Maybe this would mark the end of our marriage before it had even really begun. My mouth turned dry when the last words left my mouth.
Samuel dropped his hands from their task of unbuttoning his shirt. “What makes you think I would be with another woman?” he asked quietly, his gaze so intent I had trouble not looking away.
I felt inexplicably stupid blaming his possible infidelity on my wheelchair, especially since I’d been the one who told him it wasn’t as big a deal as many people thought.
Maybe he saw it because his frown deepened, becoming almost foreboding. Of course, that only made him more attractive. Samuel was a man who always looked good, and sometimes he looked completely breathtaking. “My parents have been married for thirty years. My father taught me that loyalty and faithfulness are the key to a marriage. I wouldn’t dishonor you by cheating on you, Emma. There isn’t another woman, and there won’t be.”
I swallowed. I could tell he was being serious. Actually, he seemed almost angry that I’d dared to accuse him at all. But what about F.? Was he really that good a liar? If that were the case, our marriage would be doomed. I blushed at my next words, feeling ashamed for my actions. “You have two phones, and this morning an F. told you she misses you.”
Samuel’s face became stone, as cold and as unrelenting, but the look of disappointment and anger in his eyes was worse. “You spied on me?”
I swallowed hard. “You hid your second phone from me, and the message from F. popped up on your screen.”
He stared off to the side, his gaze distant as if contemplating what to tell me. “You don’t trust me.”
Anger surged through me. “How could I? I’d love to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I know how some men in our world are, and I know how many people perceive me. I won’t lie to myself, and I don’t want you to lie to me either.”
Samuel took a step closer, his eyes blazing with fury. “You shouldn’t listen to what other people say. You should care how I perceive you. And I haven’t given you a reason to distrust me. I have two phones because I’m not only in contact with Outfit members. I have to deal with many creeps from other organizations that I’d like to keep separate.”
Was he telling the truth? Then why had the message sounded very intimate, not like something business acquaintances wrote each other? Was I imagining things? “You haven’t tried to have sex with me again.”
I sank my teeth into my lower lip before my mouth could spew more word vomit.
“Ideally, I’d have sex with you again very soon,” he said with a hint of a smirk that immediately sent sparks through my body. “But sex in a marriage isn’t a one-way road.”
“But why didn’t you try anything after our wedding night?”
Samuel still stood in his half-unbuttoned shirt with those rolled-up sleeves in front of me, and with every word out of his mouth, I wanted him more. “I didn’t want to push you into anything you weren’t ready for. You could be sore.”
I was still a little sore. “You could have asked me or tried to initiate something, and I would have told you no if I didn’t want it.”
Not that any part of me didn’t want to be with Samuel. I still tingled when I thought of Samuel’s fingers on me. My body and mind screamed yes.
“You could have initiated things,” Samuel suggested as if it were the easiest thing in the world, and to him, it probably was. I didn’t often think about our age gap, but the eight and a half years he had on me meant he’d been having sex for a long time. Most guys in our world began at fourteen or fifteen, so he’d been sexually active for twelve years. A new wave of nerves filled me.
My cheeks burned fiercely. I fumbled with the covers. “If I had more experience, maybe I would have…” That was a lie. My fear of being rejected by him would have been too great. Our bond was still too fresh for me to be anywhere near being confident enough for a move like that. “But you have at least twelve years of experience on me! You have probably slept with more women than I have shoes in my wardrobe!”
Samuel cocked an eyebrow. Damn him for looking like a woman’s dream. His gaze flitted to the rows of shoes lined up on the open shelves in the walk-in wardrobe, and his answering smirk made anger and desire battle in my insides. I tried to remember how many shoes were on display. Since Anna had told me I looked good in heels, I’d gone on a few unhealthy shopping sprees.
“You need to buy more shoes,” he said with a chuckle.
I stared at him indignantly, but at the same time, the banter did strange things to my belly. “Don’t tempt me.”
