“No, it’s not a shame,” I replied.
Sloane kept stirring the big spoon in the bowl, meeting my gaze.
“I like that you’re stubborn.”
“Ha.” She smirked at me.
“I do.” Even though her sassy smile tempted me to approach her and kiss it off her lips until she moaned, I kept my distance and sat here for the pleasure of watching her. “My life would be considerably more boring if you weren’t stubborn.”
“Oh?” She didn’t pause with the batter for whatever she was making. “The life of a dangerous Mafia boss can be a boring existence? I find that hard to believe.”
I rested my chin in my hand, watching her. I wasn’t commenting on my life. I was suddenly curious about hers. “Have you always been this stubborn?”
She nodded, not even having to think about it. “Yeah, I’ve always been this stubborn.”
“How come?” I had to imagine that if she wanted to be adopted or let into a family, she’d be a people pleaser and try to suck up to others for their approval and to be accepted and cared for.
“Because I had no one but myself to rely on. I won’t compare my life to yours. I’m sure you’ve had it harder than me, but I didn’t exactly have a good childhood.”
As she glanced at me, I had to admit that our childhoods wouldn’t have ever been similar. I was born into wealth and at a different time than she had been stuck in the foster care system. She was fourteen years younger than me, but it was easy to forget that difference. With how tough and stubborn she was, she acted like a woman older than her peers. Her stubbornness and attitude weren’t for the sake of being a rebel or putting on an act. It was because she had to be tough to get by.
“The only time anyone gave me attention was when they figured I could be used for something.”
She met my gaze then, almost daring me to argue that wasn’t what I’d done with her.
“Did they?” I would track down every single fucking asshole who’d tried to hurt her when she was a child.
To my relief, she shook her head. “No. They never could. I fought them off. Older kids in some of the homes would try to force me into doing things I didn’t want to do. That was when I learned to fight back and slip away. Then when I got older, I figured out that I had to be quick and sneaky to avoid situations I didn’t want to be stuck in.” She shrugged. “Self-defense has been a running theme for quite a while.”
“Not anymore,” I said.
She didn’t agree or argue with that, pouring the batter onto a stovetop griddle.
“That explains your desire to be independent,” I commented.
“Is that a compliment?”
“It can be.” I stood, coming to stand with her as she poured more circles for what had to be pancakes. “But it can also be a flaw.”
“You’d rather me be a weak person and need someone else to handle my problems for me?”
I’d rather you just be mine.
“No.” I stood behind her, hugging her with her back pressed to my chest. She leaned against me as she monitored the pancakes. “But I’d rather you give up this idea that you have to do anything for yourself.”
“Like make pancakes?” She huffed. “I used to enjoy cooking for myself.”
“Then cook. I told you to preoccupy yourself. I don’t like this mindset that you can only rely on yourself.”
She sighed, resting against me. “How can I not? You told me that you don’t commit.”
“I’m committed to making a child with you.”
“Okay, then you’re committed to getting this heir you need. You’re not committing to me.”
“Would you want me to?”
What the fuck? Why am I even suggesting this?
“I’m not going to expect anything from you, Maxim. It would be stupid to when you’ve been upfront from the beginning that you are in control.”
I smiled, resting my check against the top of her head. “So you admit defeat?”
“Never.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Why should I trust you? Why should I believe you if you ever said I could lean on you no matter what?”
“Haven’t I taken care of your every need so far?” I stayed with her as she flipped the pancakes.
“You have. But your doing anything for me is contingent on my giving you my child.” She leaned back to look at me. “And if I weren’t to give you my child… then what? I’m out on my own and figuring out how to pick up the pieces.”
I scowled down at her. “Are you infertile?”
She lowered her gaze and shook her head with a slight laugh. “No. I mean, I’ve never had a reason to think I am…”
“Then why would you worry about not being able to give me the heir I need?”
She didn’t reply, moving calmly as she set the pancakes on a plate. Before she could walk toward a stool at the island, I picked her up and rested her on the edge of the counter. Standing between her legs, I waited as she cut the pancakes on her plate. Instead of taking the first bite, she fed it to me.
“Should I trust you?” she asked as I sampled her food.
Hedging, I ate and didn’t answer. If I told her that she could trust me, that would imply that I could expect the same from her, that I could trust her.
And I doubted I ever could.
My fear of sticking with a woman forever wasn’t something that I could overcome that easily.
“You can trust that I will keep you safe,” I replied once I swallowed.
“And if—”
I closed the distance between us and kissed her quiet, not wanting to discuss the matter of trust any further. It was too difficult of a subject for me, and I liked her compliant and not argumentative for a change.
When I pulled back, I nodded at the plate in a silent request for more.
“Good?” she asked.
I snatched the next bite off the fork as she offered it for me.
She cleared her throat before taking a bite for herself. Back and forth, we ate the first cake. Before eating another, she looked at me and said, “I get the impression that your grandmother wasn’t pleased to meet me.”
I shrugged. “She’s hard to please.” I didn’t mean to sound flippant, and I was glad that she was bringing up that meeting. I intended to have her meet my grandmother so I could see how she reacted to Sloane being here. But she hadn’t given me anything to work with. She was closed-lipped and almost ignored Sloane during that breakfast we shared. I got the sense that she saw Sloane as different and perhaps not good enough–but that was her opinion in terms of Sloane not being a typical Mafia princess. Sloane’s background wouldn’t be something Grandmother would want to celebrate. She hadn’t acted warmly toward Sloane, but it wasn’t something that made me worry about ever trusting her.
She raised her brows. “Is it because I’m not like other women you’ve brought home?”
Probably. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever brought home.”
She paused, watching me with a slow smile. “Really?”
“Really.” I leaned in for another bite even though she had it poised for her own mouth.
“How come she’s so hard to please?” she asked.
“She has high standards. She’s been on my case to settle down with a Mafia princess, one of the daughters of the other families.”
“Ah.” She set the empty plate down.
“But none of them have interested me.” I stepped closer so we could hug without the plate between us.
“I suspect that she thinks I’m inferior to her. Less than.”
I laughed once. “You got all that from one breakfast with her?”
She nodded. “I can tell when I’m not wanted.”
I cupped the back of her head. “Then you can guess what I’m thinking right now.” Kissing her slowly, I relished the lift of her lips against mine as she smiled. There was no way she couldn’t feel the erection getting hard in my shorts.
“Well, yeah. I know you want me like that,” she whispered as she lowered her hand to slip it under my shorts and stroke me.
Not only that.
I couldn’t be sure what it was about her or this quiet late-night moment in the kitchen, but as I leaned into her touch and kissed her sassy lips, I owned up to the fact that I wanted her. Period.
For sex and to produce an heir.
But also… something more.
I enjoyed having her in my life. I looked forward to coming home to her.
I’d never admit it out loud, but against my better judgment, I liked her.
That still didn’t change how I wasn’t ready to trust her, though. I had no time for seeing if I could love her eventually. With the threats against the family and the lingering hunch that she had secrets that hadn’t yet come out into the open, I had to pace myself, again, and see how this could unravel between us.
