Five Years Later
“Please tell me you’re not seriously considering it.” Caleb drills me with a pointed look as he lifts a beer bottle to his lips.
Giggles and high-pitched screams pierce the air as the kids run around the garden, playing and chasing one another. It’s the weekend, and Elisa decided to throw an impromptu alfresco lunch when the early June day dawned bright and sunny. Us five adults are congregated around the patio area, enjoying a cold beer and a chilled glass of wine under the shade while we keep an eye on our rambunctious offspring.
Gia and Elisa cradle their sleeping babies in their arms as we chat, gently rocking them or dotting kisses on their cute faces. I’m happy my friends have expanded their families over the years, but it only serves to remind me of everything I’ve lost through my own stupidity and weakness.
“I’m thirty-seven, and Elio will be ten in December. He needs a mother, and I promised Pops on his deathbed I would give up chasing a ghost and take a wife.”
“We hate seeing you like this, and we want you to move on. It’s what Sloane would want too,” Joshua says. “But a marriage contract isn’t your only option.”
“It is the only option.” I knock back a mouthful of beer. “You, of all people, should understand.”
Elisa clutches my hand. “It’s so hard to see you hurting. Has it gotten any easier?”
I shake my head, letting the pain loose to run free inside me. “Every month that passes without any sighting or news of her kills me a little more inside.” I scrub my hands down my face. “Sometimes, I wonder if I’m legit insane because I only knew her for three weeks, but I still miss her every second of every day, and there is no one else for me. Sloane is the love of my life. There won’t be another.”
“Time is irrelevant when you find the other half of your soul,” Gia says, smiling lovingly at her husband from across the table. “My parents were engaged less than a month after meeting, married a few months later, and they are still blissfully happy all these years later. You’re not crazy, Cristian.”
“Some would say I am because I found the one, and I didn’t protect her the way I promised. I pushed her away and told her she was dead if she ever came back to New York. She’s gone, lost to me forever, because of my actions.” The usual pressure sits on my chest, but I’m used to living with the pain. It’s been constant throughout the years, when each new lead winds up going nowhere.
“You weren’t the only one who handled it badly.” Gia reminds me, snuggling her babe against her chest. “I’m ashamed of how I reacted. Elisa was the only one who saw it clearly without any doubts.”
“There’s no point looking back, and no one could’ve done more to find her than you,” Joshua says, directing his comment in my direction. “You’ve been relentless, and you’ve tried everything.”
“Yet it wasn’t enough.” I slap a hand over my heart. “She’s in here. Sloane will always own every piece of me. Which is why a marriage contract is the only way forward. I don’t want any other woman.” Even the thought of it turns my stomach. “I only want her, but I promised myself I’d draw a line when five years were up. There hasn’t been any sign of her in over a year, and I can’t keep chasing a ghost.” I can’t verbalize the crippling thoughts that sometimes creep into my brain, telling me I was too late getting to Fuentes and he got to her first. I don’t want to believe the shit he said before I ended the psycho bastard were truths, and not purely the taunts of a man who knew his time was up.
“Maybe Sloane realized she could finally stop running,” Caleb says.
“She is most likely settled somewhere under a new identity living a new life,” Gia says, but I can tell, like me, she can’t discount the possibility my love is buried in a nameless grave somewhere.
“I want to believe it so badly,” I say over the lump in my throat. “I want to think of her happy out there somewhere living her best life, even if it’s not with me. I’d have closure if I got confirmation, but not knowing either way is slowly eating me alive.”
“Perhaps she’s out there thinking the same thing of you, Cristian.” Elisa’s features soften with compassion. “She wouldn’t want you to live your life without love. You might just need more time before you’re ready to date again.”
“I know what I want, Elisa, and it will always be her. If my punishment is to live without love, so be it. It’s what I deserve for betraying the woman I love, for not being there for her when she needed me most. But I won’t let Elio suffer. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for my failings.”
Genuine affection mushrooms in my chest as I smile at my best friend’s wife. “I’m so grateful to you, Elisa. Natalia, Serena, and Sierra too. You’ve all showered him with love, but he needs a permanent guiding light in his life.”
Elisa babysat the kids for part of the day every day for years, while her mother, mother-in-law, and Gia’s mother took the kids the rest of the time so she could work for her graphic design clients. It has made life easier for all of us, and I’m so grateful for the support.
Elio was troubled for months after Sloane left, and I didn’t want to hire a stranger to care for him, so Elisa’s selfless offer was a lifesaver. Now he’s older, he doesn’t need a full-time nanny, but he does need a mother.
“And you think Isotta Da Rosa fits the bill?” Gia’s tone is laced with disbelief. I’ve been waiting for her to cut in. She hates Elio’s aunt even more than she used to.
“She’s been consistent in his life, and he adores her.” They have weekly sleepovers, and she shows up for every school play, every basketball game, every event, and activity. No one can convince me she doesn’t love Elio as much as she’d love her own child.
“That won’t change if you marry her,” Caleb says. “Let her have more access to him if that’s what Elio wants, but don’t saddle yourself with a woman you’ll never love.”
