trying to do, Illayana, but it’s not going to work.”
“Oh, come on, you love Modern Family.”
She was right. I did. But not even one of my favourite television shows was going to help calm me down.
Nikolai was overdue. We should have heard something by that point, and the fact that we hadn’t meant something had gone wrong.
God, why had I convinced him to go on that stupid fucking mission? I should have let him stay home out of guilt and worry. At least he’d be alive. At least he’d be safe. He was likely being tortured, cut into tiny little pieces, and there was nothing I could do to save him. Pain lanced my heart and I rubbed my chest. I couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take not knowing. Couldn’t take living in a world where there was no Nikolai. I continued to pace back and forth in Illayana’s bedroom, unable to keep still.
“You’re going to wear a hole in my floor,” Illayana commented, her gaze fixed on the TV in front of her. She sat snuggled in her bed, a bowl of popcorn in her lap.
“How can you be so calm?” Nikolai was her brother. She should have been just as worried as me! Yet, she was sitting there acting like nothing was wrong.
“I’m taking the very wise advice someone gave me when I was spiralling out of control. ‘Don’t let your fear and worry consume you. Be strong for him.’ That’s what I’m doing. I’m being strong for Nik and for my father. Trusting them. Having faith in them.”
“Who said that? Sounds fucking stupid,” I said, continuing to pace.
She gave me a deadpanned look. “You said that, you idiot.”
“I did?” I went back in my mind, vaguely remembering saying something like that to her when she was freaking out about her father. I really should have taken my own advice, but I couldn’t. I was filled with all this unbearable, restless energy, with no way to get rid of it.
Usually, when I was feeling like this, I would go for a run. But I promised Nikolai I wouldn’t do anything that put me in danger. Not that I counted running as a dangerous activity. But I knew he did.
Please, God, let him be okay.
After all our struggles, all our heartbreak, we were finally back together. We might not have had the “official” talk yet, but for all intents and purposes, we were together. He was mine and I was his. I didn’t think it was possible, but I’d finally put the past behind me. I’d finally found a way to not only move on, but forgive him for what happened. Especially after Illayana told me about what he said right before he left. His events of that night.
I’d never given him the opportunity to talk about it before. In the beginning, I was hurting too much to ever hear his side. And then, as more time went on, I just didn’t want to think about it all. So…I never asked.
Guilt had hit me hard when she told me about how he collapsed into Aleksandr’s arms, screaming and sobbing for the pain to stop. It hit me harder when I realised that he had never been able to talk about it with anyone. That for the last two years, he’d been keeping all his emotions from that night bottled up because I had made him promise not to tell a single soul.
I at least had my father to help support me during those first few months. Those months where I wanted to end my life just to be with my son. Nikolai had no one. He had to deal with it all on his own. I had let my grief swallow me whole, ignoring the fact that he had been grieving too.
In truth, I didn’t deserve him. Not really. Even after I cut him out and kept him at a distance, made him deal with that pain all alone, with no one to confide in, he still put me first…in everything. In every way. The man had proved time and time again that he loved me. Would do anything for me. Protect me at all costs.
The knight I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl really had been right in front of me all along. I had just been too blinded by pain and resentment to see that.
But I saw it now.
“Alright, you’re driving me fucking crazy. Will you cut it out?!” Illayana snapped, throwing popcorn at me.
“I can’t help it,” I almost whined, burying my face in my palms.
“Jesus, I’ve never seen you like this. You really do love him, don’t you?”
I peeked through my fingers to look at her. Sympathy shone in her eyes. It felt a little weird talking about it with her, considering how long I’d been hiding that secret from her. But I was so glad everything was out in the open. Turns out, getting kidnapped by Franco had been the best thing that could have happened for our friendship.
Who would have thought? Not me. That’s for damn sure.
Illayana had felt so guilty about what she’d said to me. About how she reacted when she first found out. The idea of me dying and never being able to resolve things between us was the kick in the pants she needed to let it all go and move on. We’d talked for hours and everything went back to normal. It was like the whole thing never happened, like she’d known all along.
“I do. Fuck, I do, Illayana. Something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones. We should have heard from him by now.”
She nodded, not denying it. “That doesn’t mean something is wrong, though. Maybe it just isn’t safe to reach out to us yet. Maybe he hasn’t gathered the information he needs. There could be a thousand reasons why he hasn’t reached out.”
“Yeah. And one of those reasons could be that he’s been discovered.”
She exhaled heavily. “I’m not going to dispute that. You’re right. It could be. I’m just hoping that it’s not.”
I grunted and resumed pacing. There was a knock at Illayana’s door.
“Come in!” she yelled out.
