Lily
Worry comes off Cason in waves, like the anger I felt in those first days with him. I thought that rage was bad, but this is worse. This makes me think I might not get out of this alive.
Will he kill me after all?
I want to believe what I see in his eyes. That kindness that shows itself when he looks at me in quiet moments. The softness I doubt he even knows exists inside him but I see so clearly when he holds me in his arms.
But if it isn’t that he’s afraid he’ll have to kill me after all, what is it? I don’t want to believe my father wouldn’t pay the money he owes to get me back safe and sound.
I could ask Cason what’s wrong, but he won’t tell me. Of all the questions he’s had to deal with from me, that’s the one he’ll answer with a lie. I just wish I knew why.
“Time to get ready, Lily,” he says and then presses a kiss to the top of my head.
Ready for what? I want to believe it’s time for me to go home, but something about his call felt wrong. Does his father know that Cason killed Doc and plans to punish him? Surely when he explains he was trying to rape me he’ll will understand.
Cason walks toward the bathroom but doesn’t suggest I join him in the shower. Something’s very wrong.
“No interest in some morning shower sex today?” I ask with a nervous giggle.
Looking back at me, he smiles. “Not this time. I won’t be long.”
When he closes the door, I slump back on the bed and wonder what’s changed. Maybe it’s because our week is over. I shake my head in disbelief at that idea. Just because he’s not going to kill me doesn’t mean he cares. I may have meant what I said about things being different since we got to this motel room, but I’m not naïve enough to think he feels like I do.
Letting me live isn’t the same as caring for me.
I listen to the water in the shower and can’t help but wish we weren’t two people who could never be together. I know he’s a killer. He’s practically pounded it into my head. But with me he’s more. So why couldn’t he be more with me after today?
Maybe we wouldn’t be that happy couple in the country living in a little house with a dog, but isn’t it possible for us to be happy somewhere else where we could start over fresh? It’s not so impossible, is it?
A knock at the door startles me out of my fantasies, and I hurry to the bathroom. “Cason, someone’s at the door. Should I answer it?”
The water stops a second later, and he rips the curtain open to reveal his wet and muscular body. Shaking his head no, droplets of water fly everywhere as he points at a white towel sitting on the sink.
“No. Give me my towel. I’ll get the door in a minute, but I need you to stay in here and don’t come out.”
Fear fills his eyes like I’ve never seen in him. Who could be outside the door?
A minute later, Cason’s dressed, and just before he walks out into the motel room, he turns around to face me. Cradling my face in his hands, he leans down and kisses me on the lips like I’m the most important thing in the world to him.
“Don’t worry. Just make sure you don’t come out of this bathroom. Lock the door behind me and stay quiet.”
Now I’m afraid. “Who’s outside the door that I have to stay in here?” I whisper as he pulls away from me.
But he doesn’t answer that question.
I do as he told me to and press my ear to the bathroom door to listen to him speak to someone. His voice and another person’s are muffled, so I can’t make out what’s being said. I want to believe everything’s okay because they aren’t yelling, but I don’t know.
Holding back tears, I strain to hear at least what Cason’s saying, but I can’t. Who knocked at the door?
A few moments later, the door flies open and I stare out in surprise. Cason looks back at me, and suddenly, all my fear dissolves into tears. Covering my face, I sob, “I thought you were someone here to kill me.”
He takes me into his arms and smooths my hair down my back. “No, it’s okay. It was only the desk clerk. She thought the room was empty because that kid from the nightshift didn’t fill out some form right. It’s okay. Don’t cry. I won’t let anyone hurt you. They’d have to get through me first, and that’s not an easy job.”
I tilt my head back and look up at him smiling down at me. Drying tears off my cheeks, I sniffle. “Is this how you have to live all the time?”
Cason’s smile fades at my question. “Not really. I’m the person people are afraid to see when they open the door. Not the other way around.”
For the first time, the reality of his life hits me squarely in the chest. All this time, he’s repeatedly told me he’s a killer, but all I’ve seen of actual killing is when he protected me from Doc. Now, suddenly, I understand what someone who he targets goes through. The terror. The panic. The emotional whirlwind every time they hear a knock at the door.