I knew my friends would react like this when I told them of Rafaelo’s proposal. Elio’s maternal grandfather is retiring this year, and he’s keen to tie up loose ends. His spinster daughter being top of the list. He has approached me about it a few times in the past couple of years, and I get it. There is already a blood bond between our families and a shared commitment to Elio’s well-being. Isa never remarried after the shame of Carmine’s treachery, and I haven’t recovered after losing Sloane. We both crave a family but haven’t found love.
On paper, it makes a lot of sense.
“Love has nothing to do with it,” I say. “Isa knows I will never love her and never be her lover. We’ll have separate bedrooms and use IVF to have children. It’s a mutually beneficial business arrangement where both parties know exactly what they are getting out of the union.”
“You cannot genuinely be this naïve.” Gia shakes her head. “Come on, Cristian. Wise the hell up. Isa has always wanted you. I don’t care what bullshit is in the contract, mark my words, as soon as your ring is on her finger, she’ll be doing her best to seduce you. The woman is a snake, and I can’t believe you are giving this any consideration! You will never convince me she didn’t have some involvement in what went down. I don’t care if everything pointed to Carmine and Vincenzo, and nothing tied her to it. My gut says there is more to it, and I always trust my instincts.”
“Gia, I love you, but you’re totally biased when it comes to her.”
“You’re a blind fool if you go ahead with this,” she clips out. “I’m not sure I can ever speak to you again if you shackle yourself to that cunt.”
“Tell me how you really feel.” I drain my beer and snap my fingers, gesturing at Elio to come. I don’t want to say something I’ll later regret, and it’s clear we’ll never see eye to eye on this subject. “I promised my father I’d marry, and it’s time.”
“Your old man was a sly bastard on his deathbed.” Caleb pins me with a look that dares me to challenge him for speaking ill of the dead. “He did a number on you and poor Sabina. Just because you told him what he wanted to hear before he passed away, doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. It’s a conversation you should have with your sister too.”
“It’s called honoring a promise. Something both of us feel a duty to fulfill.”
“Maybe you are legit insane,” Caleb adds, “because you’re throwing your life away without even trying to find love again.”
Elio runs across the grass as I stand abruptly, letting my chair fall to the ground. “You don’t get to lecture me.” I work hard to leash my anger because I know my friend’s words come from a place of concern. “You have a beautiful wife, a beautiful family, and life is perfect. I gave up my one and only chance at that kind of happiness.” I thump my clenched fist against my chest as Elio approaches, slowing his steps and frowning at the obvious confrontation. “I don’t get to have that now, but I’ve got to find some way of moving forward, and this is my only option.” So what if I’m miserable? Maybe it’s the price I have to pay for fucking up so spectacularly.
“Why not wait and find someone else to enter into a marriage contract with?” Joshua suggests. “You’d have no shortage of offers.”
She’d be a stranger to Elio, but I’m not stating that out loud when he could possibly hear. “I’ll think about it,” I lie. Crooking my fingers, I gesture Elio forward. “Thanks for a lovely lunch, Elisa.” Bending down, I kiss her cheek before kissing her baby son’s brow. “I’m gonna stay in the city tonight, but you can tell Natalia we’ll be back tomorrow in time for Sunday lunch.” Elio is staying with Isa tonight at her Manhattan apartment, and I plan to drop by my mother’s house to see her and my sister. I’ll either sleep there or at the penthouse.
“We only say this because we love you so much and want you to be happy,” Elisa clarifies, squeezing my arm.
“I know, and I’m grateful to have friends who have my back.” It’s no word of a lie, but we’re never going to agree on this, and ultimately, it’s my life, my decision.
Elio hugs his aunts and uncles, then trots alongside me as we make our way around the side of the house. “Why were you arguing?” He frowns as he stares up at me. He’s shot up a lot this past year, and I can already tell he’s going to be taller than me.
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
His brow creases in concentration, and he nibbles on his lip as we walk to where the bodyguards are waiting. Nodding in acknowledgment at John Angelo and Umberto, I stride toward my BMW as my men climb into the SUV. Even though Pablo Fuentes has been dealt with and a tentative peace deal is in place with his much more reasonable brother, I still take zero chances, insisting bodyguards come everywhere with us.
John Angelo turned down the capo promotion I offered him five years ago, requesting instead promotion to head bodyguard. I readily agreed, and it was a good decision. As well as being my personal bodyguard, he manages the bodyguard team that protects me, my son, my mother, and my sister. He’s kept us safe, and I’m grateful. He’s approaching retirement, and we’ve already begun discussion on succession planning. I will miss the guy who’s become a quasi-father figure as much as a valued employee.
“Dad,” Elio says when we’re on the road a few minutes later. “Are you going to marry Auntie Isa?”
I arch a brow. “Where’d you hear that?”
“I overheard Auntie Isa talking on the phone last weekend.”
The contract has only been drawn up, and nothing is signed, so Isa should not be talking about it to anyone. Goddamn her. I rub at my throbbing temples. Fuck, maybe my friends are right, and I should look for someone else to enter into an arrangement with.
