I woke to an empty bed the next day. It was seven, later than my usual wake-up time, and the explanation why Samuel wasn’t still in bed, but one look at his side made me doubt he had slept here at all. Maybe he had fallen asleep in his office again.
Sighing, I got ready for the day. I hadn’t heard from Ines yet about the self-help group for Made Men, so I decided to spend the day shopping. Samuel’s comment about my shoes still hung in my head, and maybe a little out of spite, I had every intention of buying a couple more heels for my collection. I hadn’t chatted with Anna since the wedding, so maybe I’d use my shopping spree to send her a couple of pictures of my planned purchases and ask for her professional advice. She was the Outfit’s fashionista after all.
Once I was dressed for the day, I moved downstairs and had breakfast then asked Leo to take me shopping. The moment I reached the car, Leo appeared beside me and held the door open. His expression burst with uncertainty. “Should I help you?” He gestured from me to the back seat.
I smiled. “No, thank you.” I moved my wheelchair even closer to the car until it touched the side of the car. Danilo’s car had quite a few scratches because of this. I engaged the brakes and grabbed the armrest of the door and the seat, then used my legs to push me out of my wheelchair and slide into the back seat.
I disengaged the brakes and gave Leo instructions on how to fold my wheelchair before I closed the door and waited for him to get into the car as well. I could tell that Leo was still unsure how and if he was supposed to assist me, but I knew that was only temporary until we found a routine.
Luckily, Leo knew the best places from his years as Sofia’s and Ines’s bodyguard. I felt strange spending the day shopping like a trophy wife. I’d never considered myself one, but today, I definitely acted like one. Leo remained my shadow throughout the day and had lunch with me in a small restaurant that belonged to an Outfit member so he regarded it as safe.
On our way back home to the mansion, I finally decided to give the dance studio a call and ask for a tryout session. I was giddy and nervous when I hung up. It had been a long time since I had dance lessons.
Leo gave me a worried look through the rearview mirror. “Is this Outfit-owned?”
I frowned. I doubted the Outfit had any dance studios. “I reckon the only dance studios the Outfit would maintain are for exotic dance.”
He burst out laughing but sobered quickly. “Naturally, but if this isn’t Outfit-owned, you need your husband’s permission.”
I bit my lip. It wasn’t new that I needed to ask for permission. Danilo had kept a very close eye on me, but Samuel switched between hot and cold so quickly that I wasn’t sure how much of my daily life he really wanted to be involved in.
“You are right,” I said quietly.
Leo returned to the staff room, and I decided to take a dip in the pool as it was a particularly warm summer day. After changing into my bikini and a bathrobe, I wheeled outside. Steps rang out, and Leo showed up on the terrace. I raised my eyebrows.
“Samuel made it very clear that I should be by your side the moment you are outside.”
I glanced around. Of course, even being in a garden posed the risk of someone shooting you, but I couldn’t see how Leo could stop a bullet from hitting me. I had no intention of living my life in fear. I had survived to live.
“Then maybe a spot in the shade would be good, considering your suit,” I said with a smile as I moved toward the pool. Leo didn’t move into the shade nor did he sit. He followed me but didn’t hover too closely.
I arrested the brakes and shrugged out of my bathrobe so it bunched around my waist.
Leo’s eyes took in my triangle bikini top and exposed belly, and he immediately turned his back to me. I pressed my lips together to hold in laughter.
“I apologize.”
I sighed. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I’m in swimwear.”
“It’s like underwear. It’s not something I should see without prior approval of your husband.”
I didn’t say anything else. My words wouldn’t convince Leo. As Samuel had said, his word was law, not just in our marriage. I set my feet down on the white stone and pushed out of the wheelchair but steadied myself on the handle in the back. Leo turned and made a move as if to come to my side. I raised my free hand, and he froze and looked away again.
I grabbed the railing that led down the stairs into the pool and slowly lowered myself into the water. Once I was fully immersed, I allowed myself to float. I loved the sensation.
Leo moved to the side and settled on a lounge chair. He checked our surroundings, very intent on ignoring me.
