“Excuse me! Pissed off, frustrated woman coming through!” I ran through the airport, my carry-on suitcase trailing behind me and handbag continuously slipping from my shoulder as I sprinted towards my gate.
I was late. I was so fucking late. There was every chance I was going to miss my flight, and if I did, I was going to kill someone.
Probably that stupid taxi driver who made me late in the first place.
Right. Because being late had nothing to do with the fact that you were having second thoughts about leaving.
I ignored that pesky inner voice of mine, staying focused on my mission: getting to my gate so I could board the plane and get the fuck out of the US.
After I left Dimitri’s over a week ago, I entered into a deep, dark depression. It was hard coming to terms with the fact that the first and only man I’d ever loved not only didn’t love me back, but also regretted our whole time together. It hurt to know that all those moments we shared—all the long talks, heated touches and glances filled with longing—meant nothing to him. Less than nothing. That they’d all been a mistake for him.
I’d been beaten, stabbed, raped and tortured, but that?
That nearly killed me.
Then, while I was stuck in that deep pool of sadness and defeat, I’d had this moment of clarity.
If Dimitri didn’t want to be with me, that was his fucking loss.
I was goddamn amazing. I was smart, funny, sexy and could hit a bullseye from a hundred yards away. I was a walking motherfucking wet dream, and I wasn’t going to let Dimitri-Dickhead-Volkov make me think differently. Bring me down.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
Turns out, heartbreak wasn’t something you could get over by just sheer will power, copious amounts of alcohol and a lot of cursing. No matter how many times I told myself I was better off without that douche-nozzle, my heart and soul still bled every time I thought of him.
So, I decided to turn that pain into anger.
It worked…somewhat. I liked being angry. Instead of crying all day, I just smashed shit and pretended I was doing it over Dimitri’s head. It was very therapeutic.
“Excuse me! Watch out! Move, move, move!” The airport was packed with bodies, people standing in lines and waiting for their flights. Apparently, people had stopped understanding the phrase, “Get the fuck out of my way” because no one bloody moved, and I was forced to duck and weave in between the crowd.
“Gate twenty-four, gate twenty-four, gate twenty-four,” I mumbled under my breath as I frantically ran. Technically, my flight details said I needed to be at my gate thirty-seven minutes ago for boarding. I was hoping that was more of a suggestion than an actual rule.
When I finally found it, I breathed out a huge sigh of relief. There was a blonde woman with brown eyes and red lipstick waiting behind the desk. That to me was a good sign. I rushed up to the counter so fast that I almost flung across it.
“Hello, hello, flight DA1794 to Australia. Am I too late? Am I too late?” I rushed out, barely taking a breath.
The woman’s name tag read “Tasha”. She smiled, but there was a hint of something else lying beneath the surface. Unease, maybe? “No, you’re fine. Do you have your passport and boarding pass?”
“Really?” I exhaled heavily. “Yes, I have them right here.” After a quick search of my handbag, I found them and handed them over.
She quickly checked the documents before handing them back to me. “Okay, you’re all good to go. Have a nice flight.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much.” The relief filling my bones elated me. I’d truly feared it was too late, and I was going to miss the flight.
Unfortunately, all that elation made me miss certain details that showed something wasn’t quite right with the whole thing. The first one being that I was nearly forty minutes late and still able to board. The second one being the unease vibrating from Tasha. Then there was the third… The fact that when I actually stepped onto the plane, there were no other passengers on board.
My stupid brain had been too preoccupied with just getting on the plane so I could get as far away from Dimitri as possible, especially after what happened the day before, that all of that just flew over the top of my fucking head.
The bastard really tried to call me to talk. As if I would give him the time of day after what he said to me. I’ll admit, it had been very satisfying to hang up on him, and I got to do it not once, not twice, but three times!
I could just picture how frustrated that made him. It wouldn’t surprise me if he ended up smashing the phone. Dimitri didn’t like to be ignored. It made the whole thing even sweeter.
But knowing he was trying to reach out made my stupid heart scream to take a chance. See what he had to say.
I couldn’t allow that. I couldn’t give an inch because I knew there was every chance I just might forgive him. That was why it was so important that I made my flight.
I had to get away.
After double-checking my ticket, I went straight to my seat. I’d paid a little more to have the window seat and extra leg room. Once I found it, I stuffed my carry-on suitcase into the overhead compartment and sat down.
