For our first wedding anniversary, Samuel and I decided to head out to the Mione lake lodge about two hours outside of Minneapolis. I had never been there, only at the Cavallaro lodge, but that had been years ago.
The wooden lodge sat tight on the edge of the lake without any other houses in sight. Across the lake, I spotted another similar lodge, but apart from that, the location provided solitude.
I was equally excited and nervous about our trip. My period was overdue by five days, but I hadn’t dared take a test yet. The last two times I’d been overdue by a day and tested, the result had been negative. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. Samuel and I had been only trying for six months, so I knew it was still early, and I couldn’t expect to become pregnant right away. I had packed three pregnancy tests but wasn’t sure if I should really take them. If they were negative, that would overshadow our trip, and I really wanted to enjoy our anniversary.
“You’re very quiet,” Samuel said as he helped me into my wheelchair. A ramp led up to the porch that went around the house.
I smiled at him. “That’s usually your part.”
He chuckled. “It is, which is why I notice when you don’t talk to me.”
“I’m fine, really. Just thinking about the upcoming fundraiser I’m organizing with Priest Agnello.”
Samuel checked our surroundings with a vigilant expression, then keyed in the code so the door of the lodge opened. “Let me know if you need additional help or if it would help if I showed my face at the fundraiser. I want you to succeed.”
I moved inside. “Your face always convinces people to do things.”
Samuel chuckled as he turned and headed toward our car to grab our bags. It smelled freshly cleaned, and a huge bouquet of white-and-blush-colored roses sat on the big kitchen island. A similar bouquet had waited for me this morning on the dining room table, but we hadn’t exchanged gifts yet and would do it after dinner. I smiled as I scanned the big window front overlooking the lake. Samuel came in with our luggage and carried it into the only bedroom on the lower floor. Next, he carried in a cooler with the meat and fish he wanted to put on the barbecue for us tonight and tomorrow. I loved this down-to-earth side of Samuel. He’d hunted the meat himself a few months ago during a trip with his dad. Whenever he barbecued meat, he seemed the most relaxed.
A few bottles of red wine sat on the kitchen counter, and in the fridge, I found my favorite white wine, a Pecorino, my favorite Italian grape at the moment. Samuel probably expected that we’d have a glass of wine tonight for dinner.
I bit my lip. I couldn’t drink until I knew I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe Samuel would suspect something if I didn’t drink anything on our anniversary, even if I’d reduced my intake in the past few months very drastically because of our wish to have a baby.
Samuel too had reduced his alcohol consumption at home, but I wasn’t sure if he simply drank more when he was at work. He often smelled of spearmint chewing gum when he came home. I wanted to believe him, but I knew addiction was a difficult opponent, even if Samuel seemed reluctant to see his alcohol consumption as problematic.
I decided not to take the test right away. I wanted to enjoy the evening without disappointment. Samuel began to prepare the deer steaks and scallops for our main course of surf and turf, while I took care of the creamy polenta and salad that would go with it. For dessert, Samuel and I decided to enjoy the macarons that Anna had sent us from Paris as a gift.
Samuel and I had dinner on the porch in the candlelight. It was warm enough, and the serenity of the lake was marvelous. When Samuel offered me a glass of wine, I shook my head. “I feel tired from the drive. If I drink now, I’ll just fall asleep, and I don’t want that on our anniversary.”
“I don’t want that either,” Samuel said with a suggestive smile as he took a sip from his wine.
After dinner, we settled on the hammock facing the lake, and I indulged in the macarons while Samuel enjoyed a digestif. I tried not to pay attention to how much he was drinking because I didn’t want it to overshadow our trip. We linked hands and sat in silence, my head on Samuel’s shoulder, for over an hour. I loved these moments of peaceful quiet when neither of us felt the need for idle chitchat.
“How about we exchange gifts now?” Samuel asked as he pulled a small box from behind his back.
“Let me get mine,” I said.
Samuel got up. “Let me. Where is it?”
“On the kitchen island.”
He returned a couple of minutes later with the long, narrow package.
“You first,” I said.
Samuel opened his gift, and his eyes lit up with awe. I bought a custom-made hunting knife for Samuel with a mammoth tooth for the handle and Samuel’s initials carved into it. “This is beautiful. I’ll take it with me for the hunting trip with your brother, Leonas, and my dad.”
I smiled, glad he loved it.
Samuel bent forward and kissed me. “This is the best gift I ever got.”
He held the small box out to me. “Your turn.”
