Ana
The whole time Jade takes care of me, the memory of today plays on a loop. Every horrible moment of it won’t seem to fade away, continuing to torment me while I fight to stay sane.
Hot steam fills my nose as warm water cascades around the tiled space. It should be comforting, but even as the bitter chill from outside washes away, my sadness stands firm. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare, but it seems this one is here to stay.
Sitting on the built-in bench of the shower, I look up at the woman scrubbing blood from my skin and breathe out. Before Jade, most of my friendships were cemented for the benefit of connections and considered acquaintances more than anything else.
I would never let any of them help me the way I’m letting Jade. She has me in her bedroom shower, stripped of everything except for my underwear. Minutes ago, she didn’t even hesitate to drop her own clothes to get in with me. Leaving us both in a state of undress that would be scandalous if not for the circumstances.
Without making me talk, she sat me down on the small, tiled bench in the corner and began to wash me carefully. It hasn’t been awkward or uncomfortable for me so far, and it doesn’t seem to be for her either.
Squeezing out the once clean washcloth, she sends pink-tinted water down the drain. It’s disturbing how easy it is for water to dilute something as meaningful and important as blood.
“Are you sick?” I eventually ask, looking at her through wet lashes.
Jade shakes her head with a forced smile. “I’m not sick. Dmitri shouldn’t have said anything. We should all be focusing on you.”
I shrug, blinking some water away. “The distraction is nice.”
Nice is too strong of a word. I’m not sure anything will ever be nice again. It feels impossible to imagine. But the distraction will help, I think. At least it will put something else into focus, forcing some of the dreadful memories to dull.
My best friend nods, kneeling down to clean my legs and feet while trying to smile again. “It’s nothing serious. I’ll feel like a fucking asshole telling you why he’s so worried when something so much worse just happened to you, honey.”
“Tell me anyway?”
I was serious when I requested the distraction.
I need to think about anything other than death.
“I let Doc give me a birth control shot,” she admits with a slightly nervous glint in her eyes. “It’s stupid, but ever since everything with Bruce, medicine kind of freaks me out. He used to imply that he could poison me at any time. In my food, while I slept… and I guess I’m not over that yet. I had a bit of a freakout after the injection and Dmitri has been helping me through it. I mean, neither of us expected me to panic so hard, but I did.”
She’s so careful with how she explains the situation, like she truly does feel guilty for her own struggle. But just because she isn’t suffering something as supreme as witnessing a massacre, it doesn’t make her pain foolish or unimportant.
“That’s not stupid,” I reply softly.
Jade’s home life before finding Dante and her brothers was vile. The now deceased man called Bruce used to torment her day in and day out, playing with her life for sport. She was alone with a “mom” that despised her and no knowledge of her true biological family. It makes sense that her trauma still affects her, even in new and unexpected ways.
“It was the strangest thing,” she continues, frowning. “I trust Doc, he literally delivered my babies, but as soon as the needle was in my arm it was like all the blood left my body. I was cold, crying, shaking, and overall freaking out. Nothing was wrong with the medicine, I just lost it, I guess. It’s only been a few days and Dmitri has been so good about it.”
“He’s the best,” I agree quietly. Needing the conversation to continue to keep my mind busy, I add, “Why did you decide to get on birth control? I thought you didn’t want it?”
“I didn’t want it,” she confirms. “It still kind of freaks me out, if I’m being honest. Just the warnings and potential side effects concern me, but it was the best option for us. Because as much as I want an army of that man’s children someday, I’m not ready for another baby. I like our little family as it is right now.”
“I get that,” I agree quietly. “We’re still young.”
Too young to be dying.
Her lips curve up slightly on the sides. “And besides, Cesar is already the biggest little menace. Can you imagine two of him?”
Automatically, my mouth twitches. Jade is a great mom. She could handle it, even if it would be hard. Cesar is a bit of a terror, in the best way. The five-month-old has the most infectious chaotic energy, though his twin sister is the gentlest little sweetheart.
I’ve become fond of them both, and Jade has taken to calling me Auntie Ana to the pair of little ones. I hope all of this commotion hasn’t disturbed them. From what I can tell, they’re asleep safe and sound, likely with a team of guards at their door.
Dmitri is incredibly protective of his children, and I doubt he’d leave the house without being absolutely sure of their safety. Remembering that fact, I breathe out, feeling a bit better about any possible disruption I’ve caused by storming into the Moretti home.
Soon, Jade’s hands move closer to my inner thighs, and she freezes.
“They didn’t… right?”
“No,” I answer, knowing exactly what she’s asking.
She doesn’t say it, but her face screams her relief.
We lapse into more silence as she takes care of my hair like it’s her own, taking meticulous care when conditioning to remove any knots or snarls. The intimate gesture is so soothing that I lose myself in the soft massaging of my scalp.
Once my clean hair is rinsed, she looks down at my body again. “Do you want to wash under?”
Under my bra and knickers, she means.
Unashamed but unable to move, I nod. My muscles feel like complete and utter goo, so I ask, “Will you? It’s okay if you don’t want to—”
“Of course I will,” she interrupts without hesitation.
