Cason
Jaxon sits with Ryker in his office, the two of them silent as I step into the room. I felt tension in my father’s office like this nearly every day I worked for him, but this is new at my uncle’s.
The two of them look at me when I stop dead just inside the door. I want to ask what the hell is wrong, but part of me dreads hearing the answer.
“Cason, we need to go to your father’s. Don’t bother fighting us. It’s something that needs to happen.”
Ryker sounds like he’s announcing someone’s death he’s so damn somber. Has my father died? The thought rushes through my mind, and as much as I know I shouldn’t feel this way, I’m not unhappy.
“Fine. I won’t fight you, but why?” I ask, silently letting myself imagine a world where Victor Varens doesn’t exist anymore.
My uncle looks over toward Jaxon sitting on the couch on the other side of the room and lets out a deep sigh. I wait for him to say something, but he sits there silently, so I turn to Jaxon.
“What are you doing here anyway? Why aren’t you at my father’s? If this is about going back there because of that bullshit between him and Duke, the answer is still no. Is that what this is about?”
Jaxon shakes his head. “No, that’s not what this is.”
“Then what the fuck are we all talking about? Someone want to let me in on the secret since the two of you clearly know something I don’t?” I ask, my voice growing louder with each word as my frustration ratchets up notch by notch from not knowing what the hell is going on.
I turn to look at Ryker and see I won’t be getting my answer from him. Looking back at the person who’s the closest thing to a brother I have in this world, I ask, “Jaxon, what’s going on?”
“Sit down. I need to tell you something.”
My mind goes blank at the tone of dread in his voice. What could he need to say to me?
“I’m good standing, so let’s just skip the bullshit and tell me what’s going on, okay?”
After blowing the air out of his mouth, he says in a rush, “I haven’t been honest when you asked me about Lily. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I didn’t say a thing.”
Instantly, panic courses through my body. I have to go back to my father’s and there’s some problem with Lily? Fuck. If he hurt her, he’ll wish he died because I’ll fucking turn him inside out.
“What did he do to her? I swear to God, I’ll kill him,” I say, barely able to contain the rage that fills me.
My cousin quickly moves to calm me, shaking his head as he answers, “No! It’s nothing like that. Just calm the fuck down. Christ, who jumps to conclusions like that?”
In a flash, I’ve got him by the collar and I’m holding him six inches off the ground. “Tell me what’s wrong with Lily, or I’m going to practice what I plan to do to my father on you, Jaxon!”
From behind me, I hear Ryker say, “Cason, calm down. Your cousin went about this the wrong way, but it’s going to be okay. Just calm down.”
I release him and take a step back, already too wound up to think straight. I’m tired of riddles and getting no answers.
“I’ll ask once more, and then even Ryker isn’t going to be able to keep me from ripping you apart. What’s wrong with Lily, and what does my father have to do with it?”
“She’s fine. I just didn’t mention she had a baby.”
His words hit me like a punch to the face. A baby? He told me she wasn’t with anyone.
As if he reads my mind, he adds, “It’s yours, asshole.”
For a moment, I don’t know what to say or think, but then I remember what they first said as I walked in the room. “What does this have to do with my father and me going back there?”
“Your father wanted to see his grandson, so he has them at his office,” Ryker says in a voice tinged with foreboding.
I turn to look at him and wish for the first time in my life that I could see his expression. “Why? What’s he want with her and a baby?”
“He claims he wanted to see his grandson, but I think he plans to use them as a way to get you back with him. I’m not saying you have to do that, but I think you need to be there with her and the baby.”
Grandson? I have a son?
Looking back at Jaxon, I shake my head at how he could have kept me in the dark about this for so long? “You’ve been watching her for the past year and knew about this the whole time? Why didn’t you tell me she was pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me I have a son?”
“I thought if you didn’t know that she and the baby would be safer. I knew the second your father found out, he’d demand to have the kid in the family. Since you didn’t want to have him be any part of your life, I figured you wouldn’t want him to be a part of your son’s either. Trust me, Cason, I wasn’t trying to do anything that would hurt you or them.”
“Jaxon was only trying to do what he thought was best for all of you, Cason. Don’t blame him. We all know your father and what he’s like. And it seems your cousin was right because once he learned of the little boy’s existence, he had someone bring them to him. Victor called me about an hour ago to tell me she’s there with him.”
Rage and fear swirl around in a toxic mix inside me with hate for my father making me nearly explode. All this time I stayed away from Lily thinking that would keep her safe and thinking that by having Jaxon watch her that I’d know if she ever needed help, and now I find out none of that was true. She went through her pregnancy alone, giving birth to my son alone, and now she’s sitting in my father’s office likely being threatened by him all alone.
Barely able to keep my voice from shaking, I tell them what I plan to tell my father when I finally see him again. “If he touched one hair on her head or my son’s head, I’ll be that killer he so proudly likes to take credit for creating, and neither one of you will be able to fucking stop me.”
