Laughter and raised voices greet me when I reach the bottom step of the stairs in Gia and Joshua’s palatial house. Following the sound, I discover the adults congregated in the large, plush living space, spread out across the two white leather sectionals in front of a blazing open fire.
Everyone is here tonight. Little Nico is having a sleepover because his parents didn’t want to leave him in the house next door, asleep on his own, even if this estate has the best security systems and they have a baby monitor. I can’t fault Caleb and Elisa for wanting their kid to be close by. From the things Cristian has said, the Italian mafia has their fair share of enemies, and if it was me, I’d be overprotective of my kid too.
It only reaffirms I did the right thing leaving my cartel cell behind, even if I’m sick to my stomach knowing my mother is paying that price right now. Nerves prod at me as I stand back, feeling like an intruder. They’ve all been so nice and welcoming; making sure I’m included in every conversation and I don’t feel left out. Shame has a stranglehold on my insides, warring with the usual guilt and fear. I’m the enemy in their midst, and they have no clue. I hate what I’m being forced to do, but it is what it is, and I’ve got a part to play. Time is ticking, and if I don’t produce something tomorrow, Pablo will seriously hurt my mother to make a point.
I clear my throat, and every head whips in my direction. “They’re all asleep,” I confirm, standing awkwardly behind the couches.
“You’re an angel,” Elisa says, scooting up and patting the empty space beside her. “Come sit. We have wine.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Sloane.” Cristian’s intense attention sends fiery shivers tiptoeing up and down my spine as I walk toward the girls. “Thank you.”
“Our kids already have you twisted around their little fingers.” Caleb grins as he lifts a bottle of beer to his lips. “It was manipulation at its finest.”
“What would you like to drink?” Gia asks.
“Wine is good. Thanks,” I say, sinking onto the couch in between Gia and Elisa. “I didn’t mind,” I tell Caleb, looking over at him. He’s seated at the end of the other couch with Cristian on his left. “They’re the sweetest kids. Adorable and so well-mannered. You should all be proud.” I was flattered the kids wanted me to read them a bedtime story, and it wasn’t a chore.
“We’re honored to be their parents.” Elisa hands me a glass of lush red wine. “I just love being a mother.”
“Do you want kids, Sloane?” Caleb asks, his eyes boring a hole in the side of my head.
“Caleb! That’s a really personal question.” Elisa shakes her head, warning him with her eyes. “Ignore him, you don’t have to answer.”
“We’re all friends here,” Giulio says. “You’ll quickly discover that means nothing is sacred and no topic is off-limits.”
“It’s an invasion of Sloane’s privacy.” Cristian glares at his friends. “Drop it and stop being rude.”
“I want kids,” I truthfully admit, because answering seems the best way to avoid an argument. “Though it’s not in the cards for a long time.”
If at all. It’s not like I can plan anything anymore. The thought is sobering and upsetting. On several occasions this past week, I’ve fallen into the fantasy, almost forgetting the reality of my situation. Every time I crash-land into the nightmare of my current existence, it’s like stabbing myself through the heart. I’m trying to stay focused, to remember I’m doing this to save Mom, but it’s hard sometimes not to let my mind wander to all the plans I had for my future. A future that evaporated in an instant the moment I stepped foot in that Russian bar that fateful night.
“You’ll make an amazing mother,” Elisa says, yanking me out of my head. “If our kids are any indication, children naturally gravitate to you because you have a warm, nurturing, and fun side.”
“That’s very kind of you to say.” I sip my wine, fighting the growing turmoil inside me.
“So, Sloane.” Giulio’s eyes twinkle with mischief as he stares at me. “Are you dating anyone right now?”
“Giulio.” Cristian manages to convey such menace with that one word—it’s impressive.
“I’m casually dating, but it’s not serious at all,” I say before lifting the wineglass to my lips.
“You failed to mention that, my friend.” Caleb arches a brow in Cristian’s direction.
“Like I said earlier, Accardi, Sloane’s private life is no one’s business but her own.”
“Are you exclusive?” Giulio leans forward with his elbows propped on his knees, flashing me a flirty grin.
A laugh bursts from my chest. “What part of casually dating and not serious gave you that impression?” I want Cristian jealous, but the lie could backfire if I’m not careful.
“Great, so if I was to say…hypothetically ask you out to dinner, you might not be opposed to it?” Giulio asks with an expanding grin.
Holy fuck, this is so not helping. “Umm.” It’s not that Giulio isn’t dateable. He’s a good-looking guy. Well dressed with good taste, obvious money, and charm, and he seems to have a fun personality. But he’s not my target, and I don’t think going on a date with one of my boss’s friends will positively support my goals in any way. I glance briefly at Cristian. Steam is practically billowing from his ears, but I’m not sure if he’s offended on my behalf or if he’s jealous. “I’m flattered, Giulio, but I don’t think that would be appropriate given my position as Elio’s nanny.”