The whole process is smooth and gentle, it isn’t sexually charged or drawn out. She removes the wet fabric and takes care of the rest of me like second nature. If I wasn’t already grateful for her friendship, I would be now. Immensely so.
Jade notes a small bruise on my left breast and gives me a sad look. She’s wondering if I lied before, and I didn’t.
“Cole,” I tell her simply.
Her expression falls. “You guys finally..?”
“Last week,” I whisper. “I was waiting to tell you when I saw you next.”
I didn’t even get to dish about Cole to my best friend before he was murdered in front of me. How messed up is that?
“I’m so fucking sorry, honey,” she tells me, not caring about my naked state as she throws her arms around me in a firm embrace.
I hug her back just as hard.
I cling to Jade like the connection is going to keep me alive. My grief is still a vicious beast, raging inside of me, but it doesn’t feel so lethal with her arms wrapping me up tight.
We haven’t gotten an update from her brothers yet, but there’s no coming back from a bullet between the eyes. The man I chose to give my virginity to is dead, no matter how badly I want it to be a lie.
Eventually, Jade helps me step out of the shower on wobbly legs and wraps me up in a warm robe. She does the same for herself before guiding me to her room with a towel to tie my wet hair into. But when we enter, we aren’t alone.
Ivan Morozov is sitting on her bed talking quietly on his cellphone. He’s not just Dmitri’s little brother, he’s like Jade’s other other half. The two of them are like twin flames, the best of friends in their own little unique way. When I first noticed how close the pair were, I’d wondered if there was something more between them. I realized how decidedly wrong that assumption was after spending more time with them both.
They may cuddle and hold hands, but there is absolutely nothing romantic in the way they look at each other. Ivan may as well be another Moretti son. He’s Jade’s brother, through and through.
Noticing us emerge from the bathroom, he looks up and lets out a breath. “Gotta go, see you soon.”
“Dmitri?” Jade guesses.
Solemnly, Ivan nods, eyes darting in my direction.
“It’s okay,” I mumble at him. “I know they’re gone.”
Jade sucks in a breath and Ivan hesitates. “Cole is, yes.”
My eyes widen. “Killian?”
“We aren’t sure yet, but he had a pulse. They’re getting him to a secure hospital right now.”
My heart thumps. “He had a pulse?”
“He still does,” Ivan confirms carefully. “It’s not a guarantee he’ll make—”
“Killian has a pulse,” I echo, interrupting him. Turning to Jade at my side, I cover my lips with a cupped hand. “Killian isn’t dead.”
She smiles hesitantly and agrees. “He’s alive.”
“Stubborn bastard,” I say, surprising myself with the humorous comment.
Killian has always been notoriously pigheaded. I should have known that the bullet he took wouldn’t be enough to snuff him out. Especially since he wasn’t shot the way Cole was. He was given an opportunity to live, even if it was a slim one. I wonder if whoever did this, did that on purpose.
But why?
Suddenly, the relief for Killian is gone and only the realization that Cole is dead remains. Even if Killian ends up recovering, he’ll wake up to his little brother gone.
“Ana?” Ivan asks. My eyes snap to his face, and he frowns. “Why didn’t you mention Bron?”
I blink once, shaking myself out of my head. “Did they find him?”
“You don’t remember?” Ivan questions, confused.
Thinking back, I try to focus on my stepfather’s face, attempting to conjure any memories of him from tonight. Cole’s death and Killian being shot are easy to locate in my mind, but Bron doesn’t come easy. I focus and focus harder until a gasp bursts from my lips. All of a sudden, the recollection comes easily.
Compartmentalization is a part of dissociation for me, and apparently Bron was easier for me to bury in my brain than his sons. Then again, my head does still have a slight throb. Did I hit it in the crash? Did the drugs they shot me up with after the fact make me foggy?
Anxiety builds and builds and I shake my head as if that will brush off the ache radiating there.
“I forgot,” I croak. “How did I forget that?”
Jade squeezes my hand and asks, “Forgot what? What’s wrong with Bron?”
When I don’t answer, Ivan clears his throat.
“It appears that he was killed or taken by the group who has done this,” Ivan replies. “There was no body but there were—”
“Pictures,” I rasp. “Polaroids of him being tortured and killed.”
“Potentially killed,” Ivan says gently.
“No, no, no,” I chant. “They killed him in the other room. They showed us, it was dark but we—we had to w-watch.”
“Okay,” Ivan replies gently. “It’s going to be all right now, Ana. You’re safe here.”
“My head hurts,” I whimper, clutching the side of it with one hand while squeezing Jade’s in the other. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Ana, did you hit your head?” Ivan asks, growing concerned.
“Car crash,” I confirm in a tired grunt. “I think they gave me a sedative too. Why can’t I remember?”
All the memories are scattering, flying away as panic threatens to consume me. Ivan swears under his breath and reaches for me, ushering me gently to sit on the bed.
“Anatoly,” he calls out. “Get Doc or your father in here quickly.”
