In which true love and imminent death are closely mixed.
Lucya…
I know the exact moment I fell in love with Alexi Turgenev.
I was eleven.
The instant, searing shock of cold felt more like fire, my lower half submerged underwater and my hands scrabbling on the surface, trying to claw my way out. My breath came out in harsh puffs and my lungs seized, blocking the screams from leaving me. My mittens stuck to the ice and pulled off, my bleeding fingers leaving pink streaks as I tried to find a grip.
“Lucya! Look at me.” Alexi was on his stomach, skates dug into the ice and one huge hand reaching for me. “Give me your hand!”
The tips of my fingers just brushed his gloved ones as I sank deeper through the ice. Even though I couldn’t feel them anymore, my feet were kicking madly, that was bad that I couldn’t feel them. I should…
Alexi starfished onto the ice, pushing further out and I could hear the shrill, high song of the ice cracking over my desperate panting.
He’s going to die too, this is my fault…
The burn of the frozen water spread to my shoulders as I sunk deeper, and he got a fistful of my coat sleeve and hauled me out of the water. Our unstable island of ice was cracking in a jagged path toward his bigger body, but he backed us out quickly onto more solid ice and then the frozen bank.
Rolling me to my side, he shook me gently.
“Are you all right Kolibri? Hummingbird?”
I tried to answer him and splashed his coat with a mouthful of rank pond water instead. He didn’t even seem to notice, his chilly blue gaze on mine.
“Yes, spasibo, th- thank you,” I gasped.
I wanted to shout, “You saved me! I love you!” I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss his cheek. I did neither of those things, instead, I coughed up another mouthful of water, spraying his face.
Forget the pond drowning me. I was going to die of embarrassment instead.
Instantly, I was face down, his arm around my waist as he firmly patted my back. “Let the rest of it out,” he said, the slightest tinge of humor coloring his words.
“That’s all, thank you!” I wheezed, teeth chattering violently. I could feel the rough wool of his coat against my cheek and wondered if drowning might be preferable to my sister’s torment. She would never let this go.
“Bozhe moy, my God! What happened!”
Mother was hurrying down the path from the back terrace, Inessa right behind her.
“Lucya, how could you fall through the ice? Did you skate in the middle again?” My sister put her hands on her hips, watching Alexi lift me to my feet. He held onto me when I stumbled.
“She shouldn’t be skating alone,” his voice was already so deep, even at seventeen. “Who was supposed to be with her?”
Inessa looked shocked. “I was. I mean, I am. I just went up to the lodge to get my mittens, I didn’t think-” She hugged me tightly, even though I was soaking her coat. “I’m sorry pukhlyy! I should have been here.”
I winced as she called me her favorite nickname, “plumpy,” because I’m short and wide. Mother says I just need to grow into my body. I hoped so, because I was sick of the nickname and the giggles from the girls at school the first time she’d called me that in public. I know she meant it as an endearment, but it was humiliating.
“Let’s get you into the house,” Alexi said. “You need to get out of those wet clothes, your lips are blue.”
“Oh, we’ve got her,” Inessa interrupted as she took my arm and Mother held the other. “Thank you, Alexi! You are so kind.”
Why didn’t she let him help me to the house? I groan silently, looking over my shoulder. He’s standing in the path, legs spread and ignoring his soaking wet jacket.
“Spasibo, thank you!” I mouthed back at him and for a moment, he smiled. A beautiful smile that lit his entire face like sunshine before it disappeared as quickly as it came.
