you idiot, go!” I screamed, pressing down repeatedly on the horn as I glared at the car in front of me. Nikolai grunted when I took off, his body slamming back into his seat as I dropped my foot down on the accelerator.
I swerved in and out of the lanes, racing down the highway towards the apartment building directed by the GPS. Nikolai’s face was filled with unease, one hand on the roof and the other gripping onto the centre console like he was afraid he was going to fall out of the car or something.
I was well aware of the fact that he didn’t like my driving. Nobody did.
“Slow down, Tatiana.”
“That was a red light you just went through, Tatiana.”
“No, you can’t run down the cyclist just because he takes up half the lane, Tatiana.”
Blah, blah, blah.
At one point, Nikolai had even installed extra seat belts in his car because he was that terrified of my driving.
It wasn’t like I was a bad driver or anything. But I guess I wasn’t necessarily a good one either. Driving was therapeutic for me, believe it or not. And right then, I needed some fucking therapy.
Conflicting emotions warred inside me for supremacy. I was happy. Angry. Annoyed. Excited. Frustrated. Nikolai’s presence had surprised me. The last thing I expected was for him to follow me here, especially with everything going on with the Bratva at the moment. With his father.
The fact that he had spoke volumes, quelling some of that burning anger I still held towards him. Despite how hard I’m sure it was for him to leave his family at such a time, he’d done it. For me.
In a way, he’d been right. I should have anticipated his arrival because I did know him. I knew that the depth of his protectiveness had only gotten worse over time.
I’d mistakenly assumed, after our last conversation at his house, that he would understand why I needed to distance myself from him. What surprised me the most though was how glad I was to have him here with me. How…relieved I was. It had completely shocked me, to be honest, and was one of the contributing factors as to why I was so mad. I didn’t want to feel that way—like I needed him.
That’s what made the whole thing so fucking hard. Different parts of me felt different things. I just wanted to drop to my knees and scream for my emotions to get a fucking grip. It felt like I was being pulled into a thousand different directions, and I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up.
There was also the very troubling fact that I felt safer when he was around (physically, anyway. Mentally was a whole different story).
I knew I couldn’t rely on him again. Not when last time all it took for him to question me was some dickhead spouting false bullshit about me. How did I know that wasn’t going to happen again?
Every day, though, bit by bit, he was working his way back into my closely guarded heart. It scared me, because I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out against him. Especially when he kept doing and saying all the right things.
“Tatiana, please, for the love of God will you slow down? We’re not in a hurry.”
“Maybe I am.” In a hurry to get out of that car. Away from him.
Being stuck in such a confined space, his scent filling the air, made me lightheaded. I always loved the way he smelt.
His eyes rolled my way. “Why? Is there a sale at Saks or something?”
“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” I swerved left abruptly and Nikolai’s head thumped against the window, making him grunt in pain. “Whoops. Sorry. Accident.”
He glared at me and I smiled back.
A car cut me off as I was attempting to switch lanes and I braked, blaring my horn. “Ever heard of indicating, you bone-headed dipstick?!” I yelled out the window before focusing back on the road. “So, what hotel do you want me to drop you off at?”
“I’m not staying in a hotel.”
“Uh, yes you are.” He couldn’t stay with me. He just couldn’t. I’d crumble the first fucking night. “There’s no way we’re sharing an apartment, Nikolai.”
“There’s no way we’re not. Do you think I’m an idiot? You’ve made it very clear you don’t want me here. I know you wouldn’t tell me if you were going out, chasing down leads. By staying at the apartment, it guarantees you won’t be sneaking off in the middle of the night without me.”
“What if I promise I won’t do that?”
“You’d be lying, and we both know it. So save your breath, because there’s nothing you can say or do to change my mind. Let’s talk about the job. You already have some ideas about where the leak in the Cosa Nostra could be coming from?”
My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white. That was his stern voice. The one that said “I’m not budging on this so you might as well move on and fucking forget it.” Well, I’d move on, (for the moment), but I had no intention of forgetting it.
