I try to focus on the papers in front of me, but if I’m being honest, my head is anywhere other than on what I need to do right now.
I drum my fingers on the desk, wondering how obvious it will be if I get up and head out of here for a drink. Or three. I feel as though I need to speak with Emil again—I need to spend some time with him and figure out how I should handle everything with Polly and Katie.
Knowing that they’re so close, and knowing that I have no choice but to keep my distance, is killing me. I’ve never even thought about having a family before this—the notion of it never really appealed to me, even if I knew one day I would have to settle down and begin a new generation of our family. But this…this is the last way I expected it to happen.
With someone who has nothing to do with this world. Someone who, I’m sure, would never have slept with me if she knew the truth of who I was and what I did. I can only imagine she would have turned her back on me and stalked off without another word if I hadn’t been hiding behind that mask, if I’d been honest about who I was.
But now she’s a part of it, whether she likes it or not. And so is her daughter. That’s the hardest part for me, knowing that I’ve pulled a little girl into the midst of this whole mess. I’ve helped deliver so many babies in the time I’ve been at the hospital, and to see that innocence, that sweetness, and know that I might have marred it with my family name…shit, it’s more than I can make sense of.
I’ve been considering reaching out to my father to let him know what’s going on, but I can already guess how badly he’d take it. There’s enough going on in our world now as it is, without having to worry about a kid he has no time to account for. He’s a man dedicated to his family, though, so I know he would insist that I do everything I can to make sure she’s okay. Though I have no idea what that looks like with everything I have going on in my life.
I rise to my feet. I can’t deal with his today. I’m not going to get anywhere sifting through these notes and just hoping for the best. I need to go for a run, lift some weights, get a sweat on—I need to get her out of my head.
And I need to forget about the encounter we had in my office just the other day.
It’s been difficult, being at work after what we shared together. Everywhere I look in here, I feel as though I’m faced with the memory of her—the way she looked while she was moving against me, the way her face lit up when she reached her release. All of it has burned itself onto my brain, and I don’t know what, if anything, is going to be enough to shake it loose.
I’ve been with plenty of women before, of course I have. My brother wasn’t lying when he said I have one hell of a reputation. Knowing my luck, this is far from the first baby I’ve brought into the world. But despite that, none of the women I’ve been with stack up against her. Perhaps it’s because I know I can’t have her. Maybe it’s as simple as that—or maybe there’s a connection between us that runs so deep my mind doesn’t know how to process it.
I head out to my car, and I’m about to slip inside when I hear a voice calling my name.
“Hey! Luca!”
I glance around—and much to my surprise, I see the very woman who has been on my mind all day stalking toward me. Her face is twisted up, and she looks pissed—whatever she has come here for, it’s not a friendly chat.
“What is it?” I ask, peering around as she approaches. I don’t like the thought of doing this in public. It seems…dangerous. If someone spots us together, then they might target her, figuring that she’s something special and important to me. Which she is, even if she’s looking at me like she wants to bite my head off right now.
“I need to talk to you,” she snarls, standing in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest as she glares at me. I almost laugh—she’s doing her best to seem imposing, but she’s anything but.
“About what?” I reply, pushing aside that instinct and looking at her expectantly.
“About…about who you really are.”
I cock an eyebrow, instantly on the defensive.
“And who am I, really? I’m sure I’d like to know.”
“You’re…you’re in some mafia!”
She hisses that part as though she can barely believe it’s true—as soon as she says it out loud, a rush runs down my spine. Shit. This is the last thing I need right now. I don’t want anyone knowing the truth of why I’m here, or the life I’ve left behind to slip into this new role—and here she is, standing in front of me, calling me out like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“How do you know that?” I demand, and she gasps.
“You’re not even denying it,” she blurts out. “You—it’s true, isn’t it?”
“Does it matter?”
“Does it matter?” she repeats, incredulous. “Of course it fucking matters. You let me—you let me sleep with you again, you let me bring you to my house, and you could have had any number of whatever psycho criminals follow you around on my tail the whole time!”
“You think they would be interested in you?” I fire back. Of course, I know they would be—they’d be interested in anything or anyone they thought they could use to cause me problems.
“Of course I do!” she replies. “I’m the mother of your child. That’s how it works with you people, isn’t it? It’s all about family.”
She might not know how right she is, but she’s spot on.
