He didn’t come.
I left work, thinking we’d follow our routine of the last few nights. I didn’t like admitting that I’d come to expect him, but ten minutes after I was home, there was no knock.
I waited up an hour; still no knocking.
My phone flashed next to me, lighting up the room, and I rolled over to grab it.
Trace: Don’t contact me on this phone. Not safe. Tell you later.
I jerked upright, my heart already starting to pound. I wanted to call, text him, see what was going on, but he’d said his phone wasn’t safe.
I hit the floor, already moving before I’d fully formed my plan. It didn’t matter because I was already going.
Clothes were on in a flash. Socks. Shoes.
I had my coat fastened, my keys in hand, when I opened the front door and stopped.
“Kelly!”
She was shivering, her eye makeup running down her face. Snowflakes were still on her eyelashes, and she held up a hand, her coat completely swamping her. “Hi.”
“What are you . . . come in. Come on.”
She did, a bit tentative at first, but once she was through the door, she collapsed. Her shoulders fell. Her knees crumpled, and a sob left her. “Oh—hey! Hey.” I caught her, helping her to one of the chairs by our kitchen table, and as soon as she felt the chair, she bowled over. More sobs erupted from her. Her forehead went completely to the table.
I shut the door, locked it, and went over. “Hey. Hey.” I scooted into the chair next to her. She’d not been like this at Katya. I’d caught some yearning when she’d looked around, but I’d thought she missed working with me. That was it. “What is this? What happened?”
She lifted her head on another choking sob, her face completely wrecked. She grabbed for my wrist. “Can I stay here tonight? Please?”
“Of course. But, tell me what’s wrong. Please. You’re my best friend, Kelly. I need to know.”
She started shaking her head. “I can’t tell you. I—I just can’t. I want to stay here. One night and then I’ll figure it out. Yeah. I’ll figure it out then.”
“Wait.” I knelt at her feet, one of my knees on the floor. “Kelly, what’s going on? I’m worried. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t. I really can’t. I, just, want to sleep here for the night. Is that okay?”
“Uh—” I was about to try and push her again, but my phone buzzed then.
Unknown: I’m downstairs. Can I come up?
I stood up, texting back. Kelly was watching me, her sobs quieting a little bit.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Trace. New phone. Explain later. Can I come up?
Me: Kelly is here.
“Um.” Two crises were happening at once. “Kelly, can I—I need to run down to the door for this. I’ll be right back—”
“No, it’s totally fine.” She stood up, her chair scraping over the floor. She was hugging herself and looking around. “I need to go to the bathroom anyway and get ready for bed. Can I, uh—my bed isn’t here. I can sleep on the couch. I know where everything is.”
“No. Wait. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time, okay?” She’d started down the hallway to her old bathroom. I hadn’t touched hers since she left. Her voice was suddenly better, calmer. “I mean it. I’m going to shower and clean up. I’m a mess.” She motioned for the door. “Whatever or whoever that is, don’t rush back on my account.”
I opened my mouth, but I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.
She was gone, the door closing behind her, and I could hear the fan turn on. The shower was next.
Unknown: You want me to go?
Me: No. I’m coming down.
When I got downstairs, Trace was there, and he nodded toward his SUV.
I stepped out through the door, leading the way, and as I got inside, he came with me.
“Demetri, can you give us some privacy?”
“Will do.” He stepped outside right away, then went over and took point by the door. He lit a cigarette, and Trace’s hand went to the small of my back as he hit the divider so no one could see in from the front of the vehicle either.
I touched his arm, my hand rounding. I was half holding on to him for him and half for me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” His smile was gentle. He moved in, cupping both sides of my face and bending to rest his forehead to mine. A brief second there, then his lips dipped, grazing over mine before coming back, more demanding. His body settled into mine, and I felt his tension leave his body. He continued kissing me, his tongue sweeping inside.
Heat lit inside of me, beginning to pulsate through my veins.
He did that. Always.
He groaned, pulling back, breathing unsteadily. “God. I could hold you forever.”
My hands raised to his arms. I pushed him back a little, leaning my head to get a better look at him. “What is going on? New phone. It’s not safe?”
His eyes got serious, and the softness left him. A wall came down before he pulled all the way back from me. My hands dropped to the seat between us. A chill came through the vehicle. I fought against shivering but couldn’t hold it.
He looked up as if he could see my apartment. “Why is Kelly here?”
“I don’t know, but hey.” I touched the side of his face, turning him back to me. “What’s going on?”
His face was closed off again. “I can’t tell you. It’s family stuff.”
My hand fell away. “Oh.”
He looked back up. “Is there something wrong with her and Justin? Did she say something?”
