The drive over to the house was long. By the time I arrive, Enzo is standing by the door, starched and straight as always.
He opens the door and places his folded hands behind his back again.
‘Good evening, Xander.’ He greets.
I nod and pass him by. He follows behind me. ‘Where’s Father?’
‘In his study. Although your mother has asked that you stop by the garden to speak to her.’
I stop and glare at him, my head buzzing with something more than anger. I know it’s pain, but I refuse to give it voice. ‘What did you say?’
‘Your father’s worried. He knows you’re angry, and you know his condition. Therefore, your mother has asked that you speak to her first.’
Enzo has his hand behind his back, as I’ve always seen him, but today is the first time that there’s been a challenge in his voice when speaking to me.
‘Tell her I’ll speak to her after speaking to Father. Do you understand?’ I bark at him, then turn and walk away, taking the steps up to my father’s bedroom, where I find him sitting at his table, a glacial look of anger on his face.
What did he have to be angry about? I bang the door on my way in, and I settle into the chair in front of him.
‘You had no right, Father. None at all.’
He twists his lips, the dark look on his face softening for a second before it snaps on again. ‘I know, but let’s talk. I had to.’
‘He was my child. He is my child. When were you going to let me know?’
‘It was always a deal, Xander. You were always going to know. You just had to settle into your duties first.’ Father croaks out.
He coughs gently, and I tip forward, worried yet wishing I didn’t care. He didn’t deserve it, neither did she, and yet I’d wanted to wrap my arm around her and hold her close too.
‘And if the Russians had never started fighting us? If they’d never gotten so strong, would I have ever found out?’
‘I’m sure you would have. You know Mel. She wouldn’t have been able to take it for too long.’ He takes a drink from the glass on his table, and I look away, trying to understand.
He’s getting old, sick with a cancer that’s been eating away at him. He’d been unable to declare himself sick; the competition would’ve swept his empire away from him soon after. I did sort of understand.
But it didn’t help the thud of anger inside me. It didn’t help that today was the first day in six years since I’d had a look at my son. It didn’t help the shame that I had no reason to feel.
I squeeze my forehead with my thumb to release the gathering cloud there. ‘I’ll never be able to forgive you this father. I promise you.’
He hunches his shoulder and leans forward, a wry smile on his face. His hand sweeps out to his side, and he bows his head towards me. ‘I’m a bag full of dying bones, Xander. I’m not the one you need to forgive.’
Before I can reply, mother’s snappy footsteps fill the room. Another heavier one follows behind her, which I attribute to Enzo before Alec’s voice breaks into the furrow.
‘I’m sorry, brother.’
I swing my head towards him and fist my hands at my side. ‘Are you really? You have been my brother for years. And yet you have hidden this one thing from me. Do you expect I’ll be able to call you brother again?’
He walks forward to settle a hand behind Father’s chair, showing his stance. ‘Yes. Because we did it for your good.’
I shove my chair back and bark my words, barely holding back from relieving my anger in a way I know how. I need to get away from these people. ‘You have no idea what is good for me, Alec. It seems you do not know me as much as you thought.’
‘And yet, you almost gave up the Famiglia for her. You never would’ve stayed put with a child in her. And the violence would’ve trailed you right to them.’
Alec looks as though he wishes he could convince me of the truth, a crease between his brows.
I stop and sink back into my chair. He’s right. Damn him and the rest of them, Mel included. Being the underboss had been violent. But what has changed now? Why was she here now?
‘Then why the hell is she here now? Why the fuck did you bring her back into this if you’re so worried about her?’ I question my father, slanting my head up at my mother because she’s been quiet this entire time, and that’s not like her.
She has tears in her eyes that I do not acknowledge. She holds her hand out to me, and I shrink away from it. There is no way in hell that she deserves to be forgiven so easily for this betrayal.
‘Because there is no more time. The Russians are getting too strong. They will ruin us, and we need Sedric’s power and his men. This is no longer just about us.’
So it’s greed. I chuckle with a bland attempt at humor that sounds flat even to my angry ears. ‘I’m leaving. I do not want any of you coming close for quite a few days. I’m going to talk to Mel.’
Father straightens up, as does my mother. ‘You can’t take this out on her.’
I glower at him. ‘She is to be my wife. I will decide how to punish her for this, Father. I think you’ll find you’ve done enough harm already.’
I turn away from them and walk away. Out in the hallway, I exhale a deep, chagrined breath. I hate them. I love them. I don’t know what to settle on.
