One year later
17 years old
I hadn’t really dared to dream about this day, but I could finally pick out my wedding dress today.
Mom had already cried twice before we even set foot in the bridal store in the afternoon. Anna and Sofia joined us, as did Giorgia. She was the only one from my old group of friends I still met with. Most of the others had become estranged in the months after the accident. I had known many of them from ballet, and since I didn’t dance anymore… I didn’t want to dwell on it.
While I wasn’t as close to Anna and Sofia as Giorgia, I was still happy for their presence. If I’d had to go alone with Mom, this day would have quickly become strenuous.
When Mom and I entered the store, the sales associate gave me an encouraging smile, which had quite the opposite effect. Did she think it would be difficult to find something for me?
Luckily, Sofia and Anna were already there, perched on a plush white sofa and having champagne. Anna got up first, dressed in a plaid miniskirt and over-the-knee boots, and came over to hug me. “I’m so excited for you.”
I grinned, then motioned at her glass. “They ditched the drinking age for you?”
Anna gave me a coy smile, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief as she tossed her sleek brown hair over her shoulder. “I’m resourceful.” She turned to the small side table and filled two more glasses with champagne while Sofia hugged me. I almost asked her how things were going with her wedding planning, but I had a feeling that wasn’t the best topic right now. Things between her and Danilo seemed to be tense for whatever reason.
Anna handed me a champagne flute. “Here. Have a sip.”
Mom’s eyes widened in alarm when she stepped in, followed by the sales associate. I wasn’t sure what they’d had to discuss behind closed doors. Mom had probably preselected wedding gowns for me to try on. If I let her, she’d tell me what to wear down to my underwear.
Anna strode toward Mom and handed her the remaining flute with a conspiratorial smile. “We must celebrate today, don’t you think, Mrs. Mancini?”
Mom was immediately lost to Anna’s charming ways. Sofia rolled her eyes to the heavens and exchanged a look with Anna before we all clinked glasses. I took a sip from the bubbly liquid and felt a buzz spread through my body. I had been allowed to drink alcohol only twice before, so my body reacted immediately. But I was glad for the pleasant warmth and the way it soothed my nerves.
“Your friend Giorgia’s still missing, right?” Anna asked as she plopped back down on the sofa and threw one elegant leg over the other. I felt a brief pang but immediately shoved the notion aside.
“That girl has her priorities wrong,” Mom clipped. “She’s probably still having breakfast.”
Heat traveled up my throat on Giorgia’s behalf.
I was about to say something when Giorgia stumbled in a couple of minutes later, looking flushed and her long red hair all over the place. Her older brother gave me a brief nod before he disappeared without a word. She gave me a big grin and hugged me.
“She could be such a pretty girl if she just lost all that extra weight,” Mom whispered.
I gave her a warning look. “Mom.” I hated when people said I would be pretty if I wasn’t in a wheelchair, and Mom did exactly the same with Giorgia now.
Giorgia was curvy, definitely more curvy than was deemed acceptable in our world. Women were supposed to have a model figure, and I didn’t mean plus-sized models who slowly conquered the runways. Our world still only regarded skinny women as beautiful. The judgmental nature of our world often made me resent it, but it was the world I knew, and I couldn’t imagine leaving it.
Giorgia scanned the display of dresses before she sank down beside me in an armchair. “You’ll look gorgeous in all of these dresses. They are stunning.”
“We can come here when you marry.”
Giorgia gave me an amused look. “I don’t think that’ll be happening any time soon, and they don’t have dresses above size six here.”
“Oh,” I said. “We’ll find something.”
“Today’s your day, Emma. Pick the dress of your dreams.”
“Maybe something that’ll distract people from her wheelchair,” Mom said with a fretful expression.
Giorgia widened her eyes comically. I just shrugged. Mom didn’t mean to hurt me. She wanted me to experience things “like normal people do” as she once said to me. I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I’d feel normal if she didn’t treat me like I was not.
Luckily, the sales associate paid more attention to me than Mom’s constant comments.
I was nervous when I wheeled into the changing room to try on the first few dresses. “Do you need help?” the sales associate asked.
