EMILEE
THIS MORNING, I had rolled over onto my stomach and moaned at the pain my body was in.
I took inventory on my body. My hips hurt. My pussy hurts. My ass hurts. I had a pounding headache.
Fuck, it all felt so good. I can’t tell you the last time I felt like this after sex. There was always something missing—leaving me unfulfilled—even after all those years with Bones. He was great in bed and made sure to take care of me every time, but afterward, it was like my body never really reached that high you hear women talking about.
I hit it last night!
“You okay?” Haven asks.
“Huh?” I nod quickly, blocking out last night. “Yeah.”
I stand next to Jasmine and Haven in line at Starbucks inside Kingdom. It’s almost eight in the evening, and I needed some coffee. I’ve been dragging ass all day. I had spent the day with my mother, like usual and then called up the girls on my way back here for the night. I order and then step aside for Jasmine to place hers.
“Just fuck me up.” She has her red hair up in a high pony and sunglasses on her face. She’s dressed in an off the shoulder black T-shirt and a pair of cut off shorts that are so short the pockets peek out of the bottom. Pretty sure she hasn’t been to bed yet because her makeup looks like it’s a day or two old.
“Ma’am, this is a Starbucks. Not a bar.”
She sighs. “If I’m gonna spend ten dollars on a drink, it better make me …”
“She’ll have a salted caramel mocha. Venti,” I answer for her.
“Add some of those Xanax sprinkles,” Jasmine adds.
“Ma’am?” He arches a brow.
“She’s joking.” I give a fake laugh, pushing her away from the counter.
We find a table to sit down, and I sneeze. “Bless you,” Haven says.
“Thank you.” I lift my hand to signal I feel another one coming on.
Jasmine plops down in a seat across from me. “I once sneezed while on my period and gave birth to a jellyfish.”
The woman sitting at the table next to us gasps, obviously hearing her.
“Oh, like it hasn’t happened to you?” she asks. “I swear I just need to stay home. People don’t like me, and I hate most of them.”
“Or maybe you should just think before you speak,” Haven suggests.
She just snorts. “Where is the fun in that?”
Haven just shakes her head.
“So how’s the sex life coming?” Jasmine asks out of nowhere. I wanna say I’m surprised but I’m not. Sex is always on her mind. I’m pretty sure the girl has a sex addiction.
I clear my throat. “I don’t know …”
“Yes, you do. We can see it written all over your face,” Jasmine interrupts me.
“Well.” I push a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “I slept with Titan.”
“We know that.” Haven nods once.
“And Bones.”
Haven drops her blueberry muffin she was about to take a bite of. “Does Titan know?” she asks wide-eyed.
“Yeah, it was at the same time,” I whisper.
“Holy fuck!” Jasmine shrieks, shoving her glasses to the top of her head.
The old lady next to us gasps at her choice of language. I ignore her and wave them off. “I told you mine, now tell me yours.” Let’s move on.
Haven gives a laugh. “Well, I’ve never been with two guys at once, and there’s no way in hell that Luca would allow that. Not that I want to,” she adds quickly.
“I was about to have sex last night but got out of it.” Jasmine shrugs.
“How do you get out of it?” I ask curiously.
“I was with a client. It was actually a great one. We had a great dinner, then went back to his place. He wanted to go all the way, and I was totally willing. The guy was cute. But once he removed his pants, and I got a look at his dick, I was like nope. I’m out.”
“What was wrong with it?” I ask.
“It was too small. I mean I’m not saying I need an elephant trunk, but it was the size of a pinkie. And my pussy needs more than that to work with.”
Haven is coughing now, possibly choking. I’m laughing, and the old woman gets up, shaking her head as she walks away from us.
“Wait! What do you mean a client?” Haven asks, just picking up on what she had said.
I bite my bottom lip, and Jasmine smiles. “We’re Queens.”
“You’re what?” she barks. “I know you did not just say Queens?” She narrows her eyes on me. “You’re doing it too?” Her eyes dart around as she lowers her voice. “You’re an escort?”
“I need the money.” I shrug. “Not all of us are married to billionaires,” I tease.
“Yeah,” Jasmine adds.