The first step into the hallway that leads to my father’s office brings all those familiar feelings from when I worked for him rushing back. The rage and hate fill me again like always, and my chest tightens, making it hard to breathe.
I stop, unable to move as the reality of my life presses down on me. Once more, I’m forced to be back in my father’s world, a place I thought I finally escaped. Inside his office just down the hallway is Lily, the only woman who’s ever made me think I could be something other than just a killer, and our son, the child I didn’t know about until only an hour ago.
As all these thoughts swirl around my brain, I see a figure rush out into the hallway to join us. I know instantly who it is.
Lily.
She’s as beautiful as the last time I saw her standing in that motel room. My heart slams into my chest when she smiles at me, but I can tell her happiness is forced by the way her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
From behind me, Ryker says in a low voice, “I think we’ll go in and see if we can defuse whatever your father is planning.”
He and Jaxon disappear into Victor’s office, leaving me alone with the woman I’ve never forgotten in all the time we’ve been separated. We walk toward each other, meeting in the middle of the hallway. For a moment, neither of us say a word, and then she breaks down, covering her face as she sobs.
I have so many questions, but I limit myself to the most important one. “Why didn’t you ever let me know about the baby, Lily?”
When she looks up at me, I see confusion written all over her face. “How? I never heard from you again, Cason. I thought you could be dead. Who was I supposed to tell so you could know?”
She’s not wrong. I kept away from her in the foolish belief that would help her stay safe from the world I live in. So much for that.
“I just wish I knew. How old is he?” I ask, struggling to keep the million questions I want to ask her from spilling out of my mouth.
Lily beams a genuine smile as she wipes away her tears. “He’s four months old, and he’s beautiful. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. To be honest, he looks a lot like you, Cason. And he’s the sweetest baby that’s ever lived. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anything in this world.”
“What’s his name?”
“His name is Lukas,” she says before her smile fades away. “Cason, what’s going to happen? What does your father want with a little baby? He took him out of my arms and won’t let me hold him. I’m so scared.”
“He wants me, and this is how he thinks he can get me back into his world, by holding you and my son so I have to come crawling back to him.”
“Please don’t let him hurt him,” she says in a teary voice that makes my heart feel like it’s being ripped from my chest. “He’s just a defenseless baby.”
That’s my father’s favorite type of victim. The defenseless kind. Like his ex-wife sleeping peacefully in her bed or a helpless child who can’t fight back. I’ve done more terrible things than I want to ever remember, but I’ve never hurt a child. Even a killer has his limits.
Lily squeezes my hand, tearing me out of my thoughts, and I look down at her to see her struggling to keep from crying. She never agreed to this for her or Lukas.
“I’ve thought about the moment when you saw me again and saw our son for the first time. This isn’t how I thought it would be,” she says sadly.
Leaning down, I kiss her softly on the lips. “I’m sorry, Lily. You and Lukas shouldn’t have to go through this because of me. I promise you’ll have Lukas back in your arms tonight. Whatever it takes, whatever I have to agree to do for him, I’ll do it. Trust me.”
Tears fill her beautiful dark eyes as she stares up at me. “I do trust you, Cason. I just want to take him home and be safe. Can that ever happen now that your father knows about him?”
I don’t want to tell her the truth, so I kiss her again and lie. “Trust me. You’ll be back home with Lukas tonight.”
Holding her hand, I take a deep breath in and lead her to the office where I know my father waits. I hear Lukas cry, and as Lily squeezes my hand in terror, I feel like someone’s put my heart into a vice. If he’s hurt one hair on my son’s head, I’ll kill him tonight without a second thought.
“Cason, he’s crying. What did they do to him?” Lily sobs.
I can’t answer her or she’ll be terrified by the level of anger and hatred bubbling up inside me.
“Come in, Cason. Come see how happy your son is with his grandfather.”
His very voice sickens me and makes me want to kill him right now, but I know he’s looking for my rage. He wants to stoke it to make me become that man again tonight, the man he nurtured into a cold-blooded killer.
Victor sits behind his desk looking far too smug, but thankfully, he doesn’t have the baby in his arms. Lukas sits in a bassinette nearby like some stolen Moses, and a quick glance shows me he seems okay. Lily was right. He is the most beautiful thing in the world, and he does look like me.
She steps forward to take him, but my father holds up his hand to stop her. “Not yet, little girl. First my son and I have to talk.”
“I’m his mother,” she pleads, her voice full of fear. “He needs me. He’s just an infant. Please let me hold him.”
My father doesn’t even bother to look at her as she begs to take her son into her arms. “Cason, your girlfriend needs to learn there are times to speak and times to keep your mouth shut.”
I’ve heard him say that hundreds of times before, and the threat is as real now as it was every other time. But this time I won’t let him get away with hurting her or Lukas.
Reaching out, I pull her close. She looks up at me, and I see by her watery eyes that she’s trying so hard to be strong and not cry, even as everything about this situation makes her want to break down.