I grimace. “Just get out of here,” I mutter to her. “There’s no reason for you to be here. You need to—”
“I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to,” she counters swiftly. “Who do you think you are? You think you can just talk to me like this, after everything you kept from me? You’re lucky I don’t call the cops right here and now and tell them to come arrest you…”
“Oh, that’s how you want to play it, huh?” I reply hotly, leaning down close to her. “Why don’t you try calling the cops, see how far you get with that? Every cop in the city knows who my father is. They’re not going to do anything to piss him off.”
She presses her lips together.
“Well, I don’t care about your father,” she replies. “I just want you to stay away from my daughter.”
Her voice cracks as she says that—and suddenly, all the anger drains out of her, as though she can’t imagine hanging on to it for another second. Tears spring into her eyes, and she draws her gaze away from me, staring off into the distance for a moment and taking a deep breath.
I reach for her hand before I can stop myself. I know I shouldn’t be touching her in public—it’s probably going to get both of us in trouble, not least give Gina something to gossip about when she spies us out here from the window of our ward. But I can’t just stand by and do nothing when she looks so hurt. She needs my help right now, and I’m not going to deny her.
“I’m sorry,” she breathes. “I don’t—I’m just scared.”
“You have nothing to be scared about,” I promise her hotly. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Or Polly.”
She looks up at me again, her eyes searching mine. She has not pulled her hand away, I notice—I rub my thumb along her knuckles lightly, letting her know that I’m right here.
“I…I heard that you only started working here a couple of months ago,” she begins, gesturing toward the hospital. “What were you doing in the city on the night we met…?”
I pause for a moment before I respond. I don’t know how much I should tell her—but honestly, I think it’s best that I come clean. If she knows everything, then there’s less for her to speculate about, and that’s only going to make this easier to handle for her.
“I studied medicine here,” I explain swiftly. “I—I was going to work as a doctor for my father’s mafia. We live in Harrotsville, a long way from here, but there was something…some trouble that came up, that meant my brother and I had to lie low somewhere else for a while. I wanted to have a job to keep me busy, so I applied here. That’s why I’m working here now.”
“So you’re not going to be staying here forever?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No,” I assure her. “I’m leaving as soon as everything goes back to normal. I want out of here as much as you want me gone, trust me.”
She manages a small smile. And, though I know I have a whole life to get back to in the city with my father…there’s still a part of me that pangs at the thought of leaving her, and Polly, when I’ve only just come to know them at all.
“Okay,” she whispers. “And you don’t think—I mean, what happens if the trouble’s followed you here? What if it comes after me too?”
“I won’t let that happen,” I promise her, with as much certainty as I can muster.
I mean it. I don’t care what it takes. I’m going to communicate to everyone smart enough to listen that she is entirely off-limits. I’m not going to let a damn thing befall her or my daughter, and there is no part of me that will compromise on that matter.
She nods. I can tell she’s still not certain about this, but I will do whatever it takes to convince her.
“If anything happens,” I tell her, squeezing her hand tightly, “call me. I’ll be over there as soon as I can. If I can’t get there, I’ll send my brother—he knows about you, and he won’t let anything happen to you either.”
“Your brother?” she says, her brows knitting together. She doesn’t sound entirely convinced by the proposal, but she doesn’t know Emil. He might be even more stubborn than I am, if that’s even possible.
“If it comes to that,” I assure her. “But it won’t. Because I’m the one they want out here, if they’ve come to this place at all. I’m the one they need. They’re not going to settle for someone else, especially someone who’s so far outside this world in the first place.”
She nods—and, as if finally realizing that she’s still touching me, she draws her hand away from mine, letting it fall to her side.
“Okay,” she replies. “Okay, I think I can work with that.”
“Good,” I murmur. “Anything you need. You or Polly. You hear me?”
She nods again, and glances away from me—it’s clear she’s ready for this conversation to be over. Though I know I should be glad that it is, there’s still a part of me that wants to go to her and ask her to come back to my place, just so we can talk a little more.
“I’ll…well, I hope I have no reason to speak to you soon,” she offers, with a little laugh. I return it, though I know it’s hollow.
“Yeah,” I agree, as she turns to leave. “Yeah, let’s hope we don’t have to see each other again anytime soon.”
Even as the words come out of my mouth, I know I don’t mean them.
Because I want to see this girl again.
Even if it means getting both of us in trouble in the process.