My handbag, I kept with me. It had all my essential items. My headphones, book, crossword puzzles and phone.
Even though we weren’t up in the air yet, looking outside the window gave me a little sense of peace, my body and mind calming down almost instantly.
Not much longer now, and I’ll be gone.
Half of me was glad at that, the other half… Not so much. There was still a part of me that wanted to stay in the hopes that things could be mended between me and Dimitri. But I refused to allow that. After what he said…things were fucking done between us. I wasn’t going to play his games anymore.
Footsteps reached my ears. I kept my gaze on the window, watching the other planes on the tarmac take flight, when someone sat down next to me. My body hummed with awareness. I didn’t even need to look to know who it was. There was only one person who could make my body react that way, and he was the last person I wanted to see.
Slowly, I turned my head to the left. Dimitri-Dickhead-Volkov sat there, looking as dashing as he always fucking did. The jerk. A dark, three-piece suit was moulded to his hard, muscular frame, his salt and pepper hair perfectly styled, and his scent?
Fuck me.
Dark, rich and utterly tantalising. My insides burnt with excitement just at the sight of him. Then came the pain. The anger. It squashed that initial hit of attraction almost entirely.
“Hello, Autumn.” His thick voice rolled over my skin like a soft caress.
Despite the fact that my heart pounded at having him right beside me, I looked at him with derision. My body and heart might have been happy to see him, but my mind was not.
“Usually, when someone hangs up on you and blocks your number—several numbers—it means they don’t want to talk to you,” I said coldly, refusing to allow myself to be happy in his presence.
His eyes traced over my face as if he was taking every single detail in, committing it to memory. “I missed you,” he admitted with no hesitation.
It took everything within me not to react. The cold and hard Bratva Butcher just admitted he missed me? Hell must have frozen over.
Had it been a week before, I would have been elated at the declaration. I would have smiled, cracked a joke and told him I missed him too.
But now… It just made me fucking angry.
Did he seriously think he could just show up like that, say he missed me and everything would be okay?
Unbelievable.
I looked around the empty plane, realising something. “You’re responsible for this, aren’t you?” I asked, waving a hand to all the empty seats
A crinkle formed at the line of his brows. He nodded.
Thought so.
I didn’t want to entertain him. Didn’t want to talk to him at all, if I was being honest. Lie. But something was driving me crazy, and I needed to know.
“How did you convince all these people not to show up for their flight?”
“Simple,” he shrugged. “I bought the airline and cancelled all their tickets.”
“Ooo, fancy pants rich McGee over here.” He frowned, not understanding the reference as I got to my feet, packing up my belongings with a huff. “Fuck you,” I spat, and then squeezed past him to move to the other side of the plane.
I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, though. Dimitri Volkov wasn’t the type to give up.
This time, I chose the seat closest to the aisle in the hopes of deterring him from sitting down next to me. Nobody liked having to squeeze past someone to sit down.
Did it work?
No.
Dimitri just jumped over the seats in front of me, and took his seat beside me with an air of complete casualness. I grinded my teeth together.
“I just want to talk.”
“Okay.”
He exhaled a sigh of relief. “I—”
I slammed my headphones over my ears and turned the music up all the way. Heavy metal rock music blasted out of them. Dimitri gave me a less than impressed look.
“I said you could talk!” I yelled loudly over the music in my ears. “I didn’t say I would listen!”
He yanked the headphones off my head.
“Hey!” I chastised, reaching for them. “Give those back.”
“Not until we talk.”
I scoffed. “You don’t want to talk to me, Dimitri.”
“Yes. I do.”
I stared him dead in the eyes. “No. You don’t. You just want to fuck with me. Act all flirty and funny so that when I let my guard down, you can just slam the door in my face and make me feel like an idiot.”
His face seemed to crumple right before my eyes. Guilt started to worm its way into my heart. I suddenly felt bad for making him look so sad and distressed.
Then, I remembered all the shit he’d said to me and the guilt went flying out the fucking window.
I got to my feet and started walking down the aisle away from him.
Dimitri followed. “Autumn, I—”
“Do you want to know why I don’t want to talk to you, Dimitri?” I asked, spinning around to face him. He stopped dead in his tracks. “Because I don’t care what you have to say.” He winced. I continued like I didn’t see it. “From the moment we met, all you’ve done is push me away with your threats, insults and abrasive attitude. In truth, I partly blame myself. The signs were all there. I just ignored them. I took what small, minuscule parts you were willing to offer me and ate them up like a crack addict. That gave you the impression you could treat me however you wanted—say whatever you wanted—and I would just roll over and take it.”
