Lily
Peering out from behind the curtains on my front window, I see in the darkness that same man wearing that skull mask leaning against his car who’s been there for the past two hours. He was at Victor Varens’ office today, but I don’t get the feeling he’s like him.
At least I hope not.
But if he is, why is he just standing there on my quiet country road instead of coming inside? I think to myself that I should just march right out there and ask him why he’s here. Of course, I don’t. I can’t be that brazen girl anymore now that Lukas depends on me. The Lily I was when I met Cason would do that, but she’s gone, replaced by the mother of a baby who needs her alive.
Just as I begin to close the curtains to go back upstairs, I see another car pull up. My heart pounds in anticipation of who it might be as I watch for the driver’s side door to open. When it does, I let out a sigh of relief.
Cason.
He stops to talk to the man in the mask and then hugs him, so I guess he’s not like Victor. As if it’s a changing of the guard, the man gets into his car and drives away, leaving Cason staring up at the window.
None of what’s happened today was how I ever wanted him to find out about Lukas. After all we went through together, I dreamed of something sweeter for our reunion.
So much for dreams.
A few seconds later as I think about that fantasy I had about the three of us, his knock at the door brings reality rushing back. I make my way to the front door and open it, not knowing what to say now after all I heard back at his father’s office. Did he kill someone to protect me and Lukas? I’ve never wanted that and don’t know what to feel about it.
In the dark, he stands on my front porch looking equal parts ominous and gentle giant, something he once warned me he definitely wasn’t. That only leaves him as someone dangerous, but I don’t want to believe that.
“Cason, who was that man who’s been watching my house for the past few hours?” I ask, needing to know if we were in any danger, even if I didn’t know it for sure.
“That was Ryker. He’s the other half of the Varens family. He was making sure you were safe while I had to be away.”
His voice drops on the last word—away—before he reaches for the handle on the screen door. “Can I come in?”
A tiny part of me believes that if I make him stay away from us that we’ll be safe. That’s not true, though. I know that, so I push the door open to let him in.
He steps inside and stops just inches away, towering over me like he always has. When he looks down at me, I see in his eyes the same look he had that last day at the motel.
“I’m sorry, Lily. I thought if I stayed out of your life that you’d be safe.”
“What’s going to happen, Cason?” I ask, hating how scared I sound now.
“I won’t let him do anything to you or Lukas. I promise. No matter what I have to do.”
“But he said all you had to do was that one thing and he’d never touch us again. Why don’t you or those guys who were watching the house today believe that?”
Cason steps forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him. Instantly, I feel safer than I can ever remember feeling. His strength practically envelopes me.
Pressing his cheek against my head, he says quietly, “Because we know him. It’s not you or Lukas he cares about hurting. It’s me. You two are just a means to an end.”
I tilt my head back to look up at him. “Why? What would make him treat you like that? Is it because you killed Doc for me? Is that it?”
He shakes his head and sighs. “No. It’s just how he is when it comes to me.”
“So he doesn’t want Lukas? I thought maybe because he’s a boy he would.”
Just the idea of that makes my blood run cold. I don’t want my son near that man. Ever.
“When he gets older, if my father is still around, he’ll try. He won’t succeed, if I have anything to say about it. But for now, he’s content to use you and the baby to get to me.”
What Cason is saying makes me feel like all of this is hopeless. Closing my eyes, I let myself get lost in his arms again, wishing things were different for all of us.
“I’m sorry, Lily. Just know that I won’t let anyone hurt you or Lukas.”
That’s the second time he’s said that, but what does that mean?
“How are you going to stop him or anyone else?” I ask against his chest, too afraid to look up into his eyes when he answers.
“I’ll do what I have to.”
His words resonate inside him and against my cheek. I’ll do what I have to. I know what that means. He’ll kill for us.
“Is there no way to stop your father without having to hurt people? Won’t he listen to anyone when it comes to you?”
Cason tilts my head back so I have to look up at him. I hate the way I know the answer just by the darkness in his expression. There is no way other than killing. But will this be our life forever? Will Lukas and I never have a moment of peace without Cason having to be that killer?
“I’ve spent my life trying to be what he wants. I’m done with that. I don’t want to think about him anymore,” he says with pain in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Shaking his head, he tries to smile. “You don’t have to be. Some things are just the way they’re always going to be.”
We fall into silence, neither one of us knowing what to say. He feels so foreign holding me, even as I revel is how familiar his touch is. We only knew each other for such a short time, but it feels like I’ve waited forever to have him back.
Cason cups my cheek, and I lean into his palm and close my eyes. “I’ve missed you,” I whisper, afraid to look up at him when I say that.
His thumb traces the outline of my lower lip, making my body come alive. Still, I keep my eyes closed, unsure he feels anything close to what I feel.
“All this time, I’ve wondered what happened with you, Lily,” he says in a deep voice as he drags the tip of his thumb over my upper lip. “I guess I figured you met someone who…”
I wait for him to finish and after a few seconds open my eyes to see him staring down at me with that pained look from before. Shaking my head, I smile. “No. There’s been no one.”
No one since him.