“I am considering entering into a marriage contract with your aunt, but nothing has been agreed yet.” Elio is aware of his heritage and the traditions associated with Cosa Nostra, so he knows what this means. My son has embraced our world, and he’s already told me he wants to initiate at thirteen. Taking my eyes off the road for a second, I look at my son. “How would you feel about it if I did marry her?”
He doesn’t answer immediately, thinking about it. “Will it make you happy?”
I never want to lie to my son, but how the fuck do I answer truthfully? “It’s not about me being happy. It’s about my responsibility as a don. It’s time I took a wife, gave you those siblings you long for, and a mother.”
He’s pensive again, and I give him time to think about it as I take the exit for the highway. “I love Auntie Isa, and I’d like a little brother, but the only thing I need is my dad.” My chest swells with love for my son. It’s been the two of us for so long, and in a lot of ways, I don’t want that to change. But that’s the selfish side of me speaking. We have a tight bond; one I worry might change if I bring others into our huddle. Elio glances at me, and he looks and sounds more mature than his years when he says, “Grandma says life without love is only half a life. She says your love for me is really big, but your love for Sloane is big too, and you’re sometimes sad because you miss her.”
My heart is a shredded, bleeding mess that has robbed my senses of normal functionality, but I somehow manage to force a response. “I didn’t know Grandma had spoken to you about Sloane.” Elio missed her a lot at the start, crying for her at night on so many occasions. I wasn’t the only DiPietro to fall hard. It hurt him every time her name was brought up, so I stopped mentioning her. He was only four when she came into his life, and I assumed he’d long since forgotten about her. “Do you remember her?”
“Not much,” he admits, leaning his elbow against the car door and propping his head on his hand. “She built me a space station,” he adds, looking wistful.
“She did.”
“And she was an amazing basketball player.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes. “She was.”
“I know you have pictures of her in your drawer,” he says. “I found them one day. She’s very pretty.”
“She’s beautiful,” I choke out. “Inside and out.”
“You should marry Sloane,” he says with confidence, shrugging like the decision is no biggie.
It’s a miracle I don’t crash the car. It takes several minutes to compose myself because my son has left me speechless. Elio pulls out his tablet and begins searching through his movie database as I finally find my voice. “I would if I could, but she’s gone, buddy. I tried finding her, but she disappeared without a trace.” It takes effort to keep things lighthearted when it feels like my heart is splintering inside my chest. I will never be able to think about Sloane and not feel heart-crushing pain.
“Well, that sucks,” he says equally casually as he turns on a movie. His head lifts briefly. “But maybe you should keep looking for her. That’s what I would do.”
Wise words from a wise little man. I’m still mulling over it when we enter Manhattan. I think I’m only now realizing how grown-up Elio is getting. He’s smart and kind with a big heart, and I’m so proud of him.
The main streets are congested with traffic, so I take a shortcut, zipping along narrower side streets, heading in the direction of Isa’s apartment. The bodyguards keep pace with us, staying close to the rear.
Thoughts of Sloane rotate through my mind, and the more I think about it, the more I realize everyone is right. I can’t marry Isa. She will push for more, and it’d be a disaster. But mostly, I can’t do it for Sloane. She’d hate for me to marry the woman who was so cruel to her. She’d hate for me to marry without love.
One more year.
I’ll give it one more year.
I’ll forget about marriage contracts for now and continue the search for Sloane. I’d know if she were no longer of this world. My heart would tell me, and right now, my heart is telling me not to give up. Someone out there knows something, and I’m determined to find them.
“Dad, watch out!” Elio shouts, and my foot instantly slams on the brake as a person darts across the road in front of me, seemingly out of nowhere. The next few seconds shave years off my life. It happens as if in slow motion. My mouth widens in horror as the person clad in a black hoodie and black sweatpants rolls over the hood of my car before dropping to the ground in a heap.
I’m out of the car on autopilot, vaguely conscious of other car doors opening and closing.
The person is lying on their stomach, but thankfully, moving. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you,” I say, approaching cautiously as they scramble slowly to their feet. Their back is to me, and I can’t make out if it’s a man or a woman through the shapeless clothing. “How badly are you hurt?” I ask, stopping behind them. “I can take you to a hospital or call an ambulance.”
“That won’t be necessary,” the woman says, her voice barely a whisper. Tucking her chin into her chest, she starts walking forward as I fall into a daze.
“Dad! You need to go after her.” Elio lands at my side with John Angelo on his left.
They stare at me and my lack of action, unaware of the turmoil spiraling inside me.
Goose bumps sprout all over my arms, and prickles of awareness coast over my skin as I watch her walking off with an obvious limp. That innate pull I only ever felt in her presence springs to life, shooting imaginary strings toward her retreating form.
It can’t be, can it? Things like this don’t happen in real life.
“Dad.” Elio tugs on my arm. “She’s hurt. You need to go after her.” Elio’s words snap me out of my fugue state, and I start running, anxious to catch up to her before she disappears for another five years.
“Wait!” I call out as she reaches the end of the road. “Sloane! Stop!”
Her head whips around, and she stares at me in blatant terror for a few seconds before she takes off running.
But I saw enough.
She looks different, but it’s her.
It’s Sloane.
I’ve finally found her.