“It’s okay. He’s fine there. Trust me.”
“Oh, definitely trust Cason, little girl,” my father says, mocking me. “I mean, he’s a killer, but if he says to trust him, go right ahead.”
More goading. I know that, but it takes every ounce of willpower I possess to not snap back that I used to be a killer. In the past. A past he created for me and forced on my life by virtue of my being born his son.
But I’m not just that anymore.
We stare at one another, neither one of us saying a word, while Lily clutches my hand and never takes her attention off Lukas. It’s a scene I never dreamed I’d be a part of. I thought I’d be alone all my life, a solitary killer trapped in a life that never felt like his to begin with.
My father’s dark eyes so similar to mine, except for the lines around them, telegraph that he’s waited far too long for this moment to get me back in his office and back in his part of the family business. He thinks he’s won because I’m here.
He hasn’t. I won’t let that happen again.
Lukas lets out a tiny cry, and Lily reacts immediately, tugging on my hand as she instinctively steps toward him. I don’t let go, though, because I see in my father’s expression that no matter of crying is going to change what he intends to do here tonight.
“Not yet, little girl. We haven’t had our discussion. First we talk. Then you can have your baby back.”
“Lukas, honey. Mommy’s here. Don’t worry. I’m right here, honey,” Lily says in a sweet voice that has no place in this setting.
“So, Cason. Do you know why I took your son and forced you here?” my father asks with a grin that’s nothing short of evil.
I nod but refuse to give him what he wants. I know why he’s brought me here. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m not that man anymore.
“Jaxon tells me you don’t want to be a part of this family anymore. You think you should abandon all you are. That’s not how life works, Cason.”
Standing on the other side of my father’s desk, Ryker quickly jumps in to say, “He’s still part of the family. I can promise you Cason is exactly what our father would want him to be since he’s worked for me. He’s still one of us.”
But Victor ignores his brother’s attempt to defend me. “He’s not where he belongs. I’m surprised you don’t understand that by now, Cason.”
“By now? Why does being a Varens mean I have to work for you? I’m still in this family. I’m just in a better place doing things I want to do.”
Victor rolls his eyes in disgust at my questions. “A better place? Why are you like this? This must be because of your mother because I’ve never given you any doubt about what you were meant to do. You are my son, a Varens through and through. We rule this world of ours because we aren’t anything other than the kind of men you seem to want to look down your nose at lately.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe what he says. “I’m your son in name only. I’ve never been what you wanted me to be. I became a killer because that’s what you forced me to be, but I’ve never been like you.”
“Much to your shame and my dismay,” he says in a low voice.
Once more, Ryker tries to defuse the situation. “You have no reason to be ashamed of Cason, Victor. He’s exactly the kind of man our father would be proud to call his grandson.”
But again, it doesn’t work. My father glares at me with a look of hate so pure I have a hard time imagining he doesn’t want me dead right now. That only makes me want to show him how much I don’t want or need to be in his world anymore.
“No shame. You have another son to be just like you, and unless something’s drastically changed in him, he’s on track to be a junior Victor Varens. You aren’t without an heir, so let me go continue to work for Ryker.”
My mention of my half-brother does nothing to make him happy. I don’t know why, though. Everything I said is the truth. Michael is just like our father, so why not be satisfied that he’ll take over when the time comes and follow in the footsteps Victor so desperately wants me to follow?
“I’m not an unreasonable man. I’ll let the little girl and her baby go, Cason, but you have to stay. Agree to that and they’re free to leave right now.”
He doesn’t have to explain the tradeoff he wants me to make. I understand completely. I can’t keep Lily and Lukas in harm’s way any longer, so I’ll stay. No matter how much I hate what I have to do.
“Swear you won’t ever touch them again in any way. Do that and I’ll stay.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jaxon slowly shake his head. He knows Victor. How much are my father’s promises worth? Not much when it comes to me, but I can’t take the chance that Lily and my son could be harmed because I didn’t do everything possible to keep them safe.
My father smiles. “Done. They won’t be bothered by me again.”
Lily looks up at me with such hope in her eyes because she doesn’t know what I’ve just agreed to. She doesn’t understand that I’ve given him what he wanted in exchange for her and our son’s safety.
Nodding, I try to smile to cover what’s about to happen next as my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. “Take Lukas home, Lily.”
I lean down and kiss her softly before whispering against her lips, “You’ll be safe now. Go.”
And at that moment, I see by the sadness filling her eyes that she knows.
As I watch her hurry over to our son and take him in her arms, I don’t blame her for leaving. This isn’t her battle. When she stops in front of me with tears rolling down her cheeks, I gently run my palm over my son’s tiny head and lean down to kiss his cheek for the first time.
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” Jaxon says in a low voice.
I nod my silent thanks and then return my attention to my father. He’s gotten what he wanted. Now he’ll make clear how much I’ll pay for my choices.
A second later, Lily leaves and with her and Lukas goes my chance to be the better man I wanted to be. The better man I thought I could be.
