Pain shoots through my body as consciousness creeps back. My eyelids feel like lead weights, and every breath sends daggers through my ribs. The room spins even with my eyes closed.
Lucy. Her soft touch on my face, her worried eyes watching over me. Was she really here? The fog in my brain makes it impossible to separate reality from fever dreams.
I force my eyes open, scanning the dim room for any trace of her. The chair beside my bed sits empty. No lingering warmth, no indent where she might have sat through the night. Pain lances through me that has nothing to do with my injuries.
‘Lucy?’ My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. Only silence answers.
She was here. I’m sure of it. I remember fragments. Her fingers brushing my hair back, her quiet voice as I rambled about everything I’d kept hidden. Did I really tell her I loved her? The memory feels real, but so did countless other dreams of her during my fevered state.
I thought for sure she’d stay. But she didn’t. The disappointment cuts deep. Of course she wouldn’t stay. I lied to her, used her, put her in danger. Even if she was here, I’ve given her every reason to walk away and never look back.
I close my eyes again, trying to hold onto whatever pieces of her I can grasp before they slip away entirely. The thought of never seeing her again leaves me more wrecked than any beating ever could.
I grit my teeth and force myself to sit up, ignoring the stabbing pain in my ribs. The room tilts and spins, but I can’t afford to lie here any longer. Lucy’s out there somewhere, probably still digging into the story that could get her killed.
‘Fuck.’ The word hisses through my clenched teeth as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Every movement feels like being hit all over again.
“He lives.” Blaise leans against the doorjamb, his arms crossed. “Still a comedian?”
I shake my head, regretting it when I nearly pitch forward.
“Whoa there.” Blaise rushes in to stop me from falling.
“How long have I been out?”
“Few days. You need food, Flint.”
My stomach hurts, but it could just as easily be from nausea as hunger.
My fingers probe the tender spots on my face. The swelling has gone down some, but I’m still a mess. The mace burns have mostly healed, though my eyes still sting if I blink too fast.
“Where’s Lucy?”
“She stayed until yesterday.” Blaise helps me out to the main living area of Phoenix’s place.
“She had enough?”
“She has a life she needs to live, Flint.” Ash rises from the table, pulling out a chair for me to sit in.
“I know that,” I snap. I know it, but I still hate it.
“You saw her. That’s what you wanted.” Phoenix heads to the kitchen. “Toast?”
“Whatever.” I look at Ash. “Is she safe? She could be in danger—’
“She’s fine,” Blaise says, helping me into the chair. “She’s only gone to the newspaper and home.”
Relief floods through me. ‘You’re sure?’
‘Been keeping tabs on her since you got jumped,’ Blaise says with a shrug. ‘She’s staying away from anything Kean-related, at least out in the world.’
I narrow my eyes at my twin. ‘How do you know all this?’
Ash crosses his arms. ‘We put a tracker on her phone. For her own protection.’
‘Jesus.’ I run a hand over my face, wincing at the tender spots. ‘That’s crossing a line.’
‘Says the guy who broke into her apartment,’ Blaise mutters.
The image of Lucy pleasuring herself in the tub flashes in my mind. Heat creeps up my neck. ‘That was different.’
‘Sure it was.’ Blaise smirks. ‘Look, none of us are winning any awards for respecting boundaries here. But she knows too much now. We need to make sure she stays quiet.’
He’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any less like a creep. Lucy deserves better than being stalked by a family of criminals, even if it is for her own good.
At least she’s safe. That has to be enough for now.
I have some toast and soup, something my mother would have had Mrs. Cramer make for us.
“None of you sang,” I say as I do my best to eat. It hurts to open my mouth too wide.
“I think you’re concussed.” Blaise rolls his eyes.
“Mom always sang to us when we were sick.” I look up at Ash. “Phoenix tries to be Dad, but you’re more like Mom. You should have sung to me.”
My brothers at first look worried, then one by one, they start to laugh. I join in, even though it hurts like a motherfucker.
After I eat, I head to the bathroom to clean up. The shower spray hits my shoulders like needles, but I force myself to stand under it. Steam rises around me as I brace one hand against the tile wall, trying to keep my balance. Even this simple task feels like running a marathon.
My ribs scream in protest as I reach for the soap.
‘Don’t pass out in there,’ Ash calls through the door. ‘I’m not fishing your naked ass out of the shower.’
‘Fuck off,’ I growl back, but there’s no heat behind it. My brothers have been taking shifts watching me, making sure I don’t die in my sleep. Not that I’d admit it, but I’m grateful.
By the time I manage to dry off and pull on clean clothes, my hands are shaking from exhaustion. I stumble out to find my brothers huddled around the table, clearly working.
“Tell me what’s going on,” I say as I stumble my way toward them.
