Throughout the night, my worries plagued me. Dancing always came easily for me. As soon as the music played, I followed the beat and let go. It was a physical release to move my body, and since I’d been stripping and dancing for four years now, ever since I became legal at twenty-one, I’d perfected it to an exercise that I could pull off on autopilot. I didn’t have to think. I just moved.
It gave me too much downtime to ponder the problems in my life, so all night long, up on the stage and on the pole, I dwelled on how badly I needed more money.
My apartment wasn’t anything decent, but without it, I’d be on the damn streets.
Maybe I could look for another roommate?
Since I was dancing, I couldn’t make a face. I had to maintain this sultry look, especially for that drunk moron who wasn’t even looking at the dollar bills he was tossing at me as I focused on him.
But the idea of seeking a roommate to split the costs of living was one that would’ve prompted an instant scowl. The last time I let another dancer room with me, she stole all my cash before I could deposit it. Then, because I wanted to believe that one roommate couldn’t be representative of all potential roomies, I found someone else, a waitress here at Stanley’s, and she had invited all kinds of druggies over when I wasn’t there.
No way was I tempting fate a third time to see what kind of lousy roommate I could find. I was better off on my own.
I’m always on my own.
As an orphan who escaped from Boston to wind up in a small town in Connecticut, I had mostly been living the solo life. At fourteen, I ran away from an abusive foster family near Boston. Then I lucked out finding an older woman in that small town who took me in so long as I would clean her house and not give her hell for being such a pothead. Meeting Derick in high school was the first time I felt un-alone, but I hated how long it took me to realize that I had overlooked his flaws and controlling nature for so long that his company became a curse instead of a plus.
At this rate, I doubted I’d ever want to risk being with someone. After too many times being let down or taken advantage of, I had to be in charge of my life and be very selective about whom I allowed to get close. If I’d allow anyone to get close.
The moment the last dance was over, I headed backstage to change. Nevaeh was already there, grumbling as she counted her money. She glanced up, smirking. “What a shitty night.”
Speak for yourself. “Yeah.”
She was the closest thing I had to a friend, but I’d still not talk about money with her.
“Maybe I should take up Lenny,” she mused as she slumped back in her chair and began rubbing makeup remover wipes over her face. “One of those VIP gigs.”
I winced, shaking my head at her. “Or… you could tell Nicky to get off his lazy ass and earn his own money to handle his car payments.”
She sighed like I was being silly. “One of these days, you’ll see what it’s like.”
“See what it’s like?” I arched a brow at her as I shook out my hair before gathering it into a messy ponytail. It’d take at least twenty minutes in the shower to get all this gunky product out. And I hated to go to bed without cleaning it. It was bad enough to look dirty as an exotic dancer, but I didn’t want to feel filthy when I was in the privacy of my own room.
“Yeah, one of these days, you’ll meet a man and know what it feels like to want to do everything you can to make him happy.”
I snorted. “Doubt it.”
“Once you find some good dick, you’ll wanna do whatever it takes to hold on to him for as long as possible.” She laughed lightly, making a crude gesture.
“Nah.”
She laughed harder.
“It’s not like I need a man to come.” I shrugged as I pulled a T-shirt on. “I’ve got toys that can do the job.”
“Oh, babes. That’s so not the same. A toy will never replace what a big dick can feel like.” She gyrated, almost practicing the moves she’d done on the stage all night.
“Ha,” another dancer, Holly, said as she passed by. “That ain’t true, Nevaeh. She’d need to find a man who’s hung and knows how to use it.” She started dancing too, both of them being lewd and teasing me.
“My God,” I said, laughing along with their antics. “How do you have any energy to dance again?” I groaned, rubbing the sole of my foot I’d just freed from the awful high heels I’d worn tonight.
“Well, bitch, if you’d just take like one night off sometime, you wouldn’t be so damn tired,” Holly joked.
I smiled sadly as I took off my other shoe and flexed my toes. I can’t take a night off. Now with this rent increase, I would probably do well to look for a second job.
Ugh. I can’t. There’s only so many hours in a day and in the night. I’d keel over from exhaustion if I upped my working hours. Sleep was vital to keep running on fumes like this.
We all joked and got dressed to leave, and as a group, we headed to the back to take off.
“Is Nicky picking you up?” I asked Nevaeh. “Because I wouldn’t say no to a ride.”
“Sorry, no. My sister’s picking me up. Nicky doesn’t like his car being down here in this part of town so late.”
Oh, so his car should be protected but you’re not as valuable? Sheesh.
“Oh, well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said with a wave before she turned to the left to head toward the parking lot. Holly walked ahead of me, already turning to the right to exit in the direction of the alley between the buildings.
As soon as I was outside, I hung my head and drew in a deep breath of the stinky, humid summer air. Without looking up, I nearly crashed into someone.
Holly had just been right in front of me, but it was Lenny—stinky with cigarette smoke and booze—who I bumped against.
“Oh, whoa.” I stepped back to excuse myself from the sleazy manager, but he gripped my wrist. Alarmed now, I looked up fully and saw Holly being carried toward a van.