“So what about the matter at hand? Why didn’t you approach me? Like you said, you are the innocent part in our bond, and some might say I was being considerate by not demanding anything from you.”
“There’s a difference between demanding and initiating,” I said firmly.
“I don’t know you very well. I wasn’t sure if you would have had the backbone to say no.” For some reason, his voice had become lower over the course of our conversation.
“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t seen it from his angle yet. “That makes sense… but I would prefer it if you’d take the initiative for now.”
Samuel stepped closer to the bed. The top buttons of his shirt were open and gave me a very distracting view of his chest. “I don’t have a problem with that as long as you want to have sex with me.”
“I want to,” I whispered despite the heat crawling up my throat.
Samuel loosened his tie, never taking his eyes off me. “Good,” he murmured. He leaned over me, cupped my face, and kissed me. His kiss tasted of whisky or brandy, I couldn’t tell, and was gentle at first but soon became more demanding. My body responded immediately. My core tightened, and an insistent tingling started between my legs. Samuel shoved back the covers and climbed between my thighs. His erection pressed against my core when he stretched out on top of me. His kiss, just like the first time, set my body aflame. And the feel of his weight between my legs? I couldn’t get enough of it, especially the pressure of his length exactly where I needed it.
Samuel rocked against me lightly while he kissed me, and the friction was almost enough to make me come. I hadn’t even realized how much our conversation had already turned me on. I hesitantly slid one hand into his hair and put the other on his back. Samuel pulled back. “I’m yours. You can touch me however you want.”
I let out a choked breath. Mine. It still seemed impossible.
Samuel kissed my throat, one of his hands slipping under my nightgown, up my side until he cupped my breast. When my nipple puckered against his palm, he rocked his erection against my core again, and I moaned against his mouth. I wanted more, so much more. I’d have never thought that a simple touch could ignite me with so much desire.
SAMUEL
When I heard Emma’s soft moan, my cock jerked inside my pants, making me aware that I still had too many clothes on, but this was about Emma, about showing her how good I could make her feel if only she’d let me.
She writhed on the mattress as I teased her nipples. She wanted more. Her body sent a clear message. I slid a hand down the tantalizing curves of her body, then inside her panties, until my fingers found her clit. She was so wet, my fingertip slipped over her button, tearing another moan from her lips. She squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to keep herself in check. I pressed my lips against her ear. “Don’t hold back. In our bedroom, there’s no need for shame or restraint. I want all of you.”
She met my gaze, surprise and wonder in her eyes. Her skin was flushed, and her lips parted as I began to rub small circles on her nub. I kissed her, needing to taste her plump lips.
“You’re close,” I rasped between kisses as her breathing became more labored. She didn’t react, only clung to my shoulder, focusing on my chest.
“I would ask you if you like it, but this—” I slid one finger over her opening, which was slick with arousal. She blushed, and a small, strange sound escaped her lips.
She bit her lip, the desire in her eyes flickering up.
“What do you want?” I rasped.
Her gaze flitted to my finger once more.
“Inside you?”
I was going to lose my mind at any second. My cock was ready to bust out of my pants. She gave a small nod, uncertainty and embarrassment crowding her face as if it were a bad thing to want my finger inside her when it turned me on.
I brushed my lips over her throat and moved them down until I cupped her nipple. My fingers found her entrance once more, and I slowly eased a finger inside. She was still tight and tensed briefly, so I stilled and looked up at her face.
“Still sore?” I rumbled.
The knowledge of why she was sore made me even hungrier for more. Maybe we really were nothing more than instinct-driven beasts.
“A bit, but I don’t want you to stop,” she admitted with a small smile.
“Oh, I have no intention of stopping, not until you come all over my fingers and cock.”
Her eyes widened slightly, then fluttered shut. She moaned when I pushed my finger deeper into her pussy and began to curl it slightly while my thumb brushed her clit. I regarded her attentively while my finger pumped in and out, trying to gauge when she’d be ready for another finger and my cock.
