Time stood still but also sped up after that. It was a weird mind fuck.
When my mom woke up, she wanted nothing to do with me. She did not have a new outlook on life. The doc’s wishes didn’t come true, but she went into the psychiatry unit, and I was told that Bear and Leo would take it from here. Again.
I didn’t have a good outlook on that, either, but while she was getting taken care of, I had other items to handle. Mainly, Leo and Kelly.
The difference between those two was that I didn’t know I had a Kelly matter to handle. She informed me of this later in the week, asking me for a sit-down. I’d not told her about my mother yet. And when I got there, I didn’t feel this meeting was going to be a good one.
“Justin and I had a big come-to-Jesus meeting and . . .”
Oh, boy. I hated the “. . .”; those silences were brutal, I’d come to learn.
I readied myself because at this point, who the hell knew what else was coming down the pipeline.
Her hands were on the table, her hero in a bag next to her. That should’ve been my first clue. That the hero was bagged. That was a whole different level of preparing. Not where she would eat it here or eat it on the way out. That’s how Kelly usually did it. This said she was going to take it somewhere else to eat it. That was a whole different thing there.
“Justin feels that it could be dangerous for us, him and me, to be in the middle of what is going on between our old bosses or—your—yeah. Mr. West and Justin’s family.”
My mouth went dry. “Really?”
Yeah. I should’ve known. The hero was bagged.
“Really.”
I frowned, but okay. Time to pull my head out of my mom’s stuff and into my best friend’s head. It made sense what she was doing. Being around me was sometimes dangerous too.
“I think that’s a good idea.”
She stared at me, blinking a few times. Her hand grabbed for her bagged hero, and she pulled it in front of her, like it was a shield. A hero shield. From me. “Really?”
I frowned. “Yeah. I mean, Justin’s not in with that side of the family. Am I right?”
“You’re right. Yes.” She jerked forward, her head moving up and down at a fast pace. “He’s not. And his brother, with being a detective. He just feels like he’s being pulled in all directions, and I get it. I do. I mean, I love you. You know I do, but I think he’s going to be my future. You know how that goes.”
A tear slipped free, falling down. A second one went too.
I didn’t think she realized they were there.
Reaching forward, I took the hand that wasn’t gripping the hero and held it in mine. I squeezed it once. “I get it, Kel. I do.”
More tears.
She was going to be sobbing soon.
She sniffled. “You do?”
“I do. I’ve got my own battles to handle right now. I don’t expect you to get pulled into the middle, and my god, you know I’d want you to be safe.”
The sobbing got worse. “I feel like the worst friend. You’ve been there for me through so much stuff, and now this. Now you got a fine man, and girl.” She paused in her sobbing and held a hand out. “That man is fine. Holy shit, he’s fine. And you were at his side, but Justin. I—he said it’s dangerous, and you’re always telling me everything is dangerous, so I kinda figure maybe I should listen this time. Do you hate me? Please don’t hate me. I’m hating myself.”
I moved over, pulling my chair next to her.
People were whispering about us. I knew we had a few minutes before Sal came over to check on his Pigeon Lover Best Friend. She sent me his videos from YouTube every time he posted a new one. I had to admit the pigeons were cute when you put inspirational music in the background. I was cheering for one that I was pretty sure shit on my head two days ago.
“It’s going to be fine. Everything will be fine.”
I was firmly blocking out the mess from my mother because I had no idea how to fix that or what I even could do.
Be strong. Keep going. Kick ass if need be. That was my motto in life. Paint when you need to fall apart.
I gave Kelly a tight hug and held her. She let go of the hero—that told me she meant business—and grasped my arm.
“I love you. I’ll always love you. We’re sisters, and right now, there’s some dangerous business going on between families and our men. Be safe. You know I always want that for you.”
She was nodding, but I could feel some tears falling to my arm. “I know. I know. I have this feeling like I’m supposed to ask you something, check in with you about something, but I can’t think what it is. Are you okay?” She pulled away, turning to face me more directly.
Kelly was doing the right thing now. I wasn’t going to say anything about my mother to get in the way, so I shook my head. “Nope. Not a thing. One more hug, honey.”
“Oooh. You used the term of endearment. It’s been my dream for you to call me honey.”
I laughed, doing as I said. Hugging. But now I was the one choking back tears, so I stood, gave her a firm kiss on her forehead. I was finding I had a thing about foreheads and gently squeezed her shoulder. “Love you. When you get engaged, call me.”
“Agh! I’m going to fall apart all over again.”
“Not that.” Kelly wasn’t going to be able to leave first, despite the bagged hero. I knew my friend. Her gut was telling her to stay put, so I went first. One last touch on her shoulder, a smile from me, and I headed out.
“Bye, Officer Montell.” Sal waved a loaf of bread in the air.
I pointed at him as I bypassed the counter. “Give my regards to the pigeons, and make a second hero for my friend. I think she crushed the hell out of the first.”
“We were watching. We’re going to start calling them emotional support heroes.”