“Hey, how about this one?” Lenny called out, not letting me go.
This one? Me?
I fought his hold immediately. “No. Lenny—No! Let me go!”
He didn’t lighten up his grip, keeping me in place. Horror filled me, making my heart gallop in my chest as I watched a couple of suited men wrangle Holly into the back of the car.
One man held her back to his chest and another guy grabbed her legs, all the better to overpower her and toss her into the back.
Fuck. No!
I hadn’t realized how many dancers were taken into trafficking from the club I worked at, but now, almost as if the world were mocking me for my naivety, I witnessed it firsthand.
“Let me go, Lenny.”
He didn’t. He didn’t even look at me as he watched the guys near the white van. They worked together to toss Holly in the back as another dancer tried to break out and run away.
“Stop it,” she protested, fighting to get away. “Stop it and let me go!”
Another man scolded her harshly, speaking so quickly I couldn’t follow what he was saying. With my head dizzy from the adrenaline rush and without being able to think clearly past this instinct of fight-or-flight, I didn’t think they were even speaking in English.
The Mafia.
Maybe the Cartel.
It didn’t matter who these criminals were. I understood what was happening. It was a fate I didn’t want to end up suffering, so I doubled down resisting Lenny’s hold.
“Lenny, let me go. I’m not—”
“You’re not getting away ’til I say you are,” Lenny growled. He turned his jaundiced face back toward me as he snarled. “You were bitching about wanting more money. And that’s how bitches like you can get it.”
“No!” I fought harder, battling the fear of being caught and trapped. I was too independent to allow that to be my fate. Deep down, anger burned hotter, prompting me to want to help get those others away, but I had to save myself first.
“You hear me?” Lenny called out. “I got another one if you’re still short a girl.”
“No,” I argued, hitting Lenny’s arm. No one else was around this late and this far back in the alley. No one would be coming to save me. I could only count on myself. Like always.
“That blonde’s not bad,” one of the men said, spotting me in Lenny’s grip near the door.
“No.” I couldn’t stop repeating the word. None of them heeded it as a command to obey. I wasn’t in control here. I never would be. I had to force them to reconsider. “I’m… No.” Frantic to make them look away and stop considering me as the next victim they wanted to toss into the van and force to do their bidding, either as a whore or otherwise, I felt bile rising up my throat.
The mere idea of being sold off and abused…
Fuck this. This is not happening.
I slipped my finger into my mouth, forcing myself to vomit. Another kid in the system had taught me that trick the first time a foster parent wanted to “play a game” with me. And just like then, it worked.
I puked, enduring the sting in my eyes from vomiting. As I heaved and got all of the drinks and meager food in my stomach out, I hoped that I’d aimed it on Lenny.
If his fingers releasing my wrist were any indication, I had. It worked.
“What the fuck?”
He flung my arm away, dismayed and pissed at the vomit I’d spewed on his shirt.
“Aw, fuck that. Fucking no way, Len,” one of the men near the van said. “I’m not dealing with that.”
Oh, thank God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I wasn’t sure any deity was even listening to me anymore, but I mentally chanted thanks to whatever and whoever might be listening. Forcing a raw swallow, I blinked past the ache in my throat and the muscle fatigue in my abs.
It worked.
They were repulsed by my throwing up, not wanting the inconvenience of dealing with a sick person. It was so simple and stupid that it never should’ve worked, but it did.
I took my break and ran. I wasn’t stupid. I wouldn’t linger. Lenny scowled at me as he tried to fling off the mess I’d made on him, but I didn’t look back once I started to take off. So panicked and alarmed by almost being taken and sold off to those men, I stumbled and lost my footing. But still, I scrambled upright on shaky legs and ran.
I sprinted.
With my heart thumping wildly high in my chest, I pumped my arms and sprinted like the devil were on my tail.
My feet ached instantly. Sharp stabs of pain pierced upward from my heels, but I didn’t slow for a second. I didn’t stop at all, running with all my might until I reached the corner behind the building and turned. Skidding and slipping, I refused to give up my momentum as I raced away to safety.
There was no safety I could rely on in this world.
Not at my workplace.
Not at my apartment, either, if I lost it because I couldn’t pony up enough for the rent increase after paying back the debt collectors that Derick made me end up paying back.
Unable to think, too riled up from fear, I hurried away and renewed my vow to stay as far away from those men, from that life, as possible.
Were they Mafia men?
Once I was near my building and chancing looks over my shoulder to check whether anyone was following me this far, that question popped into my mind.
Escaping a threat was the first step. But I had to know who the threat was to do the second step of avoiding them in the future.
I couldn’t quit my job at Stanley’s. I needed it for money. But if and when I ever saw those suited men again, I was running and hiding before they could try to take me.
There’s no way in hell I’ll let another man control me.
I opened the door to my building, giving the young, drunk teenagers loitering in the lobby a stern look.
Don’t mess with me.
They quit smiling at me and glanced away, too inexperienced to try any funny business with me.
I wished it could only be that simple all the time.
