Giorgia was a stunning bride. Her sweetheart neckline accentuated her showstopper cleavage, and her copper hair contrasted beautifully with the white of her dress.
Renato’s expression was more than appreciative as he took her in, and definitely not fit for church.
I rolled my eyes, annoyed. Samuel squeezed my hand, and I slanted him a look. “Maybe she can get him in line,” he said under his breath as the priest continued the ceremony.
“Made Men can be extremely set in their ways.”
Samuel let out a low chuckle and raised my hand to his lips to kiss my knuckles. The gesture, in public no less, surprised me. “You would know all about it.”
“Indeed,” I whispered, then turned back to the front of the church to watch Renato and Giorgia exchange their vows. During the congratulations in front of the church, my eyes briefly drifted to Fiorentino and his father. While the boy gave me a brief smile, still thankful for my help, his father pointedly ignored me. He was furious because my “meddling” had led to his son being a part of the Outfit.
Afterward, we gathered in a massive ballroom in one of the best hotels in Minneapolis. Giorgia’s mother had picked it because of its sheer size, as she’d invited pretty much everyone she knew.
“Giorgia was worried you’d be mad because their wedding has more guests than ours,” I whispered. Because I was Giorgia’s maid of honor and Samuel was Renato’s best manSamuel was Renato’s best manSamuel was Renato’s best man, we shared a table with their families.
“A man who worries about losing face because his friend has a bigger wedding has already lost.”
I smiled, pleased that Samuel shared my opinion.
“Let me guess: your mother was enraged about the insolence.”
I giggled. “Of course. She’ll be offended for a while.”
Samuel shook his head with a wry smile and took a sip from the champagne.
After dinner, Giorgia and Renato had their dance. I smiled as I watched them, even if Giorgia’s red face told me her husband had said something very naughty. I really hoped she’d manage to rein him in.
When the dance floor opened for the rest of the guests, Samuel rose from his chair and held his hand to me. “Will you give me the honor of a dance?”
I bit my lip with a nod. I took his hand and followed along until we reached the edge of the dance floor. This time, I managed not to roll over Samuel’s feet.
“No bruised feet this time,” he said.
I flushed. “Did you have bruises? I didn’t pay attention to your feet on our wedding night.”
“That’s right. You usually get distracted by the upper half of my body.”
My face grew hot. I looked around at the guests to see if anyone had heard the comment, but the music was too loud. “Samuel.”
He chuckled, obviously amused by my embarrassment.
“Don’t pretend you care about my feet.”
“They look good in heels, so I sometimes look at them,” he said.
The song ended. I licked my lips. “Could we do a dance with me in your arms like at our wedding?”
Samuel bent down and picked me up, then pushed the wheelchair to the side with his foot. I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing us closer as he began to sway to the music. Our gazes locked, and I smiled at how different this dance felt compared to the one at our wedding. We had been strangers back then, and now we weren’t.
I felt comfortable in Samuel’s arms, safe and at home, and I realized this was the first social event where I had thoroughly enjoyed myself.
“I’m really enjoying myself. You are like my personal shield that keeps away the negative energy.”
Samuel’s lips twitched into a brief smile before the aloof expression he usually had in public returned. “I’m glad you feel that way. I want to shield you from all the darkness in our world.”
I kissed his cheek, but he turned his head and pressed a kiss to my lips. When this song ended, Samuel and I returned to the table. Giorgia was there, talking to her mother and new mother-in-law. She sent me a pleading look. “Can I kidnap Giorgia for a moment?”
“Of course,” Giorgia’s mom said. Samuel leaned down to me. “You leave me here with these two gossipmongers?”
“Sorry. I need you to shield me from their negativity,” I teased.
“I feel tempted to spank you for this, but you’d enjoy it.”
My cheeks burst with heat, and I quickly followed Giorgia, who sent me a questioning look. We crossed the room toward the double doors.
Samuel too escaped the table, obviously not in the mood to chat with the “gossipmongers.” His words about spanking echoed in my mind.
“I’m not sure I want to know what goes on in your head,” Giorgia said as we arrived in the empty hallway.
“Samuel just said something…” I shook my head with an embarrassed smile.
“Everyone could see you two were into each other when you danced. It was really sweet. I’m so happy that things are working out for you.”
