I wake up and run my fingers across my husband’s pillow.
I swear, it’s warm—but Arsen’s still gone.
Instead of his big, comforting body, there’s a small bouquet of flowers.
Roses clipped from the garden.
I hold them up to my nose and breathe them in deep.
They smell like him.
“Any luck today?” Maud asks. She puts a plate of pancakes down in front of me. I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been craving them like crazy.
“Aside from the flowers, nothing.”
She sits down heavily on a stool and leans back against the island. “We could flood this place out, you know. Get the whole Brotherhood involved.”
“No.” I give her a stern look. “Please, give him time.”
“He’s been gone for two days.”
“Let him process.”
She sighs wearily and gets back to her feet. “You’re right,” she murmurs. “But if you change your mind, I know of a really good gas recipe that’ll knock out every living thing in a square mile.”
“I’m pretty sure that’d be bad for the baby, right?”
“Darling, we’d give you a mask.”
That night, before I climb under the covers, there’s a piece of paper left on my pillow. I can’t stop thinking about you. I press it against my cheek and pretend it’s his hand touching me in the night.
“Come out when you’re ready,” I tell the empty room.
And I swear the house responds. A creak in the floor, a snap in the roof. A groan and a crack. The history of this place answering back.
“But please, make it soon.”
“I don’t know how long we can play this fucking game.” Tigran paces back and forth across the patio. It’s a beautiful day. I have a new bracelet around one wrist—a gift I found waiting for me in the bathroom this morning.
I have no clue where it came from. I’m guessing it’s very old, from somewhere in the house. I like the way the diamonds glitter.
“Give him another couple of days.”
“My brother’s not a fucking coward.” Tigran slams his fist against the wall, glaring back at the house. “You hear me, Arsen? You can’t just hide from your responsibilities!”
“He’s not hiding. Trust me, this is a big deal to him.”
“What did that bitch Sona tell him, anyway?” He sinks down into a chair across from me. That angry outburst looks like it drained most of his rage away.
“It’s not my place to say.”
“Great. Wonderful. Arsen’s hiding away in his house like a recluse and I’m supposed to just… hold it all together?”
“Basically, yeah.”
“Fine.” He leans forward with a groan and rubs his face. I know Tigran doesn’t like me, but I think he’s a good person. At least, he’s extremely loyal to Arsen and I can tell this whole thing is bothering him.
Tigran wants to stomp through the house and drag Arsen out. But that won’t help anything.
“He’ll tell you when he’s ready. I promise, you’ll understand.”
“When’s that going to be? Tonight? Tomorrow? Two months?”
I hold up my hands and wish I could give him an exact timeline. “He’s processing.”
“You’re covering for him.”
“I mean, yeah, obviously.”
“Is he dying? Is he sick? Just fucking tell me the truth.”
“He’s not sick and he’s not dying. Just trust me, okay?”
Tigran’s lips press together as he studies me. I look back at him and hope he understands how sincere I’m being. He sighs as he leans back in his chair and tilts his face up toward the sun.
“You care about him,” he says, peering at me through narrowed eyelids.
“I really do.”
“I didn’t think you would. I mean, when all this first happened. I thought you were just some gold digger.”
“I’m not, but I don’t blame you for thinking that.”
“He’s crazy about you, you know.”
Emphasis on crazy. “I know.”
“That means you can break his heart.”
“I won’t.”
“My brother’s a good man. He went through a lot of shit when we were younger and it fucked him up, but he cares about his people. And he cares about you.”
“I wouldn’t be sitting here doing this if he didn’t mean something to me.”
He nods, but still looks wary. “I want to trust you. I really do.”
I put my hand over my belly. “You know about the baby, right? This is my family now, Tigran. You’re my brother-in-law and this little kid’s going to be your niece or nephew. I’m not trying to fuck anything up. I promise.”
He stares at my stomach and his face softens. A little smile creases his eyes. “I forgot that I’m going to be an uncle.”
“You’ll be a good one too. I can already tell.”
“You’re just saying that to score points.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Good job, because it worked.” He stands up and stretches. Tigran’s the long-limbed version of Arsen. He’s wiry and athletic, where Arsen’s muscular and heavy. Even though they’re only cousins, there’s an undeniable family resemblance. “I’ll keep stalling for him. Things are good now, fortunately, so it’s not hard. The family’s back to work and nobody’s bickering yet. But it won’t last without him.”
“How long do I have?”
“Days at most. Less than a week before the questions get too loud. I’ll make some shit up about having a honeymoon with you.”
“What, we can’t go to Paris for a month?”
