I can still hear Xander on the phone raging. He’s mighty angry. I have a feeling it’s going to stay that way since he can’t take out his rage on the subject that had caused it.
Namely me.
Knox is beside me on the balcony. He’s watching me, his green eyes glittering, flicking between me and his brother inside his house.
‘He’s going to tear the world to shreds. He’s going to find out you all knew about Lucian, and then he’ll hate me even more for turning his family against him.’
I swallow an empty swirl of air and fold my arms across my chest. I feel cold. There’s no way to relieve the anxious thoughts fogging my brain.
But I feel relieved too. He finally knows. It’s now time to deal with the repercussions. Six years too late.
Knox looks away from me, staring into the neatly landscaped grounds surrounding Xander’s home. ‘He already knows I knew about Lucian.’
Shit.
‘What did he say?’
Knox winces and runs a restless hand through his hair. It’s already styled to look windblown and in no particular direction. Now he’s sporting the sexy look of an angry man who’s just stepped out of bed.
And I still don’t react to him with the blinding hunger that had swept over me, resonating like the hum of a hummingbird’s wings in the quiet.
Even with his pores practically releasing anger fumes, I’d wanted to cup the back of his head in my hand and to take those tight lips with mine. I’d known he would’ve responded too.
Then he probably would’ve killed me in my sleep later.
‘He looked hurt. For the first time. He looked like I’d kicked him in the balls.’
A gentle breeze ruffles my hair, and I wonder how I’ll survive the next week. The sound of his footsteps tearing towards us has us turning towards the door.
His face is blank when the door crashes against the wall, and he comes thundering out like a herd of buffalo.
His eyes avoid mine, and my stomach sinks. His jaw is bunched so hard I know it has to hurt. ‘Alec knew? Father knew? Declan too? Did mother too?’
Knox refuses to hold his eyes. ‘Yes.’ He states simply.
Xander nods. Just a simple nod that says more than an entire essay would have.
‘Xander…’
He cuts his hand through the air at me. ‘You’re not a part of this conversation. There is not an apology you can provide that will make this better. You stay out of it.’
He swings his head to Knox and takes a steadying breath, his chest expanding and releasing under the fabric of his harsh white shirt.
His muscles bunch, and I jerk my eyes away, refusing to undress him. Refusing to recognize the flare of something in my chest.
‘And when did you all think it would be a great idea to let me in on this secret?’
Knox turns to glare in turn at his brother. ‘Whenever we were certain you wouldn’t react this way. Guess we were right, huh?’
I curl a hand into his arm and squeeze. Xander’s eyes land with a crushing intensity on my grip on his brother. His eyes glint dangerously, and he looks away, the strong profile of his jaw hard like diamonds.
His fists curl once and open. A hard smile glides across his face like water off a rock. ‘So I’m to blame for not knowing him? It’s my fucking fault he doesn’t know me either.’ He turns to me. ‘Does he?’
My throat constricts, and I can’t bring in enough air to say no. I shake my head instead.
His eyes glaze over. And finally, it’s like a heavy veil drops over his being. He stills, only the sharp rise and fall of his chest an indication that he is human and not, in fact, a bronze statue.
‘Get out of my house, Knox. I do not want to find you here when I get home. I do not want to see you here, ever!’
He doesn’t wait for an answer or confirmation. He just turns around and leaves. A tense silence settles in between Knox and me until the sound of his car rolling out of the gate out front filters into my ears.
‘We’re fucked. I can’t be here to protect you.’ Knox sounds pained. Tottering between staying and leaving.
I place a hand on his arms like I’ve always done and lean my head against his shoulder.
‘I’ll be fine. Xander won’t hurt me.’ I whisper into the gentle breeze blowing off the trees lining the large property.
‘You sound certain. I know Xander. He’s going over to Alec’s club. He’s going to give him a beating, then he’ll rage at home, and he’ll be cold for a few days. But this time? I have no idea what will happen after all that. I’ve never seen him this angry with me. There’s a fire in him that needs to burn something to subside.’
And I’d caused that. My fault. I feel shame and a potent dose of guilt. But regret isn’t there. And that makes me feel a lot worse.
I hold his eyes and tune my voice as convincingly as I can make it. ‘It might be me. But this is my bed. Let me lie on it. Don’t get scalded trying to protect me.’
‘You don’t understand. Hiding Lucian wasn’t about you. Father was using you as much as you were using us. He wanted Xander to take over the Famiglia. He never would’ve done that with a child on the way. Not the way you two were then. So in love, it was beautiful to see. We’re greedy. Don’t ever forget that.’