I took Giorgia’s hand. She was quieter and more withdrawn than her usual perky self. “I hope you’ll find happiness. Renato can count himself lucky to have you as his wife.”
“Oh, he should definitely count himself lucky, but he only thinks about ways he can get lucky tonight.” She rolled her eyes.
I laughed. “Don’t make it too easy for him.”
“I won’t, trust me.”
The Miones had invited my mother, Danilo, and Sofia to celebrate Christmas with us in their mansion. I was excited to have my brother with me for the festivities. I’d never celebrated Christmas without him and hoped it would stay that way.
Danilo and Sofia stayed in a hotel around the corner from the Mione mansion, not taking us up on our offer to sleep in one of the guest rooms. Danilo probably wasn’t too keen on being under the same roof as Samuel or Pietro.
Samuel and I arrived at his parents’ late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve. They also lived in the Lake of the Isles neighborhood with a beautiful lake view. Their mansion was built at the beginning of the 20th century and not newly built like our home.
When Samuel and I entered the mansion’s entryway, my eyes grew wide. Beside the old wooden staircase that led to the first floor was a new elevator. It looked like an alien amid the last century decor. I gaped at Ines and Pietro, then peered up at Samuel. “Did you know?”
He nodded with a small smile. “The same elevator company that did the one in our house installed this.”
I was incredibly touched by the gesture. I moved over to Ines and took her hand. “You really didn’t have to do this. This doesn’t match your house’s historic decor.”
Ines let out a small laugh. “We want you to feel at home here, and that requires you to be able to access every part of this mansion. Would you like to try it out?”
I nodded and pressed the button that opened the doors. It was a tube-shaped elevator, with just enough room for my wheelchair and another person. I rode to the first floor, then back down again and grinned. “It’s perfect, thank you!”
The doorbell rang, and Pietro opened the door for Danilo, Mom, and Sofia. They had just arrived today, so I hadn’t seen them yet.
After greeting Ines and Pietro, Mom immediately came toward Samuel and me. She gave him a dazzling smile before she pulled him into an enthusiastic hug. Danilo gave me a look that almost made me burst out laughing. After hugging Mom, too, I moved toward Danilo to give Mom some time to schmooze Samuel, as she seemed very intent on doing. “At least Mom shows some enthusiasm about her new family.”
Danilo bent down and hugged me. “If I hugged your husband like that, he’d kick my ass. Neither of us are into public displays of affection, and my affection is still limited with him.”
I pursed my lips. “You should try to like him. He’s my husband.”
“Is he a good one? Then I might consider it.”
“Are you a good husband?”
Danilo glanced at Sofia, who stood beside Ines with an arm wrapped around her. Something in his gaze had definitely changed since I’d last seen those two, and when she looked back at him, I realized the same could be said for her eyes. “I think you’re doing better.”
Danilo sent me a stern look, but I merely smiled. Samuel came to my side, probably worried Danilo was asking too many questions about him.
We finally moved into the living room, where a huge real fir illuminated the room with dozens of real candles on its branches. Dinner was delicious, but I was utterly stuffed after four courses. Danilo and Sofia excused themselves for a short walk along the lake while Ines went upstairs to look for the photo albums she wanted to show us. Pietro disappeared into their wine cellar to look for a special drink for the occasion.
Samuel and I went out into the garden to enjoy some fresh air and solitude. I sucked in a deep breath. It was bitterly cold outside. Samuel shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over me.
“Your brother is practically undressing my sister with his eyes,” Samuel muttered as he released my shoulders after a moment.
I stifled laughter. “Sofia did the same, you know?” It had been quite embarrassing and endearing at the same time. I hoped I never looked at Samuel like that, considering I felt the same strong pull toward him that Sofia felt toward my brother. I tried not to think about it too much.
Samuel looked as if he’d chewed something very bitter. “I feel very tempted to leer at you the remainder of the evening just to spite Danilo.”
I laughed. “That’s horrible and childish.” I pursed my lips. “And I don’t want you to leer at me for any other reason than because you feel like it.”
Samuel cupped my chin and tilted my head up, then braced himself on my wheelchair with his other hand, bringing our faces very close together. “Trust me, Emma, I always want to undress you with my eyes and my hands, but unlike your brother, I have an ounce of decency and won’t do it around my parents.”
I rolled my eyes. Danilo and Samuel were like cats and dogs. Samuel pressed his lips against mine. “Especially when you disrespect me like this, I want to kiss some sense into you.”