“Maybe you should rest more,” Ash says.
“I’ll rest when I’m dead.”
There is a beep on the laptop.
“What’s that?” I lean over to look and realize it’s a tracking notification.
“Lucy’s on the move.”
This is wrong, I think as I watch. My breath holds as I worry she’s heading to the pub or the warehouse. I’m relieved when she goes to the newspaper.
“She hasn’t visited again,” I say mostly to myself, wondering if it’s enough for her to know I’m alive. She can now move on.
“She can’t. She doesn’t know where you are.”
I glance up at Phoenix. “Blindfold.”
“You did what? Jesus… I love this woman—”
“Flint. You’ve got to let her go.” Ash puts his harm on my shoulder. “She’s a liability. The sooner you accept that and walk away, the better.’
‘You think I don’t know that?’ My voice cracks. ‘You think I want her mixed up in all this? She deserves better than all this… than being blindfolded by you assholes.”
‘Then let her go.’
‘I’m trying.’ The admission kills me. ‘But I need to know she’s safe first.’
‘She’s safer without you in her life,’ Ash says quietly. ‘We both know that’s true.’
I slump back in the chair, suddenly exhausted. He’s right. Of course he’s right. Lucy deserves a normal life, not whatever broken pieces I can offer her between revenge missions.
‘Just…’ I close my eyes. ‘Promise me you won’t hurt her.’
“We have no plans to do that,” Phoenix says. I’m bothered that he’s not promising to never make a plan to do it.
I turn to Ash. “You know what I’m feeling.”
He flinches. ‘Unlike you, little brother, I know how to keep my distance from things that can destroy me.’
Each day, the pain is less and within a few days, my pain is more like an ache. I’m black and blue, but not swollen. I’m almost back to normal. My brothers still keep me home as my strength isn’t fully back yet. It’s driving me crazy. I want to get back into the world. Back into the fight. Back to Lucy.
Today, I’m drinking my coffee alone, planning what I’m going to say to my brothers to let them know I’m ready to get back into the game.
The alert chirps from Phoenix’s laptop. A map pops up on screen, showing Lucy’s location ping. Blaise was right in that she doesn’t go anywhere but work and home, so initially, I just glance at it before going back to my coffee. Ten minutes later, when I check it again expecting to see her stopping at the newspaper, I see that instead, she’s in front of the Kean office building.
‘No, no, no.’ I push up from the table, ignoring the protest from my ribs. ‘What are you doing, Lucy?’
I will her to keep moving. She’s too close. Way too close. Every instinct screams at me to go after her, but I’m still sporting bruises that would draw immediate attention.
I grab my phone. The memory of O’Brian’s sneering face flashes through my mind. He might be dead, but there are plenty more like him working for the Keans. And Lucy… stubborn, beautiful Lucy with her fearless questions… she’s exactly the type they love to make disappear.
My fingers shake as I dial Lucy’s number, relief flooding my veins when she actually picks up.
‘Lucy, what the hell are you doing?’ I keep my voice low despite the urge to shout.
“Putting an end to all this.”
‘Are you insane? You can’t just walk into Kean’s office!’ The room spins, and I grip the edge of the table.
‘Actually, I can.’ She pauses. ‘How do you know where I am?’
Fuck.
‘Are you following me?’
‘No.’
Another pause. ‘Tracking me?’
‘That’s not important now. What’s important is that you’re about to do something stupid. You have no idea what they’re capable of.’
‘I know exactly what they’re capable of.’ Steel enters her voice. ‘That’s why they need to be stopped.’
‘Not like this.’ Desperation claws at me. ‘They’ll kill you the second they realize what you’re after.’
‘Then I’ll be careful. Besides, I’m planning to see Ronan in their legit offices. They won’t do anything here.”
God, she’s so naïve. ‘Where you are makes no difference, Lucy. I’m telling you. If you walk in there, you won’t come out alive.” I search for keys to a car, any car. I have to get to her. “Give me time to handle this my way.’
“Your way isn’t working. They nearly killed you and they don’t know who you are. You could lose your cover—”
“You think I care about my cover?’ My voice comes out rough. ‘I care about keeping you alive.”
“I know what I’m doing. I have to go.”
‘Lucy, wait—” The line goes dead.
My hands shake as I redial, but it goes straight to voicemail. Damn it. She’s really going to walk right into the lion’s den. Part of me admires her courage, that relentless drive for justice that drew me to her in the first place. But right now, that same fearlessness is going to get her killed.
My brothers will kill me for leaving, but I can’t just sit here and watch that dot, wondering if each moment will be the one where she crosses a line she can’t uncross. I find my keys and head out the door praying to a God I’m not sure exists that I’ll get to her in time.
