“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to make you stay?” I waggle my eyebrows and reach out with my toes under the breakfast table.
Arsen grunts as I stroke his crotch with my foot.
“I’m positive.” His eyebrows raise and he doesn’t seem like he’s going to stop me. “But I’d gladly sit still for a quick foot job.”
I pout and pull away. “You’re no fun.”
“I’m the one with a hard dick and no toes to finish me off.”
“What did the doctor say? You should take off a week?”
Arsen stands and comes around the table. He bends down and softly kisses my lips. “I love that you’re trying to keep me here, but you know I can’t.”
“I know.” I lower my eyes, not even sure why this is bothering me so much.
A few days ago, I would’ve been psyched to have the place to myself. I loved it when Arsen would leave in the morning—it meant I’d get to explore the grounds all to myself without having to worry about my psycho husband causing problems.
Now though, it’s like one little stupid stabbing broke my stinking brain.
I can’t stand the thought of him being away for too long.
It’s like anything could happen to him out there, and what would I do with myself if he got hurt?
Sure, I’d be financially comfortable—but what about him?
Money can only buy me so much.
“Look at me, baby.” He tilts my chin toward him. “I love that you want me here with you. Believe me when I say, there’s nowhere I’d rather be in this whole fucked-up world than in this house by your side with your stinky, callused feet in my lap—”
“My feet are dainty and beautiful,” I say in mock outrage.
“They’re trollish and gnarled. But I love them anyway.”
“Then stay and I’ll try on a dozen different pairs of heels.”
“Tempting.” He kisses me lightly. “But I can’t. Have a good day, my wife. Yes sirum yem k’ez.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You’ll figure it out soon enough.”
Then he’s gone and I’m left at the table alone. Maud gives me a sympathetic smile as she cleans up the remains of his breakfast. “How about some French toast?” she offers. “Or maybe blueberry pancakes? Something sweet to take the edge off.”
“No, that’s okay.” I stretch and look out the window. The house’s garden blows in the soft breeze. “Can I admit something to you?”
“Only if you want the whole staff to hear about it.” I raise my eyebrows and the old woman just shrugs. “I’m a terrible blabbermouth.”
“I guess it’s not really a secret.” I lean back and stretch my neck with a sigh. “I like having him around.”
“He’s your husband. That’s not exactly a bad thing.”
“I know, it’s just, I didn’t expect it.”
Maud frowns at me for a moment before tapping a finger on the table. “Arsen’s a good man. If you fall for a good man, then so what?”
“He’s a criminal. He kills people.”
She waves that off. “He’s direct. You know what you’re going to get with him. Better than marrying some banker.”
“What’s wrong with a banker?”
“They kill people too, just not with their own hands.”
“I didn’t know you were a revolutionary.”
“Pragmatist, my dear, just a pragmatist.”
Maud pats my cheek lovingly and wanders off. I smile to myself and sink deeper into the chair. Fact is, when I first came to this house, everything felt strange and terrifying. The ancient hallways and creaking floorboards scared the shit out of me as much as they drove my curiosity insane.
But now I’m comfortable here. I like Maud and most of the other staff. Arsen’s guards are standoffish, but generally kind and respectful. I even like my husband, God help me.
What I don’t like is knowing he’s out there in danger. This war with his family is going to break him. Maybe it won’t kill him, but he’ll have to do something he doesn’t want to do, and I’m afraid of the scars it’ll leave. Invisible scars, the sort that run deeper than skin.
I want to protect him from that if I can. But I know it’s not possible.
When Maud comes to check on me a little later, I ask her to do me a favor. “Can you make an appointment with a tattoo studio or a body piercing place near here?”
“Can’t say I’m familiar with anyone like that.”
“I’m sure you can figure it out. Find someone that does house calls since I doubt Arsen will let me go anywhere.”
“Getting some ink done?”
“My eyebrow pierced, actually. I owe him.”
She laughs but says she’ll see what she can do. I figure if anyone can find a good body piercing artist, it’ll be ultra-competent Maud, even if she doesn’t know much about the industry.
I wander the house after that thinking about all the trouble Arsen might be getting into. It bothers me more than I like to admit, and I find myself craving a distraction. There are only so many times I can sit in the sauna and touch myself though, and eventually I end up standing in front of the locked door.
My curiosity is going to kill me one of these days.
He specifically said not to go in there. I step forward, staring at it. The floorboards flex, and I swear something thumps in the wall. I hear breathing, but I’m all alone. I reach out for the knob, hand shaking. Something shuffles nearby, and when I whirl around, I’m all alone. Nobody’s watching. My lockpick skills are good enough that I could get in there easily if I wanted.
It’s so tempting it hurts. It’s almost cruel, this stupid locked door.
But I remember what he said the last time.
I don’t want to open it.
Whatever’s on the other side, Arsen thinks I’m better off not knowing.
This is a man that happily told me about all the terrible ways he was abused when he was younger.
What’s so bad he can’t let me find it?
“Don’t do it, Lena,” I mutter to myself. Turning away is like ripping off a piece of my own body. “Be strong, Lena. Things are going good. Don’t ruin it for yourself.”
Instead of breaking in, I find Maud and beg her to give me a job. “Body piercing and hard work?” She studies me, lips pressed together. “You really are an odd one.”
“I’m desperate. I’m so bored! There’s got to be something you need help with.”
“Well, the library hasn’t been catalogued in a while and I haven’t dusted in there for a couple weeks.”
“Perfect! Yes! I can Dewey Decimal the shit out of that place!”
“You just need to run a cloth—”
“I’m going to totally rearrange the shelves and set up a master cataloguing system. When I’m done, it’ll be organized so well a master librarian would break down in tears to see its majesty.”
“That seems like a little much.”
“Brew me some tea. I’m getting on it.”
“Whatever you say, dear.”
“Thanks, Maud!”
I storm into the library, feeling like a conquering hero. The locked door is like an itch in the back of my head, but having a job helps ease some of that obsession. So what if there’s a mystery? So what if I’m expressly forbidden from breaking in?
There are thumps in the walls and I feel like I’m being watched.
None of that matters.
I’m going to respect Arsen’s wishes and refrain from doing something stupid for once in my life. No more curiosity. No more exploration.
Just a girl, her library, and a big old dust mop.
This’ll be totally fine.