I gave him a doubtful look, though I had to admit that his kisses definitely wreaked havoc on my senses. He deepened the kiss, his tongue demanding as it teased me. I knew someone could come out at any moment, but I simply couldn’t find the strength to end our kiss. Samuel tasted of the red wine that he’d drunk, tart with a hint of berries. Soon, my skin was flushed, and my lap felt hot. Samuel got down on his knees and pressed his face in my lap with a groan. “I want nothing more than to eat you right here.”
I tugged at his hair. The pressure of his face against where I ached for him and the additional heat almost drove me insane. But we couldn’t do anything in his parents’ house. That would be uncouth, as Samuel would put it. Samuel looked up, and I knew we’d be in trouble. “Don’t,” I whispered, but it sounded half-hearted.
Samuel raised his brows. “Don’t what?” His low voice sent a shiver down my back. He reached one hand under my dress, stroking along the lacy top of my stockings before he pushed two fingers into my panties, finding me damp.
His eyes challenged me. “Don’t what?”
The alcohol had definitely lowered his inhibitions. I wished I had the same excuse, but my body simply ached for his touch.
Steps sounded. My eyes widened in anxiety. Samuel quickly extracted his fingers from under my skirt, pushed them into his mouth to lick them clean, and straightened just when Ines appeared behind the window and raised four thick photo albums with a delighted expression on her face.
I quickly excused myself to the bathroom to freshen up before I returned to the living room. Danilo, Samuel, and Pietro were already tasting some expensive port.
Samuel’s eyes locked on mine, and a new wave of heat rushed through my body. I tore my gaze away as I moved toward Sofia and Ines, who sat at the coffee table with one of the photo albums open in front of them.
The men quickly excused themselves to Pietro’s office, obviously not in the mood to take a stroll down memory lane. It was quite late when Samuel decided it was time to head home, and that was when the atmosphere became uncomfortable.
“Can one of your men drive Sofia and me to our hotel?” Danilo asked Pietro. “I don’t drink and drive since Emma’s accident.”
Pietro nodded. “That seems wise.”
Danilo sent Samuel a hard look. “What about you? I’m sure your father can also spare another man to drive you home.”
Samuel narrowed his eyes at my brother.
“You could spend the night here,” Ines said with a disarming smile at Samuel. “Then we could spend Christmas morning together.”
We were invited for lunch anyway. “That sounds wonderful,” I said quickly. I didn’t want to stab Samuel in the back by expressing my unease of having him drive us home in his state. He didn’t have any outward signs of being drunk, but I doubted the men had held back while they chatted in Pietro’s office. Samuel was confident in his abilities, but I didn’t want to tempt fate, not after my accident.
“Your present is at our house,” Samuel said.
“We can exchange presents later. I don’t mind.”
Samuel looked into my eyes for a while, then gave a terse nod. “Why not?”
Danilo gave me a small nod, obviously pleased with the outcome. I sent him a warning look. A comment from him might provoke Samuel again.
When Samuel and I lay in bed a short while later in the dark, he murmured, “You trust your brother’s judgment more than mine.”
I tensed. He was pressed up behind my back, and in the dark, I wouldn’t have had a chance to make out his expression anyway. “I trust you,” I said. “But I don’t trust the alcohol, especially not when it comes to driving. A drunk driver almost killed me, Samuel.”
“I know,” Samuel rumbled, then pressed a kiss to my neck. “That’s why I agreed to spend the night here.”
When I entered the ballet studio in my tutu, I immediately relaxed despite my previous tension. Samuel and I had had an argument in the morning because I’d found him in his office again. He had fallen asleep at his desk with a half-empty bottle of liquor beside him. For the first couple of weeks after Christmas, it had seemed like he was drinking much less, but maybe he’d simply gotten better at hiding it from me. The thought worried me tremendously. I touched the gold necklace of an origami crane that Samuel had given me for Christmas and took a deep breath.
Dancing had become my new reprieve. In the past, it had been a source of pressure and anxiety for me, so I’d never missed it as much as I thought I would, but now freed of expectations, I had rediscovered my love for ballet.
Our dance teacher and Albert were already there and caught up in a conversation. Leo sank down on the bench in the hallway, right in front of the door to the studio as he’d done the last few times. By now, everyone had grown used to him being there, and I didn’t feel like an alien among them anymore.