Relief is written all over Cristian’s face. Caleb is grinning like he’s privy to some private joke. Elisa is eyeballing her husband and issuing some silent warning. Joshua is sitting back on the couch, with his ankle resting on his knee, looking unfazed as he takes it all in. Gia is drinking her wine and watching all our reactions carefully, and I get the sense nothing gets past her.
“You’re too old for her anyway,” Cristian says.
Giulio’s lips tease into another grin. “I’m only a few years older than you.”
Cristian’s shoulders stiffen. “What has that got to do with anything?”
“Age is just a number,” Caleb says. “Look how happy Valentina and Fiero are, and the age gap between them is much larger.”
“Change the subject,” Cristian barks, tightening his grip on his beer bottle.
“So, back to kids, Sloane,” Caleb says, and Cristian snaps, jumping up and jabbing his finger between Caleb and Giulio. “You’re both meddling pricks.” He drains his beer and sets it down on the table. “I’m going out for a walk.” He storms off, leaving tense silence in the air.
“That was cruel,” Elisa says, staring at her husband. “You should go after him.”
“Let me.” I climb to my feet, putting my wineglass down. “I could use a walk too.” I rush off in the direction Cristian went, grabbing my new coat and gloves on the way.
When I step outside, my boss is nowhere in sight, and I haven’t got a clue where he might’ve gone.
“I know where he is,” Gia says, appearing at my back. “Come on. I’ll walk you over to him.”
“Thanks.” I fall into step beside her, and we don’t talk for a few seconds until Gia breaks the silence.
“I’m sorry about those idiots back there.” She rubs her bare hands together. “It might seem like they’re stirring up trouble, but it’s only because they care about Cristian. We all do. He’s one of the good guys, and he deserves all the happiness in the world.”
“I get that, and you don’t need to apologize.” My breath forms little puffy clouds in the chilly nighttime air as we take a left and step onto a path that cuts across the large shared garden at the rear of both properties. “I’m guessing his ex did a real number on him,” I add, throwing out the bait.
Surprise splays across Gia’s face. “He told you about Aliya?”
I nod. “She sounds like a selfish bitch.”
“Aliya disappointed us all. They were dating for two years, and I thought of her as a friend. She was fun, smart, ambitious. We all thought she really loved Cristian, but she showed her true colors when he adopted Elio. She didn’t say anything at first. We think she thought he wouldn’t go through with it or that the Da Rosa family would take him in. But as soon as the adoption papers were signed and Cristian took Elio home, she changed her tune. I’ve never been so disgusted in another woman. None of us speaks to her anymore.”
“At least she didn’t pretend. That would’ve been worse.” The irony isn’t lost on me.
“True. She spared him that pain, Elio too.”
“I don’t know how anyone could reject either of them. I haven’t known them long, but it’s long enough to know the truth. Any woman would be lucky to have them in her life.”
“Does that sentiment extend to you?” she asks, slowing down as we reach the woods.
I purposely frown. “I’m not sure I follow.”
“Don’t do that. We’ve all seen the looks passing between you. The attraction is obvious.”
“I’m the nanny, Gia. Cristian is my boss.”
“I didn’t let that stop me when I was Joshua’s employee.” She shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat. “I won’t tell you what to do. Cristian is right; it’s no one’s business but your own, but I will say this. Don’t hurt him, and don’t mess him around.”
Before I can even try to form a response, she points to a path on the left. “Follow that trail. He’ll be in the gazebo at the end.” Gia spins on her heel and walks off, leaving me drowning in a pool of guilt and pain.
It takes a few minutes to compose myself before I set off in the direction of the gazebo. Lights border the stone path all the way, helping to guide me. Giant evergreens form a forested arch overhead, and mottled fallen leaves crunch under my feet as I walk, surrounded by nocturnal sounds of the woods. I’m lost in thought, plotting different strategies and wondering which angle is the best to play.
“You shouldn’t be out here,” Cristian says from behind me, and I almost have a coronary on the spot.
My heart jumps into my mouth, and a scream tears from my lips. I stumble on my feet as my knees buckle. Warmth seeps through my coat, heating me all over, when Cristian slides his arm around my waist and pulls me up against him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Holy fuck.” I slap a hand over my chest, rubbing at the anxiety mushrooming there. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that!”
“Come sit down.” Keeping me tucked into his side, with his arm firmly holding me upright, he guides me over to the gazebo and down onto the couch inside.