And then in a flash, the pain in his eyes is gone, replaced by a hardness I don’t understand. When he speaks again, that hardness comes out in his words, too.
“You deserve to meet a nice guy who can live here with you.”
Why would he say that? Is it that he doesn’t feel anything for me other than the urge to protect me and our child like some kind of guardian angel who sees it as his job?
“Maybe I don’t want a nice guy.”
Turning his head, he slides his arms from around me. “Well, that’s what you should have.”
“Have anyone in mind?” I ask, trying to hold my emotions together as he feels like he’s disappearing right in front of me.
“No,” he says in a low voice tinged with an edge that unnerves me.
Why is he acting like this?
Hurt courses through me. So I mean nothing to him, and this is how he shows that?
“Well, I guess that’s that then. I think it’s time for me to go check up on Lukas. Make sure the door is locked when you leave.”
He doesn’t stop me when I walk away toward the stairs, but as my foot lands on the first step, I hear him say behind me, “I’m not a nice guy. I never have been.”
Something about how easily he lets me go makes rage explode inside me, and in less than a second, I’m standing in front of him unwilling to let things die between us like this. He looks away, but I step to my right to get into his line of vision again.
“Look at me! Stop avoiding me, Cason!” I scream, startling him.
When he does as I want, he stares down at me with that same hard glare from just a minute before. He says nothing, though, forcing me to say the words he won’t give me.
“So I mean nothing to you now? You’re just that heartless killer you’ve always been, a man who never meant a thing he said to me in that motel room?”
“I’ve never been anything but a heartless killer. You knew that.”
Shaking my head, I swallow hard and try not to let my emotions overwhelm me before I get to say what I need to. “No, you weren’t, Cason. You were and are more, whether you can see it or not.”
“You deserve someone nice now, Lily.”
Now? Why now?
Then it dawns on me what he means. Now that I’ve given birth to Lukas, I’m some untouchable to him.
Once again, something inside me explodes, but this time I don’t try to stop my rage and lash out at him with my fists against his chest as I scream, “Oh, so now I’m not good enough. Like I’m not the same Lily who spent days with you in that bed? Or the same woman you killed Doc for?”
Cason grabs my wrists to stop me, holding them in front of him as he shakes his head. “Stop before you hurt yourself.”
“Fuck you! This thing you are now is worse than a killer. What’s wrong? Do you have a Madonna and whore problem with me now? I’m the mother of your son, so now I’m not attractive anymore? Not sexy enough now, Cason? Is that it?”
My verbal attack stuns him for a moment, and when he releases my wrists, I slap him hard across the face. Instantly, his rage meets mine, and he pushes me back against the wall.
Pinning my hands above my head, he stares down at me as he breathes heavily, like he’s using all the strength he has not to lash out at me. The hardness in his eyes is gone, replaced by the sensual look in them I’ve waited to see.
“I’m not breakable now that I’ve had a child. Is that what this is? Is that why you’re trying to push me away and saying I should find someone nice? Or is it that you just don’t care for me anymore?”
My heart slams into my chest as I wait for his answer. I feel vulnerable and exposed, almost more than I can bear.
Sliding his hand down my arm, he reaches my neck and presses softly against my skin. “I kill people with these hands. They don’t belong on someone like you now.”
“Why? What makes me different than before?”
He winces and then answers, “Because you’re someone’s mother. It’s like I’d be defiling something sacred. I’m too cruel, too hard for you now.”
“Oh, baby. They fucked you up, didn’t they? You deserve me as much as you did before. There’s nothing I want more than to feel your hands on me.”
But still he shakes his head, unwilling to believe me. “No. You’re sweet and beautiful, and I’m nothing but a killer.”
Tears begin to fill my eyes. “Then go. Do whatever you have to so our son is safe. I’ll find that nice man who can see me as something other than some untouchable thing, and he’ll be in charge of keeping me safe and making me happy.”
Cason shakes his head again and looks away. “I don’t want to hear that.”
Yanking my hand away from him, I step to move around him. “Well, that’s the way it has to be. You made that choice.”
Before I can walk away, he slides his arm around my waist and pulls me against his body. I look up and see pure need in his expression.
“I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else. I don’t care if he’s a nice guy like you deserve. I hate it.”
An edge in his voice makes it sound like every word is being pulled from deep inside him. He’s barely holding on.
“Isn’t that what I deserve? That nice guy who will come home every night from his nine-to-five job and eat the dinner I cook?”
His eyes narrow to slits, and his breathing becomes ragged. I sense he’s close to finally getting over whatever he’s convinced himself about me.
“You know, the nice guy to fuck me but who I have to pretend to love as much as I loved being with you.”
The mere mention of me with this nice guy he’s created in his mind for me makes him lose control, and he stuffs his hand into my hair to tilt my head back. “I don’t want to hear another word about you and some guy. Do you understand me?”
I see the need in his eyes and push even further. “Why? Am I not supposed to ever have sex again? Just because you don’t want me doesn’t mean there aren’t many men in the world who’d be happy to have me every night.”
Cason lets out a sound like a growl and shakes his head. Tightening his fingers in my hair so streaks of pain dance across my scalp, he leans down and whispers against my lips, “You have no idea how much I want you.”