It fills me with more sadness than I thought possible, and I pull away from him to walk out into the room.
“I better get dressed.”
He doesn’t say a word but watches me put on the ripped white T-shirt and black yoga pants he bought me. When I finish, I hang my head, still filled with all that sadness that doesn’t seem to go away, no matter how much I try to remind myself he saved my life.
Cason is what he always claimed to be. A killer. I can’t change that.
I turn around and try to fake a smile, but the corners of my mouth barely move. “I’m ready.”
He nods, and I see he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me now. A hint of hurt tinges his dark eyes, but still he doesn’t ask me what’s wrong or what’s changed. Maybe he doesn’t care.
I have no idea where we’re going since my father hasn’t paid the money yet, but as uncharacteristic it is of me, I don’t ask Cason about it. I don’t dare because my emotions threaten to force out all the other words inside me, words that will show how much I care and wish I didn’t for a man I shouldn’t want.
Pointing at the phone on the nightstand, he says, “I want you to call your father first.”
I look over at it and then back at him. “Why? Is there something I should know?”
“Just call him.”
I pick up the old black phone and put it to my ear as I press the number in and begin to hear his phone ring. When my father answers, relief washes over me that he’s still alive and hasn’t been hurt.
“Daddy, it’s Lily. Are you okay?”
He lets out a heavy sigh and says, “I’m fine. I’ve been so worried about you. I paid the money I owed, so why haven’t they brought you back home yet? It’s been two days.”
I whip my head around to look at Cason standing across the room. Did he know all along that my father had paid his debt? Why not tell me?
“Two days?” I ask, the question as much for Cason as my father.
My father explains that he got the money early, so he made sure to get it over to Victor as soon as he could, but all the while I stare at Cason looking for his explanation. He never looks away, but I can’t discern any answer in his eyes and his expression that remain emotionless.
“Are you safe, Lily? Did he harm you?” my father asks in fear at what I’ll say back to him.
“I’m fine, Daddy. Nothing happened to me. You don’t have to worry. I’ve been thinking a lot about you and Mom this week.”
“Honey, so have I,” he says with a smile in his voice. “That’s why I sold some of my plates to pay off the debt. Your mother would never forgive me if I didn’t do all I could to make sure her little girl is safe.”
Hearing my father sold even one of his beloved collection breaks my heart. Shaking my head in disbelief, I tremble, barely holding the phone in my hand. “Oh, Daddy, you love those plates. They remind you of Mom. I hate that you had to sell any of them.”
“Those plates aren’t half as valuable as you are to me, Lily. They were put to good use. I was the one who made the mistake of getting involved with a mobster who told me upfront what would happen if I didn’t pay him in time. It’s my fault you were taken at all. The least I could do to save my own daughter is use my plates to get you back. Now, I just want you to come home.”
“I will. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. You’ll see me in a little while. I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, honey.”
After I say goodbye, I hang up the phone and look over at Cason. “My father says he paid the money to your father two days ago. Did you know?”
He shakes his head and frowns. “No. I just found out when I talked to him today. I was avoiding his phone calls while we’ve been here.”
Disappointment at his answer fills me with even more sadness. I wanted to think he knew but stayed here in this motel room because he wanted to be with me for just a little while longer. But that’s foolish. Being with me was merely a by-product of ignoring the world in favor of enjoying the last few days away from work. It had nothing to do with me.
“Are you going to take me home now?”
Cason walks across the room toward the door and opens it up just a crack to look outside. “I don’t know.”
“Why? My father paid the money he owed your father. You don’t have to keep me as collateral now.”
That word tastes like ash in my mouth, and Cason jerks his head around when he hears me say that. It’s the truth, though. Maybe not to him, but to his father I’ve always been just that.
Collateral.
“Let’s go. Where I’ll figure out in a bit,” he says angrily, returning to the man I first met seven days ago.
His transformation makes me change back to who I was then too, so I snap, “I’m not going anywhere with you, unless it’s back to my house.”