Haven points a finger at Jasmine. “Your father is a millionaire. You don’t need to prostitute yourself out.”
Our table falls silent. Jasmine closes her lips tightly, and I watch her clench her fists. She has never had a great relationship with her dad, and I feel he has a lot to do with why Jasmine is the way she is. She has daddy issues. But we’ve never spoken about them before. Some things are better left alone. Talking about them to her girls isn’t going to make them any better. That’s something she needs to speak to her dad about. Only they know the problem and can fix it together.
The barista calls out our order number, and Jasmine stands to get it, letting us know the conversation is over. Haven gives me a look that tells me we will be getting back to it later.
I see Grave enter the Starbucks. “One second,” I tell Haven, and stand, walking over to him.
He looks over and sees me coming. “Hey,” I say clearing my throat still unsure how to act around him. First, I saw him fucking a girl, and then he caught me and Bones together. Not everyone is going to understand what me, Bones, and Titan did. Hell, even I don’t know what it was. But I know I’m with Titan and he didn’t mind sharing me with Bones. I have a feeling he won’t be that understanding if I asked to bring some random dude into the bed with us. Not like I need to. He and Bones are plenty.
“Hey.” He nods at me, coming up behind Jasmine in line. “Jas.” He recognizes her. His eyes on her ass.
“Grave.” She observes, turning and looking him up and down.
He smirks at her. Grave is six two but still the shortest of all the Kings. He has that cute baby face and panty dropping smile. His eyes are blue like his brother’s but they’re softer. More approachable. Bones’s are always hard and intimidating.
“I see you’re still alive.” She takes a sip of her drink and pulls her lip back after swallowing. Clearly she doesn’t like what I ordered her.
“There’s always tomorrow,” he states.
She rolls her green eyes and heads over to our table.
“What do you want, Emilee?” he asks, looking down at me.
“Have you seen Titan?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Did he ghost you already?”
I place my hands on my hips. “No.” He was already gone when I left this morning to go see my mother. And when I returned to meet the girls, Nigel said he was out for the day. He didn’t mention anything about going anywhere to me.
He pulls his ringing phone out of the back pocket of his shredded jeans. I don’t think Grave owns any type of business attire. “He’s up in The Palace.”
“Palace?” Where have I heard that at?
He nods. “Sixteenth floor. Code 1275.”
I go to ask him what the code is for, but his cell rings once more. “I have to take this.” And with that, he dismisses me.
I sit down and have my drink with the girls. But the entire time my mind is on Titan. Is that here in Kingdom? The girls and I hang out for about thirty minutes and then I tell them goodbye.
I go to the main lobby where the elevator banks are and wait with the crowd of people. I step in and frown when I don’t see an option for the sixteenth floor. “Excuse me,” I say and squeeze my way out before the door closes. I try five other ones, and none of them stop on a sixteenth floor. Strange.
Getting impatient, I turn in a circle, trying to think where the other elevators are that I could use when I see the tattoo shop. I walk over to it and enter.
“Hello. How may I help you?” a girl asks with a smile on her face from behind the counter.
“Is Cross here?” Cross is a tattoo artist among many other things. He opened this place up inside the casino when they took over. From what I’ve heard over the years, he does really good work. I wonder if he has given the Kings any of their ink.
Her smile drops, and she crosses her arms over her chest. Bitch mode activated. The spike between her eyes and hoop that hangs from her nose doesn’t help to make her look any friendlier. All she’s missing is the smoke coming out of her ears and she’d look like a cartoon bull about to charge me. “Do you have an appointment?”
“No. But he is here?”
“He’s not available. For you,” she answers slowly as if I’m hard of hearing while her hazel eyes sweep me over. Obviously judging me for what she sees—lack of ink and piercings I’m sure.
I push off the desk and walk down the narrow hallway.
“Hey, get back here,” she calls out.
I ignore her.
“Hey … I said he’s unavailable …”
Taking another turn, I walk past the open doors. The last one on the right is closed. I shove it open without knocking.
A woman lies on her back. Her legs up in what look like stirrups. All she wears is a pair of soft pink underwear from the waist down. Her jeans lie over the back of a chair in the corner of the room. And Cross is between her legs tattooing her inner thigh. “Oh my gosh … I’m so sorry …”
“Emilee?” He looks up at me. “What are you …?”