Albert smiled when he spotted me and waved me over to him and Natalya. “Natalya and I think we should try a lifting figure today. You are a natural, and it would be amazing.”
My eyes grew wide with surprise. In the past, lifts had always been my favorite, giving me a sense of freedom.
“What do you think?” Natalya asked, pushing one hand into her waist, her fingers tapping against her belly.
Usually, I would have said no. A lift always meant more closeness than other dance figures, and I had a feeling Samuel wouldn’t like that, considering his jealous reactions before. For a Made Man, jealousy was a matter of outward appearances and showing their dominance, not love. But Albert was so obviously not interested in me and women in general that I doubted even the most possessive man would find fault in a lifting figure. “Uhhh. We could try.”
“Wonderful!” Albert touched my shoulder, looking giddy like a child. I stifled a smile at his excitement. It was obvious that ballet was his absolute passion. The other dancers filed in, greeting me with honest smiles. I was so glad that I had found a place among them despite my notorious background.
Natalya clapped her hands. “Time to begin. Today, we’re working on a few new moves.”
After a warm-up, Natalya explained to everyone what she expected of them. I was nervous about our lift as it required me to push halfway out of my wheelchair in a fluid motion so Albert could pick me up, then raise me and twirl me around.
The first take went completely wrong. I pushed up too quickly, and Albert couldn’t grab my waist properly, so I plopped back into the wheelchair with enough force to make it shake violently.
Leo rose from the bench, but I quickly shook my head. Even if I fell, that was part of the process. I didn’t want him to intervene and remind my fellow dancers of my otherness.
“I’m sorry,” Albert spluttered, his face turning red under my bodyguard’s foreboding scrutiny. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
In the mafia world, I was different because of my wheelchair. Here, among fellow dancers with disabilities, I was different because of my background. I simply wanted to belong. Danilo had made me feel that way in the past, and on occasion, when I managed to break through Samuel’s cold shield, especially when we were intimate, he made me feel that way too. But now that he was building another barrier between us because he wanted to hide his alcohol consumption from me, I feared growing closer emotionally was a fight against windmills.
“Ready to try again?” Natalya asked.
I nodded. The timing was better this time, and Albert lifted me out of my wheelchair. I raised my arms over my head and tried to tense my legs as much as I could so my feet were pointy. Most lifting figures required tension in your legs and feet, so we had to modify them to work with my body’s abilities. Albert, too, couldn’t keep me up as long because of his stiff leg.
I grinned when Albert put me down in my wheelchair again. We tried the figure a few more times before we were confident enough to add it to our dance routine.
After our first completed routine, I couldn’t stop smiling, even as I felt out of breath. My body had to grow used to this level of exertion again, but I could already tell it was improving my overall posture.
“Oh,” Albert gasped at the same time as a hush fell over my fellow dancers. I followed their gazes toward the door, and my eyes grew wide in surprise. Samuel stood in the doorway.
“Dammit. I’ve never been into bad boys, but your husband could change my mind,” Albert whispered under his breath.
I couldn’t stop the laugh from bursting out of me.
Samuel’s intent, cool gaze slid from Albert to me. Albert sobered and quickly excused himself, putting some distance between us.
Natalya touched my shoulder. “I suppose you have to leave now.”
I nodded. I hadn’t known that Samuel would pick me up, but I could tell he wanted me to come with him.
“I hope to one day find someone who looks at me the way he looked at you while you danced,” Natalya said. “That kind of adoration is rare.”
I frowned. I wasn’t sure what she saw, but knowing Samuel, I simply couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to feel that kind of emotion in public.
I moved over to him. “I didn’t know you were coming,” I said with a small smile.
“I should have come sooner,” he said simply, his gaze moving to Albert once more.
“He’s gay, okay? And he’s very nice,” I said quickly.
Samuel gave me a small smile. “I know he’s gay. I had my men do a background check on everyone.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. “He finds you very attractive. He said you could make him fall for the bad-boy type.”
Samuel touched my shoulder and gently steered me out into the hallway. His brows drew together. “Then he’s not so different from some women who fancy the bad boy in bed because they don’t know the baggage that comes with this life.”
He grabbed my gym bag from the locker room, then opened the front door for me.
“I should change clothes,” I said, confused.
