I hang up the call with my father, after explaining about Robyn being sick and that we wouldn’t be flying home with them, he said he’d arrange for a doc to come and check her over.
The only issue is, we’re on a fucking secluded island and it could be nearly two hours by the time he gets a hold of his contact, and they travel here. But a two hour wait to see a doc is better than no doc at all, I suppose.
The bathroom door creaks behind me, and I swing around to find my girl staring over at me, wide eyed and pale faced. Immediately, panic sets in and I’m in two minds to just fucking fly her to the nearest hospital.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I ask as I rush over to her. I pull her into my arms and guide her over the edge of the bed, sitting her down so I can kneel down in front of her so we’re eye to eye.
She nibbles on her bottom lip, opens her mouth, closes her mouth, fidgets with her hands.
“Angel, you’re stressing me the fuck out, what’s going on?”
“I didn’t… I didn’t know, it was an accident, I promise,” she whispers, her voice cracking at the end.
I take her hands in mine. “What was an accident?”
“I’m late.”
She’s late? For what? There’s nowhere she needs to be.
“What are you late for, uccellina?”
“I didn’t realize, there was so much going on… and now it’s just hit me, and it’s been months, Enzo. Months. I promise, I didn’t know.” A tear falls from her eye, and I catch it with my thumb, bringing it to my lips and sharing her pain.
“I’m gonna need a little more info, angel.”
“My period is late. Or more like, it’s been three months since my last one.”
Three months since her last period. I remember her having it not long after she moved in with me and now that I think about it, she hasn’t had one since.
Holy shit.
There’s no way in fuck she’s not pregnant.
Did I do this?
No shit, asshole. How else would she get pregnant.
But it was only yesterday I was debating with myself on whether or not I should fuck with her birth control.
Well I guess there’s no need for that now.
Her eyes search mine, as if she waiting for me to freak out.
“You’re pregnant?” I ask, and I swear my voice breaks a little.
“I’m not one hundred percent sure, I’d have to do a test, but yeah it’s a high probability.”
I sit next to her and bundle her in my arms, peppering kisses across her forehead and in her hair as we wait for the doc to get here, two hours later he turns up and does a test.
Two pink lines.
One word.
Positive.
We’ve been back home for a week. We stayed on the island for another two days after the doc confirmed that Robyn is, in fact, pregnant. Those couple of days were spent with Robyn wrapping her head around the fact that we were having a baby, and I don’t blame her for being a little apprehensive at first, but luckily she realized that this is a gift, one she’ll always treasure.
I watch Robyn as she sits on the sand, looking out over the ocean. She hasn’t exactly been upset since we found out the news, but she hasn’t been herself either.
I debate between giving her space and seeing if she needs me. The latter wins out and I approach her, biting the inside of my cheek, not knowing how to make this better.
“Can I sit?” I blurt out and she startles as she looks up at me.
“Of course,” she says softly.
We sit in silence, both staring out at the view, one of which I didn’t think I’d ever see. I’d never planned on visiting this island. It had been so long since a member of my family had been here, I didn’t think anyone would ever come back here and I didn’t want my first time coming here to be without my dad and brothers at my side. It felt like if I was to come here, it was something I needed them to be here for. Now that I’m here? With the love of my life beside me, I know for certain I’ll be back, and maybe next time it’ll be with a family of my own.
“What do you need, angel?” I ask gently. I know I was debating fucking with her birth control before, but now that she’s actually pregnant and doesn’t seem… happy? Okay? I don’t actually know what to do. She might not even want to keep the baby, and that might fucking gut me, but it’s her body and her decision so I’ll just have to find a way to be okay with that.
“What do you mean?” She turns to look at me, a frown marring her pretty face as stares at me with concern in her eyes.
“I want a family with you, Robyn. Whether that’s now or in ten years’ time, that’s up to you. Or even if that family is just me and you… I want you to have whatever you want. You don’t seem happy about this pregnancy, and I get it, we haven’t been together long, I just don’t… I don’t know what to do to make this okay, I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “I’m not going anywhere, Enzo. And I’m not unhappy, per-se. I’m… scared, I think. I don’t know how to be a mom, I don’t know how to navigate bringing up a child in your world, and I’m so used to feeling alone that I was only just getting used to having you, and now I’ll have to share you too. And that sounds selfish, but what if I disappear into the background like I have for my entire life?”
Her bottom lip wobbles as tears spring to her eyes and it fucking breaks me. Ruins me. Cracks my goddamn heart in two. Her family have a lot to answer to for the way she views herself. Yeah, I’ll love our child, but I’ll also love her more than anything, and the fact that she can’t see that makes me feel like a piece of shit.
Not because I think she thinks so lowly of me, but because she’s become so conditioned to thinking like that. I guess I’m just going to have to prove how important she is to me every single day until she doesn’t even think to question it.
I pull her over to me and she shifts so she’s straddling my lap and looking up at me. I cup her face with my hands and press a kiss to the corner of her mouth.
“I don’t think any parent has all the answers, but we’ll get through it together. You’ll always be the most important thing in the world to me, our child will only be an extension of that. I love you so fucking much that sometimes it physically hurts. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, I didn’t even think it was possible. I know it’ll be hard, but we have each other. I see you, angel. I always will. You’ll always have me.”
Once we got back home, Robyn made an appointment with her OBGYN—I may have given them an incentive to see us sooner—and it wasn’t long before we were hearing out baby’s heartbeat for the first time and seeing our little one on a screen. Robyn was right—of course—and is just over three months pregnant. We decided we don’t want to know the gender.
Robyn’s reasoning was that this baby is a surprise, so we should have the baby’s sex be a surprise too. My reasoning was that the idea of waiting seemed to make my girl happy, and I don’t think I need much more of a reason than that.
The second I heard my baby’s heartbeat echo in my ears and saw the sonogram of them wriggling around inside my girl, everything just seemed to click into place, like this is why I was placed on earth. For me to protect Robyn, for me to love her, and for me to spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make her and any number of children we have happy and safe.
We also haven’t told my family or Lia yet, we decided to keep it to ourselves for a while, and just enjoy this time together with our own little secret. But there’s one thing that’s been bothering me for the last week, and that’s the fact that even though I want to spend my life with her, and she’s currently pregnant with my child, she’s still only my girlfriend.
Seriously, I fucking hate that word.
It feels like a steppingstone, a stone that wobbles beneath me and I can’t rest my full weight on it, I’m itching to move onto the next, more secure step. Which is why I sneaked out of the apartment at seven this morning so I could go and pick out a ring and be back in time to put it on her finger before she wakes up.
I’m sure a lot of women would want an extravagant proposal with all the flowers, pomp and circumstance. But that’s not who Robyn is, that’s not who we are. She doesn’t care for materialistic things, so the only thing left is for her to wake up and for me to try and convince her that this is the next—and necessary—step for us.