“I’ll help her,” Giorgia quickly said before Mom could do so. She stepped into the changing room with me and closed the curtain.
I gave her a grateful smile.
It took a while for us to close the delicate buttons in the back, and eventually, the sales associate helped as well, but when I turned to the mirror and saw myself, tears stung my eyes. The sales associate explained how we could still shorten the skirt and customize everything to my desires, but I could only nod and stare. For some reason, I’d worried I wouldn’t feel pretty in a wedding dress. I realized it was a silly concern now. But weddings in our world were bound by so many traditions that seemed to leave even less room for a girl like me.
Giorgia gave me a thumbs-up, beaming all over her face. I allowed my fingers to stroke the fine material of the skirt. It was sheer but with a fine sheen and in a beautiful eggshell color. The sales associate had discouraged me from wearing a sweeping underskirt because it would push up when I was seated in the wheelchair, and now, in a more flowy skirt, I had to agree with her. It looked elegant instead of like I’d tried to squeeze myself into a seat. “The embroidery is so beautiful. You look amazing,” Giorgia said softly, her eyes actually glistening. She wasn’t a crier, so I could feel my own eyes water at the sight of her show of emotion. I touched the fine lace edging, which accentuated the low sweetheart neckline. I’d never put this much focus on my décolletage, but I had to admit it had a nice effect.
Taking a deep breath, I wheeled out of the changing room. Anna set down her champagne glass, her mouth parting in an O. Sofia’s expression brightened too. Of course, Mom being Mom, only gave a nod, then narrowed her eyes thoughtfully and began to circle me, looking for ways to let the wheelchair disappear.
“It’s beautiful, it is,” she said slowly. “But I wonder if a more sweeping dress would be better…”
“It’s perfect!” Anna said as if she hadn’t heard my mother. She got up and nodded appreciatively as she motioned to my waist. “The corset perfectly accentuates your narrow waist and décolletage. If you’re up for it, I’d say you should wear really high heels.”
I shrugged. “Why not? It’s not like I’ll have to walk in them.”
Sofia and Anna looked uncertain if they should laugh, but Giorgia, knowing me better, burst out laughing. Mom’s mouth pinched, but she took a few steps back, letting me spend time with the girls. She approached the sales associate. Despite what everyone else thought, I knew she’d ask for a sweeping dress.
Anna moved toward the shelves with pumps and picked a few elegant, pointy heels. She held up a pair of gorgeous Mary Jane pumps dressed in pearls and crystals. Seeing that they were Jimmy Choos, I knew the price would match the extraordinarily slim heels and be outrageously high. Anna knelt before me. “May I?”
I nodded, a bit surprised as she put on the heels. I usually never wore heels. It had never made sense, but now, looking at myself in the mirror with these beautiful shoes, I regretted all the missed opportunities.
“Perfect!” Anna said.
“Yes,” I agreed, promising myself to wear heels more often in the future.
Mom urged me to try on three more dresses, but I couldn’t shake the image of the first dress I’d tried on, especially with the heels. I felt beautiful, so I picked my first choice despite Mom’s attempts to steer me toward another dress.
I wouldn’t try to cover up my wheelchair. I wanted to look beautiful in my wheelchair, and if people couldn’t see me like that because of a piece of metal, then that was their problem.
Still, I couldn’t deny that I wanted Samuel to find me beautiful.
Two months before the wedding, Samuel came to Indianapolis and visited me at our home. I still lived with Danilo even though that was supposed to be a temporary thing. Mom hadn’t coped very well after Dad’s death, and taking care of me—which she insisted on doing to an extent I definitely didn’t require—took too much of a toll on her. Danilo hadn’t minded letting me live with him, and I’d preferred it too. He worked a lot and didn’t hover like Mom did.
“What does he want?” I asked Danilo, who’d announced Samuel’s visit to me just an hour before it was supposed to happen. So typical. I had been busy crafting the origami flowers I wanted to use as place cards for our wedding tables. I was almost done with them but would have to start crafting the white cranes I wanted to use as decoration hanging from the ceilings over each table.