After over an hour of swimming and floating, I felt hungry. It must have been close to dinnertime by now, considering the way the sun hung low in the sky. I swam toward the ladder and began my slow ascend, my hands on the railing turning white from their grip. I was on the last step, about to put my foot onto the stone tile, but underestimated how slippery it would be, and I didn’t have the necessary muscle tone to catch myself. Before I could fall back into the water, arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me safely onto the ground. “Thank you,” I said, flustered. Leo’s alert eyes met mine, then he released my waist like he was burned. He took my arm instead, but I was shaky on my feet, so he had no choice but to wrap an arm around my shoulders.
“I apologize for the touch,” he said.
Steps sounded, and Samuel appeared on the terrace, dressed in suit pants and a white shirt. His eyes narrowed on Leo. “I advise you to reevaluate your hand placement.”
Leo looked pained. “I have to steady her.”
Samuel was at our side and took my bodyguard’s place. He immediately lifted me into his arms, which meant his clothes were soaked completely, but he didn’t seem to mind. He regarded Leo intensely.
“She fell,” Leo said.
“You protected her. I just want to make sure you use moments like this not for accidental improper touches that would result in a very unpleasant reaction on my part.”
“I won’t.”
It took every ounce of control I had not to say something, but if I undermined Samuel’s power in front of his soldier, he would be angry. “I’ll take over now.”
Leo gave me a small nod, then strode away.
Samuel’s gaze finally settled on me. “Are you okay?”
“I stumbled but didn’t fall. Leo caught me before I could make impact. I’m fine. He did his job.”
“He didn’t act in a way that made you uncomfortable?”
“No. He touched me as little as possible, but he had to steady me. He avoided looking anywhere near me once he saw I was only in a bikini. He was very careful not to risk your wrath.”
Samuel’s mouth twitched, obviously pleased with the level of control he had over his men. Then his gaze dipped to my body still in his hold. “It must have been difficult for him not to look. You look very beautiful in this little nothing.”
“It covers all the important places,” I argued. It wasn’t even a thong bikini like Anna wore on occasion.
“It covers the places only I have a right to see.”
I rolled my eyes. Then I registered the see-through state of his shirt. “You ruined your clothes.”
“We should dry you.” He carried me over to the towel cabinet, set me down with one arm firmly around my back, and took a towel. He helped me wrap it around my body, then carried me back toward my wheelchair and set me down. He seemed in a better mood than last night, for which I was glad. My belly rumbled. I let out an embarrassed laugh. “Swimming always makes me hungry.”
“Seeing you in your swimwear makes me hungry too.”
I swallowed at the implication. I still wasn’t used to this very sexually open side of Samuel. He had been so very restrained and distant up until our first time.
“Let’s grab dinner first. I don’t want you to starve.”
He took me into the dining room, then disappeared upstairs to change clothes. He returned in a very relaxed style for him. A white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a beige chino, no belt. He sank down across from me. We always sat at the very end of the table so we were close while being able to look at each other’s face. It allowed for actual dinner conversation without having to scream over the long table.
Our cook served food the moment we had taken our seats. Tonight, it was racks of lamb with a salad of wild herbs and roasted carrots. The perfect food for a warm day. She left a bottle of red wine on the table for us. Samuel took the bottle and lifted it. “Would you like a glass?”
I quickly shook my head. I couldn’t drink every day. Samuel poured himself a generous glass. We ate in silence for a while, mainly because I was so hungry and needed to sate my first hunger, not to mention that the lamb melted on your tongue. Eventually, Samuel leaned back in his chair, took a gulp from his wine as he regarded me. “Leo mentioned you made an appointment at a dance studio.”
Anger burst through me. So he wasn’t only listening to my calls but he also reported to Samuel before I could tell him?
“His duty is to me, Emma. There’s no reason to be angry with him.”
I put down my cutlery. “So you suggest I should be angry with you for spying on me.”
Remembering how I’d checked his phone, warmth crept into my cheeks, but I held my head high, too stubborn to back down. Samuel’s cool blue eyes held mine without a flicker of remorse in them. His gaze was unrelenting and dominant. It was a struggle to hold it. Eventually, I dropped my gaze under the pretense of grabbing my glass to drink. I doubted I fooled Samuel.
When I looked up, his expression was pleased. “Why do you want to go to that dance studio?”
“To dance. I would like to dance again. It’s as simple as that.”
Samuel tilted his head, obviously curious.
“It’s a studio that specializes in integrative dance.”