The cushion dips when he sits beside me, and I feel his intense gaze on me as I examine our surroundings. String lights creep up the four wooden posts, helping to illuminate the space alongside the spotlights embedded in the circular stone patio the gazebo is positioned on. The long rectangular coffee table plays host to a myriad of candles and diffusers. Various flower beds with different shrubs, flowers, and stone decorations border the structure on all sides. “It’s pretty out here.”
“You should see it in June or July. It’s magnificent during the day with an abundance of colorful flowers, but at night, it’s magical when the fireflies come out to play. I like to come here when I visit to think.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you preferred to be alone. I only wanted to check you were all right.” I stand, praying he stops me.
I look down at him, watching some inner battle wage upon his face. “Stay.”
His dulcet tone invades every nook and cranny of my being, lighting me up from the inside. I let my tongue peek out, wetting my lips, watching him trace the movement with his eyes, and I settle on a game plan. It’s risky, but I don’t have months to seduce him. Mom doesn’t have months. I have to work with what I’ve got. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining the looks he throws my way when he thinks I’m not watching, but Gia just confirmed it. “How long are we going to ignore this thing between us, Cristian?” I deliberately lower my voice, piercing him with a sultry look as I wait for his reply.
He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. This time, I can only guess at the inner battle taking place because he’s wearing a carefully constructed neutral expression on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I stare him straight in the eyes. “Don’t embarrass me, Cristian. At least have the balls to face up to it.”
He holds himself rigidly still, and he doesn’t break eye contact as he replies. “Having this conversation is not in either of our best interests.”
“Your friends don’t seem to think so.” I sit back down, deliberately letting my knee brush against his leg. “Unless I’ve mistaken what that was all about back at the house.”
“My friends spoke out of turn, and you’d do well to forget it.”
Tentatively, I reach out and touch his arm. “Tell me I’m wrong. That I’m imagining the way you look at me.” My fingers trail up his arm, and he doesn’t move a muscle to stop me. His gaze is fixed on my face, and electricity crackles in the air. “That you don’t feel the same electric pull between us. That your heart doesn’t speed up when I enter a room like mine does with you.” My hand touches bare skin at his neck. His pulse thuds steadily under my fingertips, and his Adam’s apple jumps in his throat as I slowly caress his neck and his jawline. I move a little closer, letting my thigh snuggle against his. Fire burns in his eyes, and his nostrils flare as his hungry gaze dips to my mouth. “That you don’t imagine what it’d be like to kiss me when your eyes linger on my mouth like they are now.”
My fingers trail a path over his lush lips. My heart is pounding behind my chest, and butterflies are running amok in heady anticipation. My mouth waters as I fixate on his mouth, silently pleading with him to kiss me. “I know you want to kiss me, like I know you’re longing to touch me the way I’m touching you right now.” I press a kiss to the underside of his jawline, my nose touching the silky layer of stubble residing there.
Cristian hops up, and I almost face-plant the couch. “It doesn’t matter what we feel. Nothing can happen, Sloane. You’re my son’s nanny. We can’t let anything get in the way of that.”
“I can be Elio’s nanny and mean something to you too,” I say, though I know it’s a lost cause from the expression on his face. He looks tortured, like he’s writhing in pain. I rise to my feet. “I’ve never felt such a strong connection to any man before, Cristian. Maybe it’s not the same for you, but something that feels like this can’t be wrong.”
“To cross that line would not be right, Sloane, and let’s face it. I’m way too old for you.”
“How old are you?” I ask, leaning against one of the gazebo posts.
“I’m thirty-two and already far too jaded. You should be with someone your own age.”
I push off the post and close the distance between us, pressing my hands to the front of his jacket. “Guys my age are immature and self-obsessed. None of them could compare to you. Your age doesn’t matter a bit to me, Cristian.” I place my hand over his heart. “All that matters is what’s in here.” I peer deep into his conflicted eyes. “You’re a good person, Cristian. The most incredible father. I can’t help how I feel, and—”
He steps back, letting my hand fall to my side. “No, Sloane.” His tone is authoritative, brooking no argument. “This cannot and will not happen. You are Elio’s nanny, and he is your sole priority. If you can’t put your feelings aside, we may have to reconsider your position. I don’t want to do that, but this isn’t happening. Do you hear me?”
Fuck. I’ve overplayed it, and now all seems lost. “Yes, Cristian. I hear you loud and clear.” My voice cracks, and it wasn’t intentional.
His features soften, and his voice is gentler when he speaks. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you’ve got to let this go. We can forget about it and start over.”
“Forgive me. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“I blame my friends, not you, okay?”
Pain lashes me all over as I nod.
“Come on. It’s freezing. Let’s go back to the fire.”
