I run my hand through my hair as I look at Katie across the kitchen—she’s wearing a pair of my boxer shorts and a shirt, and nothing else, and she looks like a damn vision.
A vision that I might not be able to hold on to for much longer, if things keep going the way they have been.
I know I should be glad it’s all over. Glad that I can go back to everything I knew before, go back to my hometown, go back to be with my father and pick up work on the family business where we left off. And yet, I can’t help but feel like I just want to forget it all and stay here with her for the rest of my life.
Which isn’t an option. Sure, she has been living with me for the last couple of weeks, along with Polly. She hasn’t made any noise about going back to her own apartment, so I guess it’s not really something she’s that interested in. Fine by me—I want her right here, where she belongs, at my side.
But, since Maglione is done for, the shit he’s been trying to pull back in our hometown is over. The brothels are in the process of disbanding, and my father is sending out protections for the various women who were stuck in them. Partly out of the goodness of his heart, and partly because he knows that these women will have plenty of connections, in their line of work. They might know someone who has information that could prove useful in the future, and helping them out when they’re at an all-time low like this isn’t something that can be easily forgotten.
Emil has already taken off back to the city—he doesn’t want to be here any longer than he has to be. That was always the plan, as far as he was concerned. I miss him, but I’ve hardly had time to think about him, between working, taking care of Polly, and spending time with Katie.
That’s the routine we’ve fallen into—I’ll go to work, and come home to find Polly and Katie waiting for me. There’s something peaceful about it, even if I know it’s only a facade—I’ve told my father that I have to finish out the last of my contract with the hospital before I come back, and he’s given me a few more months before he needs me back in the city, which is something.
But I need to talk to Katie about what happens next. I have the day off work, and I’ve been planning how to approach this with her for the last two days. I know it’s not going to be a pleasant conversation, but I’m going to have to find a way to get through it, because I need to know whether I can get used to this kind of thing or not.
“What’s up?” Katie asks me, tilting her head to the side and smiling as she peers at me over her coffee cup.
“Just…thinking,” I reply, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around her waist.
She cocks an eyebrow. “Thinking? About what?”
I take a deep breath. This is it—got to come clean.
“About what’s going to happen when I leave this place.”
She stiffens in my grip—I can feel the change in her demeanor, her reaction telling me everything I need to know.
“You’re leaving?”
“Not right now,” I assure her. “But I’m going to have to go back soon. My father needs me—I’ve been working with him for years, and now that Maglione is out of the picture, he’ll need my help consolidating his power again.”
“So you’re going to go back and be with him,” she replies, her voice hitching slightly at the back of her throat.
I nod. “Yes, I am,” I reply. “I can’t stay here forever, that was never the plan. And, no matter how much I’ve loved living here with you and Polly…I have another life.”
“I know,” she sighs. “I’ve always known that. I just…I don’t know, I thought it might be able to wait a little longer…”
“I can’t make it wait,” I tell her softly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be a part of it.
She lifts her gaze, surprised. “What?”
“I want you to come with me. You and Polly. Both of you.”
She pauses for a moment, as though she must have heard me wrong. She shakes her head slightly, her eyes half-closed as she takes in the information.
“You want—you want both of us there with you? Back in…?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “In Harrotsville. That’s where I want to be. And that’s where I want you to be too. I know it’s not exactly what we discussed, but…”
“Not exactly what we discussed?” she exclaims. “I never—I mean, I have a life here, I…”
She waves her hand around, but then, as she considers my question, something stops her.
“I don’t really have a life here, do I?” she muses, mostly to herself, it seems. “I’ve finished college. I don’t have a job. I just have Polly, and it’s not like she has friends or anything here. Apart from Cara, I mean, there’s nothing…”
She bites her lip and looks up at me.
“I guess I could,” she admits.
“That’s not the answer I want,” I reply firmly. “If you’re going to come with me, then I want it to be because you can’t think of anything better for you or for her. You hear me?”
She nods. “You’re right,” she agrees. “I don’t want to go along with anything just because…just because I feel like I don’t have any other choice. Everything that’s happened, it’s just been…a lot. I don’t know where it all leaves me. Or us.”
I brush my nose against hers. There’s so much I want to tell her, but I don’t want her to feel as though I’m pushing her toward a particular conclusion. I need her to come to these decisions on her own terms, no matter how much I might want to guide her toward a specific one.
“I want you to take your time,” I assure her. “I don’t want you to rush this. Anything you need, just tell me, and I’ll give it to you. As long as I get an answer when the time is right. That sound fair?”
She tilts her head back and meets my gaze, and then smiles.
“Yeah, it does,” she agrees, and she presses her head into my chest for a moment. “You mind if we just forget about that for now? I don’t think I can handle any heavy thoughts today…”
“Of course we can,” I promise her, and I plant a kiss on the top of her head. Though, despite what I’ve just said, there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel entirely good about this.
If she decides to stay…what then? What the hell happens next? How do I go on? Do I just live my life and pretend I don’t know they’re out there? Do I just make like none of this matters to me, and leave it at that? I don’t have a clue. I don’t know if I even could live without them, now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to be part of their lives…
I push the thought aside quickly. She will be able to sense if there’s any pressure coming from me, and that’s the last thing I want to put in her head right now. No, as far as I’m concerned, she will make her choice when the time is right—and nothing I can do or say will change that.