“It is not Outfit-owned, nor do they pay us for protection.”
I huffed. “It’s a dance studio. I doubt there are many under your protection.”
“None, unless you count pole dancing.”
I shook my head in exasperation. “Leo can accompany me there like he does everywhere else.”
“Will you dance with male partners?”
“That depends. Maybe. But of course, I can’t do the same moves as someone without a wheelchair would, so not everything is possible.”
Samuel gave a shake of his head. “I don’t like the idea of you being surrounded by people who aren’t part of our world. They don’t share our values, nor do they know the consequences of breaking them.”
“Leo will be there, and even most Outsiders will be very aware of who you are.”
“I’m a businessman with a net worth of many millions.”
“Yeah. Nobody believes that.”
Samuel shrugged. “I don’t want you to do any sports or anything really outside of our world.”
“But—”
“Emma, I made my decision, and you will obey.”
Tears of anger sprang into my eyes. I had been looking forward to this and he was taking it from me because he wanted to stay in utter control. I pushed back from the table. “I’m not hungry anymore. If you’ll excuse me.” I left before he could say something. I didn’t care if I shouldn’t act like this so shortly into our marriage. He made me utterly furious. There were enough restrictions in my life as a disabled woman in our world. Why did he have to put more on me?
I got ready for bed even though it wasn’t that late yet, but I’d simply had enough of the day. I perched on the edge when Samuel entered. His gaze settled on me. He looked angry. He stalked toward me and towered over me. I jutted my chin out and stared at him. He bent down and cupped my head, his lips crashing down on mine as he pressed me back into the mattress with his body. I was utterly stunned by his actions but kissed him back as his tongue plunged into my mouth. He pulled back slightly, his blond brows in a deep frown. “I don’t think I like your temper.”
He kissed me again before I had a chance to say anything in return. His kiss robbed me of my ability to think, but I was still hurt and angry. I didn’t want him to think I would just tolerate it all. His hand slid down my waist and under my nightgown. I brought my palms against his shoulders and pressed as hard as I could, and tore my lips from his. “No, stop. I don’t want this.”
His fingers had reached my panties by now. His hungry gaze hit me. “Your body speaks a different language.”
I glared. “I guess then it’s for you to decide whether my spoken no is worth honoring or if your will rules in every regard in our marriage.”
Samuel glowered at me. He pulled his hand away from my panties and shoved to his feet. His erection tented his pants. My body still longed for his touch, but I wanted to send a message even if I deprived myself too. “Your no always trumps everything.” He turned on his heel and stalked out of the bedroom, closing the door with more force than necessary.
I closed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart. My panties clung to me with arousal. After I had discarded them, I returned to bed again. I had little hope for sleep, though.
Samuel didn’t come to bed that night, nor the following three nights. Our conversations during dinner were polite but distant. I ached for him and more closeness again. He had dark shadows under his eyes, obviously not getting much sleep in his office, and I also feared he drank more than he should. I wasn’t sure how to address his drinking habits without another major fight.
I waited for him in bed the fifth night in a row, finally deciding I had to be the one who made the first move. Samuel was obviously too stubborn and proud, and maybe he was just content living in solitude, but I could not.
He didn’t like to be mothered, but he was obviously not taking care of himself. After a few more minutes of deliberation, I moved downstairs. Light flooded into the corridor from Samuel’s office. The door was wide open. Maybe this was a sign? Maybe Samuel wanted me to seek him out?
I moved into the doorway and spotted Samuel on the sofa in front of the fireplace, a glass of dark alcohol in his hand. On the fireplace, two photographs were propped up like a memento: one of him and his twin. They were teenagers and looked remarkably alike, though he was a head taller than her already. The other showed him with four young men. I only recognized Renato, but I had a feeling I knew who the three others were.
The flames played on his face and accentuated the darkness that had obviously taken hold of him. I hated to see him brooding in front of the fireplace, sinking deeper and deeper into the past and the mistakes he blamed himself for. Would he allow me to help him? I wanted to console him. I didn’t have much hope that he would open up to me today. That would take time, but maybe he’d allow me to make him feel better. I knew how tightly the shadows from the past could hold on to you, but I had freed myself—mostly—of them. The past still held Samuel in its relentless grip. I had to show him that I was his future, and we could shape it in a way that overpowered any darkness that the past held.