“I have a few, yes. It depends on certain factors. Scenario one: one or more of their vehicles have been tagged, and Franco is monitoring their every movement. He knows that the best way to cripple Arturo’s operation is to make it as hard as possible for him to make and distribute his product.”
“Sounds plausible.”
“Scenario two,” I continued, “is that they really do have a rat, and they’re relaying whatever information Franco is after directly to him.”
“Plausible as well,” Nikolai replied.
“I think there’s more to it though.”
He looked at me. “In what way?”
“I don’t think this is just about taking Arturo down. I think Franco wants more. I think he wants to embarrass him.”
He frowned thoughtfully. “What makes you say that?”
“Think about it.” I drove into the underground parking lot of the apartment complex. “If Franco really wanted to destroy the Cosa Nostra, why hasn’t he declared all-out war? Why hasn’t he just attacked Arturo head on at his home? He surely has the location of it. No, he’s dragging it out, trying to make it as humiliating as he can for Arturo and his family. Maybe as revenge for his brother’s death?”
“It makes sense. If that’s the case, it changes the motivation behind the attacks.”
“And that matters?” I asked, glancing at him.
“It may or may not,” he replied, relief washing over his face when I parked the car and turned off the engine. He acted like he was in mortal danger whenever he got in a car with me. Big baby.
“Attacks driven with the need to humiliate have the potential to be more dangerous. There’s no limit to how far someone will go to humiliate someone else if they feel they deserve it. Simply taking them down won’t ever be enough. They’ll want to tear down and tarnish everything they’ve ever built.”
I winced slightly. “That doesn’t bode well for the De Lucas.”
“This feud between them and the Gambinos goes back years. Arturo’s father stole Nero’s bride. That would have certainly been a blow to his ego. He spent years hating Alessandro for it, and no doubt taught his brother to feel that same hate. Arturo is the result of that one act. Add in the fact that Arturo also killed Nero, and Franco has more than enough reason to come at the Cosa Nostra with everything he can think of. There’s lots of bad blood.”
I stepped out of the car and he followed. He opened the trunk and frowned, pulling out my two suitcases.
“This is it?” he asked. “This is all you brought?”
“It’s all I could bring without having to pay for extra baggage.”
His frown increased. “Since when has money been an issue for you? The Bratva pays very well.”
Yes, it did. The problem was that it wasn’t my money. It was my dad’s.
For years, I’d gone on and on about having my freedom. A life of my own. This was a step in that direction, but I would never truly be independent if I kept taking my dad’s money, having him pay for everything for me. I needed to start paying my own way. Support myself.
It was going to be hard. So, so hard. I was well aware of the fact that I was spoiled. Anything I’ve ever wanted, my dad provided. Clothes. Cars. Ponies. “No” was not a word in my dad’s vocabulary when it came to material possessions. It made me accustomed to a certain type of lifestyle, one that would be hard to walk away from.
But I was determined to do it, to make it on my own.
“I’m not taking Dad’s money anymore,” I said proudly, squaring my shoulders.
“You’re not-how do you plan to support yourself while you’re here?”
“I’m going to get a job.”
He stared at me in complete befuddlement, not saying a word. Then he burst into a fit of laughter. Anger snapped my spine straight and I glared at him.
That fucking—
I wound my leg back and kicked him right in the shin. His laughter broke off in an instant, shouting out in pain.
“Blyad! Fuck! Tatiana! That hurt!” He was crouched down on one knee, gripping his shin with both hands.
“Good,” I snapped, popping the handles up on my suitcases and storming off, dragging my luggage behind me.
“Tati, wait.” Shuffled footsteps echoed after me. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of turning around, not even to see him limp, which I was ninety-nine percent sure he was doing. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
I ignored him, my head held high.
“I was just surprised,” he said, finally catching up to my side. “You’ve never had a job before.”
“So? That doesn’t mean the idea of it is fucking laughable.” I smashed the button for the elevator, refusing to look at him. I hated how embarrassed I felt. Yes, I’d never had a job before. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t capable of having one.
