Lex picks up the shampoo, massaging it into my hair as I let the hot water soothe away the day’s events.
I never told anyone about the numbness I feel. I’ve always been too ashamed to admit it out loud. Maeve is always so strong, and Collins is always taking care of everyone else. Giving them one more of my problems to handle, felt like too much.
Lex didn’t judge me for it. He accepted it and kept looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman he ever saw.
Warmth simmers in my gut, heating me and pushing away the cold. Pushing away the images of a gun and blood, thoughts of what could have happened.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking care of you.” He gently cups water, rinsing my locks, adding conditioner next. “I said I would, so I am.”
“Is this part of owning me?” I ask, fingers drifting through the water. Bubbles collect there, body slippery and wet.
I can’t stop thinking about Lex’s burns, and how scared he must have been as a child. A fire took everything from him. His entire family is gone, and he has to see those scars every day as a reminder of his grief, his pain. I would crumple if I had been in his place.
I admire him for his strength to continue on, to build his life back into something instead of letting everything be for nothing. Every day, I admire something new about him.
“This is a benefit,” he says, smiling. “Remember, menace, you own me as entirely as I own you. You always have.”
“How is that?” I turn to look at him as he cleans the last of soap from my strands, fingers pinching the ends. “You want to own me just because I’m your wife. I’m your property, right? As my husband, are you mine?”
Tilting my chin, his free hand grabs my throat in a tight lock. Even with damaged hands, his strength is still apparent.
It’s the first time I’ve felt his skin on my flesh, felt his body heat lash against my own. My skin pebbles, nipples hardening at the sizzling contact. The effect is violent, pulsating.
Much like the ache between my legs. God, I was just held at gunpoint and all I want is the man behind me.
“I am your property to do whatever you wish.” His nose brushes mine, hungry eyes staring at my lips. “In this life, in this world, people are owned. That’s how you gain loyalty. Whether it’s through marriage, or blood, or bargains, ownership is loyalty. For what is this family, this organization without it? That is the only way I know how to have your loyalty. I might have been given you in a contract agreement, but I wanted to own you completely so you’ll always be mine. I want your heart, I want your fears, I want your joys. Because you have mine.”
My lungs deflate, shock and surprise warring inside my chest.
“You would willingly give yourself to me? We’ve barely known each other a few weeks.”
He smiles, nipping my lips. “Maria and Nico knew each other two weeks before they married. My mother spent years with my father before they did. Which relationship is still going strong?”
Can’t argue with that logic.
“You said I have your joys and fears,” I begin, turning so my body faces him. “Tell me about your father.”
Next to nothing is known about Alessio De Luca that isn’t fabricated by the De Luca organization. That means nothing personal, other than misdeeds or his body count. Only things that will make Lex look like a capable monster in a fine suit. Nothing real.
Leaning back, Lex scans my body, smirk growing devilish.
“I’ll give you one fear and one joy, menace. Then you’ll do what I want.”
I smile, feeling like I’m finally getting some of my power back. That I truly do have equality with him.
“Deal.”
His hands slip around my waist, pulling me closer. He hisses out a breath, the bare contact more welcomed than the layers of clothing between us. His body is a perfect example of masculine strength that I greedily touch, the scars smooth and almost glass-like.
“A fear is that one day, I’ll be just like my father,” he says against my lips. “After my sister was born, he left us. He never called, never wrote. I think, subconsciously, he truly never wanted to be a father and finally had enough of us.”
My fingers trace his face, enjoying the roughness of his stubble, the sharpness of his cheekbones. “I’m sorry, Lex.”
“I always thought as a child, if he had stayed, maybe he would have saved my mother and sister.” He whispers it like a confession. “But that’s a child’s wish. I know better.”
“Such as?”
“He would have let us all burn if it meant being free of us.” His words hit my heart, pain and sorrow mixing together at his double meaning.
His father fled from him. Just like I tried to do. His very real fear is that he’ll be like his father, disloyal and selfish and that I’ll leave him just the same.
“You’ll never be like him.”
Lex smiles, but it’s tired. “We’ll see, won’t we, wife?”
“And your joy?”
He sucks on his bottom lip, eyes trailing over my face as if to memorize it.
“You in your wedding dress. You were a fucking vision. You almost brought me to my knees when you entered the church.”
My heart practically explodes, words caught. The day that I fought against, raged to be forced to do something so horrible, had been one of his life’s biggest joys.
Numbness is the last thing on my mind. I do the only thing I can to express how much I feel. My lips crash into his, hands hold his face firmly to mine as if he would push me away.
I don’t have to worry. Immediately, he kisses me back, mouth hungry and teasing, tongue plunging and taking from me as greedily as I steal from him. He tastes like tobacco and bourbon, warmth and love. He’s a sinful delight, one that is wholly mine.
I want everything from him. I want all his fears, all his joys, every single piece of him. I want to consume him like a fire to a match and hold him while he burns.
He breaks off the kiss abruptly.
“I need to know something first, Sloane.” His body is shaking, barely restraining the urge to sink into me.
His cock is stiff, and it’d be so easy to lift my hips and feel him again, the way I’ve been dying to since the night at the club.
I don’t bother waiting for his approval.
“What, husband?”
His cock gets painfully hard, eyes heating with so much want it burns me at the title. My hand drifts, palm rubbing his tip, soapy water added a much-needed lubrication before grasping him fully. He hisses between his teeth, fingers digging painfully into my hips.
“Give me one joy and one fear. Now. Before I ruin that sweet cunt.”
Leaning up on to my knees, I spread my legs wide, soapy water dripping off my belly, thighs, and pussy. I hover over his dick, feeling the head line up with my entrance.
A muscle in his jaw jumps. He’s so close that my mouth waters.
“One fear, is that I’ll crave you this intensely for the rest of my life,” I whisper against his lips. Just to tease him, I lick the seam, hearing his moan vibrate from his chest. “I fear that even when we’re old, ragged, I’ll still want you as badly as I want you now. I fear that I want to see you old, sitting together at the breakfast table, sharing coffee, listening to our children play in the other room.”
He swallows hard. “You’re afraid to have children?”
“I’m afraid that I’ll want them. That I’ll want everything with you. And that terrifies me.” My chest constricts, saying more than I thought I would. More than I wanted. But apparently Lex pulls out all of me behind my mask and takes it for himself. Just like I want.
“Give me a joy, now,” he demands, hands tugging me to lower. His cock pushes inside, the tiniest bit. “Please, Sloane,” he begs.
“This marriage. Your understanding. Your acceptance of who I am,” I whisper my confessions, lowering further, feeling my walls stretch to accommodate his size. “Seeing you as a father.”
He slams into me, not waiting for me to adjust. I shout out, pleasure spiraling up my middle as he crushes his lips to mine, stealing my groans as his own.
“Fuck.” He sighs, dropping his forehead to mine. The steam curls around us, wrapping us into a cocoon of warmth as our bodies fuse fully. “Fucking hell, woman. You’re going to be the death of me.”
I smirk, eyes hazing with lust and something more. “That’s the plan, husband.”