Drea stepped into the room, a five-foot nothing scruff of a woman. I’d barely said two words to her but she was family now. She was covered head-to-toe in tatts and piercings and had a real “rocker chick” kinda vibe going on, with the ripped black jeans and band t-shirt. I’d never pictured Aleksandr with someone like her. She was the polar opposite of the man: fun, energetic. Like a big ball of crazy energy that couldn’t be tamed.
“Drea, hey. What’s going on?” Illayana paused the TV and turned to face her.
“Hey. Have you seen your brother?”
“Which one? If Lukyan, no. He went out last night and hasn’t come home yet. If Aleksandr, I saw him early this morning when he was out training the soldiers. But I haven’t seen him since then.”
Drea bit her lip. “Me either. He ducked out a little while ago and I haven’t heard from him since.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Illayana picked up her phone. “I’ll try calling him.”
“I tried. His phone’s off.”
Sure enough, when Illayana dialled Aleksandr’s number, it went straight to voicemail.
“That’s weird,” Illayana frowned. “His phone is never off.”
“Maybe he’s in a meeting?” I suggested. “Where was he going when he left here?”
“He did say he was going to meet up with a client. I don’t know, I just—”
I gasped, my eyes widening on her. “You have ‘the feeling,’ don’t you?”
Illayana groaned. “Oh, don’t you start.”
“What’s ‘the feeling’?” Drea asked, looking between the two of us.
“Like something bad has happened.” I rubbed my sternum. “It’s right here. And it feels like you can’t breathe.”
“Yes, actually.” Her brows creased. “I can’t explain it. It’s like a sense of…of—”
“Foreboding,” I finished.
She nodded, worry all over her face. “Yeah.”
I pointed at Illayana. “See. I told you something is wrong.”
Illayana rolled her eyes. She flicked off the blankets and jumped off the bed, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood. “Maybe his phone just died?”
“Maybe,” Drea grumbled, but I could tell she didn’t really believe it.
“You want to pace with me?” I asked, my head tilting to the side. “It helps me feel a little better.”
Illayana cut in before she could respond. “No! No more pacing.” She swiped her hand through the air. “You guys really will wear a hole in my floor. Why don’t we go for a run or something?”
“Can’t,” I said, pacing again despite her words. “I told Nikolai I wouldn’t do anything to put myself in danger.” I held a hand up to stop her from saying what I knew she would. “Yes. I know it’s not actually dangerous. But we both know how your brother feels when I go for a run, and I promised him.”
A cheeky smirk graced her lips. “I thought that was just if you ran alone?”
I froze. Technically, she wasn’t wrong. Nikolai would always flip out because I ran by myself. But if I went with someone, that wouldn’t be breaking my promise, would it?
I ran over and grasped Illayana by the face, squishing her cheeks. “This is why you’re my best friend!”
Illayana struggled. “Would you get off?!”
I laughed and planted a big, wet, sloppy kiss on her cheek. She shoved me away with a growl.
“How about you, Drea? Want to go for a run?” I asked as Illayana went to her closet to put on a pair of running shoes.
She shook her head. “I’m good. I want to stay here and wait for Aleksandr. He may come back while you’re gone.”
“Good call.” I looked to Illayana. “You wanna go now?”
“Yeah. I need to get out of this house.”
“I feel that.” I hadn’t left since Nikolai went on the mission. I called Belinda and told her I was having family problems and wouldn’t be able to make any of my shifts for the next week. She was surprisingly very understanding about it. She told me to take as much time as I needed, which I greatly appreciated.
Drea pointed over her shoulder at the door. “Do you want me to tell your bodyguards?” she asked Illayana.
“Fuck no,” my friend breathed out, a mask of horror overtaking her face. “I need to get away from them. They’re driving me crazy, following me everywhere. I swear, they’re getting worse and worse.”
I laughed. “I would have thought that, after all this time, you’d be used to them.”
“Would you get used to never being able to piss in peace?” she snapped, annoyed. “It’s like, since your kidnapping, Arturo has gotten more paranoid that something is going to happen. That he’s told them to be extra vigilant. This room here is the only place I get to be alone without one of them breathing down my damn neck.”
“Touchy, touchy,” I joked, giving her a bright, beaming smile.
She snapped her fingers together in a “shut your mouth” kind of gesture. She looked at Drea. “Who’s out there?”
“The twins,” Drea responded. “They’re just sitting out there playing ‘Go Fish.’”
“Go Fish?” I laughed. “What are they, twelve?”
Drea tittered. “How do you plan to get around them? They’re right at the door.”
Illayana glanced at the window, mischievousness glinting in her eyes.
“You can’t be serious,” Drea gasped. “If you fall—”
“I won’t fall,” Illayana said with complete conviction. She tied her hair up into a high ponytail. “I’ve climbed out that window a thousand times. I just need you to tell them I’m going to sleep and I don’t want to be disturbed.”