“I’m sorry, Tati. I shouldn’t have laughed. I really am proud of you. Most people in your position wouldn’t even bother. They’d be content living off family money. You’re going to do it on your own, and that’s amazing.”
I knew Nikolai well enough to know when he was being fake and when he was being sincere. He meant every word he’d just said.
“Thank you.”
The elevator arrived with a ding, the door opening wide. Nikolai helped me bring the suitcases in and then we were off, up to the seventh floor.
“What kind of job are you going to look for?” Nikolai asked, nudging me lightly with his shoulder.
“I have an interview at a small cafe across the road from campus.”
“A cafe?” he asked it plainly, but the twinkle in his eyes told me he wanted to laugh again. “I can’t picture you serving others.”
“Why? You think I’m that superficial?”
“What?” he frowned. “No. What I think is that you’ll punch the first customer who speaks rudely to you.”
“And that would be…bad?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“If you want to keep your job, yes, it would be very bad.”
The elevator plopped us out into a well-lit hallway. Nikolai took my suitcases and led the way until we got to 7c. I pulled out the keys and unlocked the door. Nikolai’s phone rang as we began to make our way inside. He left my suitcases by the door and pulled out his phone, answering it.
“Da? Yes?”
I left him to talk privately and walked further into the apartment. It was everything I expected it to be: charming, classic, elegant. A neutral palette filled with spatterings of black, white and greys. It had a spacious lounge room and a clean-cut kitchen with modern appliances. The bedrooms were at opposite ends of the apartment, which filled me with relief. The last thing I needed was one of those cliche movie moments where the main characters run into each other late at night. I placed my suitcases in front of one of the rooms and turned to face Nikolai as he made his way into the apartment.
“It’s nice. Spacious, like Arturo said.”
“Yes. Very.” He wandered around aimlessly and I couldn’t help but notice the somewhat vacant impression on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He stopped at the floor-to-ceiling window and stared out at the view.
I admired his long, muscular frame. The streak of sunlight shining on his hard, angular face, the way it made his eyes sparkle.
“Nikolai.” He didn’t look at me, continuing to stare outside like a man utterly consumed by his thoughts. “What is it? Who was on the phone?”
“Aleksandr.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Depends on your definition of the word, I suppose.”
I had a feeling that I knew what was troubling him. “Your father?”
“Mmm.” He moved about the room, lightly touching the furniture with his fingers. “There hasn’t been any luck finding him. Considering how things ended at the meeting with Dominik—”
“You’re worried he’s dead.” Guilt weighed heavy on my heart. Illayana told me how the meeting went. Dominik’s final words. I could see why he was so concerned.
“I’m worried that if he’s not dead yet, he soon will be.” He turned his face away. “The animosity between my uncle and my father is great. I was surprised to hear he hadn’t killed him the moment he got his hands on him, to be honest. After Aleksandr refused to hand over control of the Bratva, I can only imagine what Dominik has done to him—”
“Don’t.” I went to him, the agony on his face making it impossible for me to do nothing. I clasped his hands in my own tightly. The sudden contact shocked him, his eyes snapping to me. “Don’t think about it, Nikolai. Don’t imagine it. It won’t do you any good. I’ll tell you what I told Illayana. Have faith in your father. He’s strong. He won’t go down without a fight. I know it.”
“So do I,” he sighed. “I just feel so…helpless. Like I should be doing more.”
The guilt I felt increased tenfold. “Nikolai, you should go home. Your father needs you. Your family needs you. You shouldn’t be wasting your time here with me.”
“Is that what you think? That I’m just wasting my time?” he shook his head, moving his hands to cradle the sides of my face. “Watching out for you could never be considered a waste of time, Tati. Never. Haven’t you realised by now that there is nowhere on this Earth I wouldn’t follow you? Nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe? Nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice? Yes, my father needs me. But there’s nothing I can do there that I can’t do here. If we get even a hint of where he could be, I’ll go.”
“And I will too.” I gripped his wrist tightly, pushing my face deeper into his hand. “Because no matter what’s happened between us, I’ll always be here for you when you need me. Always.”