I could tell that the deeper, slower sensation of my finger stroking along her sensitive opening really turned her on. The scent of her arousal reached my nose, calling to a primal part to finally claim her again, but I didn’t want to rush things. Emma was still very inexperienced and obviously sore. I couldn’t just stick it in. I had all the time in the world as I fingered her. Eventually, I brushed a second finger over her opening and slid it in. There was no resistance. By now, she was completely soaked from my ministrations. She moaned again, her muscles clenching around my fingers. I moved them faster, my thumb circling her clit with more intensity. She clung to my arm, and her eyes squeezed shut a moment before her walls tightened their grip even more, and she moaned loudly. She shoved her head back into the pillow, revealing her beautiful, elegant throat, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing, then biting it lightly, causing her to shudder and clench even harder.
I slowed my movements until Emma relaxed, but I could tell her body still yearned for more.
I gently pulled out, and her lips fell open in a near protest at the loss of my touch. Stifling a grin, I stood and undressed completely.
I stepped closer to the bed but didn’t climb in right away as Emma was busy discovering my body with her eyes. I wasn’t shy. I knew the effect my body had on women. It wasn’t the part of me I wanted to hide. Seeing Emma’s desire and admiration as her gaze followed my abs down to my cock, I felt proud. I felt the same way when I looked at her gorgeous body.
“How about we get on equal footing?” I said in a low voice and reached for her nightgown. Emma sat up and helped me drag it over her head. I tossed it to the floor, then slid her soaked panties down Emma’s legs. I held them up to show Emma how eager her body was for what we were doing. She blushed deeply, but she didn’t look away. I could see in her eyes how pleased she was with her body. Maybe she had been worried about how well it would react to sex. She had worried for nothing. I dropped the tiny thing on the floor as well. I climbed back on the bed and knelt before her. I ran my fingernails up and down over her legs with more pressure than I would usually use to see her reaction. When I got close to her pussy, her lips parted in a moan, so I focused my ministrations there. I massaged her inner thighs for a while, but my cock was ready to explode. I gripped her ankles and lifted her legs to my shoulders, then looked at her. “Okay?”
She gave a quick nod, obviously a bit overwhelmed by the situation.
I moved even closer until my knees touched the back of her thighs and my tip brushed her pussy lips. Soon, it glistened with her arousal. I rubbed my tip over her clit slowly before I dipped between her folds. My tip brushed over her opening, but instead of entering, I moved back up until my now glistening tip pressed against her clit. I could tell Emma was close to bursting. I leaned over her and guided my cock to her opening.
With my eyes on hers, I pushed in slowly. Her walls gripped my cock so tightly that I gritted my teeth against the intense need to spill my cum. I’d fuck Emma senseless first and get another orgasm from her before my cock could shoot its load.
When I was almost all the way in, I paused to allow Emma to catch her breath and her body to adapt to my cock. This new position allowed a deeper penetration that might be too much for her second time, so I wanted to give her time to adjust.
I grabbed her ankles once more and kissed one then the other, causing Emma to give me a surprised smile.
“Ready?” I asked, my voice so low and scratchy I wasn’t sure Emma could even understand me.
She gave a small nod, anticipation filling her face. I sank all the way into her slowly, giving her more time to adjust to my size. She winced, still tight. She closed her eyes briefly, and I waited for her to be comfortable for me to move, even if it killed me. I wanted nothing more than to slam into her, to let my body take control and override my mind.
Emma opened her eyes and gave a small nod. I didn’t need more encouragement. I pulled all the way out and moved back in. Soon, I established a slow rhythm that had Emma panting, her fingers pressing against my chest. Our bodies molded together, and it was so fucking easy. I wished everything was as easy.
Afterward, Emma and I lay beside each other in bed. Her head rested on my outstretched arm, and she was angled toward me. Her gaze was distant, thoughtful.
I knew I hadn’t convinced her with my bullshit explanation for my second phone. And my sex distraction wouldn’t work for long. Fuck. I should have been more careful, but I had allowed myself to really feel at home and hadn’t been as vigilant. That was the problem with letting your guard down, especially if you had secrets like I did.
