If looks could kill, I’d be a melted puddle dripping down the stairs to the pool by his feet. Xander stills just for a second by the bottom of the stairs, and I keep my eyes on him, reading the look of anger just as he wishes me to.
There’s a reason he’d left me in Cabo. There’s a reason I’d heard about his Father’s death from my own father. That reason is staring me in the face right now.
I curl my fingers around the rails as I slowly head down the stairs, the sudden quiet in the room very loud.
Xander heads towards Father as he’s about to before clocking me on the stairs, a strained smile on his face that slams my heart into my chest.
I head towards him slowly, hoping for some sort of reaction from him, praying he doesn’t snap at me for wanting to help. Hoping he isn’t so hurt he’s already shut down.
The room is filled with the men of the Famiglia, a few whom I’ve seen before, most whom I’ve never before seen, but all of them are staring at him, waiting for his reaction. He’s, after all, the new Capo by virtue of his Father’s death.
“My condolences, Xander. We came over here as soon as we could.” Father pats Xander’s shoulders awkwardly before smiling at me as I arrive at the circle. I stand beside Knox, who is dry-eyed, his lips twisted in a sour smile.
“I wasn’t expecting you.” He whispers, shifting closer. I turn towards him and loop my arms around his back, hugging him tight, my eyes on Xander, who twitches imperceptibly but doesn’t give me his attention.
“Father called. I’m so sorry about this, Knox.”
He hugs me back and nods against my cheeks. “Of course he did. I’m sorry, too. But we were expecting it.”
I bite my lip, my eyes watering slightly. Expecting it or not, it didn’t make it any easier to know I’d never see him again. He hadn’t been a smiley man, but he’d been good to me. He’s protected me when I needed protection, too.
Knox pulls away, and I give Declan a hug, too, who stands stiffly in my embrace before smiling just as stiffly. Alec hugs me tighter but pulls away just as fast. I wipe at my eyes as their Mother makes it to us, a single line of tears tracking its way down her cheeks.
Xander shifts to make space for her in the circle, but when I step towards him, he stiffens and steps back. I stop, undecided about what to say or do.
He’s obviously avoiding me right now. I stop beside him anyway and go to hug him, but he gives me a sharp shake of his head.
Father notices the action and raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say a word. He turns and whispers something to Daniel, who looks at Xander but doesn’t say a word to either of us. Declan curves his arms around his mother, and she bends her head into the crook of his shoulder.
I take a step closer to Xander and settle beside him, throwing a look around the room. His men have created what constitutes a line, and I know, according to tradition, that soon those men will want to speak to him and will want to give their condolences to the family.
Very soon, he will have to go away. Without saying a word to me. I won’t let him. I’m not a line on a contract; I’m his fiancée, soon to be his wife. The mother of his son. Of his children.
“How are you holding up?” I lean into him, slanting my head and lowering my voice so the words are only for him.
His face tightens, but he doesn’t reply; instead, his fingers lock around my waist, and he tugs me closer. His fingers sink into the fabric of my dress and press into my flesh. I lift my face to his to catch him watching me, his eyes cool. “Where’s Lucian?”
Of course, that’s his first worry. I smile. “I sent him with Romero to Father’s. He’s safe.”
“I had no doubt that he was. You wouldn’t be so calm here if he wasn’t.” He bends his head so his lips graze my ears, his brand on me obvious to the rest of the room. “And while we’re on the topic. Why the fuck are you here, Melissa?”
I jerk away slightly, his angry whisper raking over my skin like cat claws. Why the hell is he so angry?
I lick my lips and shift closer. “Can we talk? Alone?”
He pulls away and, turning, walks up the stairs without a word. I send a look to Father and excuse myself. I find him upstairs, in his Father’s study, the door just pulling shut behind him.
He’s sitting, a look on his face that I immediately recognize. It’s anger mixed with worry and dread. And there’s pain there, too, in the scrunch of his brows, in the slight hunch of his shoulders, in the way he holds out his arms and welcomes my embrace. Now, it’s just the two of us in the room.
I fold my arms around him, pulling the skirt of my flared dress up so I can straddle him. He allows himself to relax into the chair so I can fix myself to him, my chest flat on his, his hair against my neck, my ass resting on his thighs. “I’m so sorry, Xander. I’m so very sorry this is happening.”
He tightens his arms around me, his chest hitching on a deep inhale, and the tears finally drip out of my eyes. He’s hurting. Which means I’m hurting. “Why are you here, Melissa?”
I go to lift my head, but he presses down on the nape of my neck, wounding his hand in my hair in a move that isn’t altogether painless.
“You’re supposed to be in Cabo. Where I know you and my son and my baby in you are safe, where none of this can get to you. How am I supposed to handle the Famiglia and worry about you, Melissa?”
It doesn’t escape my notice that he keeps using Melissa instead of Mel. Or that his chest is rising and falling against mine with each worried exhale.