Samuel shook his head. He pushed me down the ramp to his car parked right outside and lifted me out of the wheelchair. “Stay as you are.”
The look in his eyes and the low timbre of his words melted my insides. I blushed when I realized what Samuel had in mind.
“Does my ballet attire turn you on?” I asked with a teasing smile when Samuel didn’t put me down in the seat right away.
He lowered me into the seat but stayed bent over me. His eyes were practically devouring me whole. “You always turn me on, but right now, all I can think about is to claim your pussy in that tutu you’re wearing.” His lips claimed mine for a fierce kiss before he straightened and closed the door. The taste of whisky lingered on my lips from his kiss.
My belly tightened with apprehension, but I didn’t want to say anything and cause a repeat performance of the fight in the morning.
Samuel started the car the moment he was behind the wheel and raced away.
He took my hand as he drove us home. My body already rang with desire. It was still early, much earlier than Samuel’s usual time to return home from work.
The moment we pulled up in front of the house, Samuel shoved open the door and raced around the hood. He picked me up and carried me inside, then kicked the front door shut. Instead of carrying me upstairs, he turned and pressed my back against the door, then kissed me hard. He ground his cock between my legs, showing me how much I turned him on. I gasped into his mouth, delirious from his touch and his obvious hunger for me. He dry humped me as we kissed almost desperately. I could feel myself getting closer and closer. Samuel straightened suddenly and stumbled into his office with me in his arms. He set me on his desk, then swiped all the folders and sheets off the surface with one sweeping motion. I laughed, feeling almost lightheaded with desire. He pushed me down until I splayed on his desk, my legs spread because he stood between them.
His eyes raked over me. “Fuck.” He knelt and pushed up my skirt, then kissed my pussy through my leotard. I wasn’t wearing tights, only blush-colored ballet ankle warmers because it was always very warm in the studio. The leotard was quite tight and not easy to move to the side. Samuel let out a growl as he tried to push it to the side to eat me.
“I’ll have to pull it down,” I whispered between giggles and moans.
“No time,” he growled and unsheathed a knife from his chest. He cut through the fabric of my leotard and panties.
“Samuel!” I gasped in shock, but his mouth pressed against my pussy, and I lost the ability to speak.
I came not long after but never got time to catch my breath because Samuel ripped down his zipper and pulled out his cock. He gripped my hips and looked at me full of hunger and possessiveness as he pushed into me in one hard thrust.
His eyes fell shut, and I released a long moan at the stretched sensation. I could feel every nerve ending in my pussy. Samuel opened his eyes and surprised me when he bent forward and cupped my head, his thumbs stroking along my temple gently. He slid out of me gradually, only to glide back in even slower. His eyes locked on mine as he moved unhurriedly, his lips close but not touching mine. I couldn’t look away. This felt more intimate than ever before, as if Samuel was trying to convey something with his eyes.
I remembered Natalya’s words and wondered if she’d really seen what she described. If Samuel felt more for me than he could admit. “You are amazing,” he rasped as he made love to me.
God, this felt like making love. Was it?
Could this really be love?
SAMUEL
Emma searched my eyes, hoping to find proof of deeper feelings in them. Fuck, and I was so tired of hiding my feelings, so fucking tired of keeping her at arms’ length when I wanted her close, closer than I’d ever wanted someone.
I wanted to protect her, but she was already too deeply involved in my problems as it was. And so for the first time since I’d married Emma, and the first time in a very long time, I lowered my guard and allowed someone to see beyond my cold mask. I allowed Emma to see what I felt for her. Emotions I couldn’t put into words yet. Sometimes I wanted to have her as close as possible, and sometimes, particularly when she commented about my drinking, I wanted to push her far away.
Tears welled in her eyes, and her breathing hitched. She opened her mouth to say what I couldn’t say because her eyes had screamed her feelings for me for a while. I kissed her to silence her, then murmured. “No words, Emma. Not now, not yet. Let me be the first to say them. Soon, I’ll be ready.”
She nodded and swallowed hard.
“Until then, let me show you what I feel.”
I made love to Emma until we both found release, then I sat back in my desk chair and pulled her on my lap.
She snuggled against me and touched my heart. “I’m glad you finally trust me enough.”
I brushed her hair away from her face. “It’s not a matter of trusting you. I simply want to protect you from certain aspects of me.”