Danilo’s brows puckered. “I assume he wants to discuss last-minute details of the wedding.”
I almost laughed. Like most men in our world, Samuel hadn’t been involved with organizing the wedding. I hadn’t expected him to be. Maybe I’d hoped we’d be in contact now and then, but he’d simply given me carte blanche to do whatever I wanted. Mom had naturally taken him up on the offer and spent the past year organizing the wedding. She preferred to do things her way. Even I had a hard time giving her input. The number of arguments we’d had until I was allowed to create origami decorations for our wedding had been ridiculous.
I moved into my room on the first floor to put on some makeup and brush my hair. I was in a cozy but flattering cashmere dress and wool tights because the past few days had been cold. I grabbed my new pair of caramel-colored suede pumps from my wardrobe and put them on. After Anna’s encouraging words about me wearing high heels, I finally found the courage to buy these on my last shopping trip with Giorgia. I hadn’t dared to wear them yet, though, stupidly worried people would react badly.
I felt a sudden burst of nerves. I hadn’t been overly nervous about the wedding yet. Maybe because it had seemed so far away, and still like it might not happen at all, but now Samuel was here to discuss last-minute details.
My stomach tightened. What if he wasn’t here to discuss the wedding but the cancellation of it? I suddenly felt sick.
Samuel had known what he’d get when he agreed to marry me, but maybe, over time, he’d changed his mind. Maybe now that only two months remained, he realized that he’d spend the rest of his life with a disabled woman. I hated that the thought even crossed my mind, but Samuel and I didn’t know each other. Nothing bound us except for the promise between our families. I didn’t know what he thought of me. I knew what most people in our world thought of our bond, though, and it wasn’t very favorable.
I went into this bond completely blind, and so did he. Maybe he, like so many people, thought the wheelchair defined me and my every waking moment revolved around my disability.
I took a deep breath. I was being overdramatic. Samuel wouldn’t come to visit to tell me the wedding was canceled. He’d talk to my brother as the master of our family, and Danilo would have warned me and probably raged like a madman if that were the case.
The bell rang. I’d spent too much time fretting over things that were unlikely to happen. Since my accident, I often felt anxious when I encountered a new situation. I shook my head. Everything would be all right. After a glance in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable, I left my room.
When I wheeled into the foyer, Samuel and Danilo were shaking hands. Their tense expressions would have renewed my worries if I didn’t know that these two weren’t friends, and thus, all of their encounters lacked enthusiastic greetings. They’d argued often in the past, even if I wasn’t aware of the details. Maybe it was bound to happen because each man was marrying the other’s sister.
Samuel glanced my way, and his smile became less tense, but it was still far from joyful or warm. He looked like the perfect ice prince in his beige coat, white dress shirt, and beige dress pants. I smiled, but it felt just as tense as the atmosphere in the lobby.
“Good afternoon, Emma,” Samuel said with a small nod. I had to give it to him; he didn’t look at my wheelchair in that awkward way some people did, but neither did he ignore it completely as if it offended him.
His gaze slid lower to my heels, and a hint of surprise crossed his face before he focused back on my face. “Good afternoon,” I said quietly, my cheeks hot. Suddenly, I wished I hadn’t worn the heels or, better yet, not bought them at all.
“You came here to talk about the wedding?” Danilo inquired in a tone that bordered on rude.
“I don’t have much time. I’m returning to Minneapolis early in the morning…” Samuel trailed off.
“Let’s go into the living room. We can discuss everything there,” Danilo said.
Danilo went ahead toward the living room, leaving Samuel and me behind.
I wanted to say something clever, or at least mildly entertaining, but with Samuel’s blue eyes trained on my face, I couldn’t come up with anything. He motioned in the direction of the living room. “After you.”
“Thank you,” I said and moved ahead. I could tell he was slowing his steps to stay behind me as his walk was usually more brisk, but I appreciated this small gesture. However, I wanted to see his expression, even if it was hard to read. At least it gave me a little something.
Danilo settled on an armchair, and I stopped next to him. Samuel removed his jacket and put it over the armrest of the sofa, then sat down. I had to resist the urge to stare. The dress shirt really looked great on his tall, muscled frame.