He started shaking his head. “I don’t—”
“Did I sound like I was finished?” I snapped.
His mouth clicked shut.
“I’ve taken a lot of shit from you, and you’ve taken a lot from me. I think that’s the way we like it. We like to push each other’s buttons. We like to fight. I’m fire, you’re ice. But I have never humiliated or disrespected you the same way you did me that day.”
Those beautiful blue eyes of his flashed with agony as if my words hurt him. Caused him physical pain. “Just give me a chance to explain.”
“Why should I?” I asked incredulously. “I heard everything you had to say then.”
“I’m begging you, Autumn.”
I scoffed. “Begging means getting down on your knees. A man like you doesn’t—”
He dropped to his knees right in front of me. I was so stunned that I could do nothing but stare at him in shock. He took that opportunity to talk. “You have no idea how much I regret my actions that day. How sorry I am. Because I am. I’m so, so sorry, Autumn. I wish I could take it all back. Every. Single. Word.”
Oh, hell.
What the fuck was going on? Who was this man? Because he certainly wasn’t the Dimitri I knew. First, he admitted point-blank that he missed me. Then, he got down on his fucking knees. And finally, he said he was sorry. Dimitri Volkov. Said he was sorry. S-O-R-R-Y.
When I stepped on the plane, did I actually step into some kind of alternate reality?
Hope blossomed in my heart. What if—
No! my mind screamed at me. It’s just another one of his tricks. Don’t fall for it.
“Get up, Dimitri,” I said coldly.
His face scrunched up in distress. “Autumn, I—”
“I don’t want to hear it!” I screamed. If I did, I was likely to forgive him, and then when it happened all over again, it would be all my fault.
I spun on my heels and started marching towards the exit. Fuck this. Fuck all my belongings in my carry-on suitcase. I could buy more shit. Fuck my flight. There were plenty of others I could catch—ones hopefully out of Dimitri’s reach. Fuck-
“Please!” Dimitri cried out with desperation.
I stopped, my feet rooting in place, refusing to take another step.
Okay, now I know I’m in an alternate reality.
“Please” was not a word in Dimitri’s vocabulary.
Neither is sorry, and yet he said that, too. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe he’s different.
I highly fucking doubted it. It was just what he did. He’d push me away, reel me back in just to push me away again. Except each time, it got worse and worse. Hurt that little bit more. I wasn’t going to fall for it again—
“I said goodbye.”
I frowned. Goodbye? Curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn’t help but turn around and ask, “Goodbye to who?”
He swallowed. “Yekaterina.”
Suddenly, I was even more confused. From what I understood, his wife died over ten years ago. What did he mean when he said he only just said goodbye?
The only way to find out was to ask.
I licked my dry lips. “I don’t understand.”
He took a deep breath in, almost as if he was collecting himself. His thoughts. “When Yekaterina died, a part of me died with her. I couldn’t accept the loss, and because of that, I refused to let her go. I stood over her grave and promised her I would never forget her. Never let someone else into my heart. That it would always belong to her, even in death. For ten years, I held onto that promise, pushing away anyone who even tried to get close to me. Never even entertaining the idea of starting something with another woman. I felt as though if I let someone in, I was betraying her and the promise I made. It was easy. Beyond easy to keep that promise. For over a decade, I was never once tempted.” His eyes bore into mine. “Until I met you.”
My breath caught in my throat. Something in his words gave me pause. “Wait a second. Are you saying that since your wife died, you’ve never-I mean, you haven’t once—”
“You are the first and only woman I have been with in the last ten years.”
The significance of that statement made my heart skip a beat. I felt…oddly special. That I, Autumn DeValos, a nobody, had tempted such a strong and powerful man.
“When we first met, you were such a pain in my ass, I had no fears about something happening between us.” You and me both, pal. “But as time went on, things changed. When feelings started to emerge, I-I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t felt emotions like that—such a strong, visceral need for another person—in so long that when it happened, I panicked. I pushed them down. I ignored them. I lashed out at everyone around me. I refused to acknowledge them in the hopes they would just disappear. But it was too late.”
