smell of shampoo hanging heavy in the air. ‘I can’t tell them what you’re not convinced of. You cannot live something you do not believe in, Xander.’
His eyes shut, but I don’t want to lose him. I feel almost panicky. This is new to him. He’s always said he’s ready, but actually taking over? That must worry him.
I let his jaw go and step fully into his arms because I need the covering of his body, the warmth of him, to get these next words out. ‘You asked why I didn’t tell you before disappearing with Lucian.’
His body goes rigid as a tack. ‘Do I really need to know?’
‘No. But I want you to know. I had a feeling you didn’t really believe me when I said it wasn’t because I was sad with you.’
‘Go ahead. Say it.’
I hide my face in his chest, running my hand over the tattoos across his back to remind myself none of what I am about to say is true.
‘I was worried you’d choose The Famiglia over us. So, I took the choice away. It would’ve hurt too much if you’d picked them. Those men who never should doubt you. I wouldn’t have been able to take it.’
Xander pulls away fast, so fast he knocks into the wall behind him. He doesn’t even seem to notice. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Are you angry? I know you know exactly what it is that I mean.’ I mutter.
‘There is not a word of truth in that. Not a smidgeon of fact. None!’
I nod solemnly. ‘I know that now. I didn’t then. But this is why you are wrong to doubt yourself. There is no truth to your doubt. Just like there was no truth to my fears.’
I look up to meet his eyes and spit the words to land like anchors unto him.
‘You’re handsome, you’re smart, like the strongest person I know. I see the way you love our son, and I can never doubt it. You’re the greatest man alive. How can you doubt the very evidence that you provide, mio marito.’
He grits his teeth, his jaw tightening. He turns granite right before me. Then loosens up, and I can almost see the fear, the doubt leeching from him.
‘I’m certain I’ll get to the point where I totally believe that. But for now…’ He leans in to capture my lips in a kiss that is more adoration than an action. ‘… thank you il mio raggio di sole.’
I feel the tears slip out of my lids then. Tears for the young boy who could never be a child. Groomed, trained, and bred to take over what was larger than him. ‘Thank you too.’
‘For what?’ His befuddlement is almost sweet.
‘For being you. And for allowing me to be a part of you. For giving me Lucian.’
He chuckles gently, air from his lips floating across my face. ‘I should thank you for him too. He’s been an absolute breath of fresh air.’
I nod and dart a look at the door. ‘We should get to him. He should be awake now.’
‘You stay here and take as long as you need. I’ll take care of him.’ Xander kisses me on the cheeks, first one, then the other, and then slaps the shower on.
‘You really could just say you plan on going to that park without me,’ I mumble to him.
He laughs, and I laugh, and then I hack up a loud cough, almost run out of the shower, and end up on the bathroom floor, the cold tile biting into my skin, spilling the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.
The splash as the vomit lands in the water inside the toilet bowl has me retching more, heaving, and gagging. I feel Xander’s hand on my head, scraping my hair away from my face.
He pats my back, and by the time I lean away from the bowl with enough confidence that the contents of my stomach will stay where they belong, I’m ragged and breathless.