I clench my fist and head toward the door, deciding spending the day torturing someone would be a great way to get this anger out of my system.
But I can’t, so I decide to head to the gym. One look at Mel and our son will have me up in arms. More than that, this hunger to work through this pain by pounding into her needy body means it would be a terrible idea to be in the same space as that crazy woman.
And I can’t be this mad around my son. Never. I’d seen the way it had been with my father. My son would never have to witness that. Not if I had a choice.
A hand lands on my arm and tugs at me. I growl, the words barely legible. ‘If you put a hand on me again, I’ll fucking kill you, Alec, and I won’t give two fucks about the fact that you’re my brother.’
‘I know you hate me. But none of this was Mel’s fault. She did what she had to do.’ His voice is soft and certain. Not at all the Alec I know.
And why did all of them keep defending her?
‘And what she had to do was declare me a monster and hide my son from me? I never hurt that woman. Not once!’ I hiss through tightly clenched lips, my eyes hazy with anger.
Even at my worst, I’d always reserved my best for her. Always. Never once had I come back from a bad day to her with blood on my hands.
I’d always made sure to keep her shielded from the worst of the Famiglia. Always!
‘You didn’t have to. She saw through the mask that you wore. You knew it was getting worse. Father was asking that you take over. He never would’ve let you be.’
‘So it’s my fault I don’t know my child?’ I snap at him, wringing my head around to him so fast I feel a crank in the muscle. ‘It’s my damned fault I’ve never heard Lucian call me father?’
‘No. But…’
I cut a sharp hand through the air to wave him off. ‘Save it. I’m leaving. Do not follow me.’
I walk away from him, striding to the car where Ryder has the door open without question. I slide into the warm leather and close my eyes, press them very tightly closed, and then I relax the entirety of my face.
‘Did you know about Lucian?’ I ask him.
Ryder goes quiet for a very long time, and for some reason, I begin to pray he didn’t. I’m angry enough, and Ryder is right there.
He’s close but not close enough that I won’t have to fight the urge to shoot him in the back of the head.
‘No. No one told me this had happened. I knew she was sad, but not that the child was the reason.’ He murmurs, taking turns that lead me away from the rambling mansion.
I sit up and run a hand through my already scattered hair. This is something I haven’t heard before. ‘She was sad?’
He lifts his eyes to the mirror and watches me quietly for a moment. I wave my hand to tell him he’s safe to speak to me as he will. ‘Trust me, if I was going to kill anyone today, I’d much rather it was Mel. You would barely move the pendulum on my anger.’
‘You wouldn’t kill her. You never would be able to.’ He says, his deep voice certain in a way the rest of the family seem to be when it comes to Mel.
And because I’d rather not deal with that thought, I ask what I want an answer to. ‘Mel was sad? For how long?’
‘Maybe three months before she left. You were busier. Away more often. She was alone a lot and you never did explain. She had to learn all she did during that period from your siblings or whatever scrap her father would let her glean. I promise I didn’t know about the pregnancy, but it would explain a lot.’
Fuck. I close my eyes again. How the hell was I to explain to a woman I love—loved, that I was drenched in something that was such an utter opposite of her? I was lucky enough to have her light in my darkness; I had no wish to ruin her.
I had no plans to make her hate me for things I couldn’t help. And it was starting to look like I’d pushed her away.
‘Get me home.’
Ryder whistles a dull tune the entire drive back to the house while I keep my eyes closed and massage my forehead. I’m still angry, but I’m willing to talk. I’m willing to listen to her.
Let her explain, make me feel less at fault or the worst man for driving her away.
When we arrive home, it’s already evening, and the guards stationed around the house snap to attention like they weren’t expecting me back home. I wait for Ryder to open my door, then I step out of the car and walk into the house.
It’s oddly quiet. Not a sound. And Romero is absent at the door, which should’ve been my first sign that something wasn’t right—isn’t right still because I do a rotation of the down floor before walking up the stairs, a strange buzzing disquiet in my stomach.
The sound of rushing water meets my ears immediately I step into my room, and I rush to the bathroom, worried, just not giving voice to all the thoughts rushing through my head.
I swing the door open and pull to a stop. Literally frozen in my tracks, my throat dry, my hands itching, and my eyes feasting on the woman showering.
I’m fucked. I know it now as certainly as the first time I’d laid eyes on her during my first visit to Sedric’s home. I was hooked then, as surely as I’m hooked now.