Emma’s gaze focused on me, but she didn’t say anything.
I hated lying to her. It was a shitty start to our marriage, but I couldn’t tell her about my contact with Fina. The fact remained that she was part of the Camorra through her marriage to Remo fucking Falcone, and I shouldn’t even consider talking to her. She’d chosen him, so it wasn’t too far-fetched to worry that she might manipulate me to gather intel on Outfit business. At least, that was what my charge would say. Fina and I had never talked about anything remotely related to business. I hardly even told her anything of importance from my private life, which was why our contact had grown less frequent over the years. She’d made her choice, and she couldn’t have both Remo and me. I’d come to terms with losing my twin. I hardly missed her anymore. Too much time had passed since we’d been close. More often than not, I regretted even trying to save her. Fuck, had I known she was getting cozy with her kidnapper, I wouldn’t have gone on that fucking suicide mission and gotten Arlo, Enea, and Domenico killed. Bitterness and guilt filled my chest like a thick plume of smoke. I untangled myself from Emma and sat up.
“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, confused. She had begun to doze off, but I had woken her with my sudden movement.
Fuck. I schooled my face into a neutral mask. “I forgot to answer an important email. I have the details on my desk. I’ll just head down there and get this done. You should try to sleep.”
Emma nodded slowly, but I could tell she was hesitant to believe me.
I covered her with the blanket and gave her a small smile, then pushed to my feet and put on pajama bottoms. After checking that her wheelchair was in her reach, I left the room, closing the door after me.
The moment I was outside in the corridor, anger and regret over my decisions from the past resurfaced. A voice in my head beckoned me to silence those voices with booze. It never worked for long, but even a short reprieve seemed like mercy right now. I hurried down the staircase and into my office, where I grabbed a new bottle of gin from the shelf and sank down on the sofa in front of the cold fireplace. I unscrewed the bottle, then took a long swig, leaned back, and closed my eyes. Memories from ten years ago took form before my eyes as they always did when I was in this kind of mood or when I slept.
I remembered each of my friends’ faces shortly before we headed out on our rescue mission to Las Vegas. Their laughter, their trust in me, their confidence that together we could save my sister.
A bitter chuckle left my mouth, and I took an even longer swig, enjoying the burn and the way the alcohol numbed some of my emotions.
The words Domenico’s mother had spoken shortly after his death crossed my mind.
“You sacrificed my boy for your traitorous whore of a sister. He could still be alive! And the man who murdered him? He gets to enjoy himself and your sister. He gets to taunt us with his existence, and you do nothing.”
She was right. I had done nothing to avenge my friends after my sister ran off with Remo. Domenico’s mother didn’t even know that I’d secretly gone to Serafina’s wedding to Remo. Only Dad and Dante knew. What they didn’t know was that I was still in contact with Fina. Sometimes I wondered if Dad suspected it. He didn’t mention it, though. I should have killed Remo that day and tried to kill as many of his brothers as possible before they executed me, but I hadn’t even tried. Not from fear of dying. No, I had seen how much Fina loved that psycho, and I hadn’t been able to hurt her.
I took another swig.
So many years had passed since then, and my view of that day had changed drastically over time. I should have killed Remo. It probably wouldn’t have freed Fina of his hold, but it would have lifted some of the guilt from my shoulders and made this world a safer place.
Maybe I would one day get the chance again, though I doubted it. Dante hadn’t sent me on a mission into Camorra territory ever since, not even close, and I doubted he would any time soon. Maybe he knew that I might hesitate before killing Remo.
I took another swig. Now my continued contact with Fina threatened my marriage to Emma when it already posed a risk to my life.
Fuck. Maybe I needed to cut all ties and make the move I had been too weak to do for myself. I wanted this marriage to work out for Emma’s sake. I couldn’t change my mistakes from the past, but I could try not to ruin more lives with future mistakes.
I took an even bigger swig, then another until my body was too numb to feel.
