After several moments of awkward silence between Samuel and me, he asked in a polite voice, “Do you need anything?” His twin sister had always been called the ice princess, but he was certainly an ice prince, as gorgeous and cold as one.
His question was probably innocent, but I couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t have worded it that way if I weren’t disabled. Maybe he would have asked if I wanted a drink or if he could bring me anything, but asking if I needed anything made it sound like I couldn’t get it myself. “No, I’m fine.”
Another couple came our way. I quickly plastered a smile on my face.
When the attention and fake congratulations got too much, I headed for the restroom. Luckily, there was one on the ground floor, as there wasn’t an elevator in the house. I could only hope that it would offer enough space for my wheelchair. I opened the door. It was a spacious bathroom, but even so, my wheelchair wouldn’t fit inside.
To my relief, the distance between the door and the toilet wasn’t too long, and there was the sink and the doorknob I could hold on to, so I should be fine. I briefly considered asking Danilo to help me with the wheelchair, but he’d been in conversation with Dante and Mr. Mione, and I didn’t want to ask for help in front of so many people.
“Do you need help?” Samuel asked, making me gasp. I hadn’t heard him approach, but he stood a few steps behind me in the lobby, regarding me with a frown.
Samuel was the last person I wanted help from. I didn’t want him to think he had to become my caregiver—which he probably already did—because that wasn’t the case. I could do things on my own, even if it sometimes took a bit longer than it would for others. All that stopped me from being completely independent was inaccessible local conditions.
I quickly shook my head, my cheeks flushing. Samuel’s brows pulled together, and I wanted nothing more than to bolt. Part of me wanted to scream in frustration. Mrs. Mione appeared behind her son, and now I really wished the ground would swallow me. I hoped no more people would join them.
“Let me have a word with Emma, okay?” she said to Samuel, who nodded and returned to the living room, probably relieved he wouldn’t have to deal with me. People often acted awkward around disabled individuals. I remembered how Danilo had initially treated me for lack of knowing any better and out of a feeling of helplessness. But now? He knew exactly when I needed help and what to do to make things easier for me.
Mrs. Mione smiled kindly. She was a breathtakingly gorgeous woman with a natural elegance that few possessed. “I’m sorry we don’t have a more accessible bathroom.”
I shrugged with a small smile. “Few people do. Don’t worry.” I knew that not every place I’d visit in the future would be accessible. It was something I took into consideration. When we visited other houses, I often didn’t drink anything before or during the trip to avoid having to use the bathroom, but I’d been too nervous today.
Mrs. Mione approached me, peering into the bathroom thoughtfully. “Do you want me to push you in, and then I could help you…”
“I can go in myself, but it would be great if you could remove the wheelchair so I can close the door. I’ll call you once I’m done and need it again.”
“Of course,” she said, but I could hear the hint of hesitation in her voice. People were always worried about doing something wrong.
I wheeled into the bathroom, then gripped the washstand, which was a solid marble surface on a wooden table. It could easily hold my weight. When I pulled myself out of the wheelchair to stand, I noticed Mrs. Mione’s surprise. Many people thought that my using a wheelchair meant I couldn’t use my legs at all. I rarely bothered to explain the details of my condition to them. Most people preferred to remain in their prejudiced bubble anyway.
Mrs. Mione waited until I stood safely before she removed the wheelchair and closed the door.
After I was done and had washed my hands, I called her again. She carefully opened the door and peeked in as if she worried that I might not be decent. I gave her a smile and returned to my wheelchair, wishing my mind would come up with something to say to stop the embarrassing silence.
Mrs. Mione backed away to give me room to exit the bathroom.
“Thank you for your help, Mrs. Mione.”
She shook her head and gently touched my shoulder. “I told you to call me Ines. Hearing that name makes me think of my mother-in-law. And I’m glad I could help you.”
I didn’t like to ask for help, but in instances like this, I was glad I hadn’t refused her.
Her eyes moved to something on the ground, and she bent down, picking up the small origami clover I must have dropped. She regarded it curiously, then peered up at me. “Is this yours?”
“Yes. I crafted it this morning for a little extra luck.”
“Wow. You did this? It’s gorgeous.”
I smiled. “Thank you. This is an easier piece. I started the hobby shortly after my father’s death. I needed something to keep busy, and pottery turned out to be too much of a mess for our housekeeper.”
“You’ll have to show me one day.”
“Of course, Mrs. Mione.”
Ines raised her eyebrows.
“Ines,” I said with a hint of embarrassment for calling her by her last name again. It was strange to think she’d be part of my family in two years. It still hadn’t sunk in that I was going to marry Samuel.
Today’s celebrations were the reason I rarely enjoyed attending social events anymore. The backstabbing, fake-smiling, lies-spewing way of many people in our world brought out the rage I tried to keep in check. Which was of course hypocritical of me, considering I gave them the same fake smile while I killed a considerate number of them in my head, especially after how disgusting some of them had reacted to the announcement of my engagement.
I went out into our backyard after I’d left Emma with my mother in front of the guest bathroom. The moment I was outside, I took a deep breath. I’d kept up my pleasant mask inside, especially with all the other Underbosses in attendance. Well, not all of them. Cincinatti hadn’t been invited. Danilo had insisted they stay away after what they did to Emma. I didn’t really care about their attendance.