I took the box and unwrapped it, then opened it. My lips parted. It was a delicate gold bracelet with a ballet shoe pendant studded with small diamonds. Samuel helped me put it on. “It’s beautiful.” I leaned forward and kissed Samuel.
Our kisses quickly became heated. Samuel got down on his knees in front of me, lifted my skirt, and ate me out. I raked my fingers through his hair as his tongue and lips teased me to my first orgasm with a beautiful view of the dark lake.
I was still panting when Samuel picked me up and carried me inside. He kicked down a few cushions and blankets, then put me down on the floor in front of the big window before he got out of his clothes and covered my body with his. He held my gaze as he entered me slowly and didn’t speed up as he kissed me.
This felt like making love again. Sometimes Samuel and I were hungry and urgent, and that was when we fucked, but sometimes our touches were loaded with emotions that Samuel never put into words, and I didn’t either because he wanted to be the first.
Afterward, Samuel stayed in me, my face cradled in his palms. The look in his eyes made my throat feel tight. “It’s hard for me to put words to my feelings. Loving someone gives them power over you.”
I ran my hands through his hair. I supposed with his experience of betrayal from when his twin ran away with Remo Falcone, love really seemed like a risk.
“Do you think your feelings will become stronger if you admit to them?” I asked softly.
“No,” Samuel murmured. “I don’t think they can.”
I bit my lip. I wanted to say it, wanted to show Samuel that sometimes it took a leap of faith. Samuel touched my lips. “Me first.”
I waited, and he lowered his head and brushed his lips over my ear. “I love you, Emma.”
I swallowed thickly before I whispered, “I love you, Samuel.”
Samuel buried his face in my neck, and for a while, neither of us said anything. My body had felt tired before, but now I doubted I could fall asleep anytime soon.
After a while, I needed to pee, so I wiggled. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Samuel pushed up with a groan and plopped back on his back. I cocked my eyebrow. With a grin, he pushed to his feet and got my wheelchair from the porch.
Once I was in the bathroom, I hesitated. Maybe now was the time to be brave. I opened my toilet bag and pulled out a pregnancy test.
After I’d peed on it, I put it down on the counter and waited.
“Emma? You’ve been in there for a while. Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath. “It’s not locked. You can come in.”
Samuel opened the door and peered in cautiously. He scanned me, then his eyes landed on the pregnancy test on the counter. His eyes widened. “Are you?”
“I don’t know. I’m overdue.”
Samuel moved closer, almost cautiously, and touched my shoulder.
“I’m scared it’s negative.”
“We haven’t been trying for long,” he said.
“I know, but this time, it really feels like I’m pregnant, and I know I’ll be disappointed if I’m not.”
I glanced at my watch. It was time. I picked up the pregnancy test, and my face burst into a smile.
Pregnant.
SAMUEL
My heart hammered in my chest when Emma picked up the test. I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. I had absolutely no clue about pregnancy tests. The only time I’d witnessed someone taking a test had been with Serafina, but back then, I’d been so shocked that I hadn’t paid attention at all.
“I’m pregnant,” Emma whispered, tears filling her eyes.
I blew out the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. I stared down at the test, then back at Emma’s stunned face.
“Are you happy?”
I nodded and bent down, kissing her cheek and lips. “I am. I’m also a little shocked. I don’t know why.”
I felt a million things all at once. We had been trying for months, but this was the first time it really sank in. We’d become parents. I’d become a father with a whole new set of responsibilities and another person, a small baby, to protect.
“I am too. Shocked, I mean, and happy and scared. Maybe even terrified.” I pulled back a little and looked at Emma’s widened eyes. “Are we ready to become parents?”
I chuckled. “I think we have to be.”
Emma nodded, then looked back down at the test. “Oh wow.” On the one hand, seeing Emma’s shock and nervousness was consoling, but on the other hand, it made me realize that we’d both be thrown into this.
I took her hand and kissed it. “You’ll be a great mom. You love to take care of people.”
“I thought you didn’t like it when I mothered you,” Emma said with a teasing smile.
“Sometimes I don’t, and sometimes I do, but I’m sure a baby will love it.”
She giggled, then shook her head again. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. After laying her on the mattress, I stretched out beside her, pulling her close.
In many regards, I would have to do even better in the future. Emma needed me now more than ever. I hadn’t been completely honest with her regarding my alcohol consumption. I had tried to drink far less, but it had proven challenging, so I’d mostly drunk at work or at night when Emma had been asleep.
Now that she had to take care of the baby growing inside her, I could confide in her even less. I didn’t want her to worry. This was my personal battle, and I was determined to win.