“I told her you were busy,” the young girl snaps, coming in behind me.
“She’s fine.” He waves her off, and I hear her growl.
“What can I do for you?” he asks, pushing up his black rimmed glasses to his head and removing his gloves. Cross always had that bad boy—I’ll fuck you on the couch while your parents are in the other room with the door open kind of guy. All he’d need is to wrap a hand around your throat and cut off your air to keep you from screaming his name. He’s always been mysterious but the guy could get any girl he wanted. And he lined them up. He had daddy issues just like Jasmine. I wonder if they got together and talked about them if that would help?
He has thick, dark hair that most women dream of. He’s always kept it long. Right now, it’s hidden under a backward baseball cap. And his beard—it matches his hair in thickness and color. I never cared for them because I felt like they covered up too much of his handsome face. But Cross has his own way of making everything look hot. His eyes are what make him, though. They’re a deep emerald shade. I avoided him back in school. Every time he makes eye contact with you, you feel like he’s undressing you. It’s intimate and makes your legs weak. Like now. He wears a black T-shirt with a skull on it that looks like it’s on fire. The top of the shirt reads—light up my soul. With faded blue jeans and black combat boots. He is every dad’s nightmare and ever mother’s wild fantasy.
I stop eye-fucking him and remember why I’m here. “How do I get to the sixteenth floor?”
His brows arch.
“The Palace?” I continue when he just stares at me.
He nods. “Right. Palace. Nigel can help you with that. I’ll let him know you’re coming.”
“Got it. Thanks.” It must be one of those levels that only he has access to.
He laughs and shakes his head, grabbing a new set of gloves. “No problem.”
I close the door and head back to where I entered the shop. “Thanks for nothing, bitch,” I say to the girl still glaring at me as I walk out.
It takes me ten minutes to get to the far side of Kingdom—tower one.
“Hello, Miss York,” Nigel greets me before we step onto the elevator. He’s always happy. I also notice that he’s always working. I’m not sure the guy ever gets a day off. Or if he sleeps.
“I was given a code.”
“Ah, yes. You will need it to enter the room.” He nods.
What in the hell? What kind of room is this? Is it the vault? Is it where they stash their billions of dollars? Dead bodies?
We come to a stop, and he gestures for me to exit. “You have a great day, young lady.”
“Thanks for your help.”
He nods. “Anytime.” Then the elevator closes, and he’s gone.
I look over the flat black painted walls and dark purple carpet. Black sconces hang on the wall, shining purple lights down onto the floor. The carpet is so thick, my shoes sinking into it. I turn in a full circle to look at my surroundings. I can either go back to the elevator or toward the door at the end of the hall. Those are the only options I have.
The door it is. I make my way toward it and see a keypad. On the door is written The Palace in rose gold letters and then every queen needs a palace written below it. I press in the code I was given, and a lock clicks. I push down the gold handle and open the big black door. It’s darker than the hallway. A purple light is all that shines from the top of the ceiling in the rather large entrance.
“Thank you, Titan.” I hear a woman’s voice. My body instantly stiffens.
“You’re welcome,” he says. “Everything went okay?”
“Yep.”
A woman comes into view at the end of the entrance. She wears a black dress that has a deep V in the front and high up on her thighs. It looks see-through. “Hello.” She gives me a warm smile, catching me before I can make up my mind whether to run away or barge in.
I blink and lick my dry lips. “I’m, uh, looking for …”
“Em?” Titan asks as he comes to stand next to her. He looks down at the blonde, and says, “You may go, Sandy.”
She nods, and as she walks past me, she whispers, “Enjoy.”
I watch her leave and then turn to him. We stand silently just staring at one another. I want to ask him what in the fuck he’s doing in a hotel room that I didn’t know existed with a woman. But I don’t have that right. Do I? I mean, I literally let him and his best friend fuck me the other day. I can’t tell him he can’t do the same.
“Stop,” he orders.
“What?” I blink.
“I can see what you’re thinking. It’s written all over your face, and you couldn’t be more wrong.”
My shoulders sag. I don’t get jealous. I don’t get feelings for men. It’s just sex. “I wasn’t—”
“Don’t lie to me,” he interrupts me.