I barked out a laugh as my insides were being sliced in half, but it was what it was.
I had a feeling this was only the first of the Trace/Jess fallout.
I was right. It just took two weeks for it to happen.
“You’re suspended.”
“What?” My mouth was on the floor. I started to look down for it, see if I could find it.
I knew there’d be a meeting with Leo, but I hadn’t expected this. At least, not without a warning or a talking-to. I came in and sat, and he opened with that.
He shook his head, putting his radio on the table. “I don’t have time to get into this with you, but you’re in a sexual relationship with someone who has known connections—and very strong connections—to an organized crime family. We have a code of ethics. You cannot work here as long as you’re in his bed.”
A part of me expected this. I just hoped for a little longer before it happened, but wow. I knew the cards would fall.
“You have nothing to say? You’re just going to take the suspension?”
“I . . .” Damn. I couldn’t speak. My throat was burning. “He’s getting out.”
He laughed and snorted at the same time. “Right.”
“He is.”
He shoved upward, his chair squeaking from the ferocity of the movement, and slammed one hand on his desk. “He’s the prince of that fucking family! What are you doing, Jess? I raised you better.”
“You didn’t raise me. No one did!”
“Bullshit.” Another pound on the desk, but he jabbed a finger at me in the air. “Bullshit. I raised you. I stepped in when your father died. I’m helping take care of your mother right now! Don’t give this BS that I didn’t raise you. I’m raising your whole family. Your brother will be released, and guess whose couch he’s going to end up on? Mine!”
“He’s getting out—”
His voice overrode mine. “He’s not getting out! He’s going to take over.” He motioned to the phone. “I just got a call from organized crime. They were inquiring if I had a PO undercover in the West family syndicate. An undercover PO, all the brainless, witless bullshit that would be. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?!”
His voice rose an octave with each statement he was yelling, but there was nothing I could say.
Chain of command. You took it. I was taking it.
“I gave you two weeks. You showed up at your mother’s almost-dead bedside. I thought you’d wake up. You haven’t woken up. I’m getting reports that you go to his place every night. That he brings you coffee in the mornings. You’re going out to eat with him. It was bad enough when you were working for him, but there was no known relationship. I got heat then too. Did you know that?”
I was stunned, but maybe I shouldn’t have been. “You did?”
“Yes. Organized crime. They were up my ass. They wanted to use you, but I said no. I kept saying no. That it was a legit second job. You were shouldering your brother’s debts and your mother’s. Plus yours. Another person in your place, and they’d be looking at being dirty long before now. Not before you started sleeping dirty, but now. God! Now, I gotta suspend your ass. Without pay! You need to wake your ass up. Leave this guy, and when you come back, we’ll start going over damage control, because don’t think for a second this ain’t getting out. It’s already out.”
“Leo—”
“I don’t want to hear it. Honestly. Get the fuck out of my office. I want your gun, your badge, and the keys to your car.”
“Leo—”
“Gun. Now. Badge second. Keys. Or do I need to pull in a second witness for this?”
Goddamn.
This was a punch. I, just, fuck.
I pulled out my keys. “I have things still inside.”
“That’s fine. Badge and gun.”
My throat was burning. My chest was searing from the inside out, but it was what it was.
I took out my gun, placed it down. My badge was next.
“You better not put Travis on my guys.”
“I will put whoever I want on your guys. You know you have no say.” He shook his head. “Goddamn, Jess. I never thought you. Never in my whole life. Not you.”
I was blinking back tears, but no way in hell would those things fall.
Forcing out a choked sound, I cleared my throat and went for the door, but just before leaving, I asked, “How is she?”
Another soft expelling of air. “She is dealing.”
“Is she in a place? A hospital? Clinic? I truly have no idea what I did so wrong to her, but I need to know that much. You know I’ve always tried to take care of her.”
“I know.” He made a torn sound, and I couldn’t begin to identify how that came out, but it was torn. All I knew. “She’s at the mental hospital, and she’s in therapy. Intense therapy. They’re doing the whole dual thing, whatever that it is. Where they treat all the shits that happen together. I don’t know those psych terms, but you know what I’m talking about.”
I knew, and another day I might’ve laughed at how helpless his explanation was, but that was Leo. He was old school in ways. “I’d like to see her, when that might be able to open. I’d appreciate it.”
He started nodding, then went to shake his head, and he paused, turning all the way away. “Another guy, Jess. There are other guys. Love them. Fall for them. Don’t give up your career for this one. He ain’t good—or wait until he’s actually out.”
That was the heartache of it all.
I’d already made my choice.
“Let me know about my mom.”
I left, not seeing anyone who was in the hallway. They were there, but I wasn’t paying attention to them. I just needed to go, but a loud crash, thud sounded behind me.
I paused, hearing Leo roar, “Goddammit!”
“Jess.” Val was calling my name, coming after me down the hallway.
I held up a hand. “Better this way. Stay back.”
“Jess! Come on.”
I kept going.
Head down. One foot in front of the other.
I left that way.