“Days,” he repeats and turns away. “Bring him back.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Later, after Tigran’s gone, I curl up in the nursery. Arsen used a projector to paint a cute bunny scene on the wall above the crib. Several baby rabbits in a row all looking up at their mommy as she hands out some baby-sized carrots. It’s adorable and I have no idea where he found it.
I give the baby rabbits names. Timmy, Tommy, Tina. I pretend like it’s my little rabbit family. I smile to myself, looking up at the wall, and one second, it’s mid-morning, and the next it’s mid-afternoon and my body’s aching. My back hurts from falling asleep on the floor.
There’s a rattle on the floor near me. It’s old and doesn’t really work. But it wasn’t there before.
“Tigran’s worried,” I tell the room. “Everyone’s worried. I know you’re processing, but come back to me.”
Silence.
“I’ll make a deal with you. If you come back by the end of tomorrow, you can pick the name.” I rub my hand over my belly. “I won’t even argue if you make the wrong choice.”
More silence. But he’s listening. I can almost feel him watching me.
“Come back to me, Arsen.”
Another day slips past. I shimmy through the passages and find evidence of him. An empty coffee mug with a ring at the bottom, only a day old at most. Blankets piled in a warm corner. It’s almost like he wants me to track him down.
It would be easy. He’s not really putting up much of a fight. I know he’s in the old wing hiding from me when I go looking. We have an understanding: I won’t press too hard, and he won’t completely disconnect.
The only problem is the one thing he needs is the one thing he can’t have.
“We’ve got our first problem,” Tigran says that night. He’s lurking on the front steps and seems reluctant to come inside.
“What’s going on?”
“Just some minor argument between cousins. It’s the sort of thing Arsen could solve in ten seconds, and if he really were on a honeymoon, we’d just call him.”
“What if I’m not letting him have a phone?”
“He’s the patron, Lena. He’ll have a fucking phone.”
I raise my eyebrows, but I decide not to argue the point. “He needs to be available.”
“Sooner rather than later. I said you’re on some excursion without a cell signal, but that only buys you a day.”
“I’ll bring him back.”
“Please do.” He hesitates and looks over his shoulder. I can tell he’s got something else to say but doesn’t want to bring it up. “The way you’re covering for him and trying to help him. I respect that.”
“Thanks. I feel the same way about you.”
“I wasn’t very welcoming when he first married you. I know that.”
“It’s okay. Really, it’s fine.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not so bad.” He looks at me and nods once. “Maybe you’ll be a pretty good sister-in-law.”
“I hope so,” I say and feel a strange kind of warmth come over my body. I smile and give him a quick, tight hug. “I’m happy you came around.”
“Whatever,” he mutters, frowning at me, and stalks off into the night.
I watch him go then turn back to the house. “Did you hear that?” I call out. “Time’s up, Arsen. We need to talk.”
A board creaks nearby. I wait, but there’s nothing.
Later, after I’ve gone to bed, I feel someone breathing. “Come find me tomorrow,” he whispers and presses his lips to my neck.
I sit up straight, heart racing. Sweat beads my skin.
“Arsen? Is that you?”
But the room’s empty.
Just another ghost.
I crawl through the passageways. Spiderwebs stick to my hair. I sneeze twice when dust gets up my nose. I’ve gotten better about avoiding all the old nails.
Earlier, I heard some of the guards talking. They’re big, tough guys, and both seemed freaked out. “Weird fucking noises,” one said to the other. “Like the goddamn walls are full of people or some shit.”
“Bro, I heard it too. Like someone’s crawling around in there.”
“Spooky as hell. I knew this place was haunted. Always felt fucking wrong.”
I smile to myself as I slip my way into the forbidden wing. If only those guards knew how right they were.
This house is full of bodies.
It doesn’t take long. I find him sitting alone in a small room at the back side of the house. The window overlooks the garden. Moonlight streams in through the open blinds.
He’s sitting on a narrow twin bed. The covers are light blue with little puffy clouds. It looks like it was a little boy’s room a long time ago, but now it’s mostly empty. Whatever was left of his childhood was cleared out years back.
“I know I’m fucking up,” he says quietly as I slip out of the closet. “I’ve done a lot of that lately.”
“It’s okay, Arsen.”
He smiles but doesn’t look at me. “All this time, I kept telling myself a story about who I am. Do you want to hear it?”
“I know who you are already.” I go to him and sit down on the bed. I put a hand on his knee and he looks at me. His eyes are red and haunted.
“I told myself that I was special, that I was the son of the patron, and pain would only make me stronger. I told myself that I had to hurt if I was going to learn how to lead men. I told myself that my father knew what was best. All those years, I hated him, but I also looked up to him. Because he was my father. He raised me, and I wanted to live up to his expectations. Until one day, I understood that it wasn’t really possible, and I killed him. Can you imagine the guilt? It ate at me like stomach acid spilling into my veins. And now I find out that I didn’t actually kill my dad. Just the man that raised and abused me.”