I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin. “Then what were you doing in here with her?” I’m not going to play this game. I never used to get jealous, but I’m also not one of those girls who beats around the bush. If I have a question, I’m going to ask it.
“She’s a Queen and just finished a job.”
I frown. A job? In here? I open my mouth to ask him just that when he speaks.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been calling you. Grave said you were up here.”
He says nothing. Just stands there at the end of the entrance. I think he’s mad at me. I cross my arms over my chest and give him my back.
“Where are you going?” he asks. I stop and slowly turn to face him once again. He holds his arms out wide. “You were looking for me. Here I am.”
My eyes narrow on him. Even though my knees shake, I’m so confused on what I saw and what I can and can’t say to him. He doesn’t love me. And she’s a Queen. Maybe he was her job? I mean, he fucks me, and I’m a queen. He doesn’t pay me for sex, though. I’m sure he has them lined up to give it for free.
“I was,” I say, taking the five steps to close the distance between us. He reaches out, pulling me into him, and I gasp. “What …? What is this place?” I ask, stepping farther into the largely open room, looking at all the foreign devices.
“This is The Palace.”
I catch myself in a massive floor-to-ceiling mirror. “I don’t understand …” I trail off, my eyes shooting over to look at an old looking wooden bench that has a black leather seat on it
“It is reserved exclusively for our clients,” he adds.
“Clients?” I ask.
“The Queens.”
That’s where I heard that name. It was at the warehouse when Jasmine questioned the two girls we met about The Palace. They said it didn’t exist. An urban legend.
They were wrong!
I turn away from the mirror and walk over to the far wall. A tall chest that stands every bit of six feet tall. Both French doors are wide open. Chains, whips, belts and rope of various lengths and widths hang on metal hooks. I reach up and run my hands over the thick material. “What do they do?” I ask.
“Act out scenes.”
“What kind of scenes?”
“Whatever they want.”
I turn and look at the Alaskan king-size bed that sits in the middle of the large room. It’s got black silk sheets and two pillows that match. The headboard consists of vertical bars. The footboard looks like a stockade from back in the day when people were publicly beaten for their crimes. It’s raised high off the floor. I look underneath it. “Is that …?”
“A cage,” he answers.
“For what?” I ask wide-eyed. It reminds me of an overly large dog cage with its iron bars. They start at the floor and stop at my knees, where the bed begins.
“For the submissive.”
I take a step back and bump into him. I jump, and he chuckles.
I turn, cheeks red with embarrassment, and see a table. Walking over to it, I reach out and run my fingertips along the black leather. It has white leather straps connected to it in various places. They remind me of the type you see used in hospitals for patients to prevent them from harming themselves or others. The table is completely flat and has to be longer than seven feet. But maybe only three feet wide. “What is this used for?” I ask curious.
“Forced orgasms.”
“What?” I gasp.
He smiles at me. Walking around to stand at my back, he says, “A woman or man lies down on the table and is strapped to it. The Dom then brings the sub to orgasm. Multiple times.” He places his hands on my hips, and I jump.
“Don’t be nervous,” he whispers. “All you have to do is lie there.” He kisses my neck, and my head falls to the side. “And get off. Again.” His hand trails down my waist. “Again.” His hand slips between my legs, and I whimper. “And again. Your body will be shaking. Your skin covered in sweat. Your mind foggy. And limbs heavy.”
“Have you done this before?” I ask breathlessly. Not liking the heat that rushes up my spine in preparation of him saying yes.
“No. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to do it to you.” He presses his hips into my ass, and I shiver when I feel how hard he is.
I feel the tension drain from my body knowing he’s never done it before. “How long?” I question.
“As long as they want. The sub is the one strapped to the table. Naked. Wide open and vulnerable. But they have all the power. The sub says when they’ve had enough. When they want to stop, the Dom stops.”
I close my eyes. “Do it to me?”
His hands come up the back of my neck, and he grips my hair. Slowly, he pulls my head back, and imagining the picture he just painted for me has me already panting. It sounds breathtaking.
“Get undressed for me, Em.” Then he pulls away, not even bothering to question my words.