“What is it you want to discuss?” Danilo asked, tearing me from my thoughts.
“I’m in the process of renovating the house Emma and I will live in, and I wanted Emma’s input on certain design aspects to make sure she would feel at home.”
My eyes widened in utter surprise. Of course, I’d known we’d move in together but until now it had been a distant concept. Now it suddenly became very real. And I had to admit I was incredibly touched that Samuel had thought about ways to make the house accessible for me.
“If it’s a two-story house, then you need to install an elevator so she can reach the upper floor. There’s a lot to keep in mind. Ramps into the backyard and out of the front door.”
I glanced between them, growing increasingly frustrated over their discussing things as if I weren’t present. “An elevator would be good,” I said firmly, causing both men to look my way. Samuel’s unwavering attention drove heat into my cheeks, but I returned his gaze. “A floor-level shower, wider doors, a lower kitchen counter and sinks, handles beside the toilet…” I trailed off. Then because I didn’t want him to think of all the difficulties my disability might cause him, I added, “Once the house is accessible, I can live a completely independent and normal life.”
Samuel nodded. “It’ll be done.”
“Maybe you should ask for help from an architect who has experience with this?” I suggested.
“Do you know someone?” Samuel asked, surprising me.
“Not in Minneapolis, no. But I could ask around…”
“I’ll handle it,” Samuel said firmly. “Don’t worry.”
Danilo’s phone buzzed, and he got up. “Excuse me for a moment.” His eyes cut to me, asking if it was okay. I’ll be fine, I told him with my expression, and he left.
When he was out of the room, I became acutely aware that talking to Samuel was up to me. I gave him a nervous smile. I couldn’t read his expression as he regarded me. “Only two more months,” I said for lack of anything else to say, and flushed. Our last conversation had felt strained, and Samuel’s words back then had only confirmed my suspicion that he wasn’t too happy about our bond.
“Not much time,” he said neutrally. “Especially considering that Sofia and Danilo marry two weeks before us. That’s plenty of planning between our two families.”
“Our moms can handle it.”
“They do,” he said, then his eyes cut to my heels again. “I’ve never seen you with heels before.”
My cheeks blasted with heat. I nervously tucked a strand behind my ear. “Yeah. This is actually my first pair. I like how they look.”
Samuel looked back up to my face and smiled slightly. “I do too.”
I blinked, not sure if he’d complimented me or if he simply meant he liked the heels, but not how they looked on me. God, I was overthinking this again.
“I’m glad,” I whispered. We looked at each other, and Samuel’s eyes seemed to trace my face. I wished I knew what he was thinking.
“Sofia has been practicing walking in heels for weeks now. She still complains they are torture devices.”
I shrugged. “I won’t have to worry about that.”
His expression became tight.
“One less worry, right?” I gave him a grin to show him he didn’t need to walk on eggshells around me.
“Indeed,” he said, and for a moment, his lips pulled into a real smile. But then Danilo returned, so Samuel’s expression returned to being tightly controlled.
He glanced at his watch. “I should go now. I’m sure you have plenty to do as well.” He got up and grabbed his jacket from the armrest but didn’t put it back on. Instead, he threw it over his shoulder.
Danilo and I walked him to the front door. Samuel gave my brother a nod, then turned to me. “I’ll see you at your brother and Sofia’s wedding.”
I smiled. “See you then.”
He left, and I stared down at the engagement ring that Samuel had sent me in a package a few weeks after our engagement announcement. I wished he’d given it to me and even slipped it on, but I consoled myself with the fact that Danilo could be an emotional brick too. Samuel probably didn’t even realize that it had hurt my feelings to be sent the ring like that.
Danilo touched my shoulder. I glanced up at his worried face. “Samuel will be good to you.”
“I’m not worried.” At least not about Samuel treating me badly. What worried me was that he would be cold or emotionally detached. That he’d never want to be with me in a physical sense. That he’d cheat on me. That he’d see me as a burden and not his wife.
I couldn’t share any of those concerns with Danilo. He would only try to talk to Samuel and probably do more damage.
I had to figure this out on my own.