“I needed to see you, Xander. I needed to know you were fine.”
He grunts, his eyes finally lifting to meet mine. They’re hot with anger, traces of worry floating through the blue depths.
“I can’t be perceived as weak. I can’t let the Famiglia doubt me. Not right now. They’re waiting for the slightest sign of weakness. Each of those men would kick me to the ground if they thought they could get away with it.”
I bend my head so my nose rubs against his. “But they won’t. They’re not getting away with it, Xander. They’re your men, and you will lead them. It’s not them you should worry about. It’s the Russians.”
He bares his teeth in a sardonic grin. “What do you know about the Russians?”
“Only what Daniel told me on our drive over. They’re trouble, it seems. But let’s not talk about them. Not today.”
“What would you rather talk about?”
I swat his hand trailing up my side away. “You.”
He bends his head so his forehead laps against mine and then holds himself still, just watching.
“I’m fine, Mel. I’ve been expecting this. I’ve made my peace with him. I forgave him. He knew about his grandchild, the one growing in you. The family will go on.”
A knock comes at the door, and Declan calls out. “Mother is ready, Xander. You need to come down.”
He stills and sniffs before sitting up and slowly pulling me off his lap. I allow him, shifting away to settle on the table. He stands, straightening his clothes around him before bending his head to press a soft kiss to my lips. “You stay here.”
I slant my head back and glare at him. “Is that a command?”
“Yes, Mel. I’m happy to see you, but I worry about your safety. I have to be strong now, and you are my weakness, Sole.”
I give him a fierce scowl, leaning forward so he knows I’m serious. “I can be your strength, too. I’m not so weak that I can’t take care of myself, Xander.”
He grazes his thumb over my lips, a slight smile at the corner of his lips that sends relief rocking through me. It’s the first smile he’s worn since I’d seen him. “I know, but I want to take care of you. The same way you want to take care of me, Mel. Stay here.”
He kisses me hard and fast, his hands locked around my body on the table before he pulls away and is gone, the door closing gently behind him.
It opens almost immediately and Daniel strides in, a grim look on his face. I walk over to him, and he opens his arms, allowing me to sink into him.
We stand quietly that way for a while, his fingers strolling up and down my back. “Did he send you up here to make sure I stayed put?”
Daniel pulls away and nods. “And I understand why. He’s got to keep a tenacious grip on things.”
I stop and look away. Why is everyone starting to sound like a broken record? I have no wish to keep Xander from his responsibilities to the Famiglia. “I would never stop him.”
He pats my shoulder and nods. “You wouldn’t. But sometimes, he needs to handle some things himself. You can’t always solve his problems. As much as you want to.”
I could try my damndest. Any pain he feels ricochets in me, too. “I’ll be expected to stand beside him. Chicago already knows we’re to be married. Why can’t I be with him now?”
Daniel shakes his head back and forth. “You will be with him. But his priority is to keep you safe. He’s surprised to see you. Give him time to deal with this. You’d need the same if you were in his shoes.”
I sag into myself and dab at my eyes. He’s right. Much as I hate to agree. Sometimes, having time alone is necessary to heal. “Will you stay here till they’re done down there?”
“Do you need me to?”
“Not really. I think I’m fine. I’m just worried about him. He’s not allowing himself to feel a thing. It’s all bundled up somewhere inside, and soon, it’s bound to erupt.”
“He can’t be any different, Mel. He’s been trained and reared to be just that way. His Father didn’t allow for an expression of emotion growing up, and now he’s dead, the Famiglia will not allow it either. But I promise you he’s happy to see you.”
I know he is. That kiss just before he left had made that pretty clear. But coddling me here isn’t any way to show it. “I know he’s happy to see me.”
We’re quiet together for some time, Daniel browsing through the books on the shelves when the door opens again, and Xander steps in.
His eyes track the room, and when they land on me, my heart does a weird little flip, and I stand fast from the chair I’d taken.
I hurry towards him, worry clawing at the base of my spine. “What’s wrong?”
He’s not smiling, his eyes hard and flinty. “Me. I’m what’s wrong.”
I look up at him, already stepping into his arms. “How could you say that?”
He pulls away, takes my arm in his, throws Daniel a long, searching look, and then walks back to the door, his fingers twining through mine. “You’re mine, Melissa. I think it’s time the world knows it.”
Like the world didn’t already. But the possessiveness in his voice does something potent to me. I stop, tug at him gently until he stops, and when he turns to me, I bring my lips to his, nip gently at him, and then kiss him so softly I barely feel the imprint of his lips on mine. “I love you, Xander. I never stopped. I know I never will.”
Then I stroll by him, my chest too tight to breathe, my heart hammering, my palms suddenly clammy, wondering where I’d gotten the boldness from.
But my boldness must have infused him with some because, for the rest of the day, he keeps his arms around me, glaring at anyone who gives me so much as more than a second look.