I undo my shoes and kick them off along with my jean shorts and T-shirt. Then my bra and underwear. I stand naked, facing the table. My heart is pounding, and my hands are sweaty. He stands silently behind me, but I can feel his eyes on me.
“Crawl on the table and lie on your back,” he orders.
I comply.
He goes to the foot of the table and spreads my legs wide. He places my right ankle over the strap and buckles me in the belt-like restraint. The inside is lined with fur, so they’re cool and soft. He goes to the other ankle and secures it as well.
Then he moves to my side. He secures another belt across my hips. It’s tight, pinning me to the table. His eyes meet mine as he reaches around my neck. “Look up,” he orders, and I do as he says, tilting my head back. Another thick belt is placed over my throat, and I swallow as he buckles it in place. I take in a shaky breath.
“You okay?”
I go to nod but can’t. The thick leather strap across my neck prevents any movement. I have to keep my head tilted back. “Y-Yeah,” I stutter and then cough to clear my throat.
He pulls my arms above my head and secures both of them. I’m stretched tight and strapped down.
I begin to pant. My heart races. Sweat beads across my forehead and chest, and my backside is sticking to the black leather. He places his hands on my thigh and I jump. Leaning over, he looks down at me. “You let me know when the pain outweighs the pleasure. Understood?”
Pain? I thought this was about orgasms. I feel like that would be a stupid question, so I just say. “Yes.”
“Your safe word is black. Repeat it.”
Safe word? “My safe word is black.”
He nods. “Good girl.” He walks away leaving me alone strapped to this table, and I hear him on the other side of the room. A drawer opens and closes, then I hear him walking back over to me. “After each orgasm, I’m going to ask you if you’re okay. Say yes if you are, and black if you want me to stop. Understand?”
“Yes.” I lick my lips and hear a vibrating noise. “What is …?”
Something presses against my pussy, and my body arches. I cry out as the sensation tickles my clit. “Oh God …” I gasp. My body fights the restraints. What felt cool seconds ago now feels like needles pricking my body. “Tita …” Before I can even finish his name, I’m coming. Harder and faster than I ever have.
The sensation stops all of a sudden, and my body sags against the table.
“Are you okay?”
I’m sweating, panting, and every inch of my skin feels extra sensitive. “Yyyeess.”
This time, I feel his fingers spreading me wide before he shoves two into me while placing the vibrator back on my clit. He finger-fucks me while the amazing toy takes me to a whole new level. The room spins. My eyes close, and I’m breathing so hard I feel like I’m hyperventilating. I’m coming again.
“You okay?” I hear his voice in the distance.
“Yes,” I croak out. Why does my voice sound hoarse? My throat is sore. My body tenses again. I’m riding another wave. I don’t want it to stop. Ever. I’d be his sub if this meant being strapped to a table. His voice gets farther and farther away, but I always say yes. I always want more.
TITAN
Turning off the wand, I place it on the stand next to the table. I undo her wrists first, then her neck, hips, and ankles and pick her limp body up off the black leather. She shakes uncontrollably in my arms. If I hadn’t just watched her come six times, I would say she’s having convulsions. She’s covered in sweat. Her eyes are closed, and she’s gasping for each breath. She kept telling me yes. To the point she was going to lose her voice from all the shouting she was doing.
Entering the bathroom, I place her in the large Jacuzzi tub that sits in the center of the large room and turn on the water. When it’s the temperature I want, I quickly undress. Climbing in behind her, I lean her back against my front. I pick up the cup next to me and fill it with water before pouring it over the front of her.
She moans, and her head falls to the side. I check her pulse. It’s racing. Maybe I pushed her too hard.
“I’m okay,” she whispers, reading my mind. “I could have … kept going.”
I snort. “You were about to lose consciousness.”
She gives me a faint smile. “So worth it.”
Opening her eyes, she looks around the dim bathroom aimlessly. She lifts her hand, wrapping her fingers around the steel eye hook that is on the inside of the tub. “That’s a weird spot for a towel hook,” she muses.
I laugh. “That’s not to hang towels on.”
“What then?”
“It’s for water play.” Everything in The Palace is set up for dominance. Nothing is for convenience. It’s for total domination.