A hand touched my shoulder, and I tensed briefly before Dad came into view. He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag before he stared up at the darkening sky and blew out the smoke.
“Don’t let Mom see you.”
“She’ll smell it on me. She always does,” he said with a small smile. “Once life’s less stressful, I’ll give it up.”
“When’s that ever going to be the case?”
“One day,” Dad said, then chuckled as if he’d made a good joke. “Did you want to be alone?”
I shrugged. I had wanted to be alone, but Dad knew when to be silent. His presence hardly ever bothered me. “I don’t mind.”
Dad regarded me from the side. “A wife has to make you feel at home. Everything else is fleeting, but that feeling of coming home whenever you see someone? That’s what matters.”
“I told you I’m okay with the marriage. Emma is a pretty girl, and I’m sure she and I will get along.” I gritted my teeth. “But I have a bad track record with people who depend on me, and she’s more dependent than others.”
“Nobody could have protected your sister, and your friends…they were Made Men. They could take care of themselves.”
I nodded. “I should go back. I don’t want to leave Emma alone.”
It was a surprising thought, but I definitely felt protective of her. I turned and went back inside. Emma was talking to Anna and Sofia, so I decided to go to Renato instead, who was talking to the future Underboss of Columbus, Cosmo. I nodded at them both.
Renato clapped my shoulder.
“This came as a surprise,” Cosmo said. I could see the curiosity in his eyes. If he thought I’d give him any details about why the arrangement came to be, he hadn’t paid much attention to my reputation.
“I prefer to keep my cards close to my chest.”
Renato smirked.
“A noble thing…” He kept droning on and on, but I mostly ignored him. The verdict over our engagement was pretty clear. People didn’t understand and even openly disapproved. I didn’t care. But even now, I could see how uncomfortable Emma felt.
“She doesn’t look like she hit the jackpot with you,” Renato murmured.
Everyone thought Emma should be ecstatic about this bond, a bond that saved her in many people’s eyes, but Renato was right. True delight definitely wasn’t visible on her face. But I couldn’t tell whether this was because of people’s tasteless whispers or because she didn’t want to marry me.
I was eight years older than her. Maybe that was an issue. I strode over to her. “Do you have a moment?”
“Of course,” Emma said, her cheeks turning red as she followed me. I led her out onto the patio of our backyard. People would still be able to see us but not hear us.
Emma peered up at me with an uncertain smile. I sat on one of the chairs so we’d be at eye level. I didn’t want to stare down at her the entire time.
Her smile became a bit broader, but she sobered considerably when I didn’t smile in return. I glanced out over our vast backyard, wondering what I was doing. “Danilo told you yesterday?”
She peered down at her elegant fingers. She still needed a ring. This announcement had come sooner than expected, and my mind had been far from thoughts about weddings or engagements these past few years.
“He did last night.”
“It must have come as a surprise.”
She smiled strangely down at her hand as if trying to imagine herself with a ring but couldn’t. “It did. A day isn’t much time to prepare for an engagement you didn’t expect. You had more time, I suppose.”
She peered up then, and her brown eyes searched mine as if she were testing her statement’s truth. I assumed Danilo hadn’t revealed when we’d struck the deal since it would raise too many questions. Obviously, she was wary of how the engagement had come to be. She had every reason to be, but she would never find out the distasteful truth from me. For one, it would crush not just her but also Sofia. And I didn’t really see how the truth would help anyone in this case. “Indeed, it didn’t come as out of the blue for me as it did for you.”
Emma nodded, then she shrugged. “It’ll have sunk in by our wedding. Two years is a long time.”
“It is.”
“A lot can happen before then,” she said in a strange tone. Her eyes became distant as if she remembered something. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was thinking about Cincinatti. Maybe she worried I’d change my mind and cancel our engagement, but I had no intention of doing that. From our short interactions, I could already tell that Emma was pleasant to be around, and she was very pretty.
“That’s true, but some things won’t as of today.”
She tilted her head curiously but then glanced back out toward the backyard.
“You don’t look happy with the engagement.”
“And I should definitely be happy, considering everything.” Her voice had taken on an almost petulant tone.
I frowned, not sure why my words had affronted her. I pushed my hands into my pockets. It was strange thinking that this girl, then woman, would be my wife, my responsibility for the rest of our lives. I’d grown up with a strong sense of protection toward my twin sister, but she was gone—part of which was my fault. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being responsible for Emma. She’d already suffered a lot in her short life. Her tragic accident and her father’s death. Being married to me wouldn’t be the blessing and gift so many people believed it to be.
People judged me by my looks and my standing. They saw the shiny outside, not the abyss beneath the misleading outer layer.
“Are you?”
I slanted her a questioning look.
“Happy, I mean.” Her voice had become painfully quiet.
“Since when has happiness ever been a deciding factor when it comes to marriage in our world?” I asked. I didn’t want to lie to her and pretend this engagement made me ecstatic. Emma flinched. I considered saying something else to soften my words, but everything that came to mind would’ve sounded fake.
“It’s for the good of our families.”
She gave a small nod. “For the good of our families.”