He vomits the words between us like that should make me care less about him. Like I haven’t always known it, or at least suspected it.
‘Of course, I know. I didn’t think his protection was for free. My father is powerful, but he never would’ve been able to keep me away from Xander alone. I knew I needed him then. I know I need him now. Why the hell else am I here?’
I snap, my body vibrating.
I pull my arms from his and walk away, gulping down air, my chest burning from holding off my tears, my eyes smarting.
Everything fucking hurts. I’d betrayed the man I loved to save a child I loved even more.
And now I worry he will use that very child against me. There is no hope for us.
Rosa had arrived on Xander’s estate with us, but she’s gone now. The room I’ve taken is Xander’s largest guest room. It’s painted a soft pastel and navy blue, and the view from the open window where air is streaming in is stunning.
A backdrop of water meandering gently in a tiny pond and green grace sheltering in the shade of the evening sun.
Lucian is still asleep in the large king-sized bed, his body tucked in like a fetus, his long lashes crafting shadows on his cheeks.
I trail a hand over his face, needing his warmth to remind me why I’d left here. Why I’d decided the violence and the drugs and the death just weren’t going to be a part of his childhood.
I need it to remind me why I’d run away with a broken heart, crying as I’d told Xander I just couldn’t do it anymore. Jerking away from the hard slant of his lips on mine, only the reminder of the pregnancy test burning in my purse enough to get me to slap his hands from my skin and amble away.
I press a soft kiss on his cheeks and stand up, wiping the tears that have finally made their way down my face. So long as he’s safe. I’ll be fine.
He’s the center of my world. The sun around which I orbit. He gives me light to send to the world.
I hope I’m able to convince Xander of all this. To make him understand why I had to do what I’d done, why I’d run away only a month pregnant with his baby.
Why he’d found me in the shower crying and threatened to shatter the globe for me, willing to tear to shreds any mountain with his bare hands to keep me safe, and now, he was going to shred me.
I take my phone from my bag and call Gianna. I haven’t spoken to her in two days. I need someone to talk to, and only she will understand.
She’d been the one person who had followed me out of the country when Father, with Amory’s help, had found us a safe house out in the coastal region of Montenegro, right on the edge of Serbia, so we could slip away safely if there was ever a need.
There had never been a need, but we had been careful. No calls and definitely not a lot of communication with the local folks. Father had flown in with Daniel and Knox every few weeks with supplies.
And when it had been time to leave, a few years later, Gianna had fallen in love with the water and the people and had decided to stay put. With my safety guaranteed back here, she could exist freely.
Her voice crackles over the phone, and I inhale a steadying gasp of air. ‘Hello, Mel?’
‘He knows.’ It’s simple. I breathe, she breathes, the air heavy between us.
‘How?’ Worry threads through her voice, echoing the storm brewing in my stomach.
‘I moved into his house today. Father said it was time. He was going to find out either way.’ I mutter, closing the door behind me as I step out of my room.
‘I’ll be flying home very soon. When is the wedding?’ Gianna probes. ‘And have you been in his bed yet?’ .
‘I have no idea. It’ll be whenever the men decide it should be.’ I drag in a ragged breath and tell her my fears. ‘Xander is so angry I feel he’ll do something we’re both going to regret. You should’ve seen him. He was a beast. He asked that Knox never visit the house.’ My voices becomes a quiet confession. ‘I have been in his bed.’
Gianna’s tone is reassuring, her voice certain and centering. ‘He’ll come around. His pride has been wounded. And he finds out his family knew the entire time? He’s bound to react since he can’t act. Give him time.’ She purses and inhales. ‘And stay out of his bed. It’s another layer of complication you don’t need.’
It’s the first time ever that Gianna isn’t raving and raging against the man. She hates him. To her, letting me leave had been Xander choosing the Famiglia over us. She didn’t understand that he hadn’t had a choice. Not one since his birth.
He had been groomed to take over what was already a large empire at his birth. He had the weight of it all pressing on him. I didn’t ask him to choose. It would’ve hurt too much if he hadn’t picked me.
I’d told him I was done, and then I had left.
‘And if he takes Lucian from me? Or hurts him in his anger?’ I let my eyes rake over the men stationed all over the property. They’re just as bad as the phone in my bag, tracking my movements.
They’ll never let me leave this gilded cage without a call to him. Asking if I was allowed.
I smile bitterly and repress the urge to hurl the phone or the contents of my stomach.
Gianna sniffs. ‘He won’t. And if he did, to where? You’ll always have your son. Marriage in the mafia is forever. He’s going nowhere. And unfortunately, neither are you. Buckle in.’