“Oh.” Her eyes light up. “I wanna—”
“Absolutely not,” I interrupt her. “How do you feel?” I get serious.
“Amazing.”
“Sore?”
“In the best way.”
I kiss her hair. It’s knotted in the back where she struggled with her neck being restrained. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.”
_______________
I wake to the sound of a vibrating noise. I yawn, wondering what time it is. This room doesn’t have any windows for a reason. And after we finished in the tub, we passed out. It isn’t being used until tomorrow, so we just stayed here. I knew she needed the rest.
I hear the noise again and realize it’s my cell vibrating, and I get out of the bed and dig it out of my jeans on the floor. Noticing it’s almost nine in the morning. I never sleep in. I’m ready and sitting at my desk by six-thirty every day. This casino doesn’t run itself.
I open up my emails and scroll through them, responding to the ones that need immediate attention. I send Bones a message that I will be down in about an hour. My phone vibrates in my hand with a new email, and I read over it.
Titan
I need a date for my annual company party. It will be on my yacht off the coast of Hawaii. Next week. I would say the duration will span across three days. Given time for flights and event. I want to reserve Emilee.
I run a hand through my hair and look over at her sleeping in the bed. Her naked body tangled in the black silk sheets. She’s on her side, facing me. Her eyes are closed as she breathes deeply. I don’t mind her being a Queen as long as I know the situation she is in and she’s not out of reach for me. A date night here at one of our many steakhouses? Sure, I’d let her do that. A date on an island, while on a yacht with a client that I know prefers to fuck his queen? Absolutely not.
I write out a quick response.
I’m more than happy to secure you a queen for the event. Unfortunately, Emilee is unavailable at that time.
She’s mine, and I don’t plan on sharing her with anyone. Other than occasionally with Bones because that is what she wants.
“Morning.”
I place my phone back in my jeans and crawl back into the bed, pulling her into my side. “Good morning, gorgeous.” I kiss her forehead.
She smiles. “I could get used to this.”
“What is that exactly?” I ask.
“Endless amounts of orgasms and waking up next to you.”
Me too. I hate to admit that I’m already falling for her. I knew it would happen, but if I’m being honest with myself. It was why I wanted her all those years ago, there was just something about her. When she turned me down, it just made me want her more.
I walk through the crowded hallway of the school and see her coming toward me. She has her eyes down staring at her cell, typing away. Probably talking to Bones. I haven’t seen her since I kissed her at the frat party last weekend. When I was ready to go all the way and she changed her mind.
I purposely step in front of her, making her run into me. “Oh, sorry … Titan?” She looks up at me.
“Hey, Em. Can we talk?”
She pushes her hair behind her ear. “I can’t …”
“It’ll only take a second.” I grab her arm and yank her into the nearest classroom that I know is vacant this time of day. I shut the door behind me and lock the door.
“Titan, I don’t have time.”
I grab her arm, yank her to me and press my lips to hers. She opens up for me immediately and moans into my mouth. My hands find her hair and I deepen the kiss. She tastes like a cherry lollipop.
But she pulls away too soon. “Titan, we can’t,” she whispers, licking her lips.
“Because you love Bones?” I question.
“No.” She runs her hands through her tangled hair. “We’re not like that.”
“So you’re just his fuck?” I know what they are, but I want to hear her say it. I want her to admit that what they have isn’t what we could have.
Her eyes narrow on me. “No.”
“Then what the fuck is it?” I snap, getting irritated.
“I don’t have to explain it to you,” she growls. “It’s none of your business. And why do you care so much? He’s your best friend; you shouldn’t want to fuck me.”
“Because I know that he doesn’t give a shit about you,” I say.
Her face falls, and her eyes sadden. Shit!
“Em, that’s not what I meant.” He doesn’t love her, no, but he does care about her. She’s the only woman in the world that he gives the slightest fuck about. He always talks shit on Grave and his drug problem, but Emilee is his drug. He can’t quit her.
“And you do?” she asks, arching a brow.
I clamp my mouth shut because I’m not sure what to say. How to make her understand. Does she think I watch her and follow her around for nothing? She’s right. I’m not supposed to want her. Not like this. Not this way.
