I’m going to die.
And I’m not scared.
Not anymore.
When the cold water covered my toes and kissed my ankles, I was scared. My life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to keep my head down and work hard at the motel, pay back my debt from the credit cards, and then go on to have a regular, everyday life where my biggest stress was the end-of-year taxes and walking out of a room while leaving a candle lit.
Not this.
Mafia men and their fights, murder and betrayal and psychopathic Italians who can’t take no for an answer.
At the time, tricking Noah into going after Cormac felt like such a good idea. In my mind, I was certain Cormac would be unfazed by someone as weedy as Noah and take him out in two seconds, then somehow find out where I was and come to my rescue.
I played out that fantasy as the water slowly crept up to my calves and numbed my feet.
Despite the slow water trickle, the speed at which the tank filled was alarming. One minute, I was certain it would take hours. The next, water swept over my lap each time I moved, and I’d lost track of how long Noah had been gone. I fought like an animal caught in a trap, but the moment the bonds around my wrists became submerged, I knew they’d be impossible to escape.
Now, the water slowly creeps up my abdomen and a strange sense of peace settles in my heart.
I will die here.
I hadn’t factored in Cormac’s injuries from the crash, whatever they may be. Maybe he hasn’t even woken up yet. If Noah goes to him, surely, Cian will be there to stop him. Maybe he will be my savior.
Unless Saoirse didn’t survive.
Maybe Cian isn’t alive anymore either. Saoirse did say they had trouble getting men into the hospital.
Anything is possible at this point.
My body grows numb as the minutes tick by. Minutes? Hours? I have no idea.
Noah could be on a wild goose chase at this point, and it’s my own fault for tricking him. If he were here, I wouldn’t be in this position and it strikes me how insane it is for me to wish my kidnapper returned.
What will my mom think? What if they never find my body? To her, I’ll just vanish and she’ll think I abandoned her. She won’t cry. I can already hear her telling people that she expected this of me. That I’m shirking responsibility and running away. When really, I’ve drowned in some fucking water tank.
I wish Cormac were here.
I wish I got to see him one last time.
Tears warm the corners of my eyes and I close them, sinking into memories of the ranch and the horse ride. Never had my life been so vibrant and full of warmth and love. Clodagh accepted me like I was one of her own. The food was amazing, the animals were adorable, and even the horses were cute as anything. If I survived, I would’ve liked to try riding one again.
And Cormac. With his squinty smile and constant frown, his deep laugh, and the strong yet tender way he held me like I was the most precious, desirable thing he’d ever come across.
I love him.
It strikes me deep in the middle of my chest as the water finally reaches under my bust.
I love him. And he’ll never know.
I try to trick myself into thinking the water is not cold, but warm instead. That my legs are numb from being wrapped up and swaddled next to Cormac for so long that they’ve just fallen asleep. My hands aren’t bound but merely held in Cormac’s hands as he cuddles me tight.
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. The most exciting of my life by far. Sure, they started horribly, but it catapulted me into Cormac’s life. He was an asshole who kept an eye on me, protected me, and even paid my credit card debt. Although I never thought to ask what happened to the money after I was stabbed. I presume my debt is clear. He gave me a chance at life, and I did things I never dreamed I’d have the ability to do.
Sure, I broke the law, but looking back, it was pretty damn exciting. If I wish it hard enough, I can almost feel the warm rays of the sun at the ranch and smell Clodagh’s bread baking in the oven. I should have told them how happy they made me, should have told them how thankful I was to meet them.
I should have told Cormac how I was feeling before the crash ripped us apart.
Each inch of the rising water washes away my prayers for rescue, replacing them with the painful acceptance that I will die here.
And no one will ever know.
The water creeps up to my chin and I take a deep, painful breath.
This is my end.