Drea shook her head in amusement. “Alright. But if something happens, I’m saying I tried to stop you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“That is entirely believable,” I nodded.
Illayana walked over to the window and opened it wide. “We’ll be back soon.”
I gave a salute in farewell and then followed Illayana out. There was a drainpipe right next to her window that we used to climb down, one we’d used in the past to do this exact same thing when we were younger, when her father wouldn’t let us out.
There were a few guards circling the property, but they just shook their heads at us when they spotted us, not interfering. Illayana waited for me when she got to the bottom, narrowing her eyes in warning at the guards, a silent message to keep their mouths shut about what they saw. I suspected they would. My best friend could be kind of scary when she wanted to be.
I dropped down next to her and blew my hair out of my face. “This is kind of fun,” I whispered, smirking at her. Why I was whispering, I had no idea. It just seemed fitting for the moment.
Illayana smiled. “Right? It’s like that time we snuck out to go see that concert in the city.”
I barked out a laugh. “Oh my god, yes. Do you remember how pissed our fathers were when they found out?”
She snorted. “Like I could forget.” She waggled her fingers. “Father ended up breaking two of my fingers in the ring as punishment.”
I sucked air in between my teeth. “Right. Forgot about that. Damn, your father can be such a hardass sometimes.”
“Only when you disobey one of his orders,” she shrugged. “Okay, the coast looks clear. Let’s go.”
We sprinted across the front yard towards the main gate, constantly looking over our shoulders like we expected to see Illayana’s guards chasing after us at any moment. We couldn’t hold back the giggles as we ran. It was like we were kids again. The nostalgia it brought forth was unbelievable, and it honestly helped in distracting me, from getting sucked into all of the negative thoughts my mind insisted on throwing in my face.
The guards at the maingate gave us odd looks as we bolted towards them, almost tripping over each other.
“Open it, open it,” Illayana ordered, bouncing on her feet, excitement literally rolling off her.
We didn’t even wait for it to fully open. The second it started to move, we squeezed through the small gap and burst out the other side.
“Which way?!” I yelled, my head snapping left to right.
“I don’t know!” she laughed. “This way!” She went right and I followed after her, both of us howling with laughter. We raced down the road like we were getting chased by a madman with a chainsaw, and only started to slow down when the house was far off in the distance.
“Okay, okay, I think we’re safe,” Illayana panted, switching to a light walk.
I did the same. “I wish I could be there to see their faces when they find out you’re gone.”
“Me too.” She put her hands on her hips and steadied her breathing as she walked. “I do feel a little bad though. They’re gonna freak out.”
“Eh. They’ll get over it. Should we just jog to my house and back? Maybe we’ll get back before they even notice.”
She nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
“You set the pace. I’ll follow.”
“Alright.”
We jogged at a light, easy pace. It was late in the afternoon, so it wasn’t too hot (which was good, because Illayana got kind of crabby in the heat). My mind would go to wander, but it was easy to snap it back to the moment by counting my breaths and focusing on my steps.
It was exactly what I needed. I’d been so distracted with everything in my life that I hadn’t gone for a proper run in almost a month. I forgot how much it soothed me. The only downside was that I didn’t have my music, but that was okay.
We made it to my house in record time, went in to grab a drink of water and then left again, all in a rush. Now that the adrenaline of running away had worn off, I think Illayana was determined to get back before her guards noticed she was missing. Although she was desperate for some time away from them, I knew she’d feel guilty if Arturo found out and punished them because she decided to ditch them. She still felt bad about what he did to them when Rayna kidnapped her.
Stupid bitch. I was glad she was dead. The only negative was that I didn’t get to see it.
I was so zoned out and in my own little world, I didn’t notice the van until it was too late. It swerved right in front of us at breakneck speed, almost smashing right into us.
“Watch out!” I yelled. We dove separate ways, only just managing to avoid it. I rolled along the road, pain flaring all over me as my skin scraped across the asphalt.
I winced, placing my hands on the ground and trying to push myself up.
What the hell?
“Get the fuck off me!” Illayana roared.
My gaze snapped to her in panic. Four masked men were shoving her into the van.
“Hey!” I ignored the pain and got to my feet, rushing over. The door slammed shut right when I reached it and my hands smacked against it. “Hey! Let her go!” I went for the handle, frantically trying to open it, but it was locked. I smashed my fists against the door. “Let her go!”
The van started to move and I ran with it, pounding on it viciously. “Illayana! Illayana!” It picked up more speed and I tried to keep up, running fiercely beside it for as long as I could, but it quickly sped off down the road with a screech.
I reluctantly came to a stop, unable to go any further. I stared after the van, breathless. “Illayana,” I panted heavily, watching the van disappear out of my line of sight.
What the fuck just happened?