It suddenly all made so much sense. Things started to click in my head as he spoke. Why he acted the way he did. Why he always held himself back. Why when things got too real between us, he seemed to just shut down right before my eyes. Push me away.
It was because he thought he had to. He not only felt guilty about his feelings towards me, but he also felt confused, angry and lost.
That would make anyone in their right mind lash out and say things they might later on regret.
Or am I just making excuses for him in a desperate attempt to reconcile?
I honestly didn’t know anymore.
Dimitri got up and moved closer, only to get right back on his knees at my feet. I looked down at him as he clasped my hands in his, my emotions pulling me in a thousand different directions.
“I cannot begin to apologise for my actions that day,” he said solemnly. “I was struggling with what was happening between us, but that in no way excuses my behaviour. I know that. Believe me when I say that I’ve been hating myself every second of every day since it happened. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I almost drank myself to death because I couldn’t stand what I did to you. The pain I caused you.”
I could see on his face that he meant every word. The despair in his voice begged me to understand, and I so desperately wanted to.
It was the realest he’d ever been with me. He was literally cutting himself open, baring his soul and everything he felt to me. It was like he was a completely different Dimitri. Open and honest. Not hiding a single thing behind cryptic phrases or unidentifiable looks. I didn’t know what to make of it. I was completely thrown off guard, unsure about what to do.
“What is it that you want from me?” I asked softly, my resolve almost cracking.
“Don’t you know?” he said, eyes filled with longing. He got to his feet and cradled my face in his hands, tilting my head up to look him in the eyes. It was insane how such a simple move could make me feel so…cherished.
Perhaps it was because Dimitri had never acted that way with me before.
“You,” he murmured over my lips. “Just you. From now until the end of time.”
My heart screamed to listen to him. To let bygones be bygones. Forgive and move on…with him. Just accept the apology and be happy.
But my brain couldn’t forgive that easily, a horrible, sinking thought playing in my head over and over again.
“I wish I could believe you.” Even though it killed me, I stepped back out of his reach. Hurt flashed across his face, his hands hovering in the air where my head was for a few seconds before falling dejectedly to his side. “But this has happened before. It could happen again—”
He shook his head earnestly. “It won’t. I swear.”
I smiled sadly. Tears stung in my eyes, but I held them back, refusing to shed any more tears over him. “You love her, Dimitri. That’s not just going to change. And while I can understand how hard this must be for you, I refuse to continuously compete for first place in your heart.”
“No, baby,” he murmured softly, stepping forward to grasp my face again with both hands. “There’s no competition. She was the mother of my children. A huge part of my life. I’ll always respect and care for her on some level. But my heart no longer belongs to her. It belongs to you.” When I went to look away, he forced my head back, and lowered himself until our eyes locked, his gaze focused entirely on me. “I’m in love with you, Autumn. You’re the one I think about. The one I dream about. The one I can’t bear to be without. You.” He took my hand and placed it over his heart. “You own all of me. It’s all yours, to do with as you wish. If you wanted to cut my heart out and destroy it in your hands for what I did to you, I would let you. I would do whatever it takes to make you happy. To see you smile. To hear your laugh.” His thumb ran over my bottom lip in a soft caress. My breath hitched. “To feel your lips again. I would do anything because you’re the one I cannot live without. My malen’kaya d’yavolista.’
I swallowed the lump in my throat, staring into those mesmerising eyes, seeing nothing but truth. My heart and mind soared with happiness. A combination of his words and actions convinced me to take another chance on him.
But it would come with a warning.
I reached up and grabbed a fistful of his hair roughly. He hissed, lust and confusion flaring in his eyes. “Get back on your knees,” I demanded.
He didn’t hesitate, lowering himself before me. My stomach tightened at the sight, excitement fluttering in my core at his obedience. At the big, strong alpha male in an expensive Armani suit on his knees all because I told him to. I leant forward slowly until my lips hovered over his. “You fuck with me again, and believe me when I say, they’ll never find your fucking body, Butcher.”
He smiled, a big, beaming, over the moon type of smile that lit up his whole face. “Can I kiss you now?”
Keeping one hand tightly on his hair, I used my other to reach up and unzip my pants. Hunger flashed across his face. “You can kiss me here,” I said, pointing to my pussy. “Because although I may have forgiven you, you’ve got some serious making up to do.”
