Ana
I wake up in a cold sweat, flying up into a seated position, gasping. My sudden jerking movement snaps Cassio out of his sleep, and he sits up to reach for me.
“Fuck, baby, are you okay? Are you in pain again?” he asks, immediately kicking our blankets away to look for blood.
“Nightmare,” I croak, trying to calm him. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fucking fine,” he disagrees, scrambling around the bed to my side. “You’re panting. Drink this.” A bottle of water is thrust in front of my face, cap already unscrewed.
Feeling the cool liquid ease the ache in my throat, I swallow a few mouthfuls. Sweat has perspired in the hair behind my neck, forcing the dark strands to cling to my skin. After a few deep breaths, I hand Cassio back the bottle and feel the content of my bad dream sink in. The images clarify but jumble around, unwelcome memories taking advantage of my weakened state.
“You haven’t had such a bad dream since the first night,” Cassio says, placing the back of his hand against my forehead. “You’re a little warm too, are you all right, forza?”
“Four people,” I mutter cryptically.
“What?”
“I’ve killed four people, I think.”
Cassio blinks. “Is that all?”
He’s so unfazed, and somehow that calms me.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m just seeing flashes of things. A woman I don’t recognize bleeding from her head. A man with a shoe stuck in his eye, and someone foaming at the mouth like they’ve overdosed.”
“You killed a man with a high heel to the eye?”
“That’s your first question?” I ask incredulously.
Cassio’s eyes soften. “I don’t know how you want me to react, Ana. You seem distressed, but I’m not sure why. Are you afraid of knowing what you’ve done? Or how I’ll react to knowing what you’ve done?”
Emotion wells up in my throat, and my eyes start to sting. “I don’t know what happened… what if Cole helped me forget because they didn’t deserve it? What if something is wrong with me?”
The rugged scent of vanilla and wood surrounds me as Cassio pulls me into a hug, embracing me in bed. “Do you feel the craving to kill, Ana?”
“N-no,” I admit shakily. “Maybe toward the people who killed Cole and my mother. I don’t care about doing it myself though, I just want them to pay for what they’ve done.”
“Exactly,” he murmurs into my hair. Withdrawing to meet my eye, Cassio cups my face and smiles softly. “How can you think something is wrong with you? You don’t have a secret addiction to murder buried somewhere in that big brain of yours, love. I have no doubt you’ve killed for good reasons, and I wouldn’t look at you differently even if that weren’t true. You’re still my wife, no matter what you’ve done. I know who you are, and you aren’t a monster.”
My husband possesses the uncanny ability to tell me exactly what I need to hear, and I don’t understand what I could have possibly done to deserve it. Insecurity nags at my mind, picking and prodding mercilessly. These past two days have pulled fragile strings inside of me, and it’s all bubbling to the surface, aided by a single nightmare.
“How can you even look at me?” I rasp, peering at him with tear filled eyes. “Knowing I’m a killer? Knowing I’m not her?”
His strong hands twitch around the sides of my face. “Honestly, Ana, I find it hard to look away from you.”
He’s so firm in his statement, the words hitting me straight in the chest. He really means it. Overcome with emotions that are too potent to bury, I wrap my fingers around his wrists, trying to keep him close.
“I love you,” I confess, feeling a tear fall. “I know it’s too soon, and I know you might not be there yet. But I love you so much, Cassio. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel this way. My chest feels like it’s going to explode half the time I’m with you, and I’m never as happy when you’re not around.”
“Ana—”
“Let me finish,” I plead. I’m not ready to face his possible rejection. “You don’t have to say it back. I just… I love everything about you, Cassio. The way you know how I like my food, the soft touches you share with me to let me know you’re here, and god, I love how you look at me. I know you might need more time, and I know what you had before was stronger than what I had with Cole, but I just—”
“I don’t need more time, Ana,” he professes softly, cutting in. “I’ve never needed more time. As soon as I bound myself to you, I was all in.”
Stunned by his response, my lips pop open. “W-what?”
“I love you too,” Cassio confesses.
“You do?” I breathe out. “Why?”
He chuckles, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing my cheek bone as they go.
“Why? Isn’t it obvious?”
My head shakes. “Tell me.”
“There are too many reasons to list,” Cassio says softly. “You’re beautiful, funny, and intelligent. You care about the people you keep close, even if you’re quiet about it. Like the way you always make sure there is dinner left for me when I come home, and how you watch basketball with Armani and Colton even though you hate sports.”
“Basketball isn’t so bad,” I say, flushing under his attention.
“I love that when you’re still sleepy in the morning, you cuss almost exclusively in your strange little British terms,” he continues. “Armani still won’t stop laughing about the time you called him a bleeding pea-brained tosser.”
“He was being a git,” I mumble, smothering a smile. “Holding my morning tea hostage, he was asking for it.”
“I like that you hate to cook, so that I can do it for you. I love that you think spiders are scarier than bears, and that you scream just as loud at lady bugs being in the apartment as you would for a cockroach.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I say with a disgusted shiver.
Cassio, Armani and Colton were all present for the great lady bug incident of two weeks ago. Agnes keeps this place impeccably cleaned, but insects still occasionally slip in when doors open and close. A lady bug had made it through the cracks apparently, and landed right on my arm one evening after dinner. I screamed so hard that my throat hurt for two days.
“What happened in the past is in the past, Ana,” Cassio says, tone becoming firmer. “When I think about the future, I don’t think about what could have been with her. I think about what will be with you.”