“No.” Why did he care about that? “They probably just had a fight. It’s Kelly. She gets like this. Emotional. They’ll fight, and I’m sure even by tonight, she’ll head back again. This is normal relationship stuff for her. She feels deeply.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“Family stuff? For you? That’s why you got a new phone?”
He focused back on me, seeing me again. His whole face sharpened, and he leaned forward, touching the side of my face. His hand cupped me there. His thumb trailed lightly over the corner of my mouth, and he angled his head, his eyes growing dark. Lust filled them. His thumb rested over my bottom lip, pulling it down. He shuddered, his hand falling away from me. “I need to stay away from you for a while, for your safety.”
A shiver went down my spine. “This is business related?”
Of course it was. I was foolish to hope it was something else, something normal like . . . I didn’t know. A divorce, which didn’t make sense, but along those lines. Something normal people struggled with, but it wasn’t. It was another reminder I was on one side, and he was on the other.
“Don’t do that. I can feel you pulling away.”
I laid my head against the seat, gazing at him. I felt the distance. It was cold, but I was used to it. It was lonely too. “It’s how it’s supposed to be, right? You doing Mafia stuff. Me doing law stuff.”
His eyes were smoldering dark, lingering on my mouth. A growl left him.
His mouth was on mine, the heat there and climbing. I felt it. It was consuming me. Maybe it was because this was the last night before who knew how long until I saw him again. A night? Two? A month? If ever? That was in the realm of possibility, and I had a crying best friend upstairs who was probably done showering, but the ache had burrowed all the way into my chest, deep in there. It was in the pocket by my heart, and I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from him.
His mouth was on mine.
Need. Want. Desire.
Lust.
It wrapped around my body, making me feel alive, warming me up, and I couldn’t hold it back. I needed him, just him. Nothing else.
He picked me up, and I was climbing onto his lap, not thinking, not paying attention to anything else.
My hand tunneled through his hair as his swept down my body, pulling my hips against his, and we stilled from the contact.
God.
That felt so good. Too fucking good.
I began moving over him as his hands went to my hips, then to my ass. He gripped me, moving me with him. I tipped my head back, my mouth meeting him, his tongue moving against mine. One of his hands went up, catching my hair, and he tugged my head back. I made a guttural sound as his mouth began moving down my throat, tasting me. Licking me.
His hand let go of my hair, falling back to my pants, and he moved inside, finding my underwear.
I hissed at the touch because it felt so damn good.
His other hand splayed out, grasping my ass.
He pulled back, nipping at my throat. “Sit up.”
I did, lifting up, and he moved my underwear aside, taking position, finding my entrance.
Together, as one, I lowered as his fingers slid up, his back hand guiding me.
His mouth landed on mine as I began riding him, slow, steady. My hips rolled forward, moving into a good rhythm. His thumb rubbed over my clit, pressing in slowly, a delicious circle, and I gasped, the sensations swirling through me. They were wrapping around every organ in me, in my spine, crawling up me. The pleasure was unbearable. Almost. I cried out, my hips pumping harder over him.
His mouth caught my cry, swallowing it, and then he pulled me down, sinking me harder over his fingers, and my whole body jerked.
I exploded over him.
The waves erupted through me. They were almost violent in their power. My whole body was shuddering, quaking in the aftermath, until I melted into him.
He held me, his other hand smoothing up and down my back in a calming, comforting motion.
I didn’t want to move. My whole body was a pile, no bones.
He never urged me to move. He just kept caressing me, holding me.
I might’ve fallen asleep. Or not. I didn’t know. Time had ceased in this little sanctuary we took.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead, his free hand tracing some of my hair aside, tucking it behind my ear. “I want to say things to you right now, but I can’t. I don’t dare, but . . . just believe in me. That’s all I can say. When it’s safer . . .” He let his last statement hang between us, and as much as I hated to hear it, as much as it let in the cold again, I knew he said it for a reason.
I pulled back, nodding. I began to climb off of him, but he caught me again. He pressed a hard kiss to my mouth before letting me go. “I’ll be in touch. I promise.”
I wasn’t my job right now. I was a woman. Maybe that was my eternal struggle. Between what I did and who I was—but I let everything fall away as I stared at him right before opening the door. There were words I wanted to say, things I felt but couldn’t say, and because of that, because of what we both did, I let them go unsaid.
I opened the door, stepped out, and walked inside.
I didn’t look back, and I didn’t once break down.
Not until I was inside.
Not until I saw that Kelly was sleeping soundly on the couch.
Then I went to my room. Closed the door softly. Went to my bathroom.
Turned my shower on, and there, I fell.