Emma sat up. “Samuel, I’m not blind. I’m not stupid. I know you’re struggling, and it doesn’t lessen my feelings for you. You’re human. It’s okay not to always be okay.”
I cupped her cheek. “I’ll be Underboss soon. The men I’ll rule over don’t want their leader to be human, Emma. They want someone who appears bigger than life, someone who makes them believe he’s worth dying for. I’m a symbol, and that symbol can’t have cracks. I’m not the only one with a dark past or problems, but I’ll have to make sure nobody knows.”
She pursed her lips. “I know your men expect you to be strong, but emotions don’t make you weak. Even Dante showed emotions after his first wife died. He was in mourning.”
“For a short while and it never stopped him from being cruelly effective in his job. I lost friends and a twin. That’s not the same as losing a wife.”
She sighed. “I understand being strong for your men, but I’m your wife. I swore to be by your side in good and in bad times, so let me be there for you.”
I brushed a strand from her sweaty forehead. “It’s my job to protect you.”
Her expression darkened. “Yes, and it’s my job to take care of you. Let me help you. Don’t push me away, don’t keep me out. That hurts me more than your problems ever could.”
I kissed her. “I’ll try. I’m used to keeping people out, so this will be new for me.”
She smiled slightly. “That’s okay. I’ll hold you accountable, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Maybe it would be a good start to talk about your drinking.”
I tensed, my defensive walls jumping into place. “I drink often. You’re right.”
“Every day,” Emma said quietly.
I gritted my teeth. “How would you know?”
“Because I can smell it on you, Samuel. I thought you wanted to confide in me?”
I sighed, not liking feeling cornered like that. I felt the strong desire to lock her out again and raise my protective walls. “I don’t keep track, but you could be right. I have been drinking a bit more than I should in recent months.”
Emma nodded, her eyes soft and understanding.
“Alcohol kept me company and listened when I couldn’t open up to anyone else. Now that I have you to confide in, that won’t be an issue anymore.”
Emma gave me a small, hopeful smile, but I could tell she wasn’t quite convinced. Neither was I, but I had survived torture and several attempts on my life. Alcohol really wasn’t an opponent I was worried about.
“My father asked me about children today,” I said. “After the thing with Serafina, he’s always concerned something could happen to me too. I suppose he needs to make sure our bloodline continues.”
Emma regarded me with wide eyes. “Okay.” She tilted her head curiously. “Your mom got really emotional over photos of you, Serafina, and Sofia as babies. Maybe that’s why he feels like grandchildren would be good, to cheer up your mom, you know?”
I nodded. “She’s made peace with having lost Serafina, but sometimes it catches up with her again. That’s why I knew it was a bad idea to look at those photos. Are you still against kids?”
She frowned. “I was never against having kids, Samuel. I’m just worried. Do you want children now because it’s expected of us?”
I sighed. Of course, it was expected of us. “It’s expected, but that’s not why I want children.”
“Then why do you want them?”
“Family is the only place in our world where you can really be yourself.”
Emma bit her lip, her eyes warm and loving. “I know. With you, I don’t feel different. I just feel like me because you only see me.”
I cupped her cheeks. “I feel the same with you.” I knew I still wasn’t the epitome of emotionally available, but I wanted to let Emma in.
“I want children. I have always dreamed of having my own family one day. For a long time, I didn’t dare dream it could become a reality,” Emma whispered. She searched my eyes. “Do you want them now?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure if it was the right time for kids yet, but would there ever be a right time? Getting Emma pregnant would definitely get some people off our backs, and maybe it would help me focus on the present and not let the past catch up with me so often. Perhaps it would help get a better handle on my drinking habits too. Emma was right. They had become a little erratic over time.
“I think you should stop taking the pill, and we should let fate decide if we’re ready for kids.”
Emma blew out a breath, her eyes nervous. “Okay. I only have five more pills, and I won’t start the new prescription after that.”
I wrapped my arms around her tightly, my heart speeding up. I knew this was a monumental step that would change everything, even more than a marriage had.
“Can you try to drink less if we do this? Not during the day and maybe not every day?” Her face filled with anxiety over my reaction, and my first instinct was to get angry because I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do, but in this case, I understood Emma’s reasoning.
“I’ll drink less, don’t worry.”
Emma was concerned I had lost control over my drinking, but I would show her that I never relinquished control.