Oh, my heart…
“I think about us too,” I admit, trying not to get choked up.
Cassio grins. “I think about how many memories we’ll make, all the food you’ll get mad at and throw, the many ways I’ll find you passed out around our home.” He pauses, waiting for my responding giggle to pass.
“I think about how in a few years from now, some adorable little child at that orphanage is going to burst your heart wide open, and what room we’re going to put them in when you can’t bear not to bring them home.”
Here come the tears.
“Cole and Isobel are always going to be in our hearts. They’re our past, and our memory of them won’t just disappear. But that doesn’t mean what we have isn’t real or all consuming, because it is. The way I love you, baby… it’s confounding.”
It’s as if the nightmare didn’t happen at all, the way pure joy radiates through me, settling happily in my chest. Launching myself at him, I tackle Cassio to his back and plant my lips on his. He chuckles against my kiss, one hand dropping from my face to my hip, holding me close.
“My vicious little wife,” he teases. “So strong, aren’t you?”
“I’m a black belt in Judo, you know?” I tease back. “A Shodan. I could probably toss you on your ass in the right circumstance.”
His responding grin is filthy. “I did know that, and I wouldn’t mind having you throw me around a little bit, baby. As long as I get to throw you into bed, after.”
“How do you know everything about me?” I ask, mesmerized. “I’m not good at talking about myself, and yet, you know me like the back of your hand.”
“I studied the fuck out of you, Ana,” he admits. “Been obsessively learning about you since before and after our vows. I’m basically your stalker, you know?”
“Why do I find that so hot?”
Cassio chuckles, kissing me quickly again. “Because you’re perfect.”
I’m seconds away from pulling him into a deeper kiss when my phone buzzes, shaking obnoxiously against my bedside table top. Frowning, I shift my gaze to the device, watching as the screen lights up and then darkens again. Who the hell is texting me in the middle of the night?
I’m about to ignore it, when it buzzes again, the screen flashing bright.
“Are you going to check that?” Cassio asks, tilting his head.
“I was going to ignore it, we’re having a bit of a moment here,” I huff, crawling up the bed to grab the stupid thing. “But it could be Jade, and it’s the middle of the night, so.”
Only, as soon as the phone unlocks, it isn’t Jade’s name on my screen. It isn’t anyone’s name.
Unknown number
Well, wasn’t that just touching?
“What the…”
I freeze, eyes catching on the next message.
Unknown number
Speaking of touching, you better stop letting him. You wouldn’t want Cassio to meet the same fate as your beloved Cole, would you?
Sensing a shift in the air, Cassio jumps into action, sitting up straight. “What is it, forza?”
My mouth opens, but no words come out as my phone vibrates again.
Unknown number
I thought I’d taught you a lesson, Ana. Do you need another demonstration?
“Cassio…” I croak.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Unknown number
Marrying him for protection, I could understand. You were scared.
Unknown number
But kissing him? FUCKING him?
Unknown number
LOVING HIM?
Unknown number
You’ve gone too far.
The air is knocked out of me in an instant. Cassio grabs my phone, reading the messages rapidly, eyes narrowed at the screen.
“Go get Armani and Colton,” he instructs rigidly. “Quickly, Ana. I need to call Remo to have him try and trace these texts.”
Not one to be told twice, I jump out of bed and rush toward the door. Sirius perks up from his fluffy bed on the floor, and follows behind me without needing to be told.
“Colton!” I call out, climbing the stairs two at a time. “Armani!”
I reach Killian’s floor just as they both emerge from their bedrooms, eyes wild. Armani’s hair is disheveled, and Colton is tugging a T-shirt over his head like he’s just put it on.
“What’s going on? Is everyone okay?” Armani is the first to ask, eyes scanning my wrinkled pajamas for any signs of distress.
“Cassio said to get you,” I pant, winded from racing up here so quickly. “My phone… someone’s been watching us. I got these awful texts.”
“Fuck, come on,” he grunts, rushing past me to descend the stairs to my room.
Colton, Sirius and I follow in a dash, feet thumping down the steps. When I get back to the room, my lights are on and Cassio is pacing back and forth, speaking hurriedly on his own phone. Pausing to address Armani, he gestures to the space surrounding us.
“There has to be a camera in here,” he reports, eyes dark and fierce. “Look at this shit.”
My phone is thrust into Armani’s open palm, and Colton immediately moves to look over his shoulder. Both men stiffen as they read, anger stirring around them like a storm beginning to brew.
“Tear this place apart,” Armani snaps, looking like he might crush my phone in his meaty fist. “We should have looked harder before.”
Colton practically growls, beginning to scan my space like it’s a vile enemy. My phone is passed to me as Armani begins to look as well, pulling open drawers and looking behind paintings and mirrors.
A dreaded cluster of vibration draws my eye to the device once more.
Unknown number
I don’t need the cameras in your room to keep an eye on you, Ana. I’m always watching.
Unknown number
You’re not his to touch.
Unknown number
Behave, or else.
Cameras. Plural.
My stomach roils with nausea, and bile burns the back of my throat. Shoving my phone back into Cassio’s hand, I rush into my bathroom, slamming the door shut. I barely make it to the toilet in time before vomit spews from my lips.
I was so happy a few minutes ago, and now it feels like everything is coming crashing down around me. It’s so frustrating and confusing that I want to scream.
Why is this happening to me?