With a brush of my thigh against his crotch, I feel how hard he is. “As much as I want you. I’ve thought about you and how much I want you for months. Did you think about me, Cason?”
He nods but says nothing as he tugs my T-shirt over my head. Staring down at my body like he’s seeing it for the first time, he shudders and takes a deep breath in.
“What did you think about? That first night when I seduced you and willingly dropped to my knees to suck your cock? Or later that night when you fucked me from behind and I felt like I couldn’t breathe every time you slid into me? Or did you think of something else?”
My questions hang in the air as I arch my back to tease him with my breasts. Bigger now after giving birth, they practically spill out of my bra. Like that first night, I want nothing more than for him to fuck me. This time, though, it isn’t to save my life.
It’s to save us.
His hands make quick work of my bra, and he reverently cups my breasts, pinching the deep pink nipples as he answers me. “I thought about every moment with you. The taste of your skin when I ran my tongue over your stomach and licked your pussy. How you felt with your mouth on my cock. The feel of your cunt when I fucked you that first night. The way I felt when I opened that cabin door and saw Doc hurting you. Over and over, I replayed every second we were together thinking that’s all I’d ever have with you again.”
When he finishes talking, he kisses me hard and I feel his cock against my hip. My fingers fumble with the button on his jeans and then the zipper, but finally I free it from behind the fabric to hold it in my hand. He’s heavy in my palm, and when I stroke him from balls to tip, he seems to grow even bigger.
I lower myself to the floor and look up to see him watching me as I grip his cock and lean forward to take him into my mouth. Thick and long, he slowly moves over my lips until the head nudges up against the back of my throat. When I slowly ease him out of me, I smile up at him. He’s power personified, and I love it.
“Fuck. You feel so good on me, but that’s not going to be enough for me tonight.”
Butterflies flutter inside my belly at his words, and he pulls me up to stand on my feet again. His hands peel off my yoga pants and underwear, leaving me standing naked in front of him.
As his gaze roams over my body, he groans, “I’ve missed you so much, Lily.”
“Show me how much you missed me,” I whisper into the space around us and move my hands to push down his pants.
He tears his shirt over his head and tosses it aside before stepping out of his jeans. I’d forgotten just how beautiful he is. His body with its taut muscles, all those tattoos, and the two silver barbells in his nipples makes my mouth water in anticipation.
Lifting me by my waist, he positions me perfectly above his cock and holds me there for a long moment, making my need to feel him inside me grow more. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean in to kiss him long and deep, flicking my tongue against his before I say with a moan, “God, don’t make me wait any longer, Cason.”
As if my plea unlocks something inside him, he gives me what I so desperately want and slides into me in one smooth movement that takes my breath away. He’s so full inside me, stretching my body to take all of him, and I tilt my hips to ease the last delicious inch in.
“Oh, God…”
I can’t control the tiny whimper that escapes from my throat when he begins to fuck me in earnest, and he stops, staring at me with a look of fear in his eyes. He doesn’t say it, but I know he thinks he’s hurt me.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
“Don’t stop,” I plead, practically crawling up his body to get him to move again. “You feel so good.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
With a smile, I shake my head. “You won’t. Just don’t stop. Fuck me like you did that first night. I’ve wanted that for so long, Cason. Please.”
His mouth crashes against mine as his hips push forward and he plunges into me. I claw my fingernails over his shoulders, and with each thrust of his cock, I dig my heels into the small of his back, needy for every inch of him.
“Lily, I’m not going to be able to hold back if you keep doing that,” he groans in my ear.
“Don’t hold back. Please, don’t.”
Cason leans back to look into my eyes, as if he seeks confirmation of what he just heard, and then all his control evaporates. His restraint gone, he fucks me like an animal, his only focus burying his cock into me.
Every inch of my body becomes his to do with as he likes. His right hand cradles me under my ass while the other one steadies us against a doorframe. I feel safe in his hold, and when he pushes my back against the wall, I cling to him as he jackhammers into me.
I ride his cock, fucking him as well as he fucks me. My hands slide over his shoulders damp from perspiration, and I clutch the back of his neck, desperate to hold on so he won’t stop.
But he doesn’t even notice, his attention only on thrusting harder and faster. I’m sopping wet, my body fully surrendered to him.
I can feel my orgasm making its way through me, and in his ear, I beg, “Oh, God, I’m so close. Don’t stop. Fuck, don’t stop.”
He grunts in response, groaning my name. “Lily, oh, God…”
And a moment later, every nerve in my body feels like it’s on fire. I buck my hips against him to feel his body against my clit and my release makes me feel like I’m flying.
I rip my fingernails into his skin on the back of his neck, and he howls before thrusting into me one final time. He stills fully nested in me, filling me.
Cason sags against the wall, covering my body completely. We’re both drenched in sweat and exhausted. I kiss his neck and taste his skin. It’s a mixture of salty and clean, sweat and soap and water.
“Are you okay?” he asks in a low voice as he searches my face for the answer.
Smiling, I know what he means. “I’m more than okay.”
And when he kisses me, the feel of his soft lips against mine makes me sigh. Okay isn’t the word for how he makes me feel.