“He was your father,” I say and lean against his side.
Arsen wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me tight. “The Sarkissian name’s been everything to me. The Brotherhood is my entire world. When Sona told me that I’m actually half Russian and I’ve never been who I thought I was, it felt like my head was splitting in half.”
“But you are who you’ve always been. This doesn’t change anything.”
“You’re wrong. It changes everything.” He brushes my hair from my face and kisses me gently. “I don’t have to be something I’m not.”
His words are all jumbled in my head. I lean closer, heart racing, and I kiss him again. He pulls me into his lap and I straddle his hips. I grind into him as his hands explore my body.
“I needed this,” I whisper as his mouth buries mine with a deep and vicious kiss. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too. But I was never far.”
“I know. You fucking creep.”
He laughs lightly and pulls my hair. I gasp as he bites my lower lip. “You’re so fucking mouthy,” he says, a growl low in the back of his throat. “I missed silencing you.”
He slams his tongue in my mouth. I whimper into that kiss and push myself tighter. All my sadness, all my fear and my worry from the last few days, I throw it at him. I launch myself into him like a vicious little snake, writhing against his hard body.
He undresses me. His hands palm my breasts and he sucks my nipples. I desperately strip off my jeans and he turns me, throws me onto the bed, and rips my knees apart.
His mouth devours my pussy. “I thought about doing this every fucking night,” he says, tonguing me up and down. His fingers slide inside and bury me. “I watched you sleep and wanted to wake you up with my lips sucking your fucking clit. I wanted to hear you moan and whisper my name. It’s been killing me.”
“It’s killing me too,” I moan, grinding into his mouth. “Fuck, Arsen, I need you in me. Please, fuck me.”
He slides his fingers from my pussy and shoves them in my mouth. “Look at you,” he whispers. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m your husband. It doesn’t matter who my parents are. It doesn’t matter what blood’s in my veins. I’m your husband and you’re my wife and we’re going to have our baby soon. Me and you, that’s who I am.”
I whimper as he undresses. His cock’s thick and beautiful as he presses it inside of me. It fills me to the brim and I grind into him. I kiss him, greedy for his mouth, greedy for his taste.
We fuck in a slow rhythm. I want to feel every inch. I kiss his chest and he licks my eyebrow. He strokes my pierced belly button and nibbles on my stiff nipples. His cock fills me deeper and deeper until we’re grinding fast, moving together, bliss ripping down my core in waves of building pressure.
“I need you by my side,” he moans in my ear. “I need you, Lena. You’re who I am now.”
“Arsen,” I gasp, arching into him. I push harder, needing him so badly it kills me.
“Come for me, baby. God, you feel so fucking good. Come for me now.”
A low moan escapes my throat and it hits me hard. I finish all over his big dick, and he’s not far behind. He fills me to the brim with his warmth, and we end up in a jumbled mess on what I have to guess is his old childhood bed.
His arms feel so good wrapped around me. This is what I’ve been craving since that terrible night when he retreated into the house. This is what I’ve needed so badly.
I’m back where I belong.
“I missed you.” He nuzzles against my neck. “My beautiful girl.” His hands move over my breasts. I swear, he’s still half hard.
“Does this mean you’re coming back?”
“Thank you for giving me some time to think. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“Tigran’s losing his mind.”
“I can imagine.” He laughs lightly and pulls me tighter against him. “Yes, this means I’m coming back.”
“Good.” I turn and face him. His eyes seem lighter now. Like he’s been carrying a terrible weight, but it’s been sucked away. I kiss him softly. “But we don’t have anywhere to be for a while.”
“You want to stay here?”
I shrug slightly and take one of his hands. I guide it up to my mouth. “We don’t have anywhere to be and technically we’re on our honeymoon.”
“Is that what Tigran’s telling people?”
I take two of his fingers and suck them. He groans lightly, staring at my mouth. “Let’s make up for lost time.”
“You’re my blood now,” he whispers.
“And you’re my everything,” I answer, reaching down to take his cock in both hands. I stroke him slowly, getting him hard. “I love you, Arsen. I’m stupid for you.”
“I love you too. But you knew that.”
“You might love me a little bit too much.”
“Probably.” He gets very hard very quickly. “But you like it.”
“I really do.” I shimmy down, kissing his chest, all the scars over his flat stomach, until I reach his cock.
I take him in my mouth and suck.
Fuck, I love the way he moans. That low, erotic groan. I suck and lick, sloppy, moaning as I do it. Overflowing with stupid love. Wet, sticky love. The kind of love that’s going to kill me one day. The best kind of love.