I watch his eyes open wide in what I imagine must be shock at my outburst. For days, I’ve been sweet and kind because that’s how I felt. Now I just feel betrayed, even though that’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve thought in all my life. Still, I believed for the last couple days that he cared like I did, no matter how dumb that belief was.
Slamming the door behind him, he storms over to where I stand next to the bed and grabs my wrist. “I’m doing my best to keep you alive, Lily. Now let’s go, or do I have to carry you out of this room?”
I tug my arm to get away, but it’s no use. He’s too strong and his hold on my arm is too tight. “What do you mean doing your best to keep me alive? Why would anyone want to kill me now? My father paid the money back, so let me go and take me home.”
Cason leans down close to my face so I think he’s going to kiss me but says in a low, terrifying voice, “I killed a man for you. My father is either going to only kill me for that or he’s going to kill both of us. I told you the truth about what he did to my mother and me, so it’s no surprise that he would kill me for what I’ve done. That phone call I had with him before let me know he found out about Doc, so now it’s just a matter of time before he comes looking for us. I’m not even sure your father was telling you the truth when he said he paid the money two days ago. He may have had a gun to his head and someone forcing him to tell that lie because that’s what my father told me. I don’t know. All I know is the two of us are in danger, and I’m going to do everything in my power to protect you. So let’s go.”
Panicked by what he’s just said, I clamp my free hand down on his arm. “They won’t kill him, will they? He’ll give them the money. He said he sold some of his plates.”
“I don’t know what they’ll do, but my guess is they won’t kill him before they get their money,” he says flatly, like it’s all the usual business for him.
But it’s not for me.
“Cason, I can’t let my father die. Please don’t let that happen!”
“Lily, I can’t do much about that. At the very least, there’s a target on my back right now, so we need to get the hell out of here before we’re found. If I can help your father, I will, but first I have to save us.”
I hold on tightly to his forearm as he leads me out into the late afternoon sun. His body stiffens before we take two steps toward the car, and I follow his gaze to the check-in office at the end of the sidewalk. Inside, a dark-haired man who reminds me of Cason talks to the woman behind the desk, and I watch her point out the window in our direction.
Cason turns to look at me and tries to smile. “Lily, I want you to go back inside the room and stay there. I know this guy, and it’s going to be okay. I just need you to go to the room, okay?”
“That’s the first time you’ve ever asked me if something you want me to do is okay. That tells me nothing about this is going to okay. I don’t want to leave you, Cason. Just let’s get in the car and go. I don’t care where we go. I just want to go now.”
Taking my face in his hands, he presses a kiss to my forehead and then whispers in my ear, “I promise everything will be okay. Believe me.”
I want to believe him. I want to think that just like he told me he wouldn’t kill me that he’s telling the truth now and everything will be okay. But every fiber of my being screams it won’t be.
He pushes me away and orders me back to the room as the man walks out the door of the motel lobby. “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay.”
With one last look into his eyes, I hurry back to the room and slam the door behind me. Like before, I try to listen to what’s happening outside, but the room door is even thicker. There’s no peephole, so I can’t see outside either.
All I can do is believe everything’s going to be okay and wait for Cason to return.
Five minutes later, I hear a noise outside and jump back away from the door. Terrified, I stare at it as I wait to hear Cason’s voice, my heart pounding in my chest as the seconds tick by. A few moments later, it slowly opens, and the man I saw in the motel office appears in the doorway.
“Come with me. I’ll take you home.”
“Where’s Cason? What did you do to him? Where is he?” I ask as tears stream down my face.
Did he kill him?
“We don’t have time for this,” the man answers, waving me toward him. “You can trust me. Cason wants you to come with me.”
Looking around the motel room, I glance at the bed where I’ve spent the last two days with Cason. He promised me everything would be okay. How can that be true now that he’s gone?
My crying morphs into hysterics as the truth settles into my brain. Cason’s dead, and he can’t protect me anymore.
Cason’s dead.
The man marches over toward me and lifts his hand above his head. In the sunlight coming in through the doorway, I see the gun and turn away to hide my face in my hands. Something hard hits me, and then everything disappears into darkness.