“That’s what I thought,” she states, and I step out of the way, letting her out of the room and out of my life.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks me.
I let out a long breath. “Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. I can feel your heart race.”
I run a hand down my face. “You. Me.” I pause. “Bones.”
She rubs circles on my chest with the tips of her fingers but stops when I mention him. She sits up, the black silk sheet falling off her chest, and stares down at me. “Are you mad at me? For what we did?”
“No.” I sit up as well. “I told you I was okay with it. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“It’s just …” She bites her bottom lip.
“Can I ask you something?” She nods. “Why did you guys stop seeing each other back then?” I’ve always wanted to know but some things you just don’t ask. And she was right. It was none of my business. No matter how badly I wanted to know.
She bows her head and sighs. I push her hair behind her ear so I can see her face. “You know that night I kissed you at the frat party?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I answer slowly, wondering what that has to do with it.
“That night before, Bones had come over to the house. My parents were out of town, and we had sex.” I knew he was going over there because we had plans, and he was late due to seeing her before. “After we were done, he was getting dressed, and he said that we needed to stop seeing each other.” She frowns. “I was confused at first because it was just sex, but then he said that he loved me, but he couldn’t love me the way that you did.” Her soft blue eyes meet mine.
I tense at her words.
“I loved Bones, the most he would allow someone to love him.” She sighs, averting her eyes again. “We started hooking up my sophomore year in high school when he was a senior. It was a couple of months before his mom passed, and honestly, I thought it was going to go somewhere. But after she died, he became more closed off than he was before. He was unreachable. It was like he felt nothing. Not even physical pain. I saw Grave spiral after that, worse than he already was, and I was afraid Bones was going to do the same. I clung to him, became his lifeboat because I didn’t want him to drown.” She takes in a deep breath. “Then he got injured in baseball while in college, destroying his chance at getting out of this town and going pro like I knew he wanted to do. There was never a good time to walk away. But you …” She looks up at me. “You didn’t have that problem. I remember saying how could Titan love me? He doesn’t even know me. I was attracted to you, yes. And I wanted you, yes, but that would be as far as it would have gone.”
“How do you know that?” I ask like I could have seen the future back then. I can’t say for certain that we’d be sitting here right now if she had let me love her back then.
“The next night, I saw you at the frat party, and after that first kiss we shared, I just knew …” She trails off.
“Knew what?” I ask.
“That I wouldn’t be able to do with you what I did with Bones.” She drops her head. “That I wouldn’t have been able to separate feelings for just casual sex, so I pushed you away.”
“Is that how you felt about me?” she asks. “Did you have feelings for me?”
“Yes,” I answer without any hesitation. This is my chance. To be there for her in a way that Bones never wanted to be.
“But … you were a dick to me.” She narrows her eyes at me.
“I was jealous. I wanted you for myself.”
She straddles my hips, and I readjust myself onto my back, staring up at her. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“What was I supposed to say? Hey, I’ve liked you since you were in third grade. But by the time I wanted to approach you, you were already fucking my best friend?”
“Third grade?” She chuckles, thinking I’m joking.
I nod. “Yep. Duncan Wiltz walked behind you and shoved you out of the swing.”
She bursts out laughing. “How did you know that?”
“I had Mrs. Hollan’s class, and her window faced the playground.” I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I was two grades ahead of her, and it was our last year at the elementary school. Her mother always dressed her in bright colors. She was hard to miss.
Her mouth opens wide as she stares down at me in shock.
“I watched you lie there on the ground and cry while he sat there swinging, laughing at you.”
“I can’t believe you remember that.”
“You were wearing a pink shirt with white polka dots and jeans. You had pigtails. A pink ribbon on the right one with a yellow wrapped around the other.”
“That is …” She blinks.
“Adorable.”
“Kinda stalkerish.” She laughs. “But I remember that day too. Well, not what I wore, but the best part was that he came back to school that next Monday with a …” She trails off as I smile. Hers drops off her face, and she tilts her head to the side. “No … did you …? Titan.” She slaps my bare chest. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar. You broke his arm, didn’t you?”
I shrug “Must have been karma.” I followed that motherfucker home after school and broke his arm with my bare hands. And I told him if he said a word, I’d break the other. He never touched her again.
